


Life. And the Unexpected.

by KirstyMuir (KMuir90), KMuir90



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:41:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 46
Words: 149,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25711531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KMuir90/pseuds/KirstyMuir, https://archiveofourown.org/users/KMuir90/pseuds/KMuir90
Summary: Faith Fraser survived her traumatic birth in 1744 and along with Fergus, was raised by Jenny and Ian when both Claire and Jamie went to battle for the Jacobite uprising 1745/46.When Jamie finally returns from his parole, his little girl is a full grown twenty year old woman. After an argument with her father, Faith makes her way to the stones at Craigh na Dun. What happens when she finds herself and Fergus in 1968, and Jamie still back in 1766?
Relationships: Brianna Randall/Roger Wakefield, Claire Fraser/Jamie Fraser
Comments: 711
Kudos: 393





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter isn’t really the best, but I just wanted to get some points across before starting the actual story in the next chapter. I hope you will all enjoy X

My name is Faith Julia Fraser. I was born on May 12th 1744 at L’Hôpital des Anges in Paris, France.

My parents are Jamie and Claire Fraser. Although, I was raised by my Aunt Jenny and Uncle Ian and their family since before I was even two years old. Da was one of the more senior officers involved in the Jacobite uprising of 1745. According to my older brother Fergus, my Ma rarely left my fathers side. She travelled up and down the country with Da and the army as they battled the British.

For a long time, all I knew of my parents was their names. Aunt Jenny told me a few stories over the years about Da, but she was always reluctant to speak about my mother. It was Fergus that made sure to tell me all he knew of my mother. All that really stuck in my head about my parents though, was my father was a prisoner and my mother had just vanished, leaving both Fergus and I behind.

My Da was a lucky son of a gun, and instead of being shot along with all the other traitors involved with the Jacobites, he was brought back home to Lallybroch. For seven long years after the battle of Culloden, Da stayed hidden in a cave on our land. He would come by the house every once in a while to wash and eat. He came very late at night, so no one would see him approach the house. He would sometimes bring game he managed to hunt, for all of us at the house to enjoy as a meal. He didn’t come too often though, as it was too dangerous. The British had been searching for him the whole time. I never really had the opportunity to build a proper relationship wi’ Da during those years. I knew he was my father though. This creepy, hairy, hermit who I would see at the house some nights when I couldn’t sleep. He would try and hold me. Try and soothe me and tell me bedtime stories, but to be honest, until he was able to wash and shave, I was terrified of the man. I knew it hurt his feelings. It hurt me too. All I really wanted was to crawl in to his arms and have him rock me to sleep, but I was truly wary of him until I was around eight years old.

By the time I was eight, and I was used to Da’s unusual way of living, I really looked forward to the nights he would come by the house. I remember asking Aunt Jenny to wake me if he ever came by, but she refused to. She didna want my sleeping to be disturbed and then have that disturb me the next day when I was supposed to be doing my chores or lessons.

I got Fergus to visit Da at the cave one evening and ask him to come and wake me when he next came to the house. Fergus told Da I was getting used to our unusual situation, and I really wanted to spend some time wi’ him. Ever since that night, Da made it to the house more often than what he and Aunt Jenny and Uncle Ian had originally agreed. He wanted to be a Da to me. He wanted to get to ken me and he wanted me to ken him too. He wanted to do everything he possibly could to make sure I kent I was loved. Not only by him, but Ma too.

He didna talk about Ma all that often, but when he did, I could tell it tore him apart. His eyes always filled with tears and he would hold me all the tighter as he told me how beautiful and funny she was. She was an English woman, so Da called her Sassenach. When he first told me that, I was taken aback. I quickly came to realise that he meant the nickname with deep affection. Da told me how they first met. He had dislocated his shoulder and Ma popped it back in to place for him. I’m sure there was a lot more to the story, but I was only eight when he told me the story of their first meeting.

Da said they had to ride a few days all the way to Castle Leoch. Ma sat in front of Da on the horse the whole way there. Apparently she kept thumping her head against his chest. Da didna mind so much though. He just wanted to keep her safe.

Somehow, Da got shot at some point on the way to Castle Leoch. It was Ma that saved him. He didna let her ken right away that he had been shot though. It wasna until he lost consciousness and fell off the horse and Ma saw he was bleeding and saw the gunshot wound. She was really annoyed wi’ him that night. When Da woke up, she made it known to him she wasna happy wi’ him. Da knew at that moment that he wanted her. As soon as they got to Castle Leoch, she insisted that she take a proper look at the wound and make sure it was cleaned properly. They got to talking about things, and my Ma wept in my Da’s arms. I’m no sure what was wrong wi’ her, but my Da held her and promised that she was safe wi’ him. He knew at that moment that he was in love wi’ her.

Every time Da came to the house, he would wake me and tell me more stories about him and his life and some stories about him and Ma and their life together. Whenever I asked about where she was or why she left, he would go all quiet and change the subject. After the fourth time of me asking him about her, I just stopped. If these were the only times I got to spend wi’ Da, I didna want to upset him.

Around a year after Da and I really got to ken each other and had really started to build a relationship between us, Da decided to have Aunt Jenny turn him in to the British. There was a price on Da’s head, and the money rewarded would really help Aunt Jenny and Uncle Ian, as well as the tenants. It wasna a decision Da came to lightly, and Aunt Jenny thought him a fool for a really long time, but it was the only thing Da could think of to help everyone. There was a shortage of food and money after the rebellion, so this was Da’s way of trying to help. He had Aunt Jenny turn him in and he was arrested.

The last time I saw Da before he was taken away to prison was two weeks before. He came by the house and woke both Fergus and I to tell us one last story. This story was about Ma. It wasna a made up fairytale like some of the other stories he would tell us, but this story was real. He made us both promise no to tell a soul. No even Aunt Jenny or Uncle Ian. No one was to ken.

He told us about how Ma was a time traveler. She travelled from the year 1945 to 1743, when she met Da. When he told us about Ma traveling through stones at Craigh na Dun, Fergus and I thought he was mad. He told us about the buzzing she heard whenever she was around the stones, like they were calling to her. Da said he was with her at the stones twice, but he couldn’t hear the buzzing.

Sometime after they were married and Ma told him the truth about her coming from the future, Da took her back to the stones so she could return to her own time. She chose to stay though. She chose Da over her first husband, Frank.

Da took Ma back to the stones before he went to fight in battle at Culloden. It was after he sent Fergus home to Lallybroch, he took Ma to the stones and begged her to go back to her own time. Apparently she was expecting another child, and Da didna want any harm to come to her or the child. She didna want to leave apparently. She begged him to let her come back to Lallybroch for Fergus and I, but he said it was too late. She needed to go. He told us it broke her heart, his too, but after a deep discussion, she agreed to do as Da asked of her. Da was certain he was gonna die on that battlefield. He knew that Ma would be hunted for being the wife of a traitor, whether she was wi’ child or no. Da knew that Aunt Jenny and Uncle Ian would take good care of both Fergus and I.

It was a lot to take in for a nine year old, but I accepted that that was what happened between my mother and my father. That that was the reason my mother wasna wi’ me. It still hurt me though. I mean, why didn’t she come back for us? After she had the bairn or even five years later? Did she not love us enough to come back for us?

The older I got, the more thoughts I had on the subject. What mother could possibly just abandon her children for so many years wi’out even attempting to come back for them. She thought Da was gonna die in battle, just like he said he would. Why wasn’t that enough to make her come back for the two children she already had. We were losing a father, why did we have to lose our mother too? It just didna make sense to me.

Da served three years in Ardsmuir prison before being sent down to Helwater, in the Lake District, to serve his parole. I was twelve years old by the time he went to Helwater.

And I was twenty years old when he returned home.

Da came home in 1764.

I was a grown woman. So grown, my Aunt Jenny had taken to try and find me a suitor and marry me off so I could start a family of my own. By the time Da came home from Helwater, I managed to run away four times to avoid a marriage arranged by my Aunt. I knew she was only doing what she thought was right, but it wasna what I wanted. I wanted to leave Lallybroch and go out and experience the world. I didn’t need a man for that. Especially one who wouldn’t support me, or allow me to follow my dreams.

Fergus and Da had both told me about how Ma was a healer. The best healer around for miles. Fergus would go in to great detail of telling me various stories of how Ma worked in the hospital I was born in when she was pregnant with me and told me all about how many men she saved during the Jacobite rising of 1745. Fergus had even found papers in my parents’ bedroom at Lallybroch, in my mothers handwriting. The papers were filled with Ma’s ideas for treating illnesses.

Since Aunt Jenny didn’t like to speak about Ma, Fergus kept the papers hidden and he would read them to me over the years. When I was around twelve years old, I took an even deeper interest in the papers my mother had left behind. I didna ken why she left or why she didna come back for me, but I knew, from Fergus’ stories, that she was a woman I really wished I knew. I wanted to be a healer just like her.

I knew, that if Aunt Jenny had managed to secure me a husband, they wouldn’t want me to be out there trying to help people. I kent what a husband wanted from his wife, and I just wasna prepared to settle for someone I barely knew, never mind didna love. I wanted to live my life for me. I wanted to explore the world and learn to be the best healer I could be.

When Da came home, I told him of Aunt Jenny’s intention of marrying me off to Alexander Duncan from down in the village. I was relieved to hear that Da wasna standing for it. He told her under no circumstances would I be forced to wed if I didna want to.

That’s why it really confused me when Aunt Jenny arranged for Da to marry Laoghaire and he went along wi’ it. I ken he felt sorry for her and her two lassies, but that still didna mean he had to marry her. Especially at Aunt Jenny’s say so. He said Claire was the love of his life, and he’d never love anyone like he loved her. Why was he so quick to agree to marry Laoghaire?

Laoghaire positively hated me. She made it clear after she and Da were married, that she didna want me moving in to her home as well. Of course Da said there was no way he was being separated from me again.

The marriage didna last long. I ken they argued. A lot. But I dinna ken what about or why. All I ken is that after less than a year, Da had packed up and brought Fergus and I to Edinburgh wi’ him to start our new life.

He and Laoghaire are still married on paper, but they dinna live like man and wife. I was relieved, that’s for sure when Da said we were leaving Laoghaire behind. I didna like the woman. I dinna ken why she had it in for me so bad, but she did. I was just happy to be away from her and her snide remarks. I just wished da hadna married her in the first place.

So now Da, Fergus and I are happily living in Edinburgh. Well, I say happily...

Da opened a Print shop. He doesna make all that much money from it though, and I’ve since discovered that he does a wee bit of smuggling alcohol on the side.

It’s Da’s life, and I dinna want to interfere, but sometimes I just wish he was a normal father. He’s been arrested a number of times in the last few months, and it doesna do me any favours.

As much as I tried to become a healer, no one would take me seriously because I’m a woman. I honestly don’t ken how Claire managed it.

I did however, manage to be taken seriously as a midwife. It’s no the same, but at least I still get to help women and see them bring new life in to the world. It just doesna always go down too well when their husbands find out I’m “Alexander Malcolm’s” daughter.

Another thing people have against me, is the fact I live in a brothel.

Aye. I live in a brothel.

Da refuses to spend what money we have on a house for the three of us, so instead, he organised rooms for us at Madame Jeanne’s. His excuse is he wanted somewhere for us to have a comfy bed and a warm meal when we needed it.

I dinna ken if he has other agreements wi’ Madame Jeanne or any of the lassies who work for her, and I dinna really want to ken, but it is embarrassing.

Fergus and I both asked Da a number of times if we could look for a wee cottage or something to rent, but he insisted we’re fine as we are.

I just hope that one day soon, I will be able to have saved enough money of my own to go and live the life I really want.

As grateful as I am to Aunt Jenny and Uncle Ian for raising me, and no matter how much I love Da and I am thankful that we are now a part of one another’s lives, I want to go out in the world and find out who I truly am.


	2. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On a journey back to Lallybroch from Edinburgh, Faith, Jamie and Fergus camp by the river near Craigh na Dun. Jamie tells his children of the time he camped here with Claire before taking her to the stones so she could return to Frank, but she decided to stay with Jamie instead. 
> 
> Faith makes a decision after an argument with her father that will change everyone’s lives forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys...
> 
> Thank you all so much for the wonderful comments and feedback on this story.
> 
> This was the very first idea I had for a fic, but I was reluctant to post straight away because I wanted to make sure I knew exactly where I wanted the story to go.
> 
> I hope you will all continue to follow along, and I hope you will enjoy the story as it unfolds.
> 
> Kirsty X

“Fergus, ye seen Faith anywhere?”

“Um, no Milord. Not since yesterday. She did say that Mistress Andrews was due to have her baby any day now. Maybe she’s away to help?”

“She should have said something to one of us, lad. She kens how I worry, especially here in Edinburgh.”

I could hear Da and Fergus discussing me, but when I heard Da ask about me, I didna want to announce myself too soon. I wanted to hear what he had to say.

Yesterday was the last time I saw either of them. They were both supposed to be working at the print shop when I got the message that Mistress Andrews was about to have the bairn.

I went by the print shop on my way to let Da ken that I would be gone, probably a few days depending on how the birth went. Neither of them were there though. Geordie was, but he was stressin’ over everything again because Da had just left him to get on wi’ things himself. I did ask Geordie to let Da ken where I was goin’, but he obviously either forgot, or Da hadna been back to print shop yesterday, or today.

“Her bed wasna slept in last night, Fergus. No one has seen her since yesterday. 

“I’m gonna have tae head over to the Andrews place and see if she’s there. Birth or no, I need to ken where she is and that she’s safe. Ye’ll need to keep an eye on things here, lad.”

I took a deep breath and rounded the corner to stand behind Da. Fergus saw me straight away and gave me a glare that told me I shouldna have worried Da so. Well, maybe if they were where they were supposed to be, and weren’t hiding things from me, they would of kent fine where I went.

“No need. I’m back.” I said casually before walking round Da to stand beside Fergus. “I got a message to say Mistress Andrews was ready to give birth and I was needed straight away. I did come by the shop, but neither of ye were there. I did tell Geordie what was happenin’ though. No my fault ye didna get the message.”

“We were tied up wi’ other things lass. Speakin’ of, we need to get packed. We’re goin’ home to Lallybroch.” Da told me firmly. His lips were pressed in to a line, and I knew I shouldna argue, but I couldna understand why we would be goin’ back.

“What’s happened? Are Aunt Jenny and Uncle Ian alright?” I asked worriedly, taking a step toward da.

“They’re fine a leannan. We just... received a visitor yesterday, and I canna trust him to go home himself, so we’re all goin’.”

Young Ian. Ugh! 

As much as I love my wee cousin, this wasna the first time he ran away from home to come and find us. It wilna be the last time either. I ken it wilna.

The lad idolises my da. And I can understand why, I think. But, Ian has a mother and father at home that love him and they worry about him somethin’ fierce. Sometimes I just feel like Da doesna completely understand how Aunt Jenny and Uncle Ian feel when Ian keeps insisting he would rather be wi’ my Da.

It must really hurt. 

Da only got to raise Fergus for a couple of years before the battle of Culloden. He and Claire had me for a little less time because I wasna even two when they had to leave us behind at Lallybroch to go and fight for Charles Stewart. Claire was pregnant when she went through the stones, and hopefully went back to her own time, so he doesna really understand what it’s like to really raise children. It’s no his fault either, that’s just how things worked out. But, I can see how hurt he can get sometimes when Fergus or I talk about growing up wi’ the Murray’s. After a while, we just stopped talking about it because we didna want to hurt da wi’ the memory that he wasna there.

The journey was a long one. By the time we arrived in Pitlochry a few days later to stay over night in a tavern, we met Uncle Ian on the road.

He wasna happy Young Ian had taken off again, but he was glad Da was doin’ the right thing and bringing him home to his family. I could tell Da was heartbroken at the fact he was returning Ian to his parents. He loved the lad just as much as he loved Da. They had this bond that I just couldna seem to get wi’ Da, even though I was his daughter.

The five of us stayed in a tavern that night. Da and Fergus shared a room, and my uncle shared a room wi’ my cousin. I had a wee single room to myself because I was the only woman.

I was hoping to find we would be returning to Edinburgh now that Ian was back wi’ his da, but my da decided we would still make the journey to Lallybroch with the Murray lads.

“What if someone needs me though, Da? I dinna want to be away from Edinburgh too long.” I whined as we packed up our belongings before getting back on our journey again.

“Edinburgh will be fine wi’out ye lass, dinna fash.” Was all he said.

Uncle Ian insisted Young Ian went on ahead wi’ him, instead of continuing to travel wi’ us. They had left a good while before we did. Da seemed to be doin’ some hushed business wi’ the landlord of the tavern we stayed in whilst Fergus and I waited outside.

It was another few days when we stopped to camp by a small river close to Craigh na Dun. Da decided on this specific spot, as this was where he and Claire had camped on their way to Lallybroch for the first time. 

“Yer mother, she had just no long told me everythin’. About her bein’ from the future.

“At first, I struggled to understand, but the more she spoke, and the more I listened to her, I started to believe her.

“We camped here, and I knew I had to do the right thing. She didna belong here. She didna belong to me. She had a husband back in her own time. A husband that she had been tryin’ to find a way back to for weeks. So, I did what I knew to be the right thing. I took her up to Craigh na Dun, so she could go back. It killed me inside. But I loved her. I loved her enough to let her go. Let her be happy.

“When she went to touch the stone, I stopped her. I didna want to, but I just wasna ready to lose her. I ended up leaving her there, but told her that I would stay at the camp a while to make sure she was safe. I never dreamed she would of chosen to stay wi’ me instead of go back to her own time.”

It was nice to hear Da speak about my Ma. It wasna something he could bring himself to do often, but when he did, I could hear the love for her in his voice.

“She loved you too Milord. Very much.” Fergus told him. It made me ache a little to think that I would never ken my parents as a couple. I would only ever have Da and Fergus’ storied and memories of her. Nothing of my own.

“Aye, she did lad. And she loved ye too. Both of ye. It broke her heart to leave us all behind, but she had to do it. What would of happened to her if she had stayed... it doesna bear thinkin’ about.”

I could understand what Da was sayin’. I understood the why she had to leave us, but it still hurt. Even more so because after all these years, she never came back for Fergus or I.

We were her children, and she left us. 

Never came back. 

And that was the bottom line for me.

She never came back.

I couldna sleep that night. 

All I could think about was Da and Claire and the family life we all missed out on because of bloody Charles Stewart, and his battle with the British to gain the throne back for his father.

It made me so... angry. And sad. 

I didna just lose my mother. I lost my father too.

And apparently, I lost the chance to be an older sister to the bairn my mother was carrying. 

Da had said he was sure she was carrying a son. I already had an older brother, but I’m sure it would of been nice to have a younger brother too.

He had said that she promised to name their son after my grandda, Brian.

“Ye alright a leannan? Ye strugglin’ to sleep lass?” Da asked me as he slowly approached where I was sat against a tree.

“I’m fine. Just thinkin’ about things, that’s all.” I mumbled, not sure what else to say.

“Ye think too much lass. Yer mother was the same. I could always tell what she was thinkin’. She had a... a glass face, ken? Her feelings and thoughts were always written all over her face. Just like you.

“She loved ye, Faith. Always did, and always will.” Da told me as he moved closer to sit beside me and wrap his arm around my shoulder.

“Just no enough to come back though.” I muttered under my breath. I knew Da heard me though, because he squeezed my shoulder tightly and moved in to kiss my temple.

“There could be any amount of reasons as to why she never came home, lass. But ye need to trust me when I tell ye that she did love ye. Wi’ all her heart. And if she could be here wi’ us now, she would be.”

Da and I sat like that in silence for quite some time during the night. I could see the stones from where I was sitting, and I just kept my focus on them the whole time. 

I knew there was a high possibility I could travel through the stones as well, just like Claire had.

When I was about fifteen, Uncle Ian and my cousin Jamie had to travel to Castle Leoch for some business wi’ some of the Mackenzie's. I was allowed to tag along on the trip to keep Jamie company whilst Uncle Ian dealt with all the boring stuff.

On the way back, we stopped at Craigh ma Dun because I told Jamie I was interested in seeing the circle of standing stones.

Uncle Ian decided to stay with the carriage, but Jamie came a walk with me up the hill to have a look. 

The closer and closer I got to the stones, I could hear the buzzing. A sound that was so foreign, yet so familiar. I knew it was the sound my Da had told me and Fergus about, when he told us about Claire and where she had gone.

I didna want to give too much away, but I was curious to ken if Jamie could hear what I heard, so I asked him as casually as possible. “Dae ye year that?”

“Hear what?” He asked me with a confused expression on his face.

“Oh, nothin’. Was maybe just the wind.” 

Jamie gave me a strange look, but he didna say any more. We walked around the stones and I saw the big stone that I was sure was the one my Da had told me about. The one that Claire had used to travel from 1945 to 1743 and from 1746 to wherever she ended up.

The stone was drawing me to it, and I was so close, but then Jamie pulled me from my haze and told me it was time to get back to his Da and get on our way.

“Lass, yer minds wandering again.” Da said, pulling me from my reverie.

“Sorry. I was just...”

“I ken lass, but ye need to try and get some sleep.”

As da stood up to go back and check on Fergus, I asked him why he was so reluctant to have us move in to a wee house of our own, or even allow Fergus and I to move in to a house close to the print shop.

Da let out a big sigh and started to rub his hand over the back of his neck. I knew then that there was some kind of story or explanation coming as to why he decided we should live as we were.

I’m no sure if Da and I speaking a little woke Fergus, but just as Da was about to answer me, Fergus appeared over at the tree too. 

Da told Fergus to sit down beside me. He had something he needed to explain to us.

“I...I dinna understand. What dae ye mean we canna afford a house of our own? We all work, da. I ken I dinna bring in all that much money because I’m a woman, and I’m no helping to bring bairns in to the world every day, but—“

“What little money I had, I used to buy the print shop. Ye ken that it’s no that profitable a leannan. That’s why I had to start wi’ the smugglin’ and sellin’ the alcohol. The problem is though, the money I make has to pay all the lads that work for me. I also need to send money back to yer aunt and uncle at Lallybroch. And then there’s Laoghaire.”

I rolled my eyes as soon as he said her name. 

Laoghaire.

“What about Laoghaire, Da?”

“We’re separated, aye? But... she is still my wife, Faith. And the lassies—“

“Yer tellin’ me I have to live in a BROTHEL because of that vile woman and her two daughters?!” I snapped.

“Will ye calm down lass. Ye dinna ken who’s wandering around these parts.” Da tried to reason wi’ me calmly, but I just shook my head and turned to face Fergus, hoping he would be on my side. 

I could tell he was, but he was always so scared to go against my da. It was like Fergus felt he owed da something for taking him in. In my opinion, I felt like it was Da that owed us. I ken Da was tryin’ his best, but to me, it wasna good enough. It just felt like he was puttin’ everyone else ahead of Fergus and I, and I had enough.

“Yer basically tellin’ me that I have to live like... THAT, because of yer commitments to Lallybroch and to Laoghaire and her daughters. What about me and Fergus, Da? We are your children. Children ye never had the chance to raise yerself, but we’re wi’ ye now. 

“I just... Young Jamie is laird of Lallybroch now. Why is it up to you to send money back to them? I ken times are hard Da, but surely ye can understand where I’M coming from? It’s hard enough for me bein’ a woman. No one takes me serious, no even as a midwife. The fact that I live in a brothel doesna help, Da. Some people think I have loose morals. It isna fair of ye to ask me to live like this, Da. It just isn’t.” I pointed out as firmly as I could, hoping that Fergus would at least say something and Da would understand what I was meaning.

Nothing could have prepared me for the next words to come out of da’s mouth. Even Fergus was horrified...

“I think ye should stay wi’ yer Aunt and Uncle when we return to Lallybroch, Faith.”

“Excuse me?” My voice was so small and shaky, I didna think Da would hear me.

“Yer right. Ye deserve a better life than I can give ye. Ye should stay at Lallybroch.” Da said quietly as he stared down at the ground.

“Dae ye no... want me any more, Da?”

Da’s head snapped up to look at me straight away. “Of course I want ye wi’ me lass, but yer no happy, and I dinna ken what else to suggest. 

“Ye’ve got all these plans and dreams of what ye want yer future to be like, but if yer wi’ me in Edinburgh, they just wilna happen. At least wi’ Jenny and Ian, ye’ll be safe and loved. Ye’ll be able to at least try and make a life for yerself that ye want and deserve.”

“But I wilna have YOU. And Aunt Jenny will just marry me off to the first potential husband she can find me. That’s not the life I want, Da.”

Da took a few steps away from me and told Fergus and I we should all get some sleep. We could discuss things when were back at Lallybroch, and things would be calmer between us.

Fergus pulled me close to his side as I sobbed in to his shoulder. 

“Don’t worry petite soeur. You and Milord will work things out, I promise.” 

I knew I could live separated from Da. I had done it before for so many years. I just, didn’t want to. But, I wasna sure if I could be separated from Fergus. He was my big brother. He was literally the only constant I had my entire life.

He was with me growing up at Lallybroch. He was with me when Da married Laoghaire. He was with me when we moved to a Edinburgh wi’ da. How could I be so far away from him? He was the only person in the entire world I could truly trust. The only person who knew me. REALLY knew me.

Da and Fergus had fell asleep quite quickly, but I couldn’t get over the fact that Da was open to the idea of abandoning me. Again.

Before I knew what was happenin’, I was on my feet and walking.

Walking towards the stones at the top of the hill at Craigh na Dun.

It was like I was in a daze. I didna purposely walk in that direction. In fact, it wasna until I heard Da and Fergus call for me as they came after me, that I realised where I was goin’.

As I reached the top of the hill, the same stone that called to me before was callin’ me again.

I thought I saw someone walking down the other side of the hill, but I couldna be completely sure. 

It was the middle of the night. Who could possibly be wandering around Craigh na Dun at this time?

I just put it down to me bein’ tired after strugglin’ to sleep.

The closer I walked over to the big stone that was callin’ me, the louder the buzzing got.

“Faith!” Da cried as he came up behind me. “What dae ye think yer doin’? Come away from there lass.” He begged.

I turned to face him, and I could see the pain and hurt in his eyes.

“I can hear it, Da. The stones... they’re callin’ to me.”

“Faith, please.” Fergus pleaded, reaching out a hand for me to take.

“You said I needed to make a life for myself. I can’t do that here, Da. Not in this time any way.” I said softly.

“Faith, please dinna leave me.”

“What, like you left me? Like you want to do again?” I scoffed.

“I promise ye Faith, if ye come wi’ me now, I’ll make things right. We’ll get our own wee cottage wi’ a wee garden so ye can grow yer own plants and herbs and such—“

“I love you Da, but I need to go and do what’s right for me.” I turned to Fergus and smiled. “Look after Da for me please. I love you Fergus. Thank you for bein’ the best big brother I could have ever wished for.”

“Faith!” Da snapped as tears streamed down his face. “Please dinna leave me. I couldna handle it. Is it no enough that I lost yer Mam and yer wee brother? Now ye want me to lose you again? I’m beggin’ ye a leannan, please dinna go.”

Fergus stepped forward cautiously. “You don’t even know where Milady is, Faith. What if you can’t find her?”

“I dinna want to find her. She’s dead Fergus. And if she isn’t, then that just proves she didna care enough for us to come back for us. I just... there is no place for me here. I have to do this, for me.”

I turned around to face the stone again and reached my hand out to touch it. I told Da and Fergus I loved them one last time before placing my hand on the stone. 

I could hear both Da and Fergus callin’ my name, trying to get me to go wi’ them instead. I couldna though. I made my decision.

It was time for me to find a life for myself.

I could feel something, or someone grab my hand, but it was too late. 

I was falling.

To where, I had no idea.


	3. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire, Brianna and Roger race to Craigh na Dun to warn Gillian Edgars of her fate in the past before she Travels through the stones.
> 
> Faith wakes up at Craigh na Dun... but she isn’t alone.
> 
> Will they be able to find anyone who can help them in this foreign place?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys... back with another chapter of this story since I am back on night shifts and that means that it is really quiet and there is t much for me to do except write. And since I got quite a lot written last night and plan to get more done tonight, I thought I could post a little something since I seem to be getting through this story quite quickly.
> 
> Any way, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I can’t wait for you all to see what’s to come. It’s about to get REALLY interesting.
> 
> Kirsty X

Craigh na Dun 1968

Claire, Brianna and Roger ran up the hill at Craigh na Dun to try and stop Gillian Edgars from traveling through the stones to the past. 

Brianna and Roger were still unsure whether they believed Claire or not about her own travels through the stones. 

As Claire reached the top of the hill, Brianna and Roger closely behind her, she called out to try and stop Gillian.

“Geillis! No!” Claire shouted, but it was no use. Gillian Edgars was running towards the stone, and didn’t stop.

Brianna and Roger were both able to hear the buzzing of the stones as they got closer.

They discovered that Gillian had set light to and burned her husband at the stones. Apparently she believed she needed a human sacrifice for her to travel through. Claire immediately sent Roger to go and get some help, leaving Claire and Brianna alone at the stones.

Brianna was in complete shock. She couldn’t believe what she had just witnessed. 

Gillian Edgars had actually managed to travel through the standing stones. Just like Claire had said she had done, twice.

As Claire gently tried to pull Brianna back down the hill, Brianna came to a sudden stop. “Wait.” She said. “Is this the last place you saw my father?” Brianna asked, turning back to look at the stones.

Claire turned to look back at the stones herself and nodded her head. “Yes.” She said simply.

“I-I believe you. I don’t understand it, but... I believe you.” Brianna assured her mother. 

Claire let out a deep breath and smiled at her daughter. She was relieved that her daughter was finally beginning to believe her as to what had happened to her all them years ago.

“No more lies. From now on, I only want the truth between you and me, alright?” Brianna requested firmly.

Claire nodded again as she smiled at her daughter. Tears were filling in her eyes. Claire took her daughters face between her two hands. “You are so like your father.

“Yes. Only the truth. From now on.” Claire pulled Brianna towards her so she could hold her.

It was starting to get lighter in the morning as the sun was starting to rise.

Claire and Brianna sat near the bottoms of the hill waiting for Roger to arrive, when they heard voices coming from the top of the hill.

Brianna stood straight away to look up at the stones to see if she could see anyone, but she couldn’t.

Claire stood to have a look too, but when she couldn’t see anyone, she decided to go and investigate. As far as she was aware, her and Brianna were the only ones there. They hadn’t seen or heard anyone approaching.

Brianna followed her mother up the hill slowly, trying not to spook anyone who could be around the stones.

*

“Faith. Faith. You have to wake up. Please. Faith.” Fergus begged me, as he gently shook my shoulders.

I opened my eyes slowly and was relieved to see Fergus leaning over me.

I reached up automatically to give him a hug. 

“Wh-what happened? Where’s Da?” I asked as I took in my surroundings. He wasn’t there.

“He isn’t here, Faith. I tried to stop you by taking your hand, but you pulled me through the stone with you. I’m afraid Milord is still in 1766.” Fergus paused as he looked around his surroundings as well. “I don’t know what time we are in though.” He admitted.

I felt a pang of guilt that I had unintentionally brought Fergus through the stones wi’ me. Even more so at the fact that Da was now stood alone, back in 1766. He must be goin’ out of his mind wi’ worry for us both.

“Oh my god. Mama, they must have come through the stones. Look at their clothes.” A young woman with long red hair said as she was walking towards Fergus and I.

It was at that point when I realised that I had no idea what I was gonna do when I came to the other side. I had no plan. 

I started to panic as I clung tightly to Fergus’ arms.

“It’s alright Faith. She mentioned the stones. They must know what happened. Maybe they can help us.” He whispered in my ear as we both tried our best to stand up wi’out fallin’ over. The journey through the stones was leavin’ me a little light headed and unsteady on my feet. I assumed Fergus was feelin’ the same way.

“Hello there. My name is Claire, this is my daughter Brianna. Do you need any help? Did you come through the stones?” The woman had the most beautiful golden brown eyes I’d ever seen. They were the same colour of the finest of whisky.

Fergus made sure I was steady enough before letting go of me to turn and speak with the seemingly kind women who had approached us. He was just about to say something when he gasped. 

“Mi-Milday? Is-is that you?” He asked with an unsure tone in his voice.

I glanced over at the older woman and remembered she had called herself Claire. 

Was this her? Was this really my mother? 

“Fergus? Fergus!” She cried as she ran over to him and pulled him in for a tight hug. “Oh my gosh, let me look at you.” She took a step back to take in the sight before her with a huge smile on her face. “My, how you’ve grown. You’ve grown in to such a handsome young man.”

“Aye, I have.” Fergus replied with a soft laugh.

When Claire went to take a hold of Fergus’ hands, she his left hand was missing, and in its place was a wooden replacement.

“Wh-what happened?” She asked as tears started to fill her eyes. 

“I lost it fighting the red coats, Milday.”

“Stupidly.” I muttered as I rolled my eyes. 

Da had always said that it was bravery that Fergus had shown that day in the woods when the red coats followed him to try and find Da, but Fergus had fought against them. I suppose he was brave, but I still felt it shouldna have happened in the first place. Fergus was only a young lad. I ken it wasna Da’s fault, but he was meant to be protecting Fergus, not the other way around.

Claire and Fergus both turned to look at me then. It was the first time that Claire had really looked at me since she approached us. I could tell she didna ken what to say or do, but I wasna completely sure that she kent who I was.

“Faith?” She asked as she came a step towards me. “Oh my darling.” Claire quickly wrapped her arms around me and held me tightly. For a second, I melted in to her embrace, but I remembered myself and slowly broke away from her as I looked at the ground.

I could tell I had hurt her feelings as I pulled back, but I couldna help it. It felt wrong to just have her hold me like that. Like nothing had happened. Like she hadna left me.

She had abandoned me. Not by her own choice, I ken that, but for some unknown reason to me, she chose not to come back to me. For me.

The other young woman who was wi’ Claire, her daughter, took a few steps towards us all. She looked confused and wary. Maybe she didna ken about Fergus or I. Maybe Claire hadna told her daughter about her other children she had left behind.

“Um, you know these people, Mama?” The young woman, Brianna asked.

“Yes. Brianna, this is Fergus and Faith. They’re your siblings.” Claire turned back to Fergus and I and smiled as she let her tears fall willingly from her eyes. “Fergus, Faith, this is Brianna. Your younger sister.”

Before Fergus could respond, a young man, maybe a few years older than me, had came towards us all. I was feelin’ awkward at already so many people standin’ around me, so I moved to stand behind Fergus so the man wouldn’t see me all too much. Fergus had managed to move his right arm around us protectively to keep me at his back.

“I called the police. Anonymously, of course. God knows how long it will be be—“ the man stopped mid sentence when he looked Fergus up and down. Obviously takin’ him in.

“Roger, this is Fergus and Faith. They must have come through the stones just after Gillian went through.” Claire had explained to him. She was still smiling. 

Why was she smiling? This wasna some happy family reunion. This was... I didna ken what it was, but it just made me feel confused. And angry. 

“She knows them Roger. They’re her children. My brother and sister.” Brianna had continued.

This Roger man seemed shocked to see us, but his shock seemed to quickly disappear as he urged Claire and Brianna to get back to the “car” as they had to leave. I assumed “car” was short for carriage. Boy, was I wrong.

I felt relieved. They would be gone, and Fergus and I could start to plan what our next step was. 

I knew Fergus would want to get back to Da, but I really wanted to stay here. I still didna ken when in time we were, but it was quite clearly some time in the future. 

Before I had a chance to think too much about what Fergus and I should do next, the choice was taken from me.

Claire had decided that Fergus and I were to go with them. I tried to argue, but Fergus told me that we should go wi’ them.

“We will be safe with them, Faith. They’re family.”

I had no choice but to go along with this idea. I wasna all that comfortable being around Claire or her daughter, but at least I had Fergus by my side. Even if he was excited to see Claire again and didna really take in to consideration how I was feelin’ about this meetin’.

The five of us walked down the hill until we came to some kind of... machine?

Fergus and I looked at one another as Brianna and Roger had climbed in to the two seats at the front of this weird lookin’... carriage?

“This is a car. Like a carriage, only it runs on fuel... and an engine.” Claire explained to Fergus and I. “It’s difficult to explain, but trust me, hm? This is how we are going to get back to the house. You will be fine. I’ll be right beside you.”

Fergus shrugged his shoulders and climbed in to the back seat of the... car. He slid right across to the other side, leavin’ room for both Claire and I. It was then that I realised that no matter if I got in beside Fergus, or if she got in before me, I would have to sit beside the woman who left me and never came back. I wasna too sure of that idea, but I didna have a choice. 

I walked over to climb in just as Fergus did and then Claire came in after me. It was quite cramped wi’ the three of us inside this wee box thing, and I got quite the shock when it started to make this rather loud noise before we started to move.

Claire reached over and took my left hand in hers. I knew she was only tryin’ to help me relax, but I wasna sure if her touch made me more anxious or not. When she held my hand tight in her own, it felt right, but wrong at the same time.

“You don’t get sick when you travel, do you, like your father used to?” Claire asked me as she rubbed her thumb gently over the skin of my hand. I could tell she was feelin’ a bit emotional. Especially when she mentioned Da.

I couldna speak much to the woman, so I just shook my head.

“She hasn’t done much traveling, Milady. She is used to riding her horse, but she’s never been on a ship.” Fergus informed her as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

“Well, this journey will definitely be something different for you both. If either of you feel ill, just let us know and Roger will pull the car over, alright?” Claire smiled at us both.

The journey to the house wasna as bad as I thought it would be, but I was glad when we were finally able to get out of the wee box thing they called a car.

“I’ll go and set up a couple of rooms for ye’s. Help yerself to somethin’ to eat or drink in the kitchen. Claire can show ye where to find everythin’ ye need.” Roger said as he walked past us to open the front door to the house.

“Oh, thank ye Roger, but there is really no need. We won’t be stayin’.” I said casually as Claire, Brianna and Roger turned to look at me. “Fergus will need tae get back home, and I... well, I dinna want to... We’ll be out of yer way soon.” I promised.

Nobody said anythin’. We just all went inside the house and Fergus and I followed Claire and Brianna to the kitchen, Roger went upstairs to bed. Apparently they had been awake all night, but I think it was more to give the four of us some privacy.

Apparently this was Rogers fathers house. He had passed away no long ago. Claire and Brianna were here to pay their respects for the man. I felt a pang of guilt that this young man had been through such a personal loss recently, and here we were imposing on his life like this. 

“Um, Milday?”

“Yes, Fergus?” 

“What year are we in?”

Claire smiled at us as she took a hold of Fergus’ hand to squeeze it gently. “We’re in 1968, sweetheart. Now, I know you will both have plenty of questions for me, but I have some of my own I would like to ask, if you don’t mind?”

“Of course not, Milday.” Fergus smiled.

“Well, there are so many, I don’t know where to begin. I guess I should start by asking why you’re here.”

Fergus and I looked at one another and I shrugged my shoulders. It was clear that Fergus wanted to tell Claire exactly what happened. I on the other hand, just wanted to speak wi’ Fergus alone to try and figure out what we should do next. Seein’ and meetin’ Claire Fraser, or whatever her name was in this time, wasna part of my plan. No that I had a plan to begin wi’, but... I had no relationship wi’ this woman. As kind as she seemed, I wasna sure how to take to her. All that I could think about when I looked at her, was she left me behind. 

“Me being here is an accident. I was trying to stop Faith from coming through the stones, but when I reached out to take her hand, it was too late. We were both being pulled through.” Fergus explained as Claire took it all in. 

She turned round to look at me and smiled. “And how did you know about the stones, Faith? We’re you coming to find me?” Claire reached out to take my hand, but I pulled it back just out of her reach.

“Da explained all about ye to Fergus and I a few years ago. When I was fifteen or so, I was at the stones and I heard the buzzing. I didna touch nothin’ though, but I thought then that I might be able to travel, like you.”

“I’m sorry sweetheart, did you just say your Da told you about—“

“Aye. Anyway, we got in to an argument last night, and I just... I thought comin’ through the stones would gi’ me a better chance to live the life I want, but no, I didna specifically come here for you. As far as I was concerned, ye were dead.”

“Faith, that’s enough!” Fergus snapped at me.

“Hang on, you said Jamie died at Culloden, Mama.” Brianna pointed out to her mother.

“I-I thought he did.” Claire breathed as she collapsed on to a wooden seat that was sat behind her against the pale grey wall.

“He meant to die, but he survived. He came home to Lallybroch a few days after the battle. One of the British officers said their family owed Milord his life. Milord lived in a cave for seven years on the estate.” Fergus explained to Claire as she shook her head in disbelief. “Things got really bad though, Milady. There was a price on his head, and to try and help mistress Murray and Lallybroch, Milord insisted she hand him over so they could claim the reward. Mistress Murray wasn’t happy with the plan, but she did as Milord asked. He spent some years in prison before being moved down to England to serve his parole. When he came home... well, he, Faith and I have been living in Edinburgh for a little while now. Milord has a print shop, and Faith here is a midwife.” Fergus announced proudly.

“Mama, are you alright?” Brianna asked Claire as she moved to crouch down at her side.

Claire looked like she’d seen a ghost. Her face, which was already quite pale, was getting paler and paler. 

“H-he... survived? He’s alive? Now?” Claire asked Fergus and I. Her voice was small and I could tell she needed somethin’ to soothe her throat. It seemed quite dry.

“Aye. He was wi’ Fergus and I at the stones when we came through.” I paused to look at Claire when I started to see the tears fill her eyes. Her hands were shakin’. “Dae ye need anythin’, Claire? What can we do to help?”

Brianna got up straight away and went over to the sink to fill a glass wi’ some water. She brought it back over to Claire and told her to take some small sips.

Claire turned to face Brianna after takin’ a few sips from the glass that Brianna held in her hand. “I-If he’s alive... I have to go back.”


	4. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faith can’t help but try and keep Claire at arms length. She does however, get to know her sister Brianna better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for all the wonderful comments and feedback on this fic. I seem to be rattling out chapter for this fic no problem, to the point where I’ve almost completed it. I can’t wait for you all to see what’s to come. 
> 
> There isn’t really a schedule for this fic. Mainly because my work schedule is a bit all over the Place at the moment, so I will be posting whenever I can. The good thing is though, because I’ve almost completed it, you won’t need to wait weeks for another chapter.
> 
> I’m gonna try my best to respond to all your lovely comments later tonight.
> 
> Kirsty X

Claire had insisted she wanted to ken more about Da and what happened in the years after Culloden. Brianna could understand that Fergus and I were exhausted, and we didna really want to go in to anythin’ like that at the moment. 

Brianna tried her best to get Claire to go to bed so she could sleep for a few hours, but Claire was reluctant. It was actually Fergus that was able to get her to do as Brianna had asked. He promised her that both he and I would be there when she woke up, and we could all sit down and talk about what happened in the last twenty years.

I wasna keen on the idea of stickin’ around too long, but Fergus was adamant we couldna just leave Claire wi’out speakin’ wi her properly.

The person I really felt sorry for was Brianna. Claire had found out Da was alive, and she turned round to her daughter and told her she had to go back? Of course that wasna a complete shock to me, the woman has a history of just walkin’ away from her children and never returnin’, but I just felt it was verra unfair of Claire puttin’ her husband before her child. Who does that?

Another thing I realised wi’ her little comment to Brianna, she had no intention of returnin to the past, as far as I could tell, but as soon as she learned Da was alive... she said she had to go back.

So, the woman couldna go back in the past twenty years for her own children, but she could go back now for the husband she had thought was dead for twenty years?

I dinna think Fergus picked up on that, but he was just so happy to see the woman again. I ken he loves her, and I can understand why. Her and Da took him in as their own when he was a young lad wi’ no family of his own. I just... I dinna get how someone as kind and loving as the Claire Fraser I heard about, could leave two children behind for twenty years wi’out a second thought, and then consider leavin’ a third child. I ken Brianna is a young woman now, but she’s still young. I dinna think Claire has thought how her leavin’ would affect Brianna. I mean, I suppose Brianna might be able to go wi’ her, but it didna sound like Claire was askin’ her. And, I dinna think Brianna is the kinda lass that would be happy livin’ in the 1700’s.

I suppose we’ll just need to see what happens. Although, I canna say I’m all that comfortable bein’ here wi’ all this goin’ on. It’s... it’s like it’s a conversation for a family to have. I dinna feel like I am part of the family, but Fergus insisted we stay. 

Roger was kind enough to prepare a couple of rooms for both Fergus and I so we could get some sleep too. 

I did manage to sleep for a little while, but I woke myself up after havin’ a terrible dream about Da bein’ left back home on his own. He was heartbroken. He was sunk down on his knees right a’fore the stone that took Fergus and I away from him. I’d never seen my Da like that before. It was horrible to see.

The sooner Fergus got back to him, the better. He could let Da ken that I’m fine. He could let him ken that if I dinna like it here, I’ll come home.

I didna need to open the bedroom door to ken that Fergus was asleep right outside it. Guardin’. Normally folk guard doors to keep folk out. I kent Fergus was doin’ it to keep me in.

A wee while after I woke up, I heard someone outside my room. 

“Fergus, sweetheart. What on earth are you doing out here?” I could hear Claire asking him.

“Oh, um... I was just sleeping, Milady.”

“Roger made up a nice warm bed for you, didn’t you like it? Was it uncomfortable?” She asked. I could hear Fergus move to sit up against the door and I thought I could hear her sitting down too.

I moved as quietly to the door as I could so I could hear better.

“It was very comfortable, Milday. I just... wanted to be near Faith.”

“She’s very lucky to have you, Fergus. I can tell you’ve been a wonderful big brother to her. I always knew you would be.”

There was a bit of silence for a few moments before Claire spoke again. 

“You know, before Jamie and I were married, we went out with the Clan MacKenzie to collect the rents. We were staying in some Tavern one night, and Jamie had slept outside my door, just like this, to protect me from any men coming up to find me.”

Fergus laughed. “Sounds like Milord.”

“Yes. You remind me so much of him, you know? So does Faith, but...”

“But what, Milday?”

“She’s very quiet, isn’t she? I mean, she doesn’t speak much.”

“Not really. She can be quite confident around me and Milord. And the Murray’s, obviously. But she can be quite shy. Lacks a lot of confidence sometimes. But... she is a true Fraser. Extremely stubborn. Annoyingly so, sometimes.” Fergus laughed. “If your worried about how she’s been since you found us, don’t be. She can be quite vulnerable sometimes, but she can also be just as equally strong willed. She’s been through a lot, Milady. She feels things deeply. She might not say a lot, but she takes everything in.”

“I’m sure she does. Is... um... that why you slept out here? She’s vulnerable?”

“No, Milday. I slept out here because I knew if I didn’t, she would have taken off somewhere. Once she makes her mind up about something, she doesn’t like anything in her way. I understand her need for adventure and wanting to build a life for herself. Do the things she wants, but... we don’t know this place in this time. Anything could happen to her out there. By making sure she’s here, with me, I know she’s safe.”

“She said she argued with Jamie. What was that about?”

Before Fergus could answer, I opened the door and stepped between them to get out of the room.

“I don’t appreciate bein’ spoken about when I’m not present. In fact, I don’t appreciate bein’ spoken about when I am present.” I walked on towards the staircase and went down to meet Brianna and Roger, who were sat in the living area drinkin’ tea and discussin’ the buzzing they had heard at the stones.

It wasna long before Claire and Fergus came down to join us.

“Alright.” Claire said as she clapped her hands together. “We need to find you two something to wear. Fergus, I think Roger managed to find you something. It might be a little short, but it’s only until we can find you some new clothes in town later. And Faith... I know you might prefer some of your sisters outfits, but I think they may be a little too big for you. She is a few inches taller than us. She takes after your father, whilst you seem to take after me.” Claire smiled at me, and I wasna sure what to say or do.

I looked to Fergus, but he just gave me a look that told me to at least try wi’ Claire.

“It’s fine. I can just wear my own clothes. It’s no like I have money to buy anythin’ anyway. No in this time at least.” I said.

“Don’t worry my darling, I’ll buy you and Fergus whatever you need. And I was thinking maybe you could wear something of mine until we get to the store later?” She smiled at me again, so I just gave her a small smile in return before thankin’ her. 

Roger had given Fergus a pair of black trousers that were a wee bit on the short side, but Roger assured Fergus that no one would pay any attention as that was the “fashion” these days. Fergus and I didna have a clue what the lad meant, but Fergus thanked him for the trousers none the less. Roger had also given Fergus some awful dark green thing he called a “polo neck”. Fergus looked absolutely ridiculous in these clothes from the future, but the smirk was soon wiped off my face when I got a look at myself in the mirror after I dressed in Claire’s clothes. 

I looked ridiculous. 

Even Brianna thought so. 

“Oh god. You wouldn’t think you were in your early twenties, that outfit has made you look almost the same age as Mama.” Brianna commented as she watched me from the bed. “I’m sorry my clothes wouldn’t fit you, but at least you only have to wear Mama’s clothes until we manage to find you something you like. There is a wonderful little boutique not too far from here. Maybe Mama could go with Fergus and you and I could go shopping together. I have a feeling you and I would get on a lot better if Mama wasn’t around. I mean, she’s Mama, and I love her, but I have a feeling that she would try and encourage you to get clothes that she likes, instead of going for what you like, you know?”

Brianna and I had spent some of the day together around the house. We talked a bit, well, she talked and I listened. She told me all about her life over in Boston. The man who raised her, who she thought was her real father until just recently when they came to Inverness and Claire had told her about the stones and how she met Da. Brianna didna believe her at first, which I could completely understand. If I’m honest, I dinna think I completely believed Da until it actually happened to me. I had wondered if it was just a story he told Fergus and I. Although, a story like that didna do much good apart from confirm my worst fears. My mother didna want me.

As Brianna helped me pick out a pair of shoes and some “accessories” to go wi’ the “beige knitted pullover” and the dark brown “pencil skirt”, Claire knocked lightly on the door before entering.

“Oh Faith. You look... beautiful.” She said as tears sprung in to her eyes as she looked at me. “I-I can’t believe you’re really here, and that... You both look just like your father. Both of you with your beautiful curly red locks.” Claire walked towards us and took one of my hands in one of hers, and one of Brianna’s in her other. “Are you both almost ready to go? Fergus is desperate to get in to town and see how different everything is from the Inverness he knows.” She chuckled.

I could see she was tryin’ wi’ me, but no pushing’ me too hard, which I was grateful for, but I couldn’t help but just hold back a bit. I couldna decide what way to take her. Not yet any way.

Before we left for town, Claire explained to us of all the things that would be different. The noise for a start. Inverness was a city, so the place was a pretty busy place to be. She warned us there would be lots of cars goin’ around the streets and a lot more people goin’ about than we would probably be used to. I did tell her that we had been livin’ in Edinburgh, but she said she was sure Inverness today, would be busier than Edinburgh back then.

“Um, before we head in to town, could I ask you both something?” Claire asked Fergus and I as we were getting ready to leave.

“Of course, Milady.”

“Well, as much as I know it’s out of respect that you call me that Fergus, I don’t really think “Milday” would blend in as much here.” Claire chuckled.

“So ye want us to call ye Mistress..?” I asked, unsure of what name she was going by here in this time.

“I was thinking you could both call me Mama, like Bree does, or something to that effect?”

“Um, how about Maman?” Fergus asked straight away.

“Sounds perfect to me, my darling.” Claire smiled at him before lookin’ at me.

“Does Roger call ye Mam?” I asked casually.

I could see Fergus glaring at me like he knew where I was goin’ wi’ this. Both Roger and Brianna had turned to watch the exchange between Claire and I as well.

“Um, no—“

“Why not?” I asked innocently.

“Well, I... I’m not Rogers mother, am I?”

I nodded my head in agreement. “Yer no really mine either, so... I’ll just keep callin’ ye Claire. If ye dinna mind?” I asked. 

“Whatever you feel comfortable with, Faith.”

As Fergus and I followed Claire and Brianna out to the car, Fergus pulled me aside and started hissin’ at me about how I just spoke to my mother. 

“She doesn’t have to do all this to help us you know, but she is. Why can’t you just give her a chance Faith? She’s your mother, and she loves you.” Fergus took a deep breath before coming closer to me and wrapping his arm around my shoulder and giving me a kiss to my temple. “Can you just please promise me you will be nice when we are in town, and promise me you will speak with her properly when we get back? I honestly think you and she will be able to move on a lot easier if you both open up to each other properly. You pushing her away every time she tries to get close to you isn’t helping anyone, Faith. Least of all yourself.”

“I just don’t know how to be around her Fergus. It’s all too confusing.” I whispered in to his shoulder.

“I know. Do you want to go home to Milord? I’m sure he will be really worried about you.”

“No. I want to stay. At least a bit longer. I want to see if I could have my own life here. Brianna was tellin’ me all about her life in Boston. It sounds wonderful, Fergus. I think I could be really happy here.”

“Then you need to speak with your mother. She will be able to help you. I don’t know enough about this world to help you, but I will be here with you.” Fergus reassured me.

“No, you won’t. As soon as I know what I’m doing, I want you to go home to Da. He canna lose both of us Fergus. Ye need to go back and tell him about me and tell him about whatever plan I manage to make for my future.”

We looked over to the car and saw that Claire and Brianna were waiting patiently on us both. 

“We will discuss this more later, alright? In the meantime, just please be nice to Maman.” Fergus told me firmly before we joined Claire and Brianna at the car. 

Inverness was completely different to how it was back in 1766. Claire was right, it was a lot busier than either Fergus or I had ever anticipated. Fergus was in awe of his surroundings. He was asking Claire a million questions, one after the other. Brianna and I held back just a little, as we followed on behind them. It was nice to get to know Brianna a little better. Even if I was a little hesitant to open up to her about myself just yet. She seemed to understand completely, and was more than happy to keep the conversation going. She was a nice lass. A kind lass. And I was really enjoyin’ bein’ in her company.

“Do you think Jamie would be happy to see Mama after all these years?” Brianna asked me whilst we waited on Claire and Fergus to return from yet another “sports shop” that Fergus was desperate to explore.

I thought about it for a moment before answering. “He hasna stopped loving her. He was a shell of a man for a lot of years. He was livin’ in a cave away from the family he had left. Claire had come back here wi’ you in her belly. He had me and Fergus, but not properly. Not the way a proper family should be the gether. It wasna really until we moved to Edinburgh and he opened the print shop that he started to become partly his old self again. I think the only thing that could ever make him truly happy, would be to have Claire back in his life. The only way for him to feel truly complete, would be to have her and all his children around him, but that will never happen.”

“You really don’t want to go home, do you?” She asked me curiously.

“I dinna ken what I want yet. I don’t know enough about this time to definitely decide I want to stay, but... I just dinna feel like there is anythin’ for me back home. Even Da suggested I move back to Lallybroch instead of stayin’ wi’ him and Fergus in Edinburgh.”

“Why would he do that? After all them years apart, why doesn’t he want you with him?” I could tell she was just as confused about that as me.

“I think he thought he was suggesting the right thing. At least I have family still, at Lallybroch, but it hurt me when he suggested such.”

“That’s why you came through the stones?”

“Partly. It wasna really somethin’ I consciously decided to do, I just found myself walkin’ towards them, but as soon as I heard the buzzing and I heard Da and Fergus calling after me, I knew that maybe tryin’ to get through the stones would be the best idea. Maybe I would be happier here? I dinna ken exactly.”

“But, you didn’t specifically come here to find Mama? Can I ask why not?”

I found myself really startin’ to open up to Brianna, and it felt good. The only other person I was this open wi’, was Fergus. 

Growin’ up, I always thought of the Murray kids as my brothers and sisters. I mean, that’s basically how we were raised. Aunt Jenny and Uncle Ian were basically parents to both Fergus and I, and when Da returned, I knew it was difficult for them to take that step back. It was difficult for all of us, but I’ll never forget how grateful I am to them for all they did for Fergus and I. But this, this connection I feel wi’ Brianna. It’s nothing like the connection I have wi’ the Murray kids. It really is more like the one I have wi’ Fergus, which is strange because I only just met this lass, but it’s like we’ve known each other all our lives. She just seems to get me in a way many people don’t.

When we got back to the house after a good while shoppin’ for everythin’ Claire and Brianna said we would need, Claire asked if we could now tell her about Da, and the aftermath of Culloden. 

Even though Brianna and I had been speakin’, there was a lot I still hadna told her. The aftermath of Culloden was tough for me to even think about, let alone talk about. Especially wi’ Claire. It was because of that damn battle that I grew up my whole childhood and teen years wi’ out either of my parents. That whole chapter had a huge impact on my life. I wasna ready to go in to all that wi’ Claire, or anyone. The only person who could understand how it affected me was Fergus.

“Of course Milday. I will tell you everything I know.” He smiled at her fondly. “Faith, why don’t you go for a lie down? You look tired. I will wake you in a little while.” Fergus suggested, and I was grateful my brother wasna gonna make me sit and listen to it all, or make me join in and explain things to Claire.

I nodded my head and kissed my brother on the cheek to say thank you before I excused myself. 

Just as I was pullin’ back the covers on my bed, there was a knock on the door. I knew it was Claire before I even opened the door.

“Faith, I understand this is a lot for you to take in, and I know you must have many questions for me. I would really like the chance for us to have a talk at some point. Please.” She was pleading wi’ me and I honestly didna want pull back anymore. Not that I was doin’ it on purpose, but it was tiring just the same.

“I only have one question, but I dinna ken if I want the answer.” I told her truthfully. “We will talk. Later. I-I just... I canna talk about what happened wi’ Da after the battle. I dinna want to re live it all again. The effects of what happened, not just wi’ Da after the battle, but the effects it had in my relationship wi’ him is still so raw.”

“I completely understand that. But, we are finally together again, and I would really like the opportunity to get to know you better.” Claire gave me a small smile. “This is difficult for all of us Faith, but you are my daughter, and I’ve missed so much of your life already. The fact you are here, now, is a gift. One I don’t take lightly.”

I nodded in agreement. She was right. It was a gift. It wasna what I came lookin’ for, but I had to admit that I was glad of the chance of gettin’ to know Brianna. Maybe I should at least try a bit more wi’ Claire. Gi’ her the opportunity to at least explain why she never came back. It would be hard, but maybe it’s a conversation we needed to be able to move forward. Whether that be together or apart.

“Go and hear what Fergus has to say. I’m sure he will tell you a bit more about me during that time as well.”

“I thought you didn’t like people discussing you?” She cocked an eyebrow and smiled.

I couldna help but smile back. “Ye’s have my permission this once. I promise I’ll speak wi’ ye myself. Maybe tonight?” I suggested and Claire smiled at me again.

“I look forward to it, sweetheart.”


	5. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire explains to Faith why she couldn’t return. Fergus tries to encourage his sister to forgive her mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for all the lovely comments and feedback. I am slowly Making my way through replying to you all, but please know that I appreciate every single one of you. 
> 
> Kirsty X

We all sat down to a dinner that Brianna had helped Roger prepare. Claire had apparently went quiet after Fergus told her about how Da had lived the past twenty years. 

Dinner went by relatively quiet. Both Roger and Brianna had tried to start conversations a few times, but Claire wasna really up for talkin’ much and barely muttered two words the whole way through dinner. 

As Roger and Brianna started to clear away all our dishes, I decided to thank them and compliment them on the wonderful meal they prepared. It was somethin’ I could definitely get used to. 

“Thank ye so much. I’ve never tasted chicken like that a’fore. It was wonderful. And the potatoes—“

“We’ve never tasted anything so rich before. You both cook so well. Thank you.” Fergus added.

“No problem guys. Just glad you enjoyed it.” Brianna replied with a smile.

“A friend of mine, Fiona, she dropped by earlier when ye’s were in town. She brought a wee apple pie, so when yer ready, I’ll dish us all out a wee slice.” Roger added.

Claire decided she didna want any dessert and excused herself to her room. Roger tried to encourage Brianna to go after her, but she was reluctant to.

“There’s nothing I can say to her though. I didn’t know the man. I still have my own thoughts about all this to process. She just needs some time, but she will be fine. She’s always fine.” Brianna explained to him. 

I looked at Fergus, and he didna look too sure. He moved over to the seat next to mine that was previously occupied by Brianna.

“You should go and speak to her. She might open up to you.” He suggested.

“She can’t open up to her own daughter right now, Fergus. What makes ye think she’ll open up to a complete stranger?” I asked him.

“You’re her daughter too, Faith. She’s been trying her best to respect the space you need, but I think what she really needs right now, is you. She has just found out that the love of her life is alive, after thinking for twenty years that he was dead. She had to sit there and listen to me tell her about how he barely existed after the battle. How losing his wife and his unborn child almost destroyed him. The only thing that kept him going was you being safe at Lallybroch, and the fact that he had to believe that Milday and the bairn were safe in another time. It was a lot for her to hear and take in, Faith.”

“But it was us that had to live like that Fergus. And I dinna think she gets that. I dinna think she could ever understand what it was like for me and you growin’ up the way we did. Aye, we had the Murray’s, but it’s no exactly the same as bein’ wi’ yer parents, is it?”

“She asked about you, you know. When I told her about Milord and his time in the cave, and then at Ardsmuir and then England. She asked how all that affected you and me, Faith. She did care. She does care.”

“Is she gonna go back to him?”

“I think that’s what she’s trying to decide. I can’t imagine it being an easy decision for her. She has Brianna here, and she knows you don’t really want to go back. She’s only just got you back, Faith. I don’t think she will just leave her daughters.”

“Why not? She left you and I behind before. Never even attempted to come back for us by the sounds of it.”

“She must have had her reasons, Faith. Brianna probably being the main one. Brianna did say she only learned about Jamie being her real father a few days ago. There is obviously more to Claire’s side of the story. You just need to be open to hearing it.”

“What if I don’t like what I hear? What if she chose not to come back for me because she loved her new daughter more than she loved me? What if—“

“You have a lot of what if’s there. The only way to know for sure is to speak with her.”

Brianna and Roger returned to the table with a slice of apple pie for each of us and some cream. It was probably the most delicious pie I had ever tried in my life. 

Growin’ up at Lallybroch, we had Mrs Crook who made the most wonderful and delicious meals and desserts, but everythin’ I had eaten or drank in 1968 tasted so much better. There was so much more taste and flavour to everythin’. And... no one had to go out huntin’ for the meat we ate, or dig up the potatoes from the garden. Everythin’ was bought in a shop. It was a much simpler way of livin’. In my opinion any way.

Fergus and I had insisted on clearin’ away the dessert dishes this time and washin’ them. Roger tried to argue wi’ us, but we insisted it was the least we could do after he took both Fergus and I in to his home.

Claire never returned downstairs. And by nine o’clock, both Fergus and I were ready to turn in for the night. It had been an exhausting few days for us both. Between travelin’ from Edinburgh, all the way to Craigh na Dun, and then comin’ through the stones and then all the emotional side of it all, it was really startin’ to wear us both out.

Fergus had agreed to sleep in the bedroom Roger had prepared for him, but he made me promise to still be there in the mornin’ when he woke.

I understood why he made me promise that. I had made such a big deal about not wantin’ to be hangin’ around Claire, and whilst I still felt a little awkward around her, I was really enjoyin’ bein’ around Brianna and even Roger. It wouldna be fair for me to just up and leave wi’out a word after all they had done for me and Fergus.

I knew I would need someone’s help from this time to help me get myself established and try and build the life I wanted for myself. I kent it wouldna be easy, but I was hopin’ that Brianna would be able to help in some way. I didna think she would mind.

I woke around three o’clock, accordin’ to the clock beside my bed. I struggled to get back to sleep, and after an hour, I decided to head downstairs for a glass of water and maybe read one of the books Brianna had layin’ around in the livin’ area until the rest of the house woke in a few hours.

I never expected to find Claire and Brianna awake at this time, cuddled up on the couch speakin’ quietly.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didna mean to intrude.” I said as soon as I saw them sat on the couch.

“It’s alright, sweetheart. You didn’t. I was just having some trouble sleeping, and Bree just came down to check on me. Are you alright? Are you struggling to sleep too?” Claire asked me as I walked further in to the room.

“A little. I slept fine, but then I woke a wee while ago and couldna get back to sleep. I thought I’d come down for some water and just wait for everyone else to wake.” 

“Well, I’ll leave you two to it. I’m falling asleep here, but you can keep each other company.” Brianna said as she hugged her mother and looked over Claire’s shoulder to smile at me.

“I really didna mean to disturb ye’s.” I said, hopin’ I wasna the reason Brianna felt the need to go back to bed.

“Like Mama said, you didn’t. But, I am struggling to keep my eyes open, so my bed would be very welcome right now. I’m sure you two have some things to discuss any way.” Brianna gently suggested as she walked over to me and squeezed my hand. “I’ll see you both later.”

There was an awkward silence for a few minutes after Brianna left us, but then Claire asked me to join her on the seat beside her where Brianna was just sitting. I was reluctant to sit so close to the woman, but I didna want to be rude.

“Fergus told me quite a bit about what happened after I left. He didn’t really tell me much about you or what things were like for you both during that time. I did ask him, but I think he didn’t want to tell me something you wouldn’t want him to.”

I shrugged my shoulders softly. “I think he wants me to tell ye myself.”

“I would really like to hear your story, Faith. But, I don’t want to push you. It’s clear you hold some resentment towards me. I don’t really blame you, but I need you to know... I didn’t leave you willingly. Your father didn’t give me much of a choice. I begged him to let me come back for you and Fergus, but he said it was too late. He only asked me to go so that me and your sister would be safe. Not only us, but you and Fergus too. There is no knowing what would have happened to you if I was around.”

“I ken all that. That’s what Da told Fergus and I.” I said barely above a whisper, but she heard me.

“But you still hate me for leaving you.” It wasna a question, and in that moment I felt awful.

“I dinna hate ye for leavin’. I dinna hate ye at all. I dinna ken enough about ye to ken... look,” I took a deep breath to try and think about my words before speakin’ them out loud. “I dinna blame ye for leavin’. I blame ye because ye never came back. Fergus says ye must of had yer reasons, and I understand that—“

“Sweetheart—“

“Please, just let me get this out.” Claire nodded for me to continue. “I understand why ye had to go, but I dinna see how or why ye didna come back, even just to make sure Fergus or I were alright. Ye coulda came back any time over the last twenty years, but ye didna. That was a choice you made. Ye forgot about us.”

“Oh Faith. I never forgot you. Any of you. I did want to return, badly. But... it wasn’t as easy as you may think. I had Brianna for one, but there was a lot going on on this side. But not a day went by where I didn’t think of you, or Fergus, or your father.”

Silence fell between us again. I could tell she wanted to talk more, but she wasna sure if I was ready, so she didna want to push it. In a way I was relieved, but at the same time I figured Fergus was right, and the only way to move on would be to discuss everything that happened on both sides.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered.

“You’re sorry? Whatever for? You have nothing to apologise for.” Claire told me as she took both my hands in hers.

“I’ve been pushin’ ye away. Keepin’ ye at arms length and just been really rude towards ye. I wasna doin’ it on purpose. I just—“

“I know. I know. I don’t think you’re quite ready to open up to me about yourself and your life, and that’s alright. I really don’t want to push you, but if it’s alright with you, I’d really like to tell you my story.”

By the time Claire had finished tellin’ me all about her life of the last twenty years, it was almost six o’clock. We had both drank about four cups of tea in the time she had opened up to me fully and I listened to her side of the story for the very first time. 

She didna just talk me through the last twenty years, she spoke about when she first realised she was pregnant wi’ me and talked about her pregnancy whilst she was in Paris. 

Apparently she thought she couldna have children. She even told Da that she may never be able to bless him wi’ a child. Claire and her first husband Frank, had tried for some time after the World War for a child, but it didna happen. Claire was convinced it was her fault, so when she found out she was pregnant wi’ me, she was so verra happy, if a little scared. She said I was her and Da’s little miracle.

My birth wasna that straight forward either. I knew I was born early, but I didna realise just how bad things were. Claire had to go through the birth alone because Da had been arrested. It is only by some miracle that both Claire and I survived. 

When she returned through the stones to 1948, she told Frank the truth of what had happened. He didna believe her at first, but said he was willin’ to accept her story. When she told him she was pregnant wi’ Brianna, he suggested that they raise her together. He would be her father, but Brianna was to never ken about Da, and Claire was never to mention him or look for him as long as he drew breath on this earth. Claire had reluctantly agreed. It was Da who wanted Claire to return to Frank so that Brianna would have a father. She was only doin’ as she promised him. 

Claire hadna told Frank of Fergus and I straight away. It wasna until she was in labour wi’ Brianna when she told the healer that she had already given birth to another child. Frank was in shock, but he didna say any more on the matter until Claire and Brianna we’re both safely home. 

At first I was disappointed that she hadna told this Frank about me or Fergus before, but as she spoke more, I could start to understand why. Even though she never told Frank about us until she had to, she still thought about us both all the time. Every day.

Frank had even asked Claire if she wanted to return to be wi’ Fergus and I. She admitted she wanted that more than anythin’, but it just wasna safe for her to return at that time. And wi’ Bree bein’ a newborn baby, it just wasna the right time. 

Claires marriage wi’ Frank wasna a good marriage. She didna want to go in to too much detail about it out of respect for Brianna, which I completely understood. As much as the marriage between the two wasna that great, Frank was a wonderful father to Brianna and he loved her verra much. There was still so much that Claire hadna told Brianna about her marriage to Frank because she didna want to upset the lass. 

It wasna really my business anyway. The only thing I really wanted to ken was why she never returned. Even if she came back last week or last year, I would of kent that she did it because it was her choice to do so. She wanted to see me. She wanted to ken me. Be my mother. 

“I need you to know that I love you, Faith. I always have, and I always will, but... the reason I never returned was because I was worried what my return would mean for all of us. There is no knowing what they would have done to you all. I was trying to protect you. 

“Then there was Frank and Bree. There was no way of knowing if Bree would be able to travel through the stones, but even if I knew she could, there was no way Frank would have allowed me to take her from him. And, they were so close, there was no way she would have willingly left Frank to come with me.

“It broke my heart to leave you and Fergus behind, Faith. You have to believe me when I tell you that, but I didn’t have a choice. It killed me every single day I wasn’t with you. I couldn’t leave Brianna like that. It would have destroyed me even more than I already was.

“When Frank died in the car accident, I thought about coming back. I even tried to research Lallybroch and what happened to the family after Culloden, but it was useless. There wasn’t much information. And Bree, god, she really struggled after Frank’s death. It still effects her now. There was no way I could have thrown all of this at her as well. 

“I am so sorry I let you down, Faith. I’m sorry I’m not the mother you deserve, and I am so sorry we missed the chance to be a proper family.” By this point, both Claire and I had tears in our eyes. “I won’t ask you for forgiveness, because I can’t forgive myself for not coming back to you, but I am asking for a chance. A chance to be your friend, if not your mother.”

Before I had a chance to answer, Fergus had appeared at the door claimin’ he was hungry. So hungry, he could eat a horse.

Claire chuckled as she turned round or face him. “Same, my darling. Why don’t you and your sister go upstairs and get washed and dressed, and I’ll take you both out for breakfast. We haven’t had much time just the three of us.”

“What about Brianna and Roger?” I asked.

“Roger won’t mind us needing to spend some quality time together. And I think Bree will be asleep for a little while yet.” Claire smiled at me. “On you’s go. I’ll get you back down here when you’re ready.”

The whole way back up the stairs, Fergus kept talkin’ non stop about how wonderful the “shower” is in his “bathroom”. I mean, I liked the shower too. And the bath was so much better than how we washed at home, but I didna feel the need to keep discussin’ the wonders of baths and showers in 1968. 

When Fergus and I were both ready to go downstairs to meet Claire, Fergus had asked if I had the chance to speak wi’ her yet and apologised if he had interrupted us earlier. 

“No, it’s fine. She did most of the talkin’. I just listened. She explained why she never came back, and I suppose I just have to accept that that’s the way things were. Still hurts though.” Fergus nodded, but pulled me closer as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

“You going to give her a chance then? Be nicer to her?”

“She said she would like to be my friend, if I canna let her be my mam. She said she wilna ask my forgiveness because she canna forgive herself.”

“She said the same to me. I think you should forgive her though. I did. What happened, happened. It’s time to move on. If you want to stay here, Faith, you could do with having your mother around. It would make me feel better about leaving soon if I knew you were happy and safe.”

“When are you goin’?” I asked, suddenly panicked at the thought of bein’ wi’out my brother for the first time in my life,

“As soon as I know you’ll be okay, but not before.” Fergus kissed my cheek before we made it in to the kitchen to find Claire.

“Are we all set then?” Claire asked as she scribbled down a message on a piece of paper wi’ somethin’ I heard Roger refer to as a pen.

The three of us left the house and enjoyed a lovely cooked breakfast together, just the three of us. It was somethin’ I could get used to. It would only have been better had Brianna and Da been there, but I doubted that havin’ all five of us around a table at once, would be somethin’ that would actually happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter we will see more of a talk between Faith and Claire where Faith opens up a little more. Will they be able to form any kind of relationship?


	6. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fergus, Bree and Roger head out to see Lallybroch in 1968, leaving Claire and Faith back at the house alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all the feedback and comments on this fic. I really appreciate hearing what you all think. 
> 
> I’m afraid I am going to take a wee break from writing for a wee while due to my health. Nothing serious, but I’ve just had a diagnosis for something and it’s gonna take me a wee while to get my head around. 
> 
> Good news is... I have already written quite a good chunk of this story, so I will still be able to post chapters for this fic. I hope you will enjoy what’s to come.
> 
> Kirsty X

Fergus had asked if it would be possible to visit Lallybroch. Roger explained that he’d never visited the place before, but it shouldna be too hard to find. He expected it wouldna take all that long to get there either because we would be travelin’ by car.

“I don’t really think that’s a good idea, sweetheart.” Claire told Fergus when she entered the room. She’d obviously been listenin’ from outside the door.

“Why not?” He asked.

“Yeah Mama, why not? I would really like to see the place.” Brianna joined in.

“It isn’t the same as you remember. The place has been abandoned for god knows how many years now.” She took a breath before she sat down at the kitchen table. “I went there the other day. It-it’s not a pleasant sight. I don’t want you getting upset.”

“When were you there?” Brianna inquired.

“The day Roger took you to Fort William.

“Look Fergus, if you really want to go, then maybe Bree and Roger could go with you. I really don’t want to go back. I would rather remember it how it was. I would urge you to do the same, darling.” 

Claire then turned to me and asked what I wanted to do. I didna have a clue. It didna sound like Claire enjoyed bein’ back at Lallybroch two hundred years after our family lived there. I could tell it upset her, so I decided to let Fergus decide what he wanted to do, but I wouldna be goin’.

Fergus ended up insistin’ he was goin’ and he would be fine. Brianna and Roger were verra ken on the idea of goin’ as well, but Brianna promised Claire that if it got too much for Fergus, they would come straight home.

With everyone out for the day, that left me and Claire at the house. She had asked me if there was anythin’ in particular I wanted to do, or anywhere I wanted to go, but I wasna too sure. It was then that I kinda wished I had gone wi’ the others. There was a difference between spendin’ time wi’ Claire with either Fergus or Brianna around, and spendin’ time wi’ her on my own.

She ended up givin’ me the space I silently asked for. Claire busied herself on a walk around the block, she didna want to stray too far in case I needed her. She had also prepared us both some food for lunch, which we ate in silence. We also sat in the Livin’ area, at opposite sides of the room, and each read a book. Again, in silence. 

She had been keepin’ a close eye on me all day. She’d been watchin’ me closely ever since I arrived, but now we were alone, she wasna tryin’ to hide her stares or glances at me.

It was about three in the afternoon when Claire finally cracked. We had been alone for almost five hours and barely said two words to each other except please and thank ye’s when Claire made lunch, or I made some tea.

She closed her book and slammed it down on the table next to her before runnin’ upstairs. I could tell she didna mean to slam the book down wi’ such force, because she gave herself a shock as much as me.

After a while, I went upstairs to check on her since she hadn’t come back down.

When I approached her room, I could hear her cryin’. Oh how I wished Fergus was back already. He was good at keepin’ me calm and soothin’ me if I was ever upset about somethin’. Me though... I never knew what to say or do when people got upset. Especially in this situation wi’ Claire. I knew it was down to me that she was upset. But, what could I do?

She said she wasna gonna ask my forgiveness, and in a way I was glad, because even though she told me why she never came back, it still hurt me. Her action, or lack of, has deeply affected me and my life. I dinna think I will ever heal properly from that damage. I always kent Da was my Da, but I didna have a relationship wi’ him until I was eight years old, but it was short lived because he then went to prison. It’s only been the past couple of years that I’ve really had the chance to build a relationship wi’ him, but the damage is already done. There will always be a disconnection between us. No matter how much I love him, and I do, but growin’ up wi’out yer parents is no small thing.

I knocked on the door gently. Just loud enough that she would ken I was there, but she didna answer. 

I knocked again, a little louder this time, but still no answer.

“Claire, if ye dinna open the door in five seconds, I’m comin’ in.” I warned her through the door. It worked, because not two seconds later, she was openin’ the door.

“Everything alright?” She asked brightly, but her cheeks were still streaked wi’ the tears she had tried to wipe away.

“I was gonna ask ye the same thing. I’m sorry if I’ve been a bit... distant, but—“

“You don’t have to explain, Faith. I get it, I let you down. More than let you down, and now—“

“I appreciate ye explainin’ things to me earlier, about yer life and that. I canna even begin to understand since I wasna here and I didna ken yer husband or that. It’s also verra unfair of me to judge ye when I dinna really ken ye that well, or at all.”

“Faith—“

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry. Ye’ve been patient wi’ me and gave me the space I needed, but I havena been verra understandin’ of your own feelin’s, and for that I’m truly sorry.”

“Faith... you have absolutely nothing to apologise for. You... and Fergus and Bree... you’re all innocent in the choices and mistakes your father and I made. 

“Come in. I want to show you something.” Claire stepped aside as she invited me in to her room. She lead me over to the bed where she asked me to sit.

Claire picked up her bag and started rummaging through until she found a piece of paper. 

She slowly walked over to the bed where I was sitting and sat down next to me. Claire handed me the paper she was holdin’, and I was stunned to see it was the deed to Lallybroch. Both her and Da’s signature were on it, as well as Murtagh’s, my Da’s godfather.

“Even though I wasn’t with you, I tried my best to find any small piece of information I could find about you or the Murray’s. For years I was researching and... well... I couldn’t find anything. I even asked Frank’s help, but he said he couldn’t. It was more wouldn’t, but I didn’t want to start an argument with him. I told him I would let it go, but I didn’t. 

“We took a holiday over to England around ten years ago. We stayed in a little cottage in Cumbria for a week after spending some time in London. Frank had taken Bree on an overnight trip to the woods to do some hunting and fishing. I took the opportunity to come to Edinburgh to try and find something, anything about you or Lallybroch, but it was no use.”

“Claire—“

“No darling. I need you to know that I did try to find you, but I couldn’t. And then when Frank passed, I thought that my chance had finally come to get back to you, but Brianna was... I couldn’t leave her, not whilst she was grieving Frank. I couldn’t even tell her about the stones in case she thought I was having some sort of breakdown. I was the only family she had left. 

“Our relationship has never been easy. She always gravitated towards Frank. I busied myself with medical school and then my residency, I... I haven’t been a good mother to any of my children, I know that.”

“Where did ye get this? It’s the deed to Lallybroch, the one that Da signed to hand it over to Young Jamie.” I asked as my brows furrowed in confusion.

“I only managed to get a copy of it the other day. Just before you came. This was actually the first thing I tried to find a couple of months after Bree was born. I stupidly assumed that if I could find a copy of this, then I would be able to find more about the family around that time, but... it’s taken me twenty years just to find that one thing. 

“I’m so sorry I didnt do a better job. Maybe if I... or if I had only...” she was startin’ to panic.

“Claire, stop. Yer gonna make yerself ill, and that wilna do any of us any good.” Claire was startin’ to tear up and her breathin’ was all over the place. “Thank ye for showin’ me this. And thank ye for tellin’ me more, but I think Fergus is right. What’s done is done. There are too many what if’s, and in the end it doesna help anyone. 

“I forgive ye Claire.” Claire snapped her head up from her clasped hands to look at my face. “I wilna forget that we lost so much time, and I dinna think the pain of that will ever go away, but I forgive ye, and I can try to move on.”

“That’s really kind of you Faith, but I really don’t deserve it.” She spoke softly as she sobbed.

“As far as I can see, ye’ve spent the last twenty years punishin’ yerself enough. Ye dinna need me to do it too.”

I left Claire in her room to freshen up a wee bit before she came back down. 

Time was gettin’ on and the others hadna returned. I was startin’ to worry a little. 

Fergus and I were in unknown surroundings. We hadna been apart this long since we came through the stones. It was difficult no to worry or panic about what might have happened to them. They had gone by car, so it shouldna have taken them all this time to get to Lallybroch and back.

“Anyone ever tell you that you have a glass face?” I heard Claire ask me when she came down the staircase. 

“Eh?”

“I can tell you’re worried about the others. It’s written all over your face. You get that trait from me I’m afraid.” She laughed as she came towards me. I gave her a small smile back, but didna really respond. “Don’t worry. Either Fergus talked them in to visiting somewhere else whilst they were out, or Bree has dragged them off somewhere. I promise, they will all be fine though. They shouldn’t be too much longer.”

Claire decided to prepare some dinner for everyone comin’ back. We spoke a bit as I helped her prepare. Well, Claire spoke and I listened. She talked about her time in medical school and how she became a surgeon. 

Apparently not all that much has changed since 1766 and 1950’s. Claire was the only woman in her class in school. She was treated as an outcast, an outlander basically. But, it was in medical school that she met and formed a lifelong friendship wi’ the only black man in the class, Joe Abernathy. He was treated much the same as Claire.

They both had to work twice as hard as everyone else in their class because she was a woman and he was black. But they both did it. Both completed medical school and went on to become surgeons. 

I have to admit, when she was tellin’ me of her career, I couldna help but feel proud of her. I ken what it’s like when people, (men), dinna take ye seriously because yer a woman. She had a tough time. Grieving a lost family. A marriage that wasna makin’ her happy. A young bairn. And then havin’ to prove herself over and over again that she belonged at that school. That she deserved the same opportunities as the men in her class. 

I eventually decided to open up to Claire myself about how Fergus found her wee scraps of paper wi’ her wee thoughts and ideas for treatin’ certain illness’. I told her how I studied them bits of paper so hard so I could try and follow in her footsteps and become a healer too. How it was always what I wanted to do. Help people. Heal them. 

I could tell she felt sorry for me because I ended up having to stop tryin’ to be who I wanted to be. 

“I’m glad you became a midwife though. That’s still a rewarding job. Helping to bring new life in to the world.” She said as we sat down on the couch. Dinner was all prepared, we just had to heat it up when everyone returned.

“I suppose. It’s just... no the same. I like bein’ a midwife, but I dinna love it. I dinna get the same fulfilment outta it as what I would if I was helpin’ the sick. 

“Da understood my frustration. So did Fergus. No one else really did.” I said sadly.

“Is that why you came here?”

“Da said ye had better opportunities here than what ye did back in our time. I didna really have a plan. I just kent I needed to try and build a life for myself. One I kent I wouldna get back home.” I answered truthfully.

“Well, if you are intent on staying, there are some things we need to sort out, like papers. Identification. Things like that. It won’t be easy, but I promise you sweetheart, if this is where you truly want to be, I won’t send you back. I just hope Fergus will be able to persuade your father that your safe and I’ll look after you. He will be devastated though Faith.”

“I ken. But I do think he understands, if no now, he will in time. He’ll be better when Fergus goes back.” I said.

“Do you know when he intends to go back?” Claire asked me. I could tell she wasna lookin’ forward you sayin’ goodbye to Fergus, but she kent that’s where he belongs.

“As soon as I have a plan for myself. He didna want to leave before he kent I would be okay.”

“Alright. First thing tomorrow, you and I will sit down and make a plan. What you want to do with your life and such. If you decide you want to stay here in Scotland, I will need to see if I can find a job, but it shouldn’t be too difficult—“

“Wait, what? I canna ask ye to uproot yer whole life fae Boston to move over here. I mean, I appreciate any help and guidance ye can gi’ me, but I dinna expect ye to move back to Scotland just for me.”

Before we could discuss matters more, Fergus, Brianna and Roger came through the front door.

“And where the hell have you lot been all day? Fergus, your sister was worried about you.” Claire snapped at them when they came in to meet us.

Fergus felt terrible. He came straight over to me and pulled me in to a hug. “I’m sorry Faith, but I wanted to show Brianna and Roger the cave where Milord stayed. The house itself looks a mess, like Milday said, but the cave, Faith, it doesn’t look that much different. Maybe no one knew it was there?” He smiled before kissing my temple. “I’m sorry if you were worried, but I thought you would be okay with Milday, and I really wanted to show Brianna as much as possible.” He explained.

“It’s alright. I’m just glad yer okay.” I said with a smile. “Claire and I made some kind of pie thing for dinner. And potatoes.” Fergus’ face lit up at the mention of potatoes. “We just need to heat it up and dish it all out. I hope yer all hungry.”

“Oh thank you Jesus. I’m starved!” Brianna exclaimed dramatically. I couldn’t help but laugh. “What kinda pie is it?” She asked curiously.

“It’s quiche lorraine.” Claire said with a smile.

“Sounds wonderful.” Roger said as he pulled out a seat at the dining table for Brianna and pushed her in. I made a mental note to ask her if she and Roger were more than just good friends.


	7. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a couple of weeks in the twentieth century, Fergus goes back through the stones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys... thanks again for all the love and support for this fic.
> 
> I have went through this chapter before posting, but my brain isn’t functioning properly for some reason today, so there may be the odd spelling mistake or grammar error, but hey ho. These things happen anyway haha.
> 
> I hope you will enjoy. 
> 
> Kirsty X

It was another unusual warm summers day. Claire, Brianna and I had headed in to town to gather some bits and pieces for tonight’s dinner. It would be our last dinner wi’ Fergus since he was plannin’ on goin’ through the stones tonight. 

I was happy for him to get back home and assure Da that I was alright. I was still havin’ dreams of Da worryin’ about us both, so it made me feel a little better to ken that Fergus could be wi’ him again. At the same time though, I was dreadin’ havin’ to say goodbye to Fergus again. He has always been my biggest supporter and in some ways like my guardian angel. Always there watchin’ over me when I needed him. It would be strange to be apart, but as fascinating as Fergus was findin’ the “rock and roll” life of the 1960’s, he was definitely keen to return to Da.

The day had passed in a bit of a blur to be honest. 

When Claire, Brianna and I returned from town, Fergus was goin’ over the plans for me in this time for the millionth time. I understood why. He wanted to make sure if would be safe and well taken care of after he’d gone, but it was frustrating to have him bang on about everythin’ all over again. The more he wanted to discuss it, the more nervous I got. Not because I was havin’ second thoughts, but because I was worried things wouldn’t work out after listenin’ for the millionth time about how mad all this was. 

“Fergus, you don’t need to worry. The identification papers Roger managed to get from his friend are perfect. No one would ever know they aren’t real. He even managed to get her a national insurance number. No one will be able to question anything.” Claire reassured Fergus with a light squeeze on his shoulder. “I promise you sweetheart, I will take care of her.”

“I know, Milady. I-It was just Faith and I for such a long time. I know being here is what’s best for her, and I know she will be really happy here. But, I wouldn’t be doing my job properly as big brother if I didn’t make sure though. And Milord will need to know everything when I get home. I just want to make sure I don’t forget anything.” He respond dead with a sad smile.

“I know.” Claire whispered.

I knew it was hard for Claire too. Havin’ to say goodbye to Fergus again. I knew that if she could have her way, neither of us would go back. But she understood Fergus needed to be wi’ Da. 

Brianna and I overheard a conversation late the other night between Claire and Fergus. Claire had said that if it wasna for both Brianna and I wanting to stay here, she would have happily gone back to see Da, but she didna want to leave either of us here on our own. Especially me. We already lost so much time, she didna want to lose any more. She felt the same about Brianna. Even though they had technically been together all these years, it had only really been since the truth came out about Claire goin’ through the stones, and Da bein’ Brianna’s true father, that the two of them had started to bond. There was no longer this secret pullin’ them apart.

Fergus agreed she was doin’ the right thing, and I knew Brianna was pleased Claire had decided to stay, but we both still felt a pang of guilt that we were the reason that Claire and Da wouldna be reunited.

Fergus promised to tell Da all about Brianna and her studies at university in History. He also promised to let Da ken that Claire had truly believed him to be dead after Culloden. I think Da already kent that though. He did vow to her that he would die wi’ his men on the moor. 

Dinner had been a quiet affair. Claire had decided to cook “stacked cheeseburgers and dirty chips” for Fergus’ farewell meal. In the two weeks we had been here, this had been Fergus’ favourite meal that Brianna introduced him too. Claire did frown a little at how unhealthy it was, but she couldn’t help but smile when she saw Fergus tuckin’ in to the meal she had lovingly prepared just for him. He wolfed it down like he’d never been fed before. 

“That. Was. Ugh. I am so going to miss such delicious food when I return home. Milord won’t believe when I tell him what kinds of food I’ve been introduced to.

“You’re lucky if you can get a decent potato back home, right Faith?” Fergus was so excited after every meal in this time. It’s a shame that when he goes back, he will only get a fraction of the food he could eat here.

Claire had told me that when she came back through the stones pregnant wi’ Brianna, she was malnourished. Same as when Fergus and I arrived. It’s truly amazin’ how much difference there is in the space of two hundred years. What would be a full sized portion back home is about a third of the portion sizes we’ve been havin’ here. 

I still havena managed to eat much more than I’m really used to, but Fergus seemed to enjoy whatever was put down to him and always left a clean plate... and then finished off what I couldna eat. I worried how he would cope goin’ back to the way of livin’ in the past. Fergus is one of the most resilient people I ken though, so I’m sure he wilna have much trouble readjustin’.

“You seem awfully quiet, sweetheart.” Claire observed from across the table from me. I had noticed her watchin’ me much more closely than had been usual these past couple of weeks.

I gave a small shrug. “I’m always quiet. Well, mostly.”

“I know that darling, but it’s alright to be upset. You don’t have to try and hide your feelings from me. From any of us really, especially Fergus.” Claire reached her hand across the table to place comfortingly on mine, but I pulled away quickly.

“Sorry. Excuse me.” I said quietly as I quickly left the table.

I dinna ken why, but for some reason it was harder to say goodbye to Fergus now, than what it had been at the stones before we came here.

I ran through the house and exited through the front door to try and catch a breath in the fresh air. It was difficult though. 

I felt a hand suddenly on my back, gently moving up and down to try and calm and soothe me. Wi’out turnin’ round, I kent it was Fergus. He didna say anythin’ and either did I. I just turned myself around in his arm and cuddled in to him. He gently brought his other arm around me and held me tight as I started to quietly sob in to his neck. I could feel his own tears fallin’ down his cheeks too.

“It’s alright petite soeur. I know everything will be alright. I know you will be okay. You will have Milady, and Brianna. You will have a better chance of fulfilling your dreams of becoming a real healer here. Milord will be so proud of you, Faith. Just as I am. 

“I made both Milady and Brianna promise to take care of you. I want to ask you to take care of them too. I know it hasn’t been easy for you with Milday, but I promise you will get there in time. She loves you Faith.

“And you know, you can always come home, right?” Fergus was bein’ his usual gentle and loving self, and I couldna even answer him or look at him wi’out cryin’ my wee eyes out.

When it came time to take Fergus to the stones. Fergus wanted me to stay at the house. He said it would be too difficult to leave if I was there. I knew it would be difficult for both of us, but I insisted on bein’ there until the second he went through the stones. It took a good couple of hours, but he finally agreed.

Even though it was the middle of summer, it was pretty cold wi’ it bein’ late at night when we all ventured up the hill at Craigh na Dun. 

In the two weeks we had been here, Fergus and Roger struck up an unusual, but fond friendship. Roger and Fergus exchanged their goodbyes and then Roger went back to the car to give us some time wi’ Fergus on our own. 

“It was really wonderful to meet you Brianna. I can’t wait to tell Milord all about you. He will be so sad he never got the chance to meet you himself, but I promise he will know everything I know about you.” Fergus promised wi’ much enthusiasm. 

“You know I grew up an only child. I never dared dream that I would have any siblings, but now I have two. An older brother and an older sister. Even if there is two hundred years separating us Fergus, you will always be my brother, and I’m so happy I got the chance to meet you. Even if it was for such a brief time, I really enjoyed having you around these past couple of weeks.” Brianna and Fergus exchanged a hug. When they pulled apart, Bree reached in to her bag and pulled out some papers. “These aren’t the best, but since I didn’t have any photographs here in Scotland with me, I thought these would be the next best thing.” Fergus took the papers from Brianna and had a look. She had drawn Fergus and I. There was also drawings of Fergus and Claire, Claire and Brianna, Brianna on her own, and one of us all together. “They aren’t my best work, but I thought maybe you could show them to Jamie. Hopefully he will see how happy Faith could be here, and also... see me.”

I smiled at Fergus and he smiled at me before pulling Brianna in for another hug. “These are wonderful Brianna. Milord will love these, I’m sure of it.” Fergus smiled.

Brianna pulled back and looked at Fergus and I seriously for a second. “You know you guys can call me “Bree”, right? I only get Brianna when I’m in school, or when I do something to upset Mama.” She giggled.

Fergus and I gave each other a knowing look before Fergus burst in to a fit of laughter. I quickly glared at him warning him to stop, but he wouldn’t.

“What’s wrong? What did I say?” Brianna asked innocently. I waved her off and told her it was nothing, but she didna seem convinced.

Fergus took a couple of steps towards Claire and gave her a farewell hug as well. He started to whisper in her ear, but I wasna overly subtle about what he was sayin’, and I could hear every word.

“You know she’s a Fraser, stubborn as they come, but don’t push her too hard if she withdraws in to her self. That’s just who she is. She will open up about things as and when she’s ready to, you just need to be there for her when she’s ready to talk about things.”

“I know.” Was all Claire could say before she started letting the tears run freely down her cheeks. “I am going to miss you so much my darling.”

“I will miss you too, Milday.”

“I meant it... the day Jamie sent you back to Lallybroch, the day he sent me back through the stones... I love you like a son, Fergus. My own son. Twenty years apart hasn’t changed that, nor will being separated two hundred years in time. I will always love you, sweetheart.”

“I know, Milady. I love you too. And I really do wish I could stay, but someone needs to make sure Milord stays out of trouble.” Fergus laughed, making Claire smile a little too.

“Well that’s certainly a full time job. I doubt anything has changed in twenty years.” Claire chuckled as she wiped away her tears. “Fergus, make sure he knows that both Faith and Bree will always be safe with me. I will take good care of them.”

Fergus nodded before turning to me. The tears just uncontrollably ran down both our faces. Neither of us could speak as we clung to each other for dear life. Not that it mattered. After bein’ so close for so many years, we knew each other’s thoughts. There was no need for talkin’. Fergus planted a soft kiss to my temple and then my forehead before stepping back. 

“Oh, before I forget...” Claire rummaged in her own bag for somethin’. When she opened her hand for Fergus to take what was there, I saw it was some sort of stone. It looked like some kind of gem. “Both times I went through... I lost a stone. First time from my watch, the second from Jamie’s fathers ring. Faith told Bree you both lost stones too. I don’t know if it means anything, but just in case, I want you to take this. It’s just one I found in a shop in town, so it doesn’t really matter if it gets lost.” Claire explained as Fergus took it and placed it in his pocket. 

“Thank you, Milday.” Fergus said with a nod. Fergus walked over towards the stone, and before he pressed his hand towards it, he turned to Brianna. “Faith and I were calling you Brianna out of respect for you. Get Faith to tell you what a bree means in Gaelic.” Fergus chuckled as he looked over at me. “Je t’aime petite souer.”

I had no time to respond because Fergus just slammed his hand to the stone, and he was taken from us all as if he hadna been there at all.

“I love you too, brother.” I cried hysterically as Brianna took me in her arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter should be posted tomorrow at some point, and it’s from Jamie’s POV. Finally we will get to see the aftermath of what happened from his side. I canny wait for you all to read it.
> 
> Also, I want to thank everyone for being so understanding about me taking a wee break from writing for a while. Like I said... the majority of this story is already written, so I am able to continue to post chapters for this fic. I will also be posting chapters to Mo Ghràidh one a week since I have written a fair chunk of it as well.   
> But, thank you all so much for the support and sticking around. 
> 
> Kirsty X


	8. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How was Jamie feeling at the loss of his children? What did he do next? Will Fergus make it back to him before Jamie tried to get to them some how?

JPOV

Craigh na Dun 1766

“NOOOOOOO!

“FAITH! FERGUS!”

I ran straight towards the stone and touched it. Praying it would carry me to wherever it took my children.

It didna.

I sank down to my knees and sobbed into my hands as I tried to get my head around what actually happened. 

They were just there. And then... then Faith turned to touch the stone and Fergus reached forward to take her hand and then...

Damn it!

Is it no enough that I had to lose my wife. Now I’ve lost my children.

I kent fine we’ll Faith wouldna return. She’s a strong willed lass, just like her mother. Once she sets her mind on something, she fights for it. She wanted to go. She chose to go. She wilna come back. Not anytime soon anyway.

Now, Fergus on the other hand, there’s no real knowing of what will come of the lad. He’s always been there. By my side. Never one to stray too far away. He would want to come straight back. But, the love he has for my wee Faith. The protectiveness he feels towards her because it was him that was wi’ her all these years. Him that she confided in about everything. He wouldna just leave her in a strange place, in a strange time all on her own. He couldna.

I decided to wait back where we were set to camp. If there was a slither of a chance either of them would come back, I wanted to be close by.

When I woke in the morning, no that I got much sleep, there was no sign of either of the, around. 

I took another walk up the hill at Craigh na Dun to see if there was any sign that they may have returned to me, but there was nothing.

Now I had to decided what to do next. Should I stay another night or two? Wait and see if they return to me, or do I leave? If I was to leave though, where should I go? Continue on to Lallybroch, or return to Edinburgh? If they came back, where would they think to find me?

I was taken away from my thoughts of what to do next when I heard someone close by. 

“I dinna think she’ll be back. I don’t think he’ll return either.” I heard a woman comment from behind me. I froze for a second. There was somethin’ about the voice that was so... familiar.

I slowly turned myself round, and true enough... stood beside one of the stones was one Geillis Duncan. “What the bloody hell are you doin’ here? I thought—“

“Sorry lad... Dae I ken ye?” She asked me wi’ a confused expression across her face. She looked exactly the same as she did the last time I saw her. The day I rescued Claire from the witch trial. That was over twenty years ago. How did she look the same?

“Geillis?” I questioned slowly.

“Ye know, someone called that name out to me earlier.” She said casually. “Anyway, maybe ye could help me lad. I’m lookin’ for Castle Leoch. I’m a bit turned around for some reason and I really need to find my way to the MacKenzie lands.”

“Geillis, it’s me... Jamie. James Fraser.” I introduced myself slowly, but the lass had clearly no recollection of me. It was then I realised... “Ye came through the stones then? Last night, there was someone else here. It was you. You came through the stones last night. From 1968?”

“I dinna ken what yer talkin’ about laddie, but if ye could just point me in the way of Castle Leoch, I’ll be on my way.” The lass was clearly agitated, but it made no sense to me as to why she was here, now.

“Lass, ye and I met over twenty years ago, at Leoch. We... how are ye here now?” I could tell I shocked her. There was a flash of panic creepin’ across her face. 

“What year is it lad?”

“The year is seventeen hundred and sixty six.

“I dinna ken yer right name lass, but we all kent ye as Geillis. Ye were a good friend of my wife, Claire. I ken yer from the year nineteen hundred and sixty eight. I think there’s been some kinda mistake here though—“

“H-how dae ye... I mean, w-what makes ye say I’m from 1968?”

“Ye told my wife. Dinna worry lass, we didna tell a soul, yer wee secret was safe wi’ us, but if there has been a mistake and ye mean to go back further to when I ken ye fae... I better no say much else.”

“Th-thank ye lad.” She started to walk off in another direction. “I’ll see if I can get back later. I just need some time to myself.” She said softly as she walked. She turned back though, just for a second. “They will come back to ye. Apparently, They always do.”

I couldna get my head around the fact that Geillis Duncan was here, now. How on earth did that even happen?

I thought back to my first meetin’ of the lass. Did I already ken her? I didna think so. But, there was no use trying to figure out how them damned stones worked. None of it made any sense. 

I just hoped my children were safe and I prayed she was right. They would come back to me.

I decided I would travel on to Lallybroch. Fergus and Faith knew that’s where we were headed. I hoped they would assume I kept goin’ and come to find me there. If they came back. 

Before I left, I managed to find Geillis wandering around near the stones. I offered to stay wi’ her and make sure she made it back through the stones safely, as I knew that’s what Claire would want me to do, but she declined my offer and told me she would be fine. 

I still couldna get my head around how she was there, but she was. In the twenty three years since I last saw Geillis Duncan, she hadna changed a bit. It was... strange.

I continued on my journey to Lallybroch, and made it a few days later.

“Where the bloody hell have ye been brother?” Jenny demanded an answer as soon as she saw me come through the arch way.

“Tis’ a long story Janet. And I need to eat.” I answered as I walked past her and made my way in to the house. Jenny followed me in and I could feel her eyes burnin’ through the back of my head.

“Jamie! Finally. Where have ye’s been? We expected ye at least a couple of hours after the lad and I got home, no a couple of days.” Ian started as he poured me a glass of whisky.

“Speakin’ of, where are they?” Jenny asked. When I didna answer straight away, my sister came to stand right in front of me as I sat down. “Fergus? Faith? Where are they? Jamie, I’ll no ask ye again.” Jenny let out a sigh. “Jamie?!” She snapped

“As ye can see Janet, they’re no here. I dinna ken if they will be comin’, but I’ll stay a few days just to make sure.” I picked up the bottle of whisky and headed to my room. “I need some sleep.” I said as I walked off.

“Ye no gonna tell me where they are then? Yer no even gonna explain yerself about Young Ian?”

I quickly whipped my head back around. “Yer son turned up in Edinburgh unannounced. I brought him right back as soon as I was able, Janet. Dinna stand there and say I done wrong by ye two or yer lad. I told him he should be at home wi’ you’s.” I could tell my sister was itching for a fight, but I wasna in the mood. I had my own things goin’ on in my head. Things that neither her nor Ian would understand. This was something I had to deal wi’ on my own.

I spent the next week hauled up in my room. Tried my best to avoid Jenny and Ian as much as possible, but wi’ a stubborn sister like Jenny that demanded my presence at every meal time, it wasna that great a time for me. I missed Fergus and Faith. I hated not having any idea where or even when they could possibly be. 

There was only so long I could keep avoiding Jenny’s questions. Even Ian had some of his own. Obviously, he was there, as well as young Ian. They ken that both Fergus and Faith were on the road wi’ me and they were supposed to be at Lallybroch wi’ me.

I could feel my mood getting lower and lower wi’ every passing day. I would wake up in the middle of the night in tears just wi’ the worry of what my children must be going through. It got to the point where I just gave up on sleep. I had to find a way to get myself through them stones. I had to find a way to my children, or die tryin’.

It was two weeks to the day that I last saw Fergus and Faith on the top of Craigh na Dun. Before they both fell through them damned stones. 

I hadna managed to think of anything to help me succeed in my mission to find my children, until I remembered something. 

Both times I took Claire to the stones, she claimed she heard some sort of Buzzing sound. I never heard it. Not once. 

Faith said she heard the same buzzing from the stones, but Fergus never muttered a word about any kind of sound calling to him. 

Did he actually hear anything, or was it just the power of holding on to Faith that let him travel too?

Maybe I could travel wi’out hearing the callin’? 

Maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to find my bairns.

A few days later, I was getting all set to leave to make my way back to Craigh na Dun to try and make it through the stones. Jenny was still annoyed wi’ me cause I hadna explained Fergus and Faith’s absence, but I genuinely didna ken what to say to the wummin. There was a reason Claire and I hadna told Jenny about her own travels through the stones, so how could I expect her to believe the story to be true now and accept the fact that that’s where Fergus and Faith have gone. 

I was just about to go and saddle up my horse when I saw Fergus walkin’ through the arch way wi’ a horse of his own. There was no sign of Faith though.

“Thank Christ, lad. What the hell happened? Where’s Faith?” I asked. My voice was trembling at the thought I’d never see my daughter again.

“We should speak alone, Milord. I would urge you to tell Mistress Murray the truth if you haven’t done so already, but I should tell you about Faith first, and then you can tell her the whole story.”

I nodded and ushered Fergus to follow me as we went for a wee walk to get some privacy. Wi’ the amount of children and grandchildren my sister had, there wasna much privacy about the house.

“So... ye saw her then? Claire? That’s who Faith is stayin’ wi?” I asked Fergus after he told me about how they ended up in the year nineteen hundred and sixty eight. Claire was the first person they saw, along wi’ Brianna. Mine and Claire’s second daughter.

“Yes, Milord. She is... really well. She and Brianna live in Boston, over in the colonies. It will soon become known as the United States of America, according to Brianna. She’s studying history.”

“How was Faith, when ye left? Dae ye think she’ll be happy there? Will she ever return?” I kent I was throwing a lot of questions at the lad, but I needed to ken what was happenin’.

“She was fine, Milord. I wouldn’t have left her otherwise. The reason it took me a little while to return myself was because Faith was finding it difficult bonding with Milady.” I looked up at him in shock. I honestly thought if they ever had the chance to be reunited, they would as thick as thieves. “They are getting in better now. I think Faith was just a little overwhelmed. She had a lot of questions that only Milady could answer. 

“It was difficult for Faith growing up. She always felt like an outsider around here. Of course she knew Mistress Murray loved her, but it wasn’t the same as having her parents to love her. She didn’t have you or Milday in her life really. It’s had a lasting effect on her, but I’m more than sure Faith will be able to find her own path in life. Milday and Brianna are there to help her.”

“Ye didna want to stay yerself then lad? Must of been a verra interestin’ experience for ye.”

“It was, and I would have loved to stay, but my place is here, Milord. With you.” I couldna help but smile when he said that. I just wished that there was some way for me to have all my family around me. My wife, Fergus, and my daughters.

After filling me in on what Claire and Brianna have been up to these last twenty years, Fergus handed me some papers. Drawings apparently. Brianna did them. There was so many. Sketches, as Fergus said, of Fergus and Faith, Claire and Fergus. Claire and this other lass. Fergus told me it was Brianna, my daughter. She looked... so much like my mother. Fergus told me she was a-a tall lass, and had bright red copper hair, much like myself. Even though Faith had my hair... everything else about the lass was just her mother.

The last drawing, was a sketch of all four of them. Claire and all three of our children.

“Are you alright, Milord? I didn’t wish to upset you.” Fergus asked me as he gently lay a hand on my shoulder. I hadna realised my eyes had started to leek.

“I’m fine lad. Truly. I just... I wish I coulda been there too.”

“I know Milord. But, who knows? Faith may want to return home some time. And mow that Milday knows you are alive, she may well come back with her. Maybe even bring Brianna. I don’t wish to give you false hope, Milord, but it could be a possibility. In fact, had Faith wanted to come home with me, Milady would have came back as well. Now that Brianna knows the truth... she is very curious about you. I think she would have come too.”

There was something in Fergus’ words and his tone that gave me somethin’ I hadna had in a long time.

Hope.

Hope that some day, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day... my family would come back to me.

If there was even the smallest possibility, I had to make sure things were different. I didna want my daughter Faith comin’ back to the same old things that made her leave in the first place.

I had to sort things... as soon as possible. I had to make sure everythin’ was perfect just in case my family came home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the continued support on this story. I really appreciate it.
> 
> This isn’t the only chapter from Jamie’s POV, so don’t worry. There will be LOADS more of Jamie and Fergus to come.
> 
> I don’t want to give any spoilers away, but trust me. The Fraser’s are a family that are destined to be together. It’s just gonna take some time and some twists and turns along the way to make it a bit interesting haha.
> 
> I hope you will all like what’s to come.
> 
> Kirsty X


	9. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plans are made. Claire gets a new job offer. Brianna goes back to Boston, but Claire and Faith both join her a week later. Faith feels a lot of guilt about Claire leaving Brianna behind to stay with her in Scotland.

Over the next few weeks after Fergus had left to go back home to Da, everythin’ seemed to be happenin’ verra quickly.

Claire already had an “envelope” filled wi’ “identification documents” for me, but a few days after Fergus left, a friend of Roger’s appeared at the house with a “British passport” for me. Apparently it was important that I had a passport so that I had photo identification, and this was the only way I would be able to travel to America to see Brianna.

Two weeks after Fergus left, Claire, Roger and I said goodbye to Brianna at the airport as she was travelin’ back to Boston on her own. Apparently she had some things she needed to get back for before startin’ back at school in the Autumn. It was sad sayin’ goodbye, and I felt quite emotional, even though I knew I would be seein’ her in Boston myself the followin’ week.

The reason Claire and I were stayin in Scotland another week before headin’ to Boston was because Claire had heard of a job for a general surgeon in one of the hospitals in Edinburgh, and she decided to apply. She got word two days later that they were keen to meet her for an interview. Of course she went and they offered her the position on the spot. She informed them of havin’ some things to tie up over in Boston, but they were happy to give her a month before startin’ her new position.

Brianna and Roger were both thrilled for Claire, and so was I, but I couldn’t shake this feelin’ of guilt because of what she would be leavin’ behind in Boston.

Claire decided that it was extremely important we spent some time in Edinburgh before goin’ to Boston. She wanted to look at a couple of possible houses for us. We invited Roger along, but he kindly declined sayin’ he had things to sort out before he returned to work at Oxford.

I couldna believe the difference in Edinburgh between my time and this time. It was unbelievable. So much more busier than it was in the 1700’s and still busier than Inverness had been the past couple of weeks.

Claire had booked us in to a little Bed and Breakfast for two nights. It was nothin’ fancy. In fact, it actually reminded me of some of the places I had stayed in back in the eighteenth century. Strange.

I didna get a room to myself though. Claire decided on a family room where there was a double bed and a single bed. Of course Claire had the bigger bed, whilst I took the smaller one. It was nice and cosy, if a little cold with a draft coming from somewhere in the room, but it was only for a couple of nights.

We made our way through the city and taking in some of the sights, as well as Claire showing me where she would be working and explaining to me the ideal area she was thinkin’ for us to move to.

We viewed two houses and to me, they both seemed really good. They both had a roof. They both had plenty of space and two really big bedrooms. There were big bathrooms. One house had only a bath, whilst the other had a bath and a shower. The kitchens were... I just didna see any problems, but Claire... goodness. She was disappointed one of the houses didna have a big enough garden out the back. She was gonna be workin’ most of the time anyway, so why did she need a big garden? The other had some dampness comin’ in from one of the walls in the hallway. 

“Ye dae ken that I’ve stayed in places in MUCH worse conditions than these, aye?” I asked her. With us leaving for Boston real soon, we needed to ken we had somewhere to stay when we returned. To me there was nothin’ wrong wi’ either of these places. They were like castles compared to the Brothel and Taverns Da had me stay in sometimes.

“I know.” Claire whispered. “But you deserve better. We need something that feels like a home, these just... don’t.”

I thought back to what Da had said before I left. He said he couldna afford to get us a proper house because of the money he had to send back to Lallybroch and Balriggen. Was that why Claire was hesitant about these houses? Were they too expensive? I knew she had a home back in Boston, but she decided not to sell it because it was the house where Brianna had grew up. Claire wanted to hand the house over to Brianna instead. Maybe because she wasna sellin’ the house in Boston, she couldna afford one here in Edinburgh.

The money I brought through the stones wi’ me were no good here, but Claire had gone and “sold” them to a little shop in Inverness and they gave her some “real” money for them. Maybe it would be enough to help out a bit? Probably not much, but somethin’.

I didna want to embarrass Claire in front of the woman that was showin’ us the two houses we went to look at, so I waited until she and I were back in our room at the B&B eatin’ some dinner we picked up at a “chippy”. 

“What’s wrong sweetheart? You’ve been quiet since we got back.” Claire asked as she dropped her empty “chip paper” in the bin. “Are you feeling alright darling?” She asked as she reached out to rest her hand on my forehead.

“I’m fine, I just... I dinna understand why bye didna like either of the houses we looked at? They seemed fine to me. More than fine.

“Is it the money? Can ye no afford a second house here in Scotland because ye dinna want to see the house in Boston—“

“Darling, don’t worry, alright? I have enough money to get us a place over here. I’m a surgeon, it’s a well paid job you know? And anyway, when Frank died, he made sure that both Brianna and I would be well taken care of. Money isn’t an issue. I just think we could have a nicer house somewhere. Something will come up sweetheart, I promise.” Claire moved her hand to cup my cheek before leaning in to kiss my forehead. 

She had been touching me a bit more recently and I hadn’t been pullin’ away as much. Admittedly, I liked it when she would hold my hand, or lay her hand gently on my shoulder. It felt... nice.

Claire had also taken to kissing my forehead when she thought I was asleep. I wasna, but I never said anythin’. I liked that she would kiss me goodnight. It was somethin’ that Aunt Jenny used to do when I was a bairn, but stopped when I was around seven or eight. She still showed me affection, but it didna feel as good as when Claire did. 

Another thing Claire was doin’ was tellin’ me she loved me multiple times a day. It was really annoyin’ at first, but then I started to like hearin it. As much as Aunt Jenny would show me she loved me, it wasna really somethin’ that was said all that much back in the 1700’s. In a way, that was the reason I hadna told Claire I loved her back, but I also wasna ready to tell her that. 

“If ye need money, I can give ye what I have. I dinna really understand the money side of things yet, but it’s somethin’. I dinna like the fact yer basically payin’ for everythin’.” I told her. It was true, I felt guilty that I didna have a job yet and so Claire was the only one out of the two of us wi’ money.

“Keep your money sweetheart. We’ll get you set up with a bank account and you can put it in there and start to save. As for me paying for everything... you’re my daughter, Faith. I did the same for Brianna when she was growing up. In fact, I still pay for a lot of things Bree needs.”

The next day, Claire surprised me wi’ another house to look at. It was only a five minute walk from the hospital she would be workin’ in, and it really looked like it could be a beautiful home for us both.

It had three bedrooms, instead of two. That meant that Brianna would have her own room when she came to stay when she was on “break”. The rooms in the house were so much bigger than I would have imagined from the outside. 

When you walked in the door, there was two livin’ rooms. One on each side of the hallway. Why we needed two, I didna ken, but they looked really good. Further down the hallway was the stairs to the left and the biggest kitchen/dining area I had ever seen. There was also a little room under the stairs that had a toilet and a sink. I supposed that would be quite useful.

The main bathroom was at the top of the stairs. It was nothin’ special, but I was still impressed wi’ it. There was two bedrooms at the front of the house, one above each livin’ room. They were really big bedrooms. Claire stated that one would be mine, and the other would be Brianna’s. The smaller bedroom at the back of the house would be Claire’s. Since the house was situated on a busy road, she wanted the back bedroom so she wouldna be disturbed when she came off night shifts.

The house had a beautiful garden out the back. It was about the width of the house and it went quite far back. It was mainly grass, but Claire said that we could maybe dig up some borders and plant some flowers and even some herbs. We had only been in the garden five minutes and she already had all these plans of what we could do wi’ it. I had to admit, it made me feel really good to see her so happy. It was th first time at sae her lookin’ so well. Since I came, it was like we were both walkin’ on eggshells around one another. That’s how Brianna out it any way. But we were slowly but surely startin’ to get used to one another and becomin’ more comfortable in each other’s company. I still found it strange sometimes. Bein’ wi’ her. Gettin’ to ken her, but I was startin’ to really like it. I liked that all the decisions she was makin’ for our future, she was makin’ them wi’ me in mind. She included me in decisions... mostly. But it was easy to ken that all the decisions and choices she was makin’, was because of me. It made me feel really loved and wanted. I never thought I would ever feel like that around Claire, but I do.

“So, what do you think? Should we make an offer?” Claire asked me as we sat in a little café near the house drinkin’ some tea.

I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s up to you. It’s you that’s buyin’ the place. And to be honest, any place in this time seems to better than where I was stayin’ before.” Claire gave me a strange look, and I knew she wanted me to expand on where I had been stayin’ in Edinburgh wi’ Fergus and Da, but how dae ye tell yer Mam that ye lived in a brothel? I did a think she would be overly thrilled about that.

“Well, I really liked it and I think it has everything we need. Five minute walk from work, plenty of shops around if we need anything. I think we could be really happy here, but I need to know what you think. I don’t want to put in an offer and then learn that you aren’t happy. You have to live there too.”

“I really liked it.” I smiled. “I think ye should put in an offer as soon as ye can.” I told her.

Claire had went and put in an offer on the house soon after lunch. Apparently there was another family interested in the house, but before the end of the day, Claire got a phone call at the B&B to say that her offer was the highest and the one that was accepted.

To celebrate, Claire dragged me to the pub down the road from the B&B and we enjoyed a couple of drinks. In the few weeks I had been here, we didna really drink all that much together. I knew Claire had a taste for whisky. I wasna sure of that was because of her time wi’ Da, or if she already had a taste for whisky before she went to Scotland. 

Of course Claire had whisky, whilst I stuck to wine. Even though I’m half Scottish, and apparently both my parents have a taste for whisky, I can take it or leave it. I dinna mind the taste, but I need to be in the mood for it. People in my time tend to drink whisky like people in this time drink water.

“Bree isn’t overly keen on whisky either.” Claire commented wi’ a smile when I sipped away at my wine.

“She told me. I dinna mind whisky, I just dinna drink it all the time. I’d rather have wine. It was Brianna that introduced me to this.” I said pointin’ to the wine in front of me. It was a rosé and it was so deliciously sweet.

When it came time to go to the airport to travel over to a Boston to see Brianna and let Claire sort out her commitments over there, I started to worry. What if they could tell the passport wasna real? What if they took me away from Claire? How would I cope? For the first time, I started to doubt that I was doin’ the right thing in bein’ here.

Claire could tell I was gettin’ tense about things, so she took a firm hold of my hand the whole way through the the airport and only let go when she had to. 

Luckily, there was no issues wi’ the passport and no one could tell that I didna actually belong there. I was just startin’ to relax when I felt the plane start to move. Claire quickly took a hold of my hand again and and spoke soothingly to me as the plane lifted off to the sky. 

After a wee while, I felt a bit better and I looked out the window. I couldna see anythin’ but the clouds. I had never seen anythin’ like it before, and I kent if Da were here, he would be verra excited. Maybe no about the motion, but the view of the clouds. It was truly amazin’. Fergus would have loved this too. 

I must have fell asleep at some point during the flight, because I woke up to Claire quietly saying my name and pushing my hair back off my face. 

“Not long until we’re there sweetheart.” She smiled at me. “Do you want some more water? Something to eat?”

I sat up straight and smiled in return. “Water would be good, thank ye.”

When we got to the house. Claire and Brianna’s house, we hadna even got out of the “cab” and Brianna came runnin’ out the front door and pulled me from the car to give me a hug.

“Oh my god. You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.” She said excitedly.

“I missed ye too.” I told her truthfully.

Brianna helped us wi’ out bags and we both followed Claire inside. 

The house was even more beautiful than I imagined it would be. It was roughly the same kind of size as the house Claire had just bought in Edinburgh. It was laid out differently though, but it was just as big and looked wonderful. 

There was a guest room across from Claire’s room, but Brianna insisted air stay in her room wi’ her.

“It will be like the sleepovers we never got to have as children. It will be so much fun!” She gushed. I didna ken what a sleepover was, but if Brianna though it would be fun, then I’m sure it would be.

The three of us sat down to a lovely dinner that Brianna had kindly got delivered to the house. Brianna filled us in on her week she spent wi’ her friends and showed us some of the “school supplies” she bought for returning to University. Claire and I showed her some photographs of the new house and Brianna was really excited for us.

I could tell it was difficult for the both of them talkin’ about all this. It was makin’ things all the more real that there was gonna be an ocean between them both. 

“So, what do you have planned this weekend, Bree?” Claire asked as she dished us out some rhubarb pie.

“Well, I was planning on going to the beach tomorrow with some friends, but I thought Faith would be pretty jet lagged, so I talked them in to going on Sunday afternoon instead. It’s supposed to be even warmer on Sunday anyway, and it would give Faith and I some time to go shopping to get her a bikini.” Bree replied with excitement building in her eyes.

I was kinda shocked that Brianna wanted to include me in her plans wi’ her friends, but I was more concerned about what on earth a “bikini” was and why I would need one for the beach. “Wh-what’s a bikini?”


	10. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bree and Claire take Faith shopping for some beach wear. Will Faith go for the bikini or decide on something else? Faith enjoys a day at the beach with Bree and her friends, but comes to a decision, but she still has other things to think about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. So sorry, I thought I posted this chapter this morning, but I never. This chapter isn’t very special or interesting, BUT it leads us in to the next chapter that will have some other POV’s.
> 
> As always, thank you all so much for all the love and support on this fic. I hope you’ll love what’s to come... it’s gonna get very interesting.
> 
> Kirsty X
> 
> PS. Thanks for all the well wishes. I am beginning to feel a little bit better, it’s just gonna take some time for me to get my head round. I will be back to writing soon. That I know because my brain just won’t shut up with new chapter ideas for the other fics I wasn’t able to write too far ahead in. I just need to take a little more time to try and get myself motivated again haha. X

“Faith, Faith wake up. Come on. It’s lunch time. You slept all morning.” I heard Brianna laugh as she gently shook me awake.

“Wh-what? Why didn’t ye wake me a’fore?” I cried as I sat up quickly, embarrassed that I slept in so late in the day.

“Don’t worry. Mama isn’t even awake yet, I’m just going to wake her now. Lunch is almost ready.”

“I dinna normally sleep this late. Wh-why?”

“Jet lag.” Brianna said simply. As if I should ken what that means. “It happens when you travel a long time. You were on a flight for almost twelve hours, it’s has and effect on you. And then there’s the time difference on top of the journey.”

I nodded, thinkin’ I could kinda understand what she meant.

I got up, washed and dressed whilst Brianna went to wake Claire. By the time I got downstairs, Claire and Brianna were sat at the kitchen table drinking coffee. Claire was still in her “pyjamas”. 

“Morning darling. How did you sleep?” Claire asked me as I sat down across from her. Brianna poured me some tea.

“Verra well, thank ye. How about you?” I asked.

“Good. Really good actually. Travelling is really tiring. It can take a day or two, sometimes longer for your body to adjust. Don’t be too alarmed if you feel tired the next few days sweetheart, it’s normal.” 

We enjoyed a nice lunch of eggs and bacon prepared by Brianna. Brianna explained she was takin’ me shoppin’ for this bikini thing that I would need for the beach.

“Do you mind if I tagged along?” Claire asked sheepishly.

“Of course not Mama. I assumed you would come anyway. It would be good to spend the day together shopping the three of us. I mean, it was nice when we were shopping in Inverness, and as much as I do miss Fergus and his wide eye expressions to everything surrounding him, it will be good to spend some time just us girls, you know?”

Claire gave Brianna a smile and squeezed her hand. I started to get that pang of guilt in my chest again because it was down to me they would be breakin’ apart soon.

I got up from the table and started to clear away the dishes in to the sink so I could get them all washed. 

Claire came up beside me rested a hand on me left shoulder. “You don’t have to do that Faith. I’ll see to it when we come home.” 

“It’s fine. I dinna mind doin’ my bit to help.” Claire was gonna argue so I continued on before she could. “If I’m gonna stay, ye need to let me do things for myself. I canna have ye doin’ everythin’ for me. I can wash dishes ye ken?” I told her with a small chuckle hopin’ she wouldna be too offended. She gave me a small nod and a smile in return before she excused herself to go and get ready for our day out.

I was APPALLED.

“Eh, ye dinna expect me to wear...THAT?!” I cried when Brianna showed me a “bikini” she thought I would like in the verra first shop we went in to.

“What’s wrong with it? I think you would suit it nicely.” Brianna answered.

“I-it’s... it’s nowt better than the bloody underwear ye made me get back in Inverness.” I hissed at her through my gritted teeth.

“Oh come on... everyone wears them. Don’t worry, I’ll be wearing one too. So will all my girlfriends.”

“Ye expect me to parade around a beach with you and yer pals dressed in... THAT?!” I could see Claire standin’ over in the corner shaken from laughin’ at us. “Claire, she canna be serious?” I asked.

Claire came over and took the bikini from Brianna and put it back on the rack. “Bree, you have to remember that Faith isn’t used to all this. Maybe you could find her a one piece? There should be some nice ones around.”

Brianna nodded and accepted what Claire had said. I didna ken what “one piece” was, but figured anythin’ was better than the horrific thing Brianna was plannin’ on dressing me in before.

Turns out , there were a few girls around mine and Brianna’s age our shoppin’ for bikinis. No one was goin’ for the one piece outfits Claire had suggested. It was more older women choosing them. 

Brianna assured me that I could chose whatever I wanted. But I didna want to be the only young person on the beach dressed like a Mam or a Granny.

So, I did somethin’ I never thought I would. I picked up the Blue and White dotted bikini that Brianna had shown me earlier. 

“Really? You’re going for the bikini? That’s brilliant Faith. You are gonna look so good, I promise.” Brianna was so excited, I couldna help but smile.

“It’s just a good job Da will never ken. He wouldna be happy to see either of us dressed in these. If ye can call it dressed.”

Brianna and I met Claire outside the shop. She left us to it after a while so she could pick up some things from the “pharmacy”.

Claire and I were both feelin’ a little worm out after a few shops, so we decided to go back to the house.

Brianna out on a little “fashion show” so Claire could see what all she bought. Brianna wanted me to join in too, but it didna really seem like my kinda thing. I was enjoyin’ seein’ Brianna so happy though.

“So, what did you get today then? I promise you can just show me, or tell me. You don’t have to put on a show like your sister.” Claire chuckled as Brianna went back upstairs to put her new things away.

“Um, no a lot. I got new “sweater” for tomorrow in case I got cold. It kinda matches the bikini. Same shade of blue.” I said.

Claire looked shocked. I’d never seen her eyes go so wide before. “You-you bought a bikini? Sweetheart, you didn’t need to get a bikini just because that’s what Bree would be wearing. I told you, get something you felt comfortable in.”

“It’s fine. Most of the lassies our age were choosing the bikini’s over the thing you suggested. It’s fine. I dinna think I’ll be in the water anyway, and my sweater will cover me just fine. Dinna fash. I’m just glad Da isna here to see it. He would be so angry if he kent me and Brianna were goin’ around in front of other people dressed like that.” I smiled.

“Well, your father could be quite the forward thinking man for his time. One of the many reasons why I loved him so much.” I smiled at that. Speakin’ about Da wasna somethin’ we had done a lot of recently. It was mainly in the beginning, and it was more Fergus and Claire tellin’ Brianna about him, or Fergus tellin’ Claire and Brianna about him in the time after Culloden.

The rest of the evening was kinda quiet. Brianna and Claire introduced me to some of the music they liked. Claire liked something she called “jazz” and Brianna was more interested in the current music. Both kinds sounded good, but I had to admit I did like the sound of the jazz music a little more. Although, there was one song in particular I liked from Brianna’s selection. It was from a band called “The Beatles”. I think it was called somethin’ like “Twist and Shout”. Brianna started dancing and dragged me up to join her. Claire sat and watched us from her seat on the sofa and laughed along with us. It was one of the best nights I had since coming through the stones.

I still missed Da and everyone back home, but I was startin’ to feel just at home here wi’ Claire and Brianna. It was definitely the right thing for me to do, comin’ here. 

I just hoped I wouldna regret my choice any time soon. So many people’s lives have been affected by me doin’ this. I didna want to change their lives any more than I had already done. It wouldna be fair.

When I went to bed that night, I went a little earlier than Brianna. I had always been one to go to bed early, and I was realising that my little sister was the complete opposite. 

I had been in bed for about half an hour, readin’ one of Claire’s medical books she let me borrow, when I could here Claire climb the stairs to go to her own bed. I put the light out at my bedside and cuddled in to get some much needed sleep. 

I didna even hear the door open, or Claire approaching, but she bent down and kissed my forehead like she did every other night. “Goodnight my darling. I love you.” She kissed my forehead again and then left, closing the door quietly behind her. I couldna help but smile at the love I felt from her.

I woke up just before six. I decided to just get up and get myself ready for the day, even though it was verra likely I wouldna see Claire or Brianna for a good few hours yet. To my surprise though, Claire was already up and out of bed. As I passed her bedroom, her door was open, but she was no where to be seen. Her bed had been made. It was almost like she hadna slept in it at all.

When I got downstairs, I found her layin’ on the couch.

There was an empty bottle of whisky sitting on the coffee table in front of her. 

She looked peaceful, but at the same time, I didna think she would be verra comfortable layin’ like that.

I carefully sat down on the couch next to her and gently shook her shoulder to try and wake her. “Claire. Claire, wake up.” It took a few tries, but eventually she did wake.

“Are ye alright? Yer bed didna look slept in and I found ye down here like this. Are ye alright?”

“I’m fine. Just... couldn’t sleep for some reason. I came downstairs to read a little, I must have fallen asleep at some point.” She smiles weakly at me. 

“Well, it’s still early if ye want to go to bed. I just didna want ye to hurt yerself.” I explained to her as I helped her to sit up.

“Thank you Faith. That’s very sweet of you, but I’m up now. What time is it anyway? Is Bree awake yet?” She asked as she stretched her arms out.

“It’s half past six... I think. Around that time anyway. Brianna is still asleep. She probably won’t be up for at least another couple of hours. Can I make ye a coffee or a tea?”

“Coffee would be wonderful. Thank you darling.” 

The beach was so much fun. All of Brianna’s friends were really nice, but it was awkward to explain that we were sisters. I felt it was awkward, but apparently Brianna was completely fine wi’ it all. 

She told her friends that Claire and our father had me, but then when Claire was pregnant wi’ Brianna, they decided to separate. Not entirely a lie, but not exactly the truth, but Brianna couldna exactly tell her friends that Da was about to fight in the Battle of Culloden, so he sent Claire back through the time travelling stones at Craigh na Dun, could she? They all found it a bit strange that Brianna hadna mentioned me before, but she insisted that it was just easier for her. She told them we didna see each other too often wi’ me bein’ back in Scotland wi’ Da, and Brianna growin’ up in Boston wi’ Claire and Frank.

It took a bit of time a’fore they stopped askin’ us both questions, but they seemed to be happy for Brianna and we all had a really fun time together. One of Brianna’s friends took some photographs of us all. She was in College learning all about photography. It sounded really interesting, even if I hadna a clue what all she was talkin’ about.

I could see why Brianna loved growin’ up here in America and why she wasna too keen to leave. I just wish I wasna the reason Claire was leavin’ her here. I mean, Brianna wasna even twenty years old yet. I ken folks back in my time can be married wi’ bairns at her age, but things seemed to be different in this time. I couldna imagine Brianna settling down wi’ a man and havin’ any bairns any time soon. Of course she had her friends, but it wouldna be the same. She already lost the only father she ever kent, and now she was losing her mother too.

On the way back from the beach, I decided I needed to speak wi’ Claire a’fore she quit her job at the hospital here in Boston. 

She was right not to come back for me after her husband died. I could see the pain and the hurt in Brianna still. How would she be able to cope wi’ her Mam thousands of miles across an ocean. 

Claire needed to stay here wi’ Brianna.

The question was, could I see myself livin’ in Boston, or would it be better to go home to my time? Back to Fergus and Da.


	11. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire’s POV

Claire’s POV

She was damaged.

My always smiley and happily cheerful baby girl was now a damaged young woman, and it’s all down to the decisions and choices her father and I made twenty years ago. 

She was damaged by the decisions I continued to make over the last twenty years after Jamie sent me back through the stones.

I always imagined my little Faith to grow up similar to how Bree is.

Strong and stubborn. Talkative and bright.

And whilst I could see many of the familiar Fraser traits shine through in her, my daughter was very quiet and quite vulnerable. She was quite a reserved young woman, especially when it came to me.

Don’t get me wrong, I seen a glimpse in to her stubbornness a time or two since she’s been with me, her feisty side, but there’s just something so unbelievably sad about her. And that was entirely down to Jamie and I.

These past few weeks she’s been here with me have definitely been a trying time. For both of us. 

I have all this love for her that I want to shower her with, but she isn’t ready and she is very good at pulling back whenever I try to get close to her. 

I love the bond she quickly formed with Brianna. I know for sure that if it wasn’t for Bree, Faith would have left and disappeared when we were back in Inverness. Truth is, I couldn’t blame her, but I was glad she stuck around.

When Bree came back to Boston, it was just Faith and I on our own. I was worried about how she would be with me, but to my surprise, she stopped pulling away from me so much. Don’t get me wrong, we have a long way to go before our relationship can be mended, but I pray that Faith is beginning to warm up to me.

Since I had all this love to give to my eldest daughter, I started sneaking in to her room in Inverness when she was asleep, just to silently watch her and quietly tell her how much I loved her. I always kissed either her temple or forehead before I left her room. It devastated me that I could only really show how much love I had for my daughter when she was asleep, but I just knew that if I was to push things with her too quickly, she would leave. Fergus warned me of that on more than one occasion. Apparently my daughter has a tendency to just up and disappear without telling anyone. He informed me that from the age of fifteen, right up until Jamie went home to Lallybroch a couple of years ago, he had been sent out to find Faith at least seven times when she would disappear in the middle of the night. 

Apparently things settled down with Jamie’s return and she was more than happy to go with her father to start a life together with Fergus in Edinburgh. Well, until she decided she couldn’t have the life she wanted there, so she decided to travel through the stones on a whim. I can only praise the lord that Bree and I were on top of the hill at Craigh na Dun that night when Faith and Fergus came through. I dread to think what could have happened to them if it wasn’t Bree and I that found them. 

I just had to believe that it was fate. It was too big to just be a coincidence.

I gave Faith some time when she said she was retiring to bed last night. I went up a while later, but I wasn’t too sure if she was asleep or not. When I got to just outside her room though, I could see from under the door that the light was switched off. I tapped on the door lightly, but there was no answer, so I let myself in. Bree was still downstairs, not quite ready for bed herself yet.

I crept over to the bed slowly. She was wrapped up tight underneath the duvet. She looked so peaceful. It wasn’t overly dark as it was still relatively early, so I could see her perfectly. 

As I bent down to kiss her forehead, I realised she wasn’t actually asleep, but she didn’t flinch or pull away. So, I did what I usually did when I checked in on her at night. 

“Goodnight, my darling. I love you.” I said quietly before kissing her forehead again and leaving her to her rest, closing the door quietly behind me. 

She was awake. And she didn’t pull away from me. In my eyes, that was a win. I still knew we had a long way to go, but to me, we were heading in the right direction.

When I went back downstairs, Bree and I got talking. I was so happy that my relationship with Bree was growing stronger too. Growing up, I wasn’t really there as much as I should have been, between medical school and then working as a surgeon. Something that Frank pointed out to me on more than one occasion. 

But, since I told her the truth about Jamie and how he was her real father, it was like a weight was lifted off of me. Of course she didn’t believe me when I told her about the stones, but when she saw for herself what they could actually do, she had no choice but to believe me. 

I feared she would hate me for not being honest sooner. For hiding something so big from her her whole life, but she somehow accepted it. I think that was mostly down to the unexpected arrival of Fergus and Faith, though. They were able to fill her in on what Jamie was like now. Well, how he was before they left anyway. I could tell she was genuinely interested in knowing about Jamie, and that made me so happy.

When Faith went to bed early, like she did most nights, Bree would ask me to tell her stories about Jamie and I when we were together. We both knew it was difficult for Faith, so I think that’s why Bree would ask when her sister was asleep. It was nice to finally be able to be honest and open with Bree. Something Frank and I had denied her all these years.

When Bree went up to bed, I didn’t follow her. Instead, I poured myself some whisky and thought about my family. My husband and my son back in 1766, and me and the girls here in 1968. Some how, I ended up finishing the bottle.

It was emotional talking about Jamie with Bree after not being able to utter his name for two decades. But the fact I was here in 1968 with both of our daughters was both a blessing and a curse. It was a blessing to finally have my two daughters with me together, but they both needed and wanted different things out of life. It was a curse because even though I had both my daughters here with me, our family was still torn apart.

I couldn’t help but wish that our family could all be reunited properly. Either here in the twentieth century with Jamie and Fergus, or the three of us go back to the eighteenth century, but that was never going to happen. Both my daughters wanted to be here in this time, and judging by how easily Faith was starting to settle in to this new time, I couldn’t blame her. This was also the only life Bree had ever known. There were so much more opportunities for her here, another reason why Faith was desperate to stay in this time. She wants to build a life for herself and she can’t do that the way she would like back in the 1700’s.

It just made me so sad and confused that I now knew that Jamie survived Culloden, and as much as my heart ached to return to husband, I couldn’t just leave our daughters behind. I was only just starting to re build my relationship with both of them, I couldn’t leave them now.

I felt someone shake me gently, and as I started to waken, I could hear Faith asking me to wake up. 

She found me asleep on the couch and she was worried I would hurt myself, so she thought it was best to wake me. It was pretty early in the morning, but I didn’t mind. It meant I got to spend some quality time with her whilst Bree was still asleep upstairs.

Faith did suggest I go to bed and sleep a little longer, but I was quite happy just to be with her, whether she was in the mood to talk or not. I just wanted to be with her.

Faith made us both some coffee. It wasn’t the best coffee I’ve ever tasted, but I’ve certainly had worse. She just needs some more practice, and I’m sure she’ll get the hang of it eventually. 

Her cooking skills on the other hand were so much better than my own. Not that I was a terrible cook, but my food wasn’t always the best. Still, no one really complained. 

It was clear that Jenny had taught my daughter well and Faith had no issues in learning how to use the stove in the twentieth century. In fact, no one would ever think that she wasn’t actually from this time. She just seemed to fit in with ease, like she was always meant to be here. That made me happy, but it also made me sad at the same time. Sad for all the years we missed together. Sad that I couldn’t have brought her through the stones with me. She would have been separated from Jamie like myself and Bree, but she would of at least had one parent. Maybe if I could have brought her with me, she would be a more open and happy young woman.

Whilst the girls were enjoying some sister time at the beach with some of Bree’s friends, I took the time to sit down and pen my resignation letter for the hospital. It wasn’t easy. I loved my job and I loved the people I worked with. It would be hard to say goodbye. Especially to Joe, but I had to do this for Faith. I needed to be where she was. I had to help her in any way I could.

It was me that decided on Edinburgh. I heard about the job vacancy and I just applied straight away. I didn’t even think twice about it. 

It was clear that Faith had no intention of following Bree and I back to Boston, somI asked Bree how she would feel about moving to Scotland instead. She declined of course. He whole life was here in Boston. Her friends. School. She told me to go for it though. She promised me that she would be fine in Boston on her own. She was a young woman now, and she could take care of herself. 

I was a little hesitant at leaving her in Boston alone, but she assured me she would call and write all the time, and when she was on break from school, she would come over and visit Faith and I.

I decided on Edinburgh because that’s where Faith had recently been living. Although that was technically two hundred years ago, I thought it would be better to be somewhere that she could vaguely recognise. Of course Edinburgh today is completely different to Edinburgh of 1766, but she didn’t say no.

I could tell Faith felt guilty about me moving across the Atlantic and leaving Bree behind in Boston, but both Bree and I had tried to assure her that it was all good. We would still be able to talk and see each other, just not every day.

I thought Faith was slowly coming around to the idea of Bree staying in Boston whilst she and I were in Edinburgh, but clearly I was wrong. 

When Bree and Faith came home from the beach, Bree excitedly filled me in on how their day had been. Apparently everyone loved Faith and Faith had gotten along famously with Bree’s friends. 

Faith had stayed pretty quiet though, which wasn’t unusual, but I could tell something was wrong. 

When a Bree went up to shower before dinner, it gave Faith and I a chance to talk.

“Is everything alright darling? Did you not enjoy yourself at the beach?” I asked her as we both sat down next to one another on the couch in the living room.

“It was really good. Bree’s friends were really nice. I can see why she wouldna want to leave.” Faith spoke barely louder than a whisper. I could see her eyes start to fill with tears. I did t want to scare her or push her away by trying to make contact with her, but I couldn’t just sit there as she got upset. I reached my hand around her shoulders to pull her towards me.

“Tell me what’s wrong sweetheart.” I whispered into her beautiful red locks.

“I-I think ye should stay here wi’ Brianna. It isna right that she should be here alone.”

Before I could answer, Bree appeared behind us. “Oh my god, do you want to move to Boston? Oh my god Faith, this is amazing!” She exclaimed with much too excitement.

“No. I’m goin’ back to Scotland. Myself. I dinna ken if I’ll be able to build a life for myself or no, but I want to try. Maybe Fiona can help me—“

I cut her off to try and explain that I wasn’t going to allow her to go and live in Scotland all on her own. There was a difference between her and Bree... this was Bree’s time, it wasn’t Faith’s. There was a lot she would need to adjust to and I couldn’t have her go through that alone. “Faith, sweetheart—“

“If I dinna like it, then I’ll return to Da.”

My heart shattered in to a million pieces. As Bree rounded the couch to stand in front of us, I could see she was as heartbroken as me.

“But... I am old enough to take care of myself. I love Mama, but I don’t need her, not like I did when I was little.” Bree crouched down in front of Faith and rested her hands on her older sisters knees. “Mama has a job in Edinburgh. You two can build a life there together, and I will still be able to talk with you both, and I promise to come visit, like you guys can come visit me.”

“Faith, I don't want to leave Bree behind. Like I didn’t want to leave you and Fergus behind, but this situation is completely different. There was no way for me to communicate with you or Fergus after I came through the stones. You and I will only be across an ocean from Bree. I know it isn’t ideal, but you both want and need different things. I’m not choosing you over your sister Faith, I’m choosing to try and help my daughter find herself in this foreign land. It won’t be easy being apart from Bree like this, I’ll admit it, but it wasn’t easy for me to be apart from you either, and now I have you back in my life, I would do anything to make sure you stay in my life. Even if that means moving to Edinburgh.”

“But I canna ask ye to just up and leave yer whole life behind. That isna fair. And besides, if Brianna is old enough to stay behind in Boston herself, why can I no be in Scotland myself? I am older than her ye ken?” Faith argued stubbornly. Fraser attitude coming out in full force all of a sudden.

“Because this is the life Bree grew up in. You didn’t. Things are... different here. You need someone with you. To help you.” I explained.

“That’s why I mentioned Fiona. She can help me and you dinna have to leave Brianna.”

“No. The only way I would stay here in Boston, is if you stayed too. If you don’t want to, I can’t force you, but I will be damned if you take off for Scotland on your own, Faith. I am your mother, whether you like it or not, and that means that wherever you go, then I go!” I said quite forcefully, earning me a subtle head shake from my youngest, and Faith glaring at me as if she was trying to burn a hole through me.

“Ye left me a’fore. Shouldna be too hard to do it again.” Faith huffed as she retreated further and further away from me until she was sat at the opposite end of the couch.

“Boston, Scotland, I really don’t care, Faith. You decide what you want and let me know. But I’ll be damned if you walk out of my life.” And with that, I stood up and made my way up to my bedroom.

As soon as I closed the door, I collapsed to the floor in a heap and just sobbed.

How the hell could I get Faith to see that she’s just as important to me as her sister?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys... thank you so much for the continued support for this fic. It means a lot. 
> 
> There is a LOT more drama to come, as well as some sweet and funny moments that I hope you will enjoy. Some other POV’s in the next few chapters too.
> 
> You know I don’t like to give too much away but... let’s just say C&J WILL be reunited at some point, but I won’t say when. And I won’t say whether either of their daughters join them... sorry haha. Need to keep some mystery.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you will all enjoy what’s to come.
> 
> Kirsty X


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bree has a heart to heart with her sister. Faith makes dinner before deciding a walk would be a good idea to clear her head. Will she and Claire be alright?

Bree’s POV

I could kind of understand Faith’s frustrations. I mean, she grew up her whole life without a mother. Without our mother. And now, at twenty two years old, she was here in 1968 and in the company of the mother who she felt abandoned by when she was only a baby.

I knew Mama was trying her best to be both supportive of Faith, but also try and give her the space she so clearly wanted sometimes from her. It was hard for Mama. Anyone could see that. But, I really thought they were turning a corner. Faith wasn’t keeping so much distance between her and Mama anymore, and I knew that Mama appreciated that. But out of nowhere, Faith decided she wanted to go back to Scotland alone. She didn’t want Mama to go with her, she wanted her to stay here with me.

I could get the frustration of Faith thinking that Mama was treating me as the older sibling, but it wasn’t like that. As Mama explained to Faith, this place in time was all new to her. I grew up here. I knew how my life was meant to be. At least, I thought I did.

Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to follow in Daddy’s footsteps and become a Historian. I think that was because I spent a lot of time with daddy, whether that be at home in his office, or visiting him at the university.

I genuinely had a keen interest in History, but after finding out that daddy wasn’t my real father, it really knocked me for six.

When Mama told me that this scotsman named James Fraser was actually my biological father, I felt betrayed. She told me that it was daddy who said I was never to find out the truth, and that made me even more hurt. Daddy was gone, I couldn’t ask him for his side of the story, I only had Mama’s.

I reluctantly agreed to listen to her when she wanted to open up to me about this James Fraser, but when she started going on and on about some magical stones that transported her through time, I couldn’t get my head around it. I genuinely thought she was having some kind of breakdown. It made absolutely no sense to me.

But then I saw it. I saw what the stones on top of Craigh na Dun could do. I actually saw Gillian Edgars go through one of the stones. 

It was... unbelievable, but I couldn’t deny my mothers story, not with what I had just witnessed.

Then we found Fergus and Faith. My older brother and sister who had travelled to 1968 from 1766. It was just... incredible.

The time we spent in Inverness together was amazing. Fergus told me a lot about this Jamie Fraser guy who was father to each of us in some way or another. Fergus wasn’t biologically his, but he was a son to Jamie all the same. Faith and I were both biologically Jamie’s, but he didn’t really get the chance to raise either of us. Well, he was around Faith when she was younger, but it wasn’t the typical father daughter relationship. The man lived in a freaking cave. And he’d never even laid eyes on me. The more I heard about the guy, the more intrigued I was and the more I felt sorry for him. He had three children and didn’t get to be a proper father to any of them. And when he was finally free to build a relationship with both Fergus and Faith, Faith decided she wanted to start a new life in another time. The man must of been heartbroken. 

Faith didn’t have any kind of concrete plan considering she was from the 1700’s and the twentieth century was completely different to what she was used to. It was clear she wanted to build some kind of home in Scotland somewhere and build a career in the medical profession, like Mama, but she wasn’t entirely sure what to do or how to go about it.

Mama and I had a long chat about things whilst we were in Inverness, and as much as she wasn’t overly keen on the idea of leaving me in Boston, I assured her I would be okay. It was important that she be there for Faith and help her find her way. Mama eventually agreed and decided that Edinburgh would be the perfect place for the two of them to start building a new life together. 

Of course it would be difficult to be apart from Mama, especially since Daddy gone and she and I were just starting to repair our own relationship, but I was pretty settled in my life in Boston, so I was positive everyone would be happy.

But, boy... was I wrong.

Mama was worried about leaving me, that was clear. She also worried that it would be too late to build a relationship with Faith. Faith was stubborn, just like me and Mama could be. She had this fiery attitude that would come out of nowhere now and then. Mama said that I was the same and it came from the Fraser side of the family. Where I could be quite fiery in my every day life, my sister was extremely quiet and I swear, sometimes you would think she wouldn’t say “boo” to goose. And then, out of no where... BANG! She just lashes out. Always at Mama. 

This was the worst I had seen them.

Faith decided she wanted to go back to Scotland alone, and if she couldn’t find what she was looking for, she was going to go back home to her own time. To Jamie, our father.

I could see Mama’s heart shatter in to a million pieces. I was just about to get up and give her a hug, but then Mama kind of lost it. Told Faith that she was her mother whether she liked it or not, and said that wherever Faith chose to go, Mama would be there with her.

I could see Faith didn’t take to kindly to the way Mama spoke to her. I think the fact Mama called herself Faith’s mother had a lot to do with Faith’s death glare at Mama. As far as Faith was concerned both our parents abandoned her. Of course it was going to take time for her to get used to Mama.

Next thing I knew, Mama got the last words in with Faith and then left us both stunned in the living room as she made her way upstairs.

“You know that she’s just trying her best to do the right thing for everyone, Faith?” I got up from the floor and sat down on the couch next to my sister who had finally let the tears fall that she had been keeping in, not just today, but since she arrived.

“Ye dinna get it Brianna. I ken what it’s like to live wi’out a Mam. I canna just take yours away fae ye like that.” Faith sobbed as she turned away from me.

I reached my hand up and rubbed gently up and down her back trying to soothe her. “I can understand that, I do, but she’s your mother too. You were both robbed of each other for so long, but now she finally has the chance to try and make things right. 

“She knows it won’t be easy, but she loves you, Faith. She would do anything for you. Including moving back to Scotland because she knows that’s where your heart is.

“Me and Mama, it hasn’t always been plain sailing us either, but finally we are in a really good place, which is why I know that her moving to Scotland with you is a good thing. She needs the chance to make things right with you now. You just need to give her that chance.”

“A child should never be separated from their parents.” Was all she mumbled before accepting a handkerchief from me to dry her eyes.

“And I completely agree. But I’m not a child anymore. Either are you, but I got to grow up with Mama, you didn’t. This is finally your chance to build something together. You really wanna throw that away? It would break Mama’s heart if you did.”

Faith turned to face me and smiled softly at me. But only for a second. She scooted a little closer to me before resting her head on my shoulder. “What if she came wi’ me and realised she made a mistake? She would have left her job, her home and you behind for no reason. I canna let that happen.”

“This wasn’t just Mama’s choice. It was mine too. And like Mama said, it isn’t like she’s picked one of us over the other, it’s just time she finally got the chance to be the mother you always deserved. But I think that your real fear is that she’ll leave you again. I promise you she won’t. She didn’t even want to leave you the first time, Faith. Jamie didn’t give her much of an option. The British army didn’t give her much of an option. She was trying to protect you, keep you safe.”

“Doesna make it hurt any less. As far as I was concerned my whole life, my ma left me. My da... was no better. Hiding in a cave for years before basically offering himself over to prison. 

“And I ken ye say she wilna leave again, but she left me twenty years ago, and now she’s doin’ the same thing to you.”

“It isn’t the same thing, Faith. Far from it. I think you need to be more open with Mama, tell her your fears. She will understand, I promise you. She just wants to be your Mom. Please, just give her a chance.” I kissed the top of my sisters head and then got up to go and check on Mama. 

When I got upstairs and let myself in to her bedroom. I found her laying on her side on top of her bed just staring at the wall. It was clear she had been crying, her face was soaked and stained with tears.

I didn’t know what to say to her. The words had to come from Faith. This had to be sorted between the two of them. 

Mama was the strongest woman I had ever known, and to see her this upset... it was new. 

Different. 

Heartbreaking.

She wasn’t even this upset when Daddy died in the car accident.

I climbed on to the bed behind her and rested my hand on her shoulder.

“Things will work out Mama, I promise.”

Faith’s POV

Brianna was right. I did need to speak to Claire. 

Of course she was tryin’, and here I was just throwin’ my insecurities back in her face like it was all her fault. 

It wasna. It was just... one of them things. It was time I tried to put the past behind me and move on, but it was hard. 

What if Claire and I couldna fix things and she ended up resenting me for her bein’ apart from Brianna. I dinna think I could cope wi’ that. 

Whilst Brianna went upstairs to check on Claire, I went to sort out some things for dinner. I noticed Claire had left out some meat. It looked like beef.

I decided to make some beef stew. I chopped up some carrots, potatoes, mushrooms and an onion and tossed them in to a “casserole dish” I think I heard a Fiona call it once. I also added in some peas because, even thought I wasna too keen on them, Brianna and Claire seemed to enjoy them back in Inverness.

I cut up the beef meat in to chunks and tossed them in to the dish as well along with some beef stock and some salt and pepper. I put the dish in the oven and since a I knew it wouldna be ready for another hour and a half or so, I decided that it would be the perfect time to head out for a wee walk to get my head cleared before dinner.

I set the table for the three of us and made sure there was plenty water in the refrigerator. Claire would probably take coffee, but Brianna and I normally drank water, sometimes milk.

I didna want to just leave wi’out lettin’ them ken, especially wi’ dinner in the oven, but it was difficult to get up the nerve to walk upstairs and face Claire.

I got there eventually though.

I knocked lightly on Claire’s bedroom door, kennin’ fine that’s where Brianna had gone, but I was still surprised when Claire opened the door to me. Her eyes were all red and puffy. A clear sign she had been cryin’. I got that stabbing pain of guilt again. 

“Dinners in the oven. Be ready in about an hour or so. Table is set, but if ye could just keep an eye on the dinner, I’d be verra grateful to ye.” I couldna look the woman in the eye because I felt so horrible about what happened earlier, but I didna ken how to make things right. No yet anyway.

Claire noticed I had my shoes on for goin’ outside and a thicker cardigan pulled around my shoulders. “Wh-where are you going?” She said, barely louder than a whisper.

“I need to clear my head, so I thought I’d go for a wee walk. I’ll be back soon. Mind dinner, aye?” Before Claire could answer, I turned around and headed to the staircase to make my way down. 

Just as I approached the door and went to put my hand on the knob to open it, a hand shot out from my side and kept the door firmly shut.

It was Claire.

“Wait!” She all but shouted from just behind me. “Let me get my coat and I’ll come with you. Bree can keep an eye on dinner.” She suggested a little quieter.

“I’ll be fine on my own.”

“How will I know you’ll come back?”

It was then that I realised that Fergus must have filled her in on my little disappearing acts when I was younger. I sucked in a deep breath and let it out before I turned round to face her. “Dinners in the oven. And I’m starvin’. Anyway, I tend to run during the night when no one can stop me.” I smiled a little, hopin’ she would see it as a funny thing, but she didna. She just stared at me as if she had no clue what to say or do next. “I’ll see ye soon, aye?” I turned and managed to open the door with Claire’s hand still pressed against it.

I wasna even out of the house for ten minutes when I heard someone runnin’ behind me. I turned around to discover it was Claire.

Great.

“Your passport isn’t where I left it, so don’t mind me as I tag along.” She huffed as we just kept walking. She wasna lookin’ at me.

“It’s wi’ the rest of my stuff in Brianna’s room. I dinna have the money to fly back home anyway, so ye have nowt to worry about there.” I replied wi’out lookin’ at her.

The two of us just kept walkin’ around the neighbourhood in silence until it was ready to go back to the house for dinner.


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire and Faith travel back to Edinburgh to begin their new life. Will it all go smoothly?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like a broken record, but seriously guys... thank you so much for all the love and wonderful feedback on this fic.
> 
> I know some people can see where Faith is coming from and others really feel for Claire, but trust me... things will get better... but I won’t say when haha.
> 
> This chapter was actually two separate chapters, but I ended up making it one chapter because I felt they were both on the shorter side. The two chapters were set on the same day, so it kinda made sense just to join them together.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy what’s to come.
> 
> Kirsty X

It had been a little over three weeks since Claire and I had arrived in Boston. 

Today was the day we were flying back to Scotland to start our new life in Edinburgh together. 

In the three weeks Claire and I were in Boston, we hadna really spoken all that much, except exchange some pleasantries. We didna speak all that much after Brianna and I came home from the beach that day and Claire and I just... I dinna ken.

It seemed like everywhere I went, Claire followed. If she wasna followin’ behind me or walkin’ along side me, she had eyes in me every step I made. It was... suffocating.

The woman was stubborn, I’ll gi’ her that. She was determined to come back to Scotland wi’ me whether I liked it or not. I still felt bad that Brianna was being left behind, but she assured me Brianna would be fine.

Last week, I even offered to stay in Boston instead of Claire and I goin’ to Edinburgh, but both Claire and Brianna turned the offer down and insisted that Claire and I were movin’ to Edinburgh. Everythin’ was in place for us to do that. 

Claire had even managed to secure me a job at the hospital she would be workin’ at, as an auxiliary nurse. I was both nervous and excited. Excited because this was the first step towards me learnin’ more and gettin’ the opportunity to do more than just deliver babies. Not that there’s anythin’ wrong wi’ that, I just wanted to help people more. Men, women and children. It made me nervous because I was still new to this century, but Claire assured me I would be fine. 

When Claire handed in her resignation at the hospital in Boston, her friend Joe had informed her that one of the nurses that used to work with them, was now Matron at the same hospital Claire would be joinin’ in Edinburgh. 

Claire apparently had a good relationship with this woman, and called her up to see if it would be possible to get me some work experience as I was hopin’ to get in to the medical field. The woman had said she had some auxiliary jobs available and there was no reason why I couldna do that. She said I would get all the trainin’ I would need on the job whilst earning a proper wage. It sounded too good to be true, but Claire and Brianna both encouraged me to take the opportunity whilst it was there.

So I did.

I was due to meet the Matron next week, the same day Claire was to start work, but it would be another couple of weeks before I would be able to start. They had some paperwork to sort, but Claire told me it was nothin’ to worry about.

Finally, things were startin’ to fall in to place.

I just wish I found things easier wi’ Claire.

And I was dreadin’ sayin’ goodbye to Brianna. I kent it wasna forever, but it was still hard. We had this bond, and it was only growin’ stronger by the day. I was as close to Brianna as I was to Fergus. And verra soon, I wouldna have either of them by my side. 

That was the worst of it.

Brianna wanted to come wi’ us to the airport and say goodbye there, but Claire said it would be too hard, it would be better sayin’ goodbye at home.

It was verra emotional to say the least. There were a lot of tears and hugs goodbye. I could tell Claire was tryin’ her best to keep it the gether, but it didna work. Of course she would be upset, she was movin across an entire ocean and leaving’ the only child she was able to raise behind.

When it was my turn to hug Brianna goodbye, we held each other close and neither of us was ready to let go.

“You are going to do amazing in Edinburgh, Faith. I really do hope that you find what you were looking for.” Brianna told me as she sobbed into my hair.

“Thank you. And thank you for everythin’. I’m glad I came and I’m even more glad I got the chance to find ye. Promise you’ll come visit soon?” I asked her. She said she would come over when she was on Christmas break, but that wasna for another four months. Her plans could change.

“I promise. Nothing is going to stop me from spending our first Christmas together. It’s going to be awesome.” Brianna said excitedly as we finally pulled apart. “Look, Mama is really trying here, I know things are still awkward and strained between you both, but can you at least try and meet her half way? For me?” I nodded and Brianna smiled at me. 

As I followed Claire to the door, Brianna called after me again. I turned back to face her.

“Fergus said before he left that you would tell me what a “Bree” is. Wanna tell me before you leave?” Brianna smiled at me.

I couldn’t help but chuckle a little. “A Bree means a disturbance. But I would say out of the two of us, it’s me that’s been the disturbance. Crashin’ in to yer lives like this.” I laughed.

“Wow. Good to know.” Brianna laughed. “You’re not a disturbance, you’re my big sister, and I’m glad you’re here. I’ll see you soon, and I’ll speak to you even sooner.” She said as she pointed to the telephone in the hallway. “I love you, Faith.”

“I love you tae, Bree.”

“Awww, you finally called me Bree.”

I smiled at my wee sister as she walked towards me and gave me one last hug. Bree turned to Claire and gave her one last hug too.

“I love you my darling.” Claire said as she held Bree tightly. I could tell she was reluctant to let her go.

“I love you too Mama, but this is good, right? Faith needs you more than I do right now.”

Claire pulled back and smiled at Bree before placing a kiss on her forehead and telling her she loved her once more before she took my hand and pulled me out of the house and over to the taxi.

The taxi ride to the airport was really quiet, but I didna mind. I thought it would be best to let her have some time. I couldna imagine how she would be feelin’, leavin’ Bree like that. 

I had to admit, it was hard to see Claire so upset. I had to wonder though, is this how she was when Da sent her back through the stones? Is this how she felt when she had to leave me and Fergus behind?

Claire didna look at me the whole taxi ride to the airport, but after five minutes of silence in the car, she reached over and took my hand in hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. Normally I would of pulled my hand back from her, but I could tell she needed me. She needed the comfort that I was there with her. There for her. 

I gently squeezed her hand back.

Even though I had been on an airplane before, it felt like a lifetime ago since we left  
Edinburgh to come to Boston, and I was a wee bit nervous about taking off on the plane again. 

I remembered how much I didna mind flyin’ when we were up in the air, but it was just the initial fear runnin’ round my wee brain. 

Claire could obviously tell I was feelin’ nervous again, cause just before the plane started to move, she leaned in closer to me and held my hand again. “It’s alright sweetheart. I’m here. We’ll be home soon.” Claire lifted my hand to her mouth and planted a soft kiss on the back of my hand.

She kept a good grip of my hand until she was sure I was comfortable enough with the flight. I had to admit, her bein’ wi’ me like that, it really did help me relax. 

We spent the majority of the flight each readin’ some books, and Claire chatted to the wee old lady sat on the other side of her. Apparently the the older woman was goin’ London to spend some time wi’ her family. She hadna seen her daughter and her family since they moved to England five years ago, so she was really excited to visit them and meet her grandchildren in person for the first time.

“I just worry that my grandkids won’t take to me, you know? I mean we’ve only really spoken on the telephone, we’ve never had the opportunity to meet in person yet.” The lady confided in Claire.

“I’m sure things will all work out. As long as they know you love them, that’s all that matters. Time and distance doesn’t change any of that, you just need to make sure they know it. 

“Children are different to adults though, I’m sure they will just be really glad to finally meet you and spend some time with their grandmother.” Claire explained to the woman. 

The way Claire expressed her words about time and distance not changin’ anythin’ wasna lost on me. I knew that statement was for my benefit as much as the woman she was speakin’ to.

When the lady next to Claire drifted off to what looked like a peaceful sleep, Claire turned her attention to me.

“Enjoying the book?” She asked casually as she adjusted herself in her seat to face me more.

“S’pose. Should be finished by the time we arrive back in Edinburgh.”

“Good.” There was a moments silence before Claire decided to continue on. “So, what’s the book about?”

“It’s about some lass who falls in love wi’ some lad on a ship. She is already promised to someone back home in Alabama, so when she goes home, she has to find a way to break off her engagement so she can marry the lad from the ship. Only, once she has managed to break things off and her family turn against her and she sets off to find the other lad in Chicago, he is engaged to the lass carryin’ his bairn.

“Of course ye ken that though, since the book is yours and all.” I shrug and get back to the book.

Claire let out a deep sigh, and I could see the glare she was givin’ me from corner of my eye. “Are you planning on being this difficult all the time?”

“I dinna plan on anythin’ Claire. It’s just... ye asked the most ridiculous question. It’s your book. Of course ye ken what it’s about.”

“Well excuse me for trying to start a conversation with my daughter.” Claire huffed as she turned to face straight on and brought her arms up to fold across her chest.

God. This woman.

We were still around five hours from landin’ and I could feel myself startin’ to fall asleep. I’m no quite sure when I did fall asleep, but I was woken by some turbulence. We had some earlier on the flight, but it was no where near as bad as this. 

Was. Hysterical.

I couldna keep calm. I had never experienced anythin’ like this before. I mean, travelin’ through the stones at Craigh na Dun werena that pleasant, but nowt compared to this.

Luckily, I wasna the only one that wasna reactin’ to the turbulence in a panic. Plenty of people were lookin’ as pale as I felt.

“It’s alright sweetheart. It’s just a little turbulence. Nothing to worry about, I’m here.” Claire said as she pulled me closer so that I could rest my head on her shoulder. She rubbed her hand up and down my arm. It did calm me a little, but I was still terrified.

When the turbulence finally calmed down, I pulled away from her and straightened myself in my seat. “Thank ye, Claire.”

Claire smiled at me then, but it was a small smile. Didna reach her eyes at all. I knew that I was hurtin’ her feelin’s again, but I didna ken how this was supposed to go. 

I’d been watchin’ both Claire and Bree these past few weeks, and it was obvious they were still findin’ their own way together, but they both made it look so easy. Simple.

It was anythin’ but easy for me and Claire. 

I kent that was probably all down to me, but... I dinna ken how this is all supposed to work. I’ve never had a mother before. I had an Auntie and an Uncle who both loved me and I was verra grateful to them for raisin’ me, but it was never the same as how they were wi’ their own bairns.

When we eventually got back to Edinburgh, it was almost nine o’clock at night. Claire and I were both exhausted and just desperate for our bed.

Thing was, the house Claire was buyin’ wouldna be ready for us to move in for another week, so we would be stayin’ in a hotel until the house was ready for us to move in.

It was Bree that made the hotel bookin’ for us the other day whilst Claire was busy followin’ me around a public garden in the neighbourhood in Boston. Just doin’ her usual “motherly duties”.

Turns out, Bree had a plan whilst she was makin’ the hotel reservation. 

She booked one room instead of two. And instead of two beds, there was only one.

“I’ll go and ask if they have another room wi’ two beds.” I offered.

“No, don’t. It’s fine. It’s only a week. I’m sure even you can put up with sharing a bed with me for a few nights.”

“I’m sure if we ask, they’ll find us somethin’.” I replied.

“I’m too tired, Faith. I just want to sleep. You’re exhausted too, now come on.”

I could tell I didna have much of a choice, so I did as she said.

Claire got changed in the bathroom that was in our room whilst I got changed in the actual room. 

I waited for her to come out of the bathroom before climbing in to bed.

“You could have just gotten in to bed, Faith.”

“Wasna sure which side ye slept at.”

“Doesn’t bother me. You can choose.”

I didna want to argue, especially over a side of the bed, so I just slipped in to the left side as that’s the side I was stood closest to.

Claire slid in to the right side and turned off her lamp beside the bed so we were in complete darkness.

“Goodnight Faith.”

“Goodnight Claire.”

For the first time since she started sneakin’ in to my room to wish me Goodnight when she thought I was asleep, she didna tell me she loved me.

I really messed this up, didn’t I?

Claire’s POV

It seemed like for every step forward with Faith, we were taking five steps back. And in a very short amount of time. 

I looked at the relationship and the bond Faith and Bree had so natural managed to find, and I was jealous. 

When I was pregnant the with Faith, I was so worried and frightened that I wouldn’t be able to be the mother she needed. The mother she deserved. That was because I grew up without a mother myself. I only had my Uncle Lamb from the age of five onwards. I was scared I wouldn’t know how to be a good mother to my child, but Jamie assured me that we would be fine, what we didn’t know, we would learn together. 

In the very short time I had with my daughter before the uprising of the jacobites in 1745, I was a good mother. I loved my baby girl more than anything and I would have done anything for her.

But that all seemed like another lifetime.

My relationship with Bree was getting so much better now there were no secret or lies between us, but it was still a working progress, but there was still a lot of progress, and it was working. But with Faith... she was a complete stranger to me, and it didn’t matter how hard I tried, it was as if we would never be able to move forward the way I would have liked. There was no progress. It wasn’t working.

For the first time since I started sneaking in to say goodnight to Faith, I didn’t tell her I loved her. Not out loud anyway. I wanted to, as we both lay side by side, but even though she had never reacted in a bad way before, she had been awake a couple of times when I snuck in to see her, I wasn’t sure that she wouldn’t have had some sort of sarcastic comment or just turned her back on me. So, I didn’t say it out loud.

It wasn’t like she knew I told her I loved her every night any way.

I was struggling to sleep. 

Don’t get me wrong, the bed in the hotel room was quite comfortable, I was just missing Bree terribly and worrying about Faith.

Out of no where, I heard the sound of quiet sobs. They were a big muffled, but I was certain my daughter was upset.

“Faith? Faith, what’s the matter sweetheart?” I quickly turned on my bedside lamp and tried to turn Faith over to face me, but she was strong and didn’t allow me to move her.

I got out of the bed and went round to crouch down beside her. “Darling, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.” 

She didn’t answer me. She just turned her head more to keep her face buried in her pillow. “Faith sweetheart, I need you to sit up and speak to me. Please.” I begged her.

She threw the duvet off of her and leapt from the bed to run in to the bathroom and locked the door behind her. At least, she tried to. I had noticed when I was in the bathroom earlier that the lock on the door was broken.

I walked over to the bathroom door and knocked softly. “Darling, I’m coming in.” I announced. 

Faith never answered, so I slowly turned the door handle and let myself in. Faith was huddled in to a ball, laying next to the bath. She was still sobbing, but not quite as much as she had been before.

I walked over to sit down next to her. I managed to pull her up into a sitting position next to me and I pulled her head down to rest on my shoulder as I ran my fingers through her beautiful red curls. 

I decided not to push anything this time. I was there for her, but if she wanted to speak, she could. If she didn’t, that was fine too. My priority was to just make sure she knew I was there for her.

After about twenty minutes of sitting on the bathroom floor, Faith decided she wanted to go back in to the bedroom, so I followers her and climbed back in to bed beside her. To my surprise, she rested her head back on my shoulder. I could feel tears springing to my own eyes then. It wasn’t very often that Faith would initiate contact. It was usually me. But when she did, I always got a lump in my throat.

“I’m sorry Claire. I really messed all this up, haven’t I” Faith spoke softly.

“Messed what up, sweetheart?” 

“Yer life. Bree’s life. And for what? To prove to a bunch of people that I can make somethin’ of myself? They arna even here to see, so what is actually the point? Maybe I should just be happy wi’ what I had back home. Maybe I should just go back.”

“First of all, you haven’t messed up mine or Bree’s lives. You’ve made them better. And secondly, you came here because you felt trapped back in your time. And that... I can completely understand. The eighteenth century wasn’t a very good time for women. Especially strong women like us. 

“A lot of women from that time wouldn’t of had the guts to do what you did, Faith. And I like to think that even though you were born in the eighteenth century, and that’s when you grew up, you still belong here in the twentieth century. With me.”

“But I’ve been so horrible to ye—“

“No, you’ve been adjusting to a whole new life. Not just a completely different century, but a new family too. It’s a lot to get your head around, I know that.” I turned my head so I could kiss the top of her head.

“I just... I dinna ken how I’m supposed to do this. The whole mother daughter thing. I never had a mother before.” Faith sat up and moved away from me. Just slightly though.

“We’re both trying to find our footing, Faith. We’re both going to make plenty of mistakes here, but I really do want the chance to be a part of your life. Even if that’s only as a friend.”

“I just dinna want to argue anymore, but I dinna ken how to stop myself sometimes.”

“Well, let’s try by being more open with each other. Communicate better. I really do want this to work Faith, but I need you to meet me half way.”

“I promise.” She smiled at me then, and I smiled back as I reached over and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Can we get some sleep now please?”

“Of course.” I watched as she snuggled down under the duvet and rested her head in her pillow. 

I reached over again and tucked her fallen hair back behind her ear. “Goodnight sweetheart. I love you.”

I could see a hint of a small smile forming on my daughters lips.


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire and Faith are now living in the new house. Claire has started her new job and Faith is due to start in the next few weeks. Claire comes home from work to have a serious discussion with her eldest daughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, thank you all so much for all the wonderful comments and feedback on this fic. I really appreciate it.
> 
> I just saw one comment in particular asking what an Auxiliary Nurse is. I completely forget sometimes that job titles and other things as simple as foods can be called different things in other countries. 
> 
> I thought I would explain here so everyone would understand.
> 
> An Auxiliary Nurse is what we now call in the UK a healthcare assistant. Usually you don’t require any training for this kind of post as full training is given on the job. An Auxiliary Nurse/Healthcare Assistant is there to help assist the staff nurses on the ward. I hope this helps.
> 
> In Faith’s case, I though this would be a good path for her to take since she has no school records or anything that would maybe help her get in to University to become a nurse, or in to medical school to become a doctor. Starting off as an Auxiliary will give her more experience of twentieth century medicine and working in a hospital. She can later decide if she wants to go on and study nursing or go to medical school. I won’t spoil anything but telling you what happens, haha. 
> 
> There will be more information about Faith and her new job coming up in the next few chapters. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy.
> 
> Kirsty X

Things started to get a bit easier between Claire and I when she started her new job at the hospital. She was workin’ extremely long hours, so I would hardly see her. I kent she found that side of things difficult because things were still quite uneasy between us I suppose, but I really enjoyed the time to relax and have some peace from her hoverin’ around me 24/7.

In the first couple of weeks of movin’ in to the new house, I only saw Claire for maybe a total of ten hours, if that. She would leave me wee notes around the house before she left for work in the mornin’ and she would always come in to check on me if she got home at night. Even when I was asleep, I kent she was there.

The times we were both at home together, we talked and spent some quality time the gether. I would cook dinner for Claire comin’ home from work if she was finishin’ in time for dinner and we would eat together as she filled me in on her day at work. 

The times when she was at work and I was home by myself, I would spend my time educating myself more on twentieth century medicine by readin’ some of Claire’s medical books and some of her medical journals she kept when she was in medical school. I found them all really interestin’ and I was so grateful to have the opportunity in this time to learn more and experience more. 

All the paperwork for me startin’ work at the hospital was completed last week. I was told to expect to get fitted for my uniform within the next couple of weeks, and then I would be able to start work soon after.

I was so excited, but nervous at the same time. Claire assured me I would do wonderful and the Matron told me that I should fit in quite well because of my keenness to learn and the experience I already had as a midwife was a good start. 

Not a day has went by since bein’ here that Claire hasna told me how proud she is of me. I ken Da would be too. And Fergus. I just wished they could see me makin’ my dreams become a reality.

I got a phone call around four from one of the nurses in Claire’s ward, to tell me Claire would be home around six to join me for dinner. We hadna shared a meal in almost a week now, and honestly, I was kinda missin’ her company.

The only folk I really kent in the UK was Fiona, who was up in Inverness, and Roger, who was down in Oxford. Of course I got quite friendly wi’ the wee woman, Ishbel, that worked in the wee neighbourhood shop close to where Claire and I lived. I found myself runnin’ round, sometimes twice in a day, just for a wee chat and her company. She didna seem to mind. I think she enjoyed the company as much as I did. The wee shop was never overly busy.

In the couple of weeks I was visitin’ Ishbel as the shop, I learned that she was originally from Manchester, down in England, but she met her Scottish husband during the World War, (I assumed this was the same war that Claire spoke to me about briefly) and after the war had ended, they both were married and moved to Edinburgh to start their family. Her husband was originally from Glasgow, but when they decided to move to Scotland, they both agreed on the capital instead.

Ishbel and her husband Tommy, have four children, all boys. And six grandchildren. Two grandsons and four granddaughters. 

I dinna ken what age Ishbel is, but she looks around the same age as Claire, but when Ishbel told me she had six grandchildren, I was shocked, but then again, I am old enough to be married and have a family of my own. I just chose not to. 

I dinna think Brianna is quite there yet either. I can tell she has some kind of feelin’s for Roger, but I think the whole long distance thing is a bit difficult for them. I think Claire kens there is a spark between them too, but she hasna said much about it. 

Brianna confided in me one night when I was in Boston, that she and Roger had shared a kiss when she was in Inverness. She didna mention anythin’ else, but I could tell she missed Roger a great deal. As far as I ken, they exchange letters and he calls her now and again.

Claire was home right on time for some “Chicken à la King”, as she and Brianna had called it. It wasna anythin’ overly excitin’, just some diced chicken wi’ some peas and carrots in a creamy sauce, but it did taste really good. If I do say so myself.

As I set the table and dished out dinner for us both, Claire quickly ran upstairs and had a quick shower. She had been in back to back surgeries all day yesterday and had an emergency surgery verra early this mornin’. 

“Hmm, dinner smells wonderful, Faith. Thank you for cooking yet again. I promise to cook something special for you at the weekend when I’m off.” Claire announced as she came through to the dining room.

“Thank ye, but ye havena tasted it yet. I might of accidentally poisoned it.” I joked as I sat down at the table. Claire just raised an eyebrow at me as she sat down herself. “I dinna mind doin’ the cookin’. I really enjoy it. Especially all these new recipes I have that Fiona sent through for me.”

“Well, you’re certainly better at cooking than me, that’s for sure. And I’m glad Fiona has been a great help to you. The only thing I could show you is how to fry some eggs and some bacon.”

It was clear Claire wasna the best cook in the world, but she wasna that bad. I mean, I didna think so, but then again, I came from a time where the food I ate was a lot more bland than the wonderful colours and flavours I got to experience in this time. 

I think Claire was just outta practice. She wouldna have cooked much for herself when she was away nursing in that war she was in a few year ago. The one before she met Da. Then no long after said war, she was transported back to the 1700’s and stayed wi’ the MacKenzie’s at Leoch. She wouldna have cooked there. And then at Lallybroch, there was Mrs Crook who saw to all the meals and such. I canna imagine she or Da had to do much cookin’ when they stayed in France either. And then when she came back to her own time, she had Brianna and then started went on to medical school and then became a surgeon. Of course she didna have all that much time to learn to cook different things. 

I love tae cook. Always have. Aunt Jenny was always teachin’ me new recipes when I was growin’ up, and then when Mrs Crook passed away and Mistress McNab came by to help out at Lallybroch, she taught me a few things as well. 

It was somethin’ I really enjoyed until I turned fifteen. Then it became more of a chore to learn from Aunt Jenny rather than get enjoy,ent out of it. This was when she was tryin’ to train me up to be a wonderful wee housewife. Teach me all a man wants from his wife. How to keep a house in good workin’ order.

But cookin’ meals here in the twentieth century for myself and Claire was the best meals I could have ever imagined makin’. So many different things ye can do wi’ meat and vegetables. I was introduced to so many different foods I’d never even heard of before. It was like I was livin’ in a dream. 

The house Claire and I live in is so big, especially for the two of us. Well, especially just for me when Claire’s at work, but the kitchen is definitely my favourite place in the whole house. It’s where I spend most of my day. It just makes me happy.

When we finished dinner, Claire washed the dishes as I dried them off and put them away. As there was only the two of us, there wasna much dishes to be cleaned and put away.

“I need to speak with you about something, it’s really quite important, and it’s something I should have spoken to you about a while ago.” Claire said as we headed through to the livin’ area wi’ a wee cuppa tea each.

“Sure. What is it? Have I done somethin’ wrong?” I asked her. She had a serious look on her face that made me start to worry.

“Don’t worry darling, it is a serious matter, but it’s nothing to worry about.” 

I relaxed my shoulders and place my cup down on the table beside the couch. Claire got up and walked over to her handbag which was hangin’ on the coat rack out in the hallway. I could just see her takin’ something out of it before she came back in to sit beside me. She sat the little blue box on the wee space there was between us. 

“What’s that?” I asked curiously.

“Condoms.” Claire said matter of factly. “You and I need to have a conversation about sex.”


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire tries to have a talk with Faith about the importance of safe sex. Will Faith listen?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for all the wonderful comments and love for this fic. I really appreciate you all taking the time to come on this journey.
> 
> Sorry I haven’t gotten back to all the comments on the last chapter, but I will try and get a few minutes later on To respond.
> 
> Thank you all again.
> 
> Kirsty X

Claire’s POV

Since Faith arrived and decided she wanted to stay instead of going back to her own time, back to her father, things have been quite chaotic in a way. I had to make sure that I was able to get some kind of documentation for her. Not a really easy thing to do, but luckily Roger was able to help. 

The last thing I wanted to do was get Roger involved in the illegal and tricky task of getting hold of fake documents for my daughter, but we didn’t really have a choice. Faith desperately wanted to stay here in the twentieth century, so I had no choice but to agree to Rogers offer to contact an old friend of his from school, so he could make up a fake birth certificate and other fake documents for Faith. 

I did wonder why the son of a well respected Reverend was in company with someone who was able to create such fake documents and apparently perform other illegal activities, but at the same time I was just glad we were able to get what we needed so my daughter could stay with me.

Everything seemed to be happening so fast, but as the same time, so slow. 

Faith had decided she wanted to stay in Scotland, but she hadn’t properly worked out a proper plan for herself in this strange new world. I spoke it all over with Brianna, and we both decided I should stay in Scotland with Faith. 

Very quickly, I was able to find a job in Edinburgh, and Faith and I had to try and find a house for us both that we would both be happy and comfortable in. Luckily, we found the perfect one not too far from the hospital.

Whilst Faith and I were in Boston so I could tie up some lose ends there and hand in my resignation at the hospital there, I found out about about an ex colleague of mine who was now working as Matron in one of the wards at my new hospital in Edinburgh. Thanks to that connection, I was able to secure a Faith a job as an Auxiliary nurse. I knew this would be the perfect way for Faith to learn more about twentieth century healthcare and medicine, and then she could decide what kind of field she really wanted to be in, if she wanted to continue in the medical profession at all. It would be possible she could changer her mind.

Both Roger and Fiona had agreed to give a reference for Faith. I was so grateful as that was one of my main worries with Faith searching for work in Edinburgh. She had no prior schooling here in this time and no work experience in this time either. 

I worried that Matron Matthews would figure out quite quickly that these references were fake and a sham, but luckily both Roger and Fiona gave Faith glowing recommendations and even Fiona had made up some stories about what a wonderful midwife Faith had been up in Inverness at some private clinic she and Roger had made up. I was amazed we all got away with it without suspicion.

Pretty soon Faith would be starting work in the same hospital as me and working her own shifts. If I felt I barely saw my daughter right now with my own shift pattern, things would only get worse when Faith started work. It was very unlikely Faith would be put to work on my ward, so it would be possible I wouldn’t see her at work at all.

A very large part of me worried that the lack of communication with each other and the lack of quality time together, our relationship would start to go backwards. Don’t get me wrong, we’re not best friends or anything like that, but she doesn’t take off on me as much anymore. She doesn’t pull away when I touch her or tell her I love her. I would even go as far as saying she likes my company at dinner time. It’s been very rare these last couple of weeks that we’ve had dinner together, but when we have, she seems really happy and settled. A completely different woman from who I first met when she came back to me.

It was starting to feel real that my daughter who was born in 1744, and raised in the eighteenth century, was now here in 1968 with me, and she belonged here. She was settling in and adapting to everything quite well. 

My only wish was that I had all my family around me. My husband and all three of our children.

My husband, who I thought was long dead after the battle of Culloden, had actually survived. I couldn’t believe it when Fergus and Faith told me. My first instinct was to go back to him, but I couldn’t. Both our daughters wanted to be here, in this time. As much as I longed to see Jamie again, I had to put our daughters first. Especially Faith. I let her down terribly, and she definitely suffered from my actions. She had to be my priority, not Jamie.

I had been so focused on trying to build some sort of relationship with my eldest daughter, and starting a new job here in Edinburgh, that there were a few things I neglected to talk to Faith about. Things she may not be aware of.

It wasn’t until my patients daughter asked if she could speak to me about her fathers condition and we got talking about other things, that I realised that I needed to have some tough and serious conversations with my own daughter.

My patients daughter had confided in me about a one night stand she had a few weeks ago. She had been drinking and couldn’t remember the man’s name, if he even gave it, or anything else about him. She only found out a few days ago that she’s unexpectedly pregnant, and she confided she was worried about how her father would react. He was a fairly strict Christian, and didn’t believe in sex before marriage, much less bringing a child in to the world and being a single parent. Due to her fathers current condition, she hasn’t had a chance to speak to him about any of it yet. 

As I listened to her story, I started to panic about Faith. I hadn’t discussed safe sex with her yet. It was Brianna who help her out when she had her last period, and introduced her to twentieth century sanitary products. I was fairly certain the conversation of sex didn’t come up between them though. 

Faith wasn’t seeing anyone. I don’t even think she has any friends yet, but that isn’t the point. She’s a twenty two year old woman, and she needs to be prepared for when the time comes that she does meet someone she decides to be intimate with. As much as I would like my daughter to come to me beforehand, I really don’t think that’s the type of relationship she and I will ever have. It’s up to me to make sure she knows about contraception.

Not only for her own personal reasons, but safe sex and contraception is something she needs to be aware of if she wants to further her career in the medical profession. 

My fear was that she could easily meet someone at work, or make friends and go out for drinks one night and meet someone else entirely. I had to make sure my daughter was educated before something like this could happen. As much as women from her time couldn’t wait to be married and start a family, something told me my twenty two year old daughter was different. She had never married, as far as I could tell. 

I needed my daughter to know that there are ways to prevent not only unwanted pregnancies, but sexually transmitted diseases.

Since I knew I would home in time for dinner tonight, I made it my priority to have this discussion with Faith afterwards. 

I picked up a box of condors so that she would know what they looked like, and she had some if she needed them. I also grabbed some leaflets on contraception and STD’s so she could read over them as well. I had a feeling my daughter wouldn’t want to have this discussion with me.

I was right.

Faith’s POV

“What’s that?” I asked curiously.

“Condoms.” Claire said matter of factly. “You and I need to have a conversation about sex.”

I looked at her. Horrified. 

I just wanted the damn floor to swallow me up.

“Eh... I ken well enough about sex, thank ye verra much. I dinna need ye to tell me anythin’”.I stated as I got up from the couch to walk away, but Claire grabbed my wrist to pull me back to sit down again.

“Please sit down, Faith. This is extremely important. Don’t worry, I had the exact same conversation with Brianna when she was twelve.” She said casually, like this is the type of conversations ye just casually have after dinner.

“Ye spoke tae Brianna about sex when she was twelve?” I asked horrified. Da would be fumin’ wi’ Claire if he kent she spoke to Bree about such things at such a young age.

“Yes. Well, I was explaining to her about her menstrual cycle and I just decided to combine the two talks.” Claire shrugged.

“Aye, well, like I said... thank ye, but no thank ye.” I got up from my seat again and headed for the stairs to make my way to my room.

What on earth brought this on? Why does she feel the need to have such talks?

God. This is so embarrassing.

As I almost approached the bottom of the staircase, the telephone rang. I moved back towards the wee table it sat on and answered.

It was a long distance call, so it was obviously Bree.

“Hey sis. How’s it going in sunny Edinburgh?” Bree asked cheerfully.

I grunted in response.

“That bad, huh? I thought things were getting better between you and Mama?”

“They were. I was even lookin’ forward to havin’ dinner wi’ her the night because I’ve barely seen her all week, but she decided she wanted to have a verra serious conversation straight after. 

“God Bree. Why does she have to push so much? Why is she so... embarrassing?”

“Oh god. What’s happened now?” Bree sighed.

“She came home with a box of-of... condoms? I think she called them. And then, she told me she wanted to talk to me about sex!” I hissed the last word down the phone in disgust. “I mean come on Bree, I’m a twenty two year old woman. I ken this isna exactly my time, but people were havin’ sex two hundred years ago. I think you and I are both livin’, breathin’ proof of that.” I said and immediately regretted my words because then the thought of Claire and Da... ugh. 

I could hear Bree laughing down the phone. “It isna funny Bree—“ before I had a chance to talk to my sister more, Claire appeared beside me with a smile. “Look, Claire’s here. I’ll just pass ye over. I’ll speak to ye next week. Bye Bree.”

“Wait, I’m sure Mama won’t mind us speaking longer.”

“It’s fine. I’ll speak to ye soon, bye.”

“Okay, but call me anytime you wanna talk, alright? I love you.”

I smiled, even though I kent Bree couldna see me, but speakin’ wi’ my sister always made me happy. “I love you too.” I passed the phone to Claire, who gave me a sad smile this time, and then I just went upstairs and shut myself in my room to read.

What the hell was all that about? 

Even though I’ve never done it a’fore, I ken fine well what sex is. Especially livin’ in a bloody brothel... ye canna escape the goin’s on there.

Ugh. That woman.

I spent a good twenty minutes of my time tryin’ to read through one of Claire’s medical journals from medical school, but my mind kept runnin’ back to the fact she actually thought it was appropriate to discuss sex wi’ me.

That might be how things are done here in this time, but from where I come from, ye just... dinna. Definitely no wi’ yer...Ma.

I mean, when my body began to change, Aunt Jenny did tell me about my time of the month and how painful it could be for some lassies, whilst others werena really affected by it. The only time she really mentioned sex to me was to tell me what I would have to do on my weddin’ night wi’ my new husband and hopefully no long after, I would give him a bairn. That was it really. She didna go in to details about anythin’, and to be perfectly honest, I was more than fine wi’ that.

But, fae what I could tell... this talk Claire was plannin’ was gonna involve a lot of her talkin’ and me sittin’ there just wantin’ the floor to swallow me up. 

Was this really a necessary talk?

“It is actually, yes. Very necessary in fact.” I must have asked that out loud for her to answer. I didna hear Claire comin’ up the stairs, never mind opening my bedroom door. “Is it all right to come in, or do you want to come back down stairs?” Claire asked as she leaned against the doorframe with her arms folded. Head tilted to the side. 

God, she wasna gonna let this drop.

“Ye can come in, but can I just say that I am a grown woman and I dae ken all I need to ken about sex. No that it really matters anyway.” Claire sat down on the bed beside me and raised an eyebrow at me. “I dinna have a husband. I dinna plan on gettin’ one either, so sex... no really an issue. And I definitely dinna want bairns.”

“In this time Faith, women can have sex even if they’re unmarried. Of course some people still frown upon it, but it’s a lot more common. And if you choose not to get married, I will support you on that, but I still need to make sure that you know how to practice safe sex. Especially if you’re certain about not wanting children.” Claire took a deep breath before she muttered under her breath, “we can discuss that part later.”

There was so many things I could have easily argued wi’ her about, but I decided to just try and drop the attitude and just hear her out. A little. There was definitely some parts of this conversation I did not want to have, but what she said about “safe sex” had me curious.

“Fine. But the only thing I want to hear about is the whole “safe sex” thing. What do ye mean by that?”

“Well, the condoms I have, downstairs, they are used to help practice safe sex.” She had this weird look in her eye as she was tryin’ to work out if I was followin’ her. I only nodded. There was nothin’ for me to comment on. “Well, condoms are used to help prevent unwanted pregnancies or sexually transmitted disease. Um, I think it’s important that you know how to use them properly, especially because of the comment you made earlier about not wanting children.

“Maybe you’ll change your mind one day in the future when you find yourself a man who loves you and you love him, but right now, I need to know that you are prepared and know how to be intimate with a man... safely.”

“Look, I can appreciate where yer comin’ fae, but I really dinna think this is a necessary topic of conversation. I just want to work and learn. I dinna want a man. I dinna need a man.” I said firmly.

Claire moved closer beside me on the bed and wrapped an arm around my shoulder to bring me closer to her. I didna move, no that I could anyway. “Okay, how about I leave these leaflets here for you to read instead. Some are about contraception and some are about STD’s. I would really appreciate if you read them, please. 

“And if you have any questions about anything, you can ask me. You can ask me about anything, Faith. I need you to know that.

“Also, you and I have appointments with our new doctor next week, so if you would rather, you could speak to her about anything you don’t wish to speak to me about, although, I wish you would come to me first.”

I turned my head and smiled at her as I took the wee leaflets from her. “I’ll read them. Promise. Doesna mean I’ll ever be having sex though.”

“Why are you so sure about that? Like I said, you might change your mind when you find the right man.” 

“No really my kinda thing. Doesna look all that comfortable or enjoyable. And even when women do look as if they like it, it looks like their pretendin’ to enjoy it.” I shrugged.

“And how the bloody hell would you know? Has Fergus been taking you to places he shouldn’t have?” Claire snapped as she dropped her arm from around my shoulder.

“No, but I did live in a brothel for a wee while.” I said casually wi’ a shrug. “Ye see everythin’ in a place like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god. How will Claire react to the news that her daughter lived in a brothel for a time? Next chapter will be posted on Friday. I hope you’ll enjoy.
> 
> Kirsty X


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How will Claire react to Faiths admission that she lived in a brothel?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the love and comments for this fic.
> 
> I hope you’ll enjoy this chapter and what’s to come soon... No spoilers, haha.
> 
> Anyway, I was going to post this chapter tomorrow, but Hubby is taking me on a surprise weekend trip away. 
> 
> The next chapter will be posted either very late on Saturday evening, or sometime on Sunday. Depending on what he has planned for us. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy...
> 
> Kirsty X

I turned my head and smiled at her as I took the wee leaflets from her. “I’ll read them. Promise. Doesna mean I’ll ever be having sex though.”

“Why are you so sure about that? Like I said, you might change your mind when you find the right man.” 

“No really my kinda thing. Doesna look all that comfortable or enjoyable. And even when women do look as if they like it, it looks like their pretendin’ to enjoy it.” I shrugged.

“And how the bloody hell would you know? Has Fergus been taking you to places he shouldn’t have?” Claire snapped as she dropped her arm from around my shoulder.

“No, but I did live in a brothel for a wee while.” I said casually wi’ a shrug. “Ye see everythin’ in a place like that.”

Claire turned her whole body on the bed so she was facin’ me properly. She looked confused. Maybe a wee bit annoyed. Definitely annoyed, and definitely disgusted.

“What do you mean you lived in a bloody brothel, Faith?!” She demanded.

It was then that I realised that I hadna actually mentioned that to her. Clearly Fergus left that little detail out as well.

“Um... can ye just... calm doon a wee bit please?” I asked her carefully.

Claire sprung up to her feet and paced the space beside my bed. She was so angry, I didna ken what to do.

“Calm down?” She screeched at me as she stopped pacing the floor to face me. “Calm down she says.” She muttered to herself as she pressed her hand to her forehead. “What do you mean you lived in a brothel? When? With who? God Faith, your father would be distraught if he knew this.” When I didna answer her, I could see her lookin’ over at me from the corner of my eye. I just sat there and played wi’ a wee thread that had come loose on my cushion. Claire came towards the bed again and sunk down on to it. “Did your father know about this? Faith?!” She demanded.

“Look, I wasna happy about it either, but it wasna for that long I suppose, but it was long enough for me to ken I didna want to be there anymore. It was part of the reason I decided to come here.” I said wi’out lookin’ at her. I just couldna face her. It was an embarrassing thing to admit. 

“Y-you lived in a brothel? B-before you came here? Before the stones?” She asked. I still wasna lookin’ at her, but I just kent she had a horrified look on her face. “How the bloody hell did that happen? Where was your father?” I didna want to answer her. I wasna happy about it, but it happened and I kent Da wasna happy about it either, but he had no choice. Could I really tell her the reason why? “Faith, I need you to tell me what the hell happened? Wh-when I left, I thought you would be safe and protected but Jenny and Ian, so I really need you to tell me how you came to be living in a bloody... whore house, before you came back to me!” She snapped.

“When Fergus, Da and I moved to Edinburgh to start a new life, the gether, the three of us stayed in the back of the Print shop. It wasna ideal, and there wasna much privacy. Especially for me. 

“Da decided to build a wall wi’ a door to separate the back a little, but there wasna room for all three of us to stay there properly. The cot that was there wasna comfortable enough for anyone to stay there every night, so...”

“A-are you telling me that your father had you and Fergus staying in a brothel?” Claire asked. She obviously couldna believe what I was tellin’ her because she she spoke barley louder than a whisper.

I nodded in response before continuing. “It didna happen straight away, but... aye. Eventually Da came back to the print shop one day to say that he secured us two rooms somewhere close by the print shop. The place had a proper bed and I would have decent meals prepared for me whenever I needed them. He and Fergus would take turns in stayin’ at the print shop and at the brothel. 

“I didna mind at first. I thought it was only till he found us a place of our own, but whenever Fergus or I would brought it up, he would just shut us down. Wasna until we were headed back to Inverness, before I came here, that Da finally explained to us that he couldna afford for us to have a place of our own. All the money he earned had to pay his men. Had to send a good chunk back home as well. 

“I wish he trusted me and Fergus enough to tell us that, but he didna. He kept it from us and we had to live like... that.”

I finally looked over to Claire who was beside me on the bed. She looked like she was gonna “throw up” as Bree would say. “I just... I don’t understand. Why though? When your father first found Fergus, he was just a small boy living in a brothel in Paris. You’re father didn’t think it was appropriate and that was why he brought Fergus home to live with us.” She grabbed my hand and held it verra tightly. “There is no way the James Fraser I knew would have let his children, no matter how old they are, live in somewhere like...THAT!”

“Ye sayin’ am tellin’ ye lies?”

Claire’s eyes shot really wide. “Of course not. I’m just trying to work out how your father let this happen. Why the hell was he sending money back to Lallybroch? He signed the place over to Wee Jamie. I was there, I was witness. Surely your cousin Jamie is more than capable to run Lallybroch. And knowing Jenny like I did, I very much doubt she’s just left her son to get on with things himself. She’ll be right there by his side, probably trying to run things her way herself.”

I couldna really argue. It was true that Young Jamie was laird, but it was Aunt Jenny that had a specific notion of how things should be run. But I could see Claire’s point. After all, I was thinkin’ the exact same thing. It was all verra well Da helpin’ them out, but why did that come at the expense of him, Fergus and I? It wasna fair. 

“All I can tell ye is that I ken Da was disgusted at himself that things got to that point. But I’m here now, so maybe it was a good thing, aye? I mean... if Da did manage to find us a proper home, maybe I wouldna have decided to leave? I dinna ken. All I ken is I needed to find a life and a home for myself. And I’m doin’ it. I found a home. Here. Wi’ you. And... I’m... happy.”

Claire moved closer to me and pulled me in to her arms and held me close. It felt really nice. “Are you really happy here? With me? Sometimes I think you would rather be anywhere else. 

“I will never not regret the mistakes I’ve made with you. With us. But, I really am trying to make things right between us.” 

I moved my head back a little so she saw my face and could tell how genuine I was. “Look, you and Da have both made mistakes. Some bigger than others, but I ken ye’s both love me. 

“I am happy here. And not just because of the opportunities I have to get a better education on healin’, but because I finally get to ken you. I finally get to have a Ma.

“I ken it’s been difficult for both of us, but I feel like I actually belong here. Back home, I just felt like I didna fit in. 

“I love Da, and Fergus. And miss them both more than anythin’, but here I have you and Bree. One side of the family isna better than the other, but bein’ here, I feel like I can be who I was meant to be.” I smiled at Claire, and she gave me a soft smile back as she tucked one of my loose red curls behind my ear.

“Well, I am really glad you’re here too. And I’m glad you finally feel like you belong somewhere. I more than anyone know how important that feeling is. I grew up all over the world after the age of five. Uncle Lamb was an archaeologist, and a I used to follow him on his digs. It wasn’t until your father took me to Lallybroch for the first time that I actually felt like I belonged somewhere. 

“I later realised home wasn’t a place. Not to me anyway, but your father was my home. But that day he took me to Lallybroch, I knew I belonged there, in that time, with him.”

I could tell she was gettin’ a wee bit emotional when speakin’ of Da, but I wasna sure what to say or do for the best. 

It was as if she wanted to talk about him, but she was scared to show too much interest in him, maybe? I dinna ken. But she just seemed sad whenever he came up in conversation, which wasna all that often because I wasna sure if she was upset or angry that he made her leave, or if she was sad that she thought he was dead all these years when he wasna, or the fact they had been apart for twenty years. 

I decided to leave the whole Laoghaire situation out, cause I didna want to upset her more. It was clear she didna have a verra happy marriage wi’ that Frank man. She even told me it wasna a happy time for her, but I wasna sure how exactly she would react to the news that Da had remarried. She just seemed verra closed off around the topic of Da sometimes, so it was difficult to ken if she would be sad, or angry at him to marrying someone else, or would she be pleased he moved on wi’out her? No that he actually moved on. As far as I ken, Claire is the only woman my Da has ever loved. He’ll never love anyone else the way he loved her. I just didna ken Claire well enough yet to ken if she felt the same way about Da. If that was the case, I would feel awful for bein’ the reason they aren’t the gether now.

The first thing Claire said when she found out Da was alive, was she had to go back. She had to go back to him. I was the reason she stayed. Me and Bree. 

I’d overheard Bree tellin’ Claire to go find Da, but Claire said she couldna go back because she had only just started to repair her relationship wi’ Bree, and I had said I wasna goin’ back wi’ Fergus. 

“Can I ask ye somethin’? It’s about you and Da.” I asked Claire. 

She immediately sat up as if to say she had my full attention. “Of course. Anything.” She said as tucked another fallen curl behind my ear.

“Dae ye still love him?” 

Claire’s eyes started to fill wi’ tears, but she did her best no to let them fall. “Yes.” She said simply. A small smile was tugging at the side of her mouth. “I never stopped.”

I nodded my head in understanding. “He still loves ye too. So much.” I told her. I kent it was true, so I needed her to ken that. He would want her to ken that.

Her smile got bigger, but only for a second. “Has he ever... did he move on? With someone else?”

Sugar. 

What am I supposed to say to that? Truth is, he married Laoghaire, but that was Aunt Jenny that came up wi’ that bright idea. He didna love Laoghaire. Sometimes I didna even think he liked the woman. Was it really movin’ on if he didna really want to be wi’ her and they had been livin’ separately for quite some time?

“No. He only ever loved you. Will only ever love you.” I answered honestly.

“What about... the brothel? Did he..?”

Oh god. Seriously?

“No. I ken Madame Jeanne, the owner of the place, was attracted to Da, but I dinna think he woulda done anythin’ wi’ her. They had some kind of agreement for us stayin’ there, but I’m sure it wasna like... that. 

“I’m no sayin’ he hasna been wi’ anyone else, I mean, it’s been twenty years. But I can tell ye that Da isna the type of man to sleep wi’ hoor’s.”

“I didn’t think your father was the type of man to let our children live in a place like that, but there you go. I guess people really do change.” She huffed.

“He’s a good man. The best man I ken. But, he’s human. He makes mistakes like the rest of us.”

Claire sighed. “I suppose it’s done now, and you’re here with me now. I just hate that you had to live like that, sweetheart. I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s no your fault. I dinna even blame Da. No anymore anyway. He was doin’ his best. I ken that.”

“Hmmm. Either he’s overpaying his staff, or he’s sending too much back to Lallybroch.” Claire huffed again. “I can’t imagine the printing business would be all that profitable anyway though. Why does he have staff? Wouldn’t it just be easier and cheaper with just him and Fergus?”

So, Fergus obviously didna tell her about the work that he ACTUALLY does for Da.

“Fergus does a work at the print shop. No officially, anyway. It’s Geordie that helps Da at the print shop. 

“Fergus... helps wi’ Da’s other business.” Claire raised an eyebrow at me as if to tell me to go on. “Smuggling. Alcohol. I dinna ken that much about it, so dinna ask me. All I ken is that’s how Da makes the majority of his money. I assume that the alcohol is somethin’ to do wi’ his agreement wi’ Madame Jeanne. Like I said though, I dinna ken much. I didna want to ken.”

Claire made a sound that told me she didna approve. “Well then. Let’s just hope your father and Fergus don’t get caught and end up in too much trouble. If you ask me, your father seems to place himself in the middle of trouble wherever he goes.” She commented as her moth twisted in frustration.

“But ye still love him though?”

“Yes. I always will. Twenty years might have gone by, but the love I felt, feel for your father is stronger than anything I have ever felt in my whole life. I can’t really explain it.” She said and I smiled at her.

“He said the exact same thing about you. Kent you were the one for him almost as soon as he saw ye.” I smiled.

Claire smiled too. “Took me a bit longer, but I can’t deny the attraction I had to your father. Marrying him might have been to keep me safe from the British army, but I did fall in love with your father soon after we were married. 

“When I told him about the stones, he took me there so I could get home to Frank. Something I had been trying to do myself for a few months, but when it came to it, I couldn’t leave your father. And I’m glad I didn’t. He gave me you and your sister. And Fergus. I will always be grateful to him for that. Always love him for that.”

“Can I ask ye something else?”

Claire let out a dramatic sigh. “What now? Do you know, you ask almost as many questions as your sister. Definitely you fathers daughters.”

I laughed at that. I always did have a million questions runnin’ around my head, but I verra rarely asked them. I didna really speak all that much. Not unless I had to really. “Do ye wish to go back? To Da?”

Claire was taken aback by my question. Her eyes blew wide again and she adjusted her sitting position beside me on the bed. I could tell that meant aye. “Honestly? I would give anything to see your father again. Even just for one last time. But, no. I have a life here now. With you, and Bree. As much as I wish we could all be together with your father and Fergus, it just isn’t possible. 

“The Jamie I knew would understand why I have to stay here. Why I have to put you and Brianna first. He wouldn’t forgive me if I went back when you just got here. He wouldn’t like that I left you both behind to go back to him. Jamie will be happy with the thought that you and Bree are both well and safe. With me.”

“I just... I dinna want to be the reason you and Da canna be the gether. Ye’s both love each other so much, ye should be together.”

“You aren’t the reason, alright. It’s just the way life worked out for us.

“As much as I love your father, I think I would have some serious questions for him if I ever saw him again.” Claire laughed. “But, I need this chance to get to know you. I had the chance to be James Fraser’s wife. I had a chance to have and raise Brianna. Had the chance to graduate medical school and become a surgeon. Now it’s time for me to be a mother to you, Faith. The mother you deserve.”

I didna ken what to say, so I just nodded my head and smiled softly.

Claire kissed my cheek before she jumped up from the bed. “Alright. What about pigging out on some ice cream and watching some rubbish television?”

“Um, it’s been a long day for me actually. Dae ye mind if I just go to sleep?”

I could see Claire deflate, but she quickly plastered a smile on her face and bent down to kiss my cheek again. “Of course not darling. You get some rest and I’ll see you in the morning.” She pointed to the leaflets about contraception and STD’s on the bedside table. “Remember and read them though. It’s important.” She said with a stern look on her face.

I rolled my eyes and agreed. “I will. Tomorrow. Promise.”

Claire raised an eyebrow then smiled at me. She then headed for the door and wished me a good night.

I didna hear her go down the stairs, but she obviously didna.

Two seconds after I jumped in to bed after washin’ and changin’ and turned my bedside lamp off, my door opened and Claire came back in. She must have been waitin’ for me to get in to bed.

“Goodnight my darling.” She bent down and kissed my forehead like usual. “I love you.”

Just as Claire had reached the door to leave, I turned myself over on my other side so I could see her. “I love you too, Ma.”

Claire turned around to face me and wi’ the light comin’ through from the hallway, and Claire standin’ at the door, I could see tears fill her eyes again as she nodded with a smile on her face before leavin’ me to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She called her “Ma” and told her she loved her. Awww. Are they FINALLY making good headway? Let’s hope so.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire and Faith go to the doctors for their introduction to the practice. Faith gets a shock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys... I know, I know... I said Saturday or Sunday for next chapter, but hubby went fishing and I started to read over this wee chapter and I thought I would just post it.
> 
> I hope you enjoy.
> 
> Kirsty X

“Faith? Faith, come on! We’re going to be late.”

I turned over in my bed and grounded. 

I had heard Ma shouting on me for the past wee while, but I didna sleep verra well for some reason, and I just wanted to lay in bed and try and get some rest.

That wasna goin’ to happen though.

“Faith, I swear to god. Get yourself out here now or I’m coming in!” Ma shouted through the door after a couple of bangs wi’ her fist.

I just groaned again and flipped over on to my stomach and brought my pillow over my head to try and block her out.

Didna work though.

My bedroom door flew wide open. So wide, it hit off the wee desk I had off to the side of the door.

I could hear Ma stormin’ over to me. She stopped right beside my bed, and wi’out even lookin’ at her, I kent she was stood there wi’ her hands on her hips and glarin’ at me, similar to how Aunt Jenny used to when I was wee and did somethin’ wrong.

She let out a deep sigh, but I just ignored her.

Wrong thing to do.

She pulled the pillow off my head and dragged my duvet off of me.

“What on earth?” I screeched.

“We... have doctors appointments in less than an hour. You have precisely twenty seven minutes to get up, washed and ready, eat breakfast and ready to go.” She practically yelled at me. She could tell I wasna for movin’ and she sat down on the bed at my side. “Come on sweetheart. We need to go. You’re normally up much earlier than this, what’s wrong?” 

“I didna sleep much last night.” I mumbled into my bed.

“Why not? What’s wrong?”

“I dinna ken. Just couldna sleep.” I eventually pulled myself up to face Ma properly. “Can we no see the doctor tomorrow instead?” I asked hopefully.

Ma brushed my hair out of my face wi’ her fingers. “I’m sorry darling, but we really need to go. You can have a nap when we come home though. I promise.” She answered with a small smile.

I reluctantly pulled myself out of bed wi’ Ma’s help. 

I didna have time for a shower, so I quickly washed the best I could before getting myself ready. Ma was downstairs makin’ me some toast and peanut butter, my new favourite thing to eat in the mornin’.

We left the house two minutes late, but by some grace of god, the doctor was runnin’ a wee bit behind, so it wasna too bad.

As we waited in the waitin room, Ma opened a “magazine” and started to read an article on some new recipes. Why she was doin’ that, I didna ken. It was mainly me that did the cookin’ as Ma wasna that... experienced, shall we say? I mean, whatever she did make was decent enough, it was just pretty... basic. That says a lot comin’ from me, a lass from the 1700’s.

The waitin’ room wasna all that busy. There was an elderly couple sat away up in the back corner of the room, a young woman, around my age, wi’ a bairn, sittin’ down nearly the reception desk, and another mother and daughter sat in the row in front of me and Ma. 

When the receptionist lass called for the mother and daughter in front of us to go through, Ma put her magazine down on the seat beside her and just turned to stare at me. It was actually quite unnerving sometimes the way she would just stare at me and no say anythin’. It happened a LOT.

“What?” I finally muttered wi’out turnin’ to face her.

“Did you... did... um—“

“Did I what?” I asked impatiently.

“Did you read the leaflets I left you? We never really got a chance to discuss them.” She kept her voice low.

“Aye, I did.” I answered.

“And?”

“And what? Ye wanted me to have the information, I do, so what? Still doesna change anythin’. I’m no interested in men, or marriage, or bairns. Sorry if ye were expectin’ a weddin’ or some grand bairns sometime in the future. They wilna come fae me.” I said.

“But you understand, right? About how to stay safe when being intimate with a man?”

I sighed. “Aye, I understand, I’m no an idiot. But, dae you understand? I dinna plan on doin’ any of that stuff anyway.”

I saw Ma roll her eyes at me. She wasna taken me seriously when I said I had no interest in men. Of course I could appreciate the beauty of men, but I didna want or need one in my life. All I’ve ever wanted was to be a healer. As much progression as there was between 1766 and 1968, I knew that some things were still the same. Some men didna want their women out havin’ a career of their own. They wanted them at home to cook and clean and bare them children. That just wasna for me. It’s what my Aunt Jenny tried to force in me a couple of times back home. I had no interest then, and I still have none now. 

I will be startin’ a job soon that is like a dream come true. A dream that I never ever believed could become a reality, was. Nothin’ was goin’ to stand in my way of learnin’ all I could and helpin’ people to heal and feel better.

“But, let’s just say... for arguments sake, you did find a suitor, and you decided to take things a little further and... be intimate. You would know how to practice safe sex, right?” I rolled my eyes and nodded yes. Ma sighed with relief. “I would prefer you to be on the pill as well, but I think it’s only fairly recent that unmarried women can get it here in the UK, but we can see about that when you find someone, alright?” I decided I didna want to have an argument, especially in the waitin’ area of the doctor practice, so I just gave her a weak smile and nodded in agreement.

The elderly couple were next to be taken through. 

Ma and I just sat there in silence until her name was called shortly afterwards.

Ma got up straight away, but paused when she saw I remained seated.

“Come on.” She told me as she reached a hand out for me to take.

I just gave her a quizzical look. “She called your name, no mine.” I pointed out.

“Your coming in with me. We’re both seeing the same doctor and your appointment is after mine.” I let out a sigh and stood up to follow her. Wi’out taken her hand. I am a young woman after all, no a child. “Anyway, I need to be in your appointment anyway so I can ask about getting your immunisations done.”

“My what?” I asked her as I followed on closely behind her.

“Injections. To prevent illnesses.” She said simply, as if I should of kent what she was gan on about.

“Whatever.” I mumbled.

Da had told me that Ma could never catch small pox. I wondered if that’s what she meant by “immunisations” and “injections”, but I couldna get in to it all because we were headed in to the doctors room.

When we approached the door that lead in to the small “examination” room, there was a a tall, blonde woman who looked a bit older than me, but a bit younger than Ma. She was really pretty and was dressed verra smartly in a black pant suit wi’ a white blouse underneath her blazer.

Apparently she and Ma had met before because they greeted each other like they knew each other.

Once we were inside the small room, Ma sat down on the seat closest to the doctors desk, and I sat on the seat beside her.

“This must be yer daughter, Faith?” The doctor asked.

“Ah, yes.” Ma answered before turnin’ to me. “Sweetheart, this is Dr McDougall. She sometimes runs a clinic at the hospital.”

I smiled at the woman and she smiled back.

“Alright, so... what I’m going to do today Claire is just give ye a wee exam and see how things are with ye. If ye have somethin’ ye need me to ken, just tell me.” Dr McDougall then turned to me. “And I’ll do the same wi’ you too Faith. Just need to check your weight and overall health and basically just have a wee natter to get to ken one another really.” I just nodded along. I didna really ken what to say in this situation. It was just so... strange. But I kent bein’ here would also give me an inside in to how things might be wi’ patients at the hospital.

“Um, my overall health is pretty well, but I do have some concerns about Faith. You see, she basically grew up here in Scotland with her father, and I’m afraid she hasn’t had any of her immunisations. I had no idea until recently. Would it be possible to get her scheduled in to have them done?” Ma asked.

The puir doctor looked horrified. “Well... of course.” Dr McDougall turned to me. “Um, do you know why your father never took ye to get immunised? I mean, it does happen, but not that often. Most parents are determined for their children to have them done. Especially as children.” She explained.

Before I could answer, Ma jumped right in wi’ an explanation. “It was probably because he had a fear of needles. That’s the only explanation I can think of.” Ma shrugged.

The doctor nodded and made a note in her wee writing pad to organise an appointment for me to come back in and get these “immunisations” done. Apparently I was to get five injections all together. It didna really bother me as I understood that it was a necessity, and they would help me to live a healthy life.

I was to get immunised for Smallpox, which I already kent Ma had. I was also to get another injection that would fight against Diphtheria, Tetanus and Pertussis. That was one injection to fight against the three. Then I was to have an injection for Polio and then another two for Measles and Mumps.

If it prevented me from contracting any of these diseases, it would be worth it.

Dr McDougall had a wee chat wi’ Ma about her medical history before she took a note of her height and weight.

When the doctor was finished wi’ Ma’s consultation, she turned her attention back to me. 

“So Faith, is there anything ye think I should know about your medical history?” She asked. 

I just shook my head and turned to Ma, but before Ma could say anythin’, there was a knock at the door.

“Sorry.” Dr McDougal said. “That will be the medical student. I hope ye’s don’t mind? I cam send him away if ye would prefer though.”

“No it’s fine.” I said. “Medical student? They all need tae learn, right?” Both Dr McDougall and !a smiled at me before the doctor let the medical student in to the room.

I wasna payin’ all that much attention too be honest, because I was fascinated wi’ the posters that were hung around the walls in the room. Some detailing about pregnancy, some about small pox. There was one about something called malaria and another couple about something called tuberculosis.

“Sorry I’m late, Dr McDougall.” The English medical student said. “I got held up with another patient with Dr Baxter.”

“It’s alright, Alex.” Dr McDougall answered. “Come on in. This is Mrs Claire Randall, a surgeon at the Western General.”

“Pleased to meet you.” The medical student said to Ma. I was still too engrossed wi’ the informative posters on the walls to pay much attention.

“And you.” Ma answered him cheerfully.

“And this is her daughter—“

“Faith?”

At the mention of my name from a familiar English accent that wasna Ma’s, I slowly turned my head and I couldna believe my eyes.

“Alexander?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooooh. So, who is this Alexander guy? And how on earth do he and Faith know one another? 🤷🏼♀️😂
> 
> Thank you all so much for all the love and comments. I really appreciate the feedback, even if I don’t get round to responding, I do read them and I do greatly appreciate all your thoughts.
> 
> Kirsty X


	18. Chapter Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faith knows the medical student, Alexander. Claire wants to know how.

At the mention of my name from a familiar English accent that wasna Ma’s, I slowly turned my head and I couldna believe my eyes.

“Alexander?”

“Do you two know each other?” Dr. McDougall asked. “Alex can always step outside if it would make ye feel more comfortable, Faith?”

“Um... no. It’s fine. He can stay.” I shrugged, not really kennin’ what else to say.

Alexander bowed his head to me, like he’d done so many times before as we passed each other, and made his way to pull a chair over from the corner and set it next to Dr McDougall so he could face me.

“Alright then,” Dr McDougall sighed. “So Faith, all we need to do now is get some measurements of your height and weight.”

Dr McDougall led me over to the scales where she made me stand so she could check my weight, and then she moved this wee lever thing to check my height. I told her I didna want to ken my weight, fearin’ the possibility I was still well underweight from when I was back home. She didna seem too concerned though, so I took that as a good time. 

Even though neither of them spoke, and I had my back to both of them, I was still verra aware of Alexander’s eyes on me, and Ma’s eyes were on Alexander.

How the hell was I meant to explain any of this?

I kent Ma would have questions about how I kent Alexander.

And I never expected Alexander to be the medical student sittin’ in on my appointment.

It was so awkward.

When my appointment was finished, Dr McDougall showed Ma and I back to the reception so that we could make an appointment for my immunisations.

Dr McDougall had asked if I would be comfortable for Alexander to take lead on that appointment and allow him to do the procedures himself. Apparently he had done it before, but the more experience he had, the better. 

Obviously I had to agree. 

After the appointment was made for next week, Ma and I made our way back to the car so we could head home. 

I was so exhausted from the lack of sleep the night before, but I had a feelin’ I would struggle to have a wee “nap” when I got home because of all the insane thoughts and questions about Alexander runnin’ around my head.

“So... are you going to tell me how you know this Alex boy then?” Ma asked carefully as we reached the car in the car park of the medical practice. “He seems like a very nice lad. And he’s training to be a doctor. That’s... great, huh?”

“It’s a long story. No a verra particularly interestin’ one either so...”

“I just wasn’t aware you had made any friends here yet, that’s all.”

“Look, can ye just drop it? It’s nothin’. I dinna ken the lad that well, just in passin’, really.” I shrugged before openin’ my car door.

Ma just raised an eyebrow at me before she turned to make her way to her own side of the car to get in. 

Before we could drive away, Alexander appeared and knocked on my window.

Ma nudged me in the side and when I turned to look at her, she winked at me and gave me a smile.

“Dinna get any ideas. I still dinna want or need a man.” I muttered, causing Ma to sigh and roll her eyes at me.

I turned back to Alexander at my side of the car. He titled his head as in to ask me to follow him for a quiet word.

I got out of the car and I followed him a few paces from the car so Ma could a hear what was bein’ said.

I felt so nervous and panicky.

I was startin’ to shake a little and my hands were gettin’ sweaty.

“Well, this is certainly a surprise, Faith Randall.” Alexander asked.

I cringed at the name. Ma had decided it would be easier if I went by Randall, same as her and Bree. Randall was the name on all my new documents. It was how I had introduced myself to the few people I had met here in this time. It was strange, but it also made me feel closer to Ma and Bree for some reason. Like, we really were a family.

Alexander looked as nervous as me as he shuffled from one foot to the other.

“Look, my Ma will be workin’ the night. Why don’t ye come by the house sometime after dinner and we can talk.” I suggested.

“Sounds wonderful.” He smiled. “So, your mother is a surgeon?”

“Aye. General surgery.”

“Impressive.” He smiled again and I gave him my address and some directions as he wasna familiar wi’ that part of the city.

Before I could turn to walk back to the car, Alexander took a gentle grasp of my hand, and raised it to his lips so he could plant a small kiss on my knuckles.

Ever the gentleman.

“I shall see you tonight then, Mistress Faith.” Alex kissed my hand again before he bowed in front of me and dropped my hand. “I really look forward to it.” He smiled before lookin’ over to the car and giving a gentle wave to Ma before he went back inside the medical centre.

The whole ride home in the car was pretty much in silence. I could tell Ma was desperate to ask about Alexander, but I didna want to talk about him. I just wanted home to bed.

When we got home, I had a glass of water and made my way up to bed for a wee nap, as Ma suggested. 

I didna expect her to follow me up the stairs, much less follow me in to my room. I just ignored her though and climbed in to bed and huddled under my nice warm duvet.

“Are you going to at least tell me how you know that young man?” I could sense her right beside my bed, arms folded across her chest and her head tilted to the side.

“Maybe tomorrow.” I mumbled. “Ye no got some things to do before ye start yer shift later.” It was more of a hint for her to leave me alone than an actual question I needed and answer to. She kent that, but she answered anyway.

“No actually.” She sang.

I turned over in the bed so I could face her. “Look, I dinna ken what ye want me to say? I dinna ken the lad all that well. Just from passin’.” I said firmly.

“I’m only asking how you know the man, Faith. I didn’t know it was such a secret.” She huffed.

I let out a deep sigh and sat up on the bed. “Look, I told ye I dinna ken the lad all that well. I just ken him in passin’ really.” I said again and shrugged, hopin’ that would be answer enough for her.

Obviously not.

“In passing? Yet, you know each other’s names. And if I’m not mistaken, extremely shocked to see each other.”

“Fine. I met him a few weeks ago at the store. He introduced himself as Alexander, and I introduced myself in return to be polite. I didna ken he was a medical student. Like I said, I only really ken the lad in passin’.” I explained, but I could tell she didna believe me.

Ma raised an eyebrow at me. “Alright, fine. Have it your way.” She scoffed as she flung her hands up in the air in frustration. “But just be careful, alright? You’re new to this place in this time. If you won’t be honest with me about things, I need you to be extra careful around people you don’t really know. Clearly there is something you’re not telling me, and I can’t force you to, so I’m begging you to be careful, alright?”

I just nodded in agreement and Ma let out a deep breath. 

I snuggled back down under the covers and closed my eyes. 

I felt Ma’s lips brush against my cheek. “Alright then, sleep well and I’ll wake you later. I love you, sweetheart.”

“Love you too, Ma.”

Surprisingly, I did manage to sleep for a while. Ma came and woke me a good three hours after she left me in my room to rest.

We spent the afternoon eating lunch and watchin’ some art programme on the television. I enjoyed it because I loved to paint. No that I had done much painting since I came here. In fact, I hadna painted anythin’ besides the walls in the house. I enjoyed watchin’ other people paint and sketch on these kinda shows though. Ma admitted she wasna much of an artist, but she did appreciate all kinds of art. Guess me and Bree got our artistic talents from Granny Ellen then. Da wasna all that brilliant at painting either. He wasna too bad, but he wasna as good as he would have liked to have been.

It was meant to be Ma’s day off, but some other surgeon on her ward needed the day off for a family funeral. He had someone else cover for him, but the other surgeon had later said he could only cover half the shift, so they asked Ma. Ma agreed to do the second half of the shift because she had her appointment this mornin’. Her boss did ask if she could reschedule because he really didn’t want two surgeons splitting a shift like that, but Ma said it couldna be changed. She didna ken how long we would need to wait for another appointment, and with her usual work schedule, it was difficult to arrange appointments. Her boss had no choice but to agree to the, splitting the shift, so Ma would start her work at four, and be home for ten. Hopefully.

Due to her weird start time, we decided on just a quick sandwich for lunch and then a more substantial early tea before she went to work. 

Since I spent some hours in bed when we got home from the doctors, it was Ma that was preparing tea for us. Mince and mashed tatties. A favourite of mine, and no a difficult dish. Well... for most people. Ma managed to burn some of the mince to the bottom of the pot. How she managed that, I’ll never ken.

The meal was nice though. She managed to give us both a fair amount of mince and then she tossed the burnt bits in to the rubbish bin. Well, the burnt bits she could get out of the pot. Some of it was stuck stubbornly to the bottom, so she decided just to toss the pot in the rubbish bin as well.

“I coulda steeped it, cleaned it. Ye wouldna have kent.” I said, referring to the burnt pot.

Ma gave me frustrated look. “It-it’s fine. It’s only a pot. I can get a new one.”

I didna respond. I just thought about how different things were here in this time than what they were from where I come from. 

If a pot was accidentally burnt at Lallybroch, we steeped it and scraped at it until there was no food stuck. Gave it a really good clean, and nine times out of ten, ye wouldna ken there was anythin’ a miss. The pots looked as good as new.

Here in this time though, ye just throw it away and buy a new one.

Things were certainly made a lot easier in this time. Sometimes it was a good thing, other times I thought it made some people... lazy.

When Ma headed off to work, I started on the dishes and tidying them away.

I never gave Alexander a specific time to come by, but I said after dinner, so I assumed he would be round any time after six. 

There was a knock at the door at ten to seven.

I took a deep breath before walkin’ down the hallway to open the front door.

As I opened the front door, I saw Alexander stood up straight and proper, like his usual self. He had his charming smile plastered on his face that I loved so much. His dark blonde hair was in perfect place. And his eyes... those deep blue eyes that I had often found myself drowning in were looking straight at me. 

“Good evening Mistress Fraser.” Alexander bowed his head.

“Almost didna recognise ye wi’out yer red coat.” I commented.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for all the wonderful comments and feedback. I’m glad you’re enjoying this fic so much.
> 
> More drama to come. And we will learn more about Faith and Alexander, and a Jamie POV chapter will be coming really soon too as well as a Christmas chapter where Bree comes to Scotland to spend her first Christmas as a family with her mother and sister.
> 
> I know some of you are reading Mo Ghraidh too, and I just wanted to say, don’t worry, the next chapter for that will be posted late this evening. It’s just a longer chapter than this and takes a wee bit extra time to read through and check for errors before posting.
> 
> Also, on the topic of errors... there will probably always be the odd spelling mistake or grammar mistake because even though I do read through my chapters before I post, I always seem to miss things. I think it’s because I spend so much time writing the chapters and then then when I read over them, I just miss some things haha. I do apologise, but hopefully you all ken what I mean.
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter, and thanks again for reading.
> 
> Kirsty X


	19. Chapter Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We find out how Faith and Alex know one another.

The first time I ever met Alexander, was nearly three years ago. 

At Lallybroch.

Aunt Jenny and I had just had yet another argument about her wanting to find me a husband. I insisted I didna want a husband. I wanted to marry a man I loved, no someone my Aunt had just plucked out of thin air because he came from a good family. Someone wi’ a good name.

We argued and argued for what seemed like hours. In the end, I had enough and stormed out of the house, Aunt Jenny followin’ quickly behind me. 

I was stopped on my tracks out the front when I saw a lone redcoat soldier trotting through the arch way on his horse. 

It wasna verra often the redcoats came by after Da was arrested, but there was some now and again. Never on their own though. They always came in groups of two’s or three’s, so this sight was quite strange.

The lad climbed off his horse and carefully walked towards me and Aunt Jenny.

“Hello, Madam.” He spoke to Aunt Jenny. “I’m so sorry to intrude, but I seem to have gotten myself a little turned around. I was wondering if you could help me find my way back down to the village?”

His voice was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. I had heard many English soldiers over the years, but this one was... different.

“Aye, of course. If ye just go back through the archway there, and continue to follow...”

I didna really hear all what Aunt Jenny was sayin’ I was too busy takin’ in how handsome this particular soldier was. 

He was... tall. Maybe no as tall as Da, but he was fairly tall. He had the most beautiful dark blonde hair that curled around his face a bit. His curls reminded me of Da’s a little, though this lad’s hair wasna as long as Da’s, the last time I saw him. The soldier had the most beautiful shade of deep blue eyes I had ever seen. I was just standing there drowning in the sight of them. I had never seen such blue eyes before. 

I quickly realised I was staring at the poor lad, so I decided to excuse myself as Aunt Jenny continued to give the lad directions to the village. 

I decided to head in to the woods. I needed some alone time. Away from everyone. Especially Aunt Jenny and her matchmaking schemes to try and find me a husband.

I was gone for a wee while when I heard a horse coming up behind me on the road before I was about to turn in to my favourite part of the woods.

“Afternoon Mistress.” 

I kent straight away from the voice that it was the handsome British soldier that I had seen not so long ago up at the house. I stopped to turn around and be polite.

“Afternoon, sir.” I bowed my head in acknowledgment.

The soldier climbed of his horse again and came towards me. I backed up a little in to a tree. I didna ken this lad, and just because he looked nice and had good manners, didna mean he wasna as bad as the rest of the British army.

“My name is Alexander. Alex.” He bowed his head to me. “It’s a pleasure to meet you Mistress..?”

“Faith.” I responded as I looked around us to see if there was anyone else around.

Alexander smiled at me. He had the brightest smile I had ever seen. And his teeth... wow. I had never seen such a nice set of teeth before. This lad looked like someone from another world.

“Faith? That’s an unusual name.” He said softly. “For around these parts I mean.” He quickly added.

I dinna ken why, but I decided to tell him how I got my name. “Well, I was born early, ye see. They didna think I would survive, but my Ma, she had faith that I would. But then she took a turn as well, and for a time there was a chance that we both could have left the earth. But then we both survived. And that was how I got my name really. She had Faith I would pull though, and I did. Apparently I was stubborn from the start.” I rambled on, which was very much unlike my usual quiet, shy self.

Alexander chuckled at my last statement, and I couldna help but smile.

“Well, Mistress Faith, I’m glad you did survive.” He smiled at me again. “I better be off, but it was very nice to meet you. I hope our paths will cross again.” I didna say anythin’, I just nodded my head in agreement and watched as he climbed back on to his horse. “Until next time, Mistress.” He bowed his head towards me again, and then he was off in the direction of the village.

We did see each other again.

Often.

Alexander would meet me in the woods at least once a week. Some times more often than that if we could.

We spoke about ourselves and our lives. I opened up about how trapped I felt livin’ at Lallybroch. Told him how I was learnin’ to be a midwife as I helped the local midwife from the village sometimes, but it wasna enough, I wanted to be able to do more.

“I want to be a healer. Really help people when they are in need. That will never happen though. Not here anyway.”

Alexander was one of the verra few people in my life that understood what I wanted from my life. He understood how frustrated I was that I couldna achieve the things I wanted to because of my gender basically. The fact that I was a woman, was restrictin’ in so many ways.

Over the weeks and months we spent together, gettin’ to ken one another, we grew closer and closer.

He wasna just my best friend. But, we both knew it would never work. We could never work as anythin’ more, so... it was a silent agreement that he was my best friend. My secret best friend. 

No one ever knew about our friendship, or the fact we would secretly meet up in the woods.

Not even Fergus knew. 

The last day I saw Alexander, was a few weeks before Da had come home.

Aunt Jenny and I had gotten in to an argument again about some lad she thought would make me a good husband. 

I took off in to the woods to meet Alexander, as we had arranged on our last meetin’. He was there. Sat on a fallen tree, where we usually met. But, he didna seem like his usual smiley, happy self. He looked... devastated.

Turns out he had heard that Aunt Jenny had been plannin’ a union betwix me and some lad from a few villages over. 

“I dinna want to wed him, Alexander. I’ll no dae it. She canna make me.” I told him, but it was no use. He was sure that this union would happen.

“I don’t think I should come and visit you anymore, Faith.”

Hearin’ that was like a dagger to my heart.

“B-but, ye’re my best friend. I canna no see ye again.”

“I’m sorry. I wish things were different, but they’re not.” He stood up and walked a few paces away from me, but kept his eyes securely on mine. “I love you, Faith. I want to be your husband. I want to start a family with you. I want to help and support you chase and achieve your dreams. I want to love and protect you freely, but I can’t. I can’t do any of that, and I really wish things were different, but they’re not.” He came towards me and I turned my head so he wouldn’t see the tears fillin’ my eyes. Alexander reached out and held my chin between his thumb and index finger, and turned my head back to face him. “I love you.”

Hearin’ those three little words, I broke down in tears.

Alexander wrapped his arms tightly around me and held me until my sobs started to calm down. He had never held me like that before, and I hated how safe and secure it made me feel when he held me like that. I kent that this was the first and last time he would ever do this. It was the first time he had ever told me he loved me. I really wanted to say it back, because I loved him too. But, what would be the point? After that day, I would never see him again.

I stepped away from his warm embrace, and kept my head lookin’ down at the ground.

“If I could find a way to make this work Faith, you know I would. I would beg on bended knee to your entire family if I thought it would help, but it won’t. They would never approve of me. Of us.”

“We could leave.” I whispered. “We could go somewhere nobody kens us. The borders perhaps?” I asked him, but when I looked up, Alexander just shook his head.

“You have already lost so much, Faith. Your mother and father are both gone. I can’t take you away from the family you have left. They would never forgive me. I would never forgive myself.”

“I can’t lose you though.” I pleaded wi’ him, but it was no good.

Alexander came closer to me and took my right hand in his and placed a soft kiss to my knuckles, like he always did when we were together.

“I’ll never forget you, Faith.” He said as he stood up straight after droppin’ my hand. “I wish you all the happiness in the world. I only wish that I could be the one to make your dreams come true.”

And then he left. 

And I never saw him again until one August day in 1968, in the doctors surgery. 

“Good evening Mistress Fraser.” Alexander bowed his head.

“Almost didna recognise ye wi’out yer red coat.” I commented.

Alexander’s face fell. 

I kent I was a bit direct and bitter, but this was the man who broke what little of a heart I had. The lad who I could actually see a future wi’. The only lad I could see a future wi’. Not a normal life, obviously. We both came from two completely different worlds. I was a Scottish lass from the highlands. A traitor’s daughter to boot. And Alexander was a British soldier. No one would have given us their blessin, or agreed to us wantin’ to build a life together, but instead of even given us a chance, he abandoned me. Like my parents did. 

For such a long time I felt like I didna belong, but then I met Alexander, and my life was just... better. 

I had never been interested in marriage or a family before I met him. I kept tellin’ Aunt Jenny I wanted to marry for love, but I wasna even sure if I was capable of love. No until Alexander dropped in to my life.

When he left, I kent I would never love another soul like him. I resigned myself to the fact that I would never marry, and never have children. No if I couldna have that wi’ Alexander.

But here he was. Stood on my doorstep in 1968. Lookin’ as handsome as ever.

I never expected to ever see him again. Much less here, in this time.

I moved to the side of the door and invited him in.

Things were a little awkward to begin wi’. I could feel myself rebuildin’ all the wall I had carefully built over the years. The wall that Ma had been slowly, but surely chippin’ away at since I came to be wi’ her. But, it was difficult to be open wi’ Alexander now. He had been gone from my life for two years. The only man I had ever loved. The only man I could see a future wi’. But I didna see how we could go back to bein’ friends after everythin’ that happened. I wasna sure if I could handle him bein’ in my life again.

Eventually, I found myself askin how it was possible for him to be here. Obviously he was a time traveler like me, but who was the real Alexander? Was he the red coat I unexpectedly fell in love wi’, or was he really from this time, and trainin’ to be a doctor?

Turns out it was the latter.

“I was born in Manchester on the Fourth of April. That was true, except I was born during World War Two, in 1942.

“After the war ended, my mother took me and my sister down to London. That was where she and my father were from and so that’s where I grew up.

“I was telling the truth when I said my mother and sister had both died. Only, they died in a house fire, not of any illness, and I’m truly sorry for lying about that.”

There was silence for a wee while as I took in all that Alexander was tellin’ me. “Okay. So... yer from this time then?” I asked and Alexander nodded yes. “Okay. So... what happened that ye found yerself away back in the seventeen hundreds?” I asked curiously.

“After my mother and sister died, it was just my father and I. We weren’t exactly all that close, but we seemed to drift further apart after their deaths.

“I knew my father was a time traveler. He told me when I was only nine years old. He came from the future. He was born in the year 1995. When he was twenty years old, he found himself doing a road trip of Scotland and then somehow ended up going through the stones at Craigh na Dun. He ended up in the late nineteen thirties. Decided to go down to London and that was where he met my Mum in 1938. They were married a few months later and my sister arrived in 1940.

“Anyway, sometime after my mother and sister died, my dad took off without a word. I had a feeling he went back to the stones at Craigh na Dun. I wasn’t sure if I could travel myself, but apparently I can. Only, I never found my father. Instead, I found myself in 1763. And I found you.” He looked over to me and smiled.

“So, that day ye left... did ye go straight back through the stones to this time, or did he stay in the eighteenth century for a while?”

“I couldn’t stay, Faith. I couldn’t be there and not be with you. Not be who I wanted to be with you. It was too painful. So, I decided the best thing to do was to come back here and finish medical school. Try and build a life for myself.” He shrugged before sittin’ back in his seat. “So, I told you my story. What’s yours?” He asked.

I filled him in on Da comin’ home from Helwater after he received a pardon from Lord John Gray, and how he, Fergus and I had been stayin’ in Edinburgh for the last few months. 

“I was just so sick of no bein’ able to be what I wanted to be. I felt trapped. 

“when I found myself at the stones at Craigh na Dun, I didna have a plan. All I kent was I had to get away. I had to find a place for myself. I never expected to turn up in this time and meet my mother who abandoned me as a bairn, and my wee sister. I’m glad I did though.” I explained.

“I’m glad you did too. I’m also glad you have obviously decided to stay.” He said wi’ a small smile.

“I have. Ma managed to get me a job at the hospital as an Auxiliary. I’ll be startin’ there soon, actually.” I told him.

“Faith, that’s wonderful news. Finally you have the opportunity to learn and be who you want to be.” He paused as he tilted his head to the side. “So... will you go on to study nursing in school, or do you fancy a crack at medical school and becoming a doctor, sorry, surgeon, like your Mum? I’m sure you can do whatever you set your mind to.”

“Havena really thought about it. Ma asked me the same, but things are just so different here. I think starting off as an Auxiliary is for the best. Maybe in a year or so I will have a better idea of what it is I want to do.” I told him shyly.

Alexander reached over and took my hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I’m here for you, you know that right? I want to help and support you in any way I can.” 

I pulled my hand away from him as gently as I could. “I don’t think we should see each other any more.” I whispered.

“What? Why not? Faith—“

“I’m sorry, but yer kinda my doctor now. We should just keep it as such. I only invited ye here so we could talk about how we both came to be here. We’ve done that now.” I shrugged.

“Faith—“

“I think ye should go now. It was nice to see ye again, and I’ll see ye next week at the medical centre.”

As I walked out of the livin’ room, I kent Alexander was followin’ behind me, and I could tell he was upset. Before I reached the front door, he took a hold of my hand and pulled me back towards him wi’ such a force, I slammed in to his chest.

“Sorry, Faith. I’m sorry.” He said as he took my head in his hands to look over my face.

I could feel my eyes tearin’ up as his beautiful blue eyes bore in to mine. “I need ye to leave.” I whispered as I broke eye contact to look down at the floor.

Alexander tilted my chin up wi’ his finger. “I meant what I said before. I love you, Faith. I always have, and I’ll never stop. 

“We didn’t stand a chance before, but maybe now we can try. Maybe this is our chance to be together.” My tears started to pour out of my eyes and run down my cheeks at his words. “Faith, please.” Alexander begged me as I saw his own tears start to fall freely.

I couldna speak. I couldna move either, I just stood there as Alexander started to wipe away my fallen tears from my face.

I didna hear the car pull up outside because I was just so focused on Alexander touchin’ and comfortin’ me in a way I never thought he would.

When I heard the door swingin’ open, I quickly turned my head to find Ma stood there wi’ her mouth hangin’ wide open. I turned back to Alexander, “Ye should go.” He nodded in agreement, but when he went to leave, Ma came in to the house fully, and shut the door behind her.

“He isn’t going anywhere until you tell me how exactly you two know one another, and why you’re standing there in tears.” Ma announced forcefully.

“It’s nothin’ Ma. I’m just tired is all. Just let him go.” I sighed. I really was exhausted. I hadna realised that Alexander and I had been sat there for over three hours talkin’ about our past and our present.

“Why are you so upset?” Ma asked me. “What have you done to my daughter?” She asked Alexander.

“He hasna done anythin’.” I told her. “No this time anyway.” I muttered under my breath.

“Look, Mrs Randall, I-I know Faith from... from before.” Ma raised an eyebrow at his confession and took off her coat and hung it and her handbag up on the coat stand by the door. “I met your daughter a couple of years ago. At Lallybroch.” Alexander continued.

Ma walked toward us slowly wi’ her arms crossed over her chest. “Alright. So... why is my daughter upset now? Have you done something to hurt her?” When she reached me, she pulled me close to her and she placed a kiss on top of my head. 

“I think we’ve hurt each other.” Alexander answered as he looked over at me with a sad look on his face.

Both he and Ma looked at me, waitin’ for me to say somethin’. I just felt so tired and confused. I didna ken what I was supposed to say or do for the best.

“I’ll show Alexander out. If ye make me a cuppa tea, I’ll tell ye everythin’. I promise.” I told Ma. She looked at me carefully before noddin’ in agreement. 

She then turned to face Alexander. “Well then, good night Alexander.” She said politely.

“Good night to you too, Mrs Randall.” Alexander bowed his head before he followed me to the door. When Ma was out of sight, he came closer to me and took my right hand in his and kissed my knuckles. “Good night, Faith. I really do hope you can find a space in your heart for me.” I just gave him a small nod since I didna ken how to respond. I didna expect his next actions though. He place a hand behind my head and pulled me closer to him so he could whisper in my ear, “I love you.” Alexander then kissed my cheek, and then opened the front door and left.

“Did he just kiss you on the cheek?” Ma asked from the doorway leadin’ in to the kitchen. 

She must have snuck back to watch what was goin’ on between us. Great.

I closed the front door and slowly made my way to the kitchen.

This was goin’ to be a long night.


	20. Chapter Nineteen

I sat down wi’ Ma in the kitchen and told her how I actually came to meet Alexander.

I didna say I felt anything for him more than friendship though. I kent that would open up a whole other conversation I just wasna willin’ to participate in.

“I’m sorry, are you telling me this Alex was a British soldier?” I nodded yes. “A-and you were friends with him? Told him about your life?” I nodded yes again as Ma shook her head in disbelief. “What the hell, Faith? Did you tell him who your father was?”

“No to begin wi’, obviously. But, when I kent I could trust him—“

“Trust him?!” She barked at me as she stood up from her seat at the kitchen table. “Faith, he was a British soldier! You shouldn’t have told him anything.” She told me sternly.

“Look, Da was already servin’ his parole at Helwater—“

“That doesn’t matter. You didn’t know this boy from Adam, and you told him personal information...” she trailed off as a thought came to her. “What did you tell him about me? If he was aware Jenny and Ian were your Aunt and Uncle, and your father was James bloody Fraser... what did you tell him about me?”

I kent that question was coming, but somehow, I wasna ready for it. 

I turned my head away so Ma couldna see my face. I felt horrible for what I had told Alexander about her. When I spoke to him this evenin’, he understood why I said what I did, but would Ma? I didna think so. I didna want to hurt her wi’ somethin’ I told someone three years ago. 

“Faith?” She asked as she came to sit back at the table. “I presume you didn’t tell him about the stones?”

I shook my head no.

“Then where did he think I was?” She asked me gently.

“I-I... I told him ye were dead.” I turned to face her and I could see the hurt in her eyes. “I’m sorry, but I told him ye died when I was only a bairn. That was why Aunt Jenny and Uncle Ian were raisin’ me.”

She slowly nodded her head in understandin’, but she was still hurt. “Alright. I suppose it wasn’t... untrue, I suppose.”

“When ye didna come back for me, it was easier to just think of ye as dead. I’m sorry.” I reached a hand across the table to hold hers. Try and make her see that I truly was sorry.

Ma already kent I thought of her as dead for a long time, but I think it must of been hard for her to hear that I actually told someone she was dead. But what else was I supposed to say? 

“So... any information you shared with Alex... it didn’t get you or the Murray’s in any trouble or anything then?” 

“No. He didn’t tell anyone I was Red Jamie’s daughter. 

“Lookin’ back, and kennin’ what I do now, I dinna think he would have said anythin’ worth mentioning to the British anyway. I think it was the only way for him to blend in. Be a soldier.” I shrugged. “He was the only person that really understood me, Ma. Now I ken why. He comes from a place where things are so much simpler. 

“I told him how I wanted to be a healer, but I kent it would never happen. He told me that he’s glad that I’m here and I can finally work towards achieving my dreams. I ken he’s genuine about that, because he was one of the few folk that actually would have supported me back then.” I explained.

Ma looked up at me with a small smile. “Were you... more than just friends? He couldn’t take his eyes of you at the doctors today, and the way he was looking at you this evening...”

“Nothin’ ever happened between us. We were just friends, but then he left one day and I never seen him again til today.” I answered. It wasna a complete lie. As much as I did love Alexander, nothin’ ever did happen between us. Nothin’ could.

Later on, when I was tucked up in bed, ready to fall asleep, Ma came in to wish me goodnight.

“I just have one last question about Alex, and I promise I won’t bring him up again.” Ma said as she came to sit next to me on the bed.

I slid myself up to sit wi’ my back against the headboard. “What?” I sighed.

“Well, when I asked you how you knew each other, why didn’t you just tell me the truth?” Ma asked as she softly brushed my hair out of my face wi’ her fingers.

“I did want to, I just... I didna really ken what to say. I mean, I needed to speak wi’ Alexander first and find out his story. Plus... I wasna sure if he would want me to tell ye. I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright sweetheart. I was just a little worried because you never mentioned meeting any boys here. Especially ones who are friends.”

“I dinna think we’ll see him again. Well, except at the medical centre.” I told her. I didna want her thinkin’ he would be round here all the time and leave space for her to attempt another speech about “safe sex”.

“Well... why not? I don’t mind him being here. He’s one of the very few people you know in this time. And if you two were such good friends before, why can’t you be again?” Ma asked.

I pulled over the wee cushion that sat on my bed and started to pull at the wee thread that I had been picking at whenever I felt nervous or anxious or upset. “I just think it would be better to keep things professional. I mean, he is workin’ at the medical centre. You of all people should ken ye canna get too friendly wi’ patients.” I said.

Ma didna push me any more. “Alright then. It’s up to you. 

“I’ll let you get some sleep now. Good night, my darling.” She said before she leaned over and kissed my forehead. “I love you.”

As she got up to leave, I grabbed the bottom of her blouse. “Can ye stay wi’ me tonight, please?”

I could tell my request had her worried. I had never asked her to stay wi’ me before.

“What’s wrong, Faith?” She asked me with her face and voice full of concern. 

“Nothing. I-I just don’t want to be alone.” I told her.

There was silence for a few moments as she just stared at me. 

“Of course. Let me just go and wash up and get changed, alright?” 

When I was a wee bairn, around three years old, I used to climb out of bed during the night and sneak in to Aunt Jenny and Uncle Ian’s room. They didna mind at first, but after a while, they told me I had to stay in my own bed in my own room. So, I started sneakin’ in to sleep wi’ Fergus instead. 

I remember for the first few weeks, he would always return me to my own bed, but after a while, he just gave in and let me stay wi’ him if I ever came to him. 

I stopped doin’ that when I started spendin’ time wi’ Da when he came to the house at night. I must of been about seven or eight then. But, when Da made Aunt Jenny hand him over to the British, I started to sneak in to stay wi’ Fergus again for a wee while. It was maybe only for a few weeks though, and then I was able to stay in my own bed by myself for a full night.

When Alexander left, I was too old to turn to Fergus for comfort. Not that he would have kent what he was comfortin’ me for, since he didna ken about Alexander. But when Alexander left, I found it really difficult. It was then that I realised that I had a fear of bein’ left behind. 

I had felt abandoned by both my parents for a really long time. Even now. Even though I have managed to build some kind of relationship with each of them, and I love them both so much, I still have this feelin’ of bein’ left behind by them both.

Aunt Jenny and Uncle Ian never left me, but with Aunt Jenny’s determination to have me married off, it made me feel like she didna want me around anymore. I ken that wasna the case, but it’s how she made me feel.

I just felt... numb and confused after bumpin’ in to Alexander like that the day. 

I think out of everyone in my life that left me behind, it was Alexander who hurt me the most. I loved him more than I ever thought I could love anybody. But he was gone too.

When Ma came back in to my room, she climbed in to bed beside me and wrapped her arm loosely around my waist. “Are you sure you’re alright, sweetheart?” She asked me softly.

“Aye. Just need to feel wanted.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys... thank you all so much for the wonderful comments on this fic. I really appreciate every single one of you who take the time to read this wee story.
> 
> I know this chapter was a bit on the short side... but I am hoping to post the next chapter later on tonight. If I can manage to check through it before hand. But I am hoping to have it Posted by midnight, UK time.
> 
> Thanks again everyone.
> 
> Kirsty X


	21. Chapter Twenty

Claire’s POV

My daughter said something to me the other night that I can’t get out of my mind.

When I climbed in to bed with her the other night after she asked me to stay with her, I asked her if she was alright.

Faith wasn’t one for showing her emotions all that much. Don’t get me wrong, I could tell straight away when something was bothering her, but she wasn’t one for opening up. Especially to me.

I was pleased when she asked me to stay with her though. It made me feel like she was finally beginning to trust me. She was finally allowing me to be there for her. But it broke my heart when she told me she was fine, she just needed to feel _wanted_ _._

How on earth could she ever think she was anything _but_ wanted?

Obviously the absence of both Jamie and I was felt deeper than I ever imagined.

I knew that our separation for the past twenty years had an affect on her, but I didn’t know she had felt like she was never wanted.

It made me question what her life was like without Jamie and I.

Did I make a mistake by letting Jamie persuade me to leave without her? I knew that was a mistake. I should have fought him harder on that.

What was her upbringing like at Lallybroch? Surely Jenny and Ian had raised her more or less like she was their own child? Faith had even told me they did, so why did my daughter feel like she wasn’t wanted?

I had come to remember that she had a visitor earlier that night. The young man Alexander, who she had known from her time back in the eighteenth century.

When I arrived home from work that night, Faith was clearly upset. Although, she never actually told me why. All she said was Alexander was a British soldier she had met a few years ago when he accidentally came by Lallybroch when he lost his way. They met up with each other now and again in the woods and became really good friends. I had asked if they were more than friends, but she insisted they weren’t. I couldn’t understand why she would be so upset to see him after all this time unless something had happened between them.

I didn’t want to push for too many details and risk Faith pulling away from me again. All I could do was be there for if and when she wanted to open up to me. All I could do was try and show her how much she is loved and wanted.

Faith hasn’t asked me to stay with her since that night, but I still always made a point to stay with her until I knew she was asleep.

There was just this vulnerability to her that I had ever seen before.

I knew my daughter could be strong willed and fierce, especially when it came to keeping me at arms length, but I was aware she was fragile, I just... didn’t realise how much Jamie and I’s actions affected her. Maybe it was naive of me of me to think that she hadn’t been as deeply affected as she was.

After yet another day of me coming home from work to find my daughter behaving as though she was completely fine and the other night hadn’t even happened, I decided that I had to at least try and get her to talk. Even just a little.

“So, how has your day been, sweetheart?” I asked her as we both sat down to the lovely meal of salmon and potatoes my daughter prepared for us.

“Fine, aye. Went in to the city centre and went a wee walk up to the castle earlier. It was packed wi’ tourists. Never seen the place so busy a’fore.”

“Oh, I thought you and I were going to explore the city at the weekend since I’m off?”

“Aye, still can. I just needed to get out of the neighbourhood for a wee while. Gets boring here on my own after a while.”

“Well, why don’t you invite Alex over one night? You could sit and watch a film or something? Sure a pizza from that place around the corner? Everyone at work says it’s the best pizza place in Edinburgh.”

It was only a suggestion, but I could tell Faith wasn’t happy at my bringing up Alexander.

“I told ye, he’s practically my doctor. It isna appropriate to be “hangin’ around” wi’ him outside of the medical practice. I dinna see you invitin’ any of your patients round for pizza.”

She was getting sarcastic. Annoyingly so.

I decided to drop any comments about Alexander. She could tell me the full story when she was ready to.

“Are we going to talk about the other night?” I asked her as an attempt to change the subject.

“Look, can ye just drop it? I dinna want to talk about him, alright?” Faith snapped at me.

“I didn’t mean Alex. I meant what happened after he left. What you said to me before we went to sleep.”

Faith shrugged her shoulders and feigned ignorance to what I was talking about.

“Dinna ken what ye mean.” She answered.

“Faith, you told me you just needed to feel wanted. Why on earth would you think that you aren’t? I think this is something we really do need to speak about.

“I haven’t brought it up before because I wanted you to open up to me yourself, but I really don’t like the way you’ve been behaving like you never said it. Is that truly how you feel, unwanted?”

Faith placed her knife and fork down on her empty plate and pushed it away from her and crossed her arms over her chest. “Why do ye feel the need to want to discuss everythin’? Can ye not just leave me be?”

“No.” I said simply. “Not when you say something as heartbreaking as that, Faith. No I can’t just drop it and forget you said it.”

“Fine.” She sighed. “But I’m goin’ to need a glass of whisky. Want one?” I nodded yes.

As Faith poured us a couple of glasses, I placed our dishes in the sink to be washed later. This conversation was more important than some dirty dishes lying around.

“I’m no sayin’ this to hurt ye, Ma. I dinna mean to, but I ken I probably will.” I sat down on the couch next to my daughter and gave her hand a little squeeze to encourage her to continue. “When I was growin’ up, I always felt lost. Like I didna belong at Lallybroch. No wi’out you or Da. I ken Da was there in a way, but he didna get to be my Da.

“I felt...abandoned by ye’s. Left behind, I suppose. And as much as I kent Aunt Jenny and Uncle Ian loved me, it just wasna the same, ye ken? And when Aunt Jenny was so desperate for me to get married and start a family of my own... I just... it felt like she just wanted me gone. I ken that’s no true, but it’s how it felt at the time.

“But then... there was... Alexander. He was my best friend. Someone I could be open and honest wi’ about everythin’. He kent my fears and struggles and he was just... I kent he woulda done anythin’ and everythin’ he could to support me. But then he left too. He left me behind too.

“It was just a shock seein’ him here of all places. After all this time. It just... confused me a bit.”

My heart was breaking at the fact my little girl felt that she was being left behind and abandoned by everyone she loved and trusted.

My eyes were filling with tears and I was trying so hard not to let them fall in front of her. I needed to be strong for Faith, but I couldn’t help it. They just seemed to pour out of me like a leaky tap. They wouldn’t stop.

I moved closer to Faith and wrapped both my arms around her shoulders and pulled her head to rest on my shoulder.

“I am so sorry that you have ever felt that way. I am so sorry I wasn’t a better mother to you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” I couldn’t stop apologising, like I couldn’t stop crying. “You have always been loved. And you have always been wanted, alright?” I pulled back so I could see her face. She nodded her head and gave me a weak smile. “You know that I love you, right?” There wasn’t a single day had gone by that I hadn’t told her I loved her. Question was, did she believe me?

“I ken ye do, Ma. I love you too.

“It’s just... after bein’ alone my whole life, well, apart from Fergus, it’s just strange to get used to... For a long time, Fergus was the only constant in my life. The only person I could really count on. But then, Da came home. I’ll no say we had the perfect typical father daughter relationship, cause we didna, but I kent he loved me, and I love him too. Like I ken you love me. It’s just strange havin’ that after goin’ wi’out it for so long.”

“Faith—“

“I like it when ye tell me ye love me.

“No one ever told me that when I was growin’ up. No really a thing ye said back then. I kent everyone did love me, but I liked it when Da would tuck me in at night and tell me he loved me, but then he went to prison, and no one told me any more. Then Alexander...”

“Alexander told you he loved you? Back then?” I questioned carefully. Not sure of the reaction I would get.

She nodded her head slowly. “Aye. The last day we saw each other. He told me twice.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Nothin’ ever happened between us because they couldna, no really. But he told me he loved me and wanted to be my husband and all this other stuff I wanted as well, but... he left me.” Faith leaned back on the couch, but she draper an arm over my waist as she snuggled in to my side. “I like it when ye tell me ye love every night. It’s nice to hear.” It broke my heart how she had gone all these years without feeling real proper love from the closest people around her. “Never stop, okay?”

Tears started to fall from my eyes again as I squeezed my baby girl tight to my side. “I promise. I’ll never stop.”

Faith’s POV

Today was the day I went back to the medical centre to get my vaccinations done.

I was a wee bit nervous at the thought of bein’ stuck by needles, but Ma assured me I would be fine.

Today was meant to be her day off, but she was called last night and asked to cover a shift. She said no, but I managed to talk her in to agreeing to the shift. She was still new to the hospital, and I didna want them to get annoyed because she wasturnin’ down shifts all the time. Especially because of me.

I ken she was just worried about me and wanted to be there to help me and take my mind off everythin’, but she couldna keep turnin down work just to babysit me.

As it turned out, Ma managed to get someone to cover for her so she could meet me at the medical centre.

In a way, I was kinda relieved to have her there, but on the other hand... I was a wee bit embarrassed. I’m a twenty two year old woman after all. I doubt it’s common for a twenty two year old woman to bring along her mother to doctors appointments.

It was Alexander that came out to the waiting are to bring me through to the room where he would be giving me the vaccinations.

Dr McDougall was there to oversee Alexander, and step in if need be, but I trusted he knew what he was doin’. I wouldna have agreed to this if I didna.

Dr McDougall started to explain everythin’ to me again. What all the vaccines were and why I needed them. She then went on to explain step by step what Alexander was about to do.

Since I am left handed, like Da, Alexander said he would vaccinate my right arm instead. This allowed Ma to sit to my left and hold my left hand whilst a Alexander did what he had to do.

It was over wi’ in no time. It didna even hurt that bad. Just a wee pinch.

It was decided that I would have the three in one injection done today for Diphtheria, Tetanus and Pertussis, and then come back for the other ones so it want too much all at the one time. It meant a few more visits to the medical centre over the next few weeks, but I didna mind. As they all kept tellin’ me, these injections were to help prevent me from catchin’ certain illnesses.

Ma had to leave to get back to work straight away, but she did offer to take me home first. I could tell Alexander was desperate to speak wi’ me, and I felt I owed it to him to hear him out. I coulda been nicer to him last week.

“You get back to work. I’ll see ye at home later.” I said to Ma.

“I would rather take you home myself, Faith. Make sure you’re alright.”

“I’m fine. I had the vaccine, stayed for the required time, ye can leave me. I’ll get a taxi home.”

“It’s alright Mrs Randall. I’m on a lunch break now. I can drop Faith at home.” Alexander announced from behind me.

“See? I’ll be okay.” I assured her before she reluctantly decided to leave me wi’ Alexander.

“Fine. See you later. And don’t you dare cook anything for dinner. Take the rest of the day to reset and I’ll bring home some chips or something, alright?”

“Sounds good, Ma.” I smiled at her as she brought me in for a tight hug.

“I love you.” She told me.

“I love ye too.”

The drive back home wi’ Alexander was pretty quiet. Neither of us actually said a word to each other.

When we pulled up to the house, I didna ken what to say. Surely he wanted to speak to me, that was why he offered to bring me home? He didna say a single word when he turned the engine off though. He just sat there starin’ out the front window on to the empty street.

“Well, thanks for the ride home. ‘‘Twas really good of ye.” I said as I went to open the car door. I half expected Alexander to say somethin’ then, but he didna. I just jumped out of the car and shut the door behind me before walkin’ up the path to the house.

I had just unlocked the door and got in to the house when I heard a car door closing. Alexander had gotten out of his car and was comin’ up the path.

“Wait.” He called before I could shut the door. “Please can we talk?”

“Don’t ye need to get back to work?” I asked him.

“Half day. You were my last patient.” He smiled.

I let Alexander in to the house and told him just to go through to the kitchen.

I went to boil the kettle to make us both some tea, but he told me to sit down and he made them instead. It was strange bein’ in this kinda situation. We only really saw each other in the woods. It was strange seein’ him in my kitchen actin’ all domestic.

“I just wanted to know if you thought any more about us?” Alexander asked me shyly as he kept his eyes firmly on the table.

“Aye. Havena been able to think about anythin’ else all week to be honest.” I told him, it was true. As much as I tried to focus on other things, or forget all about seein’ Alexander again, I couldna. The man took up every space in my head. And my heart.

“And... will you give me a chance? Give us a chance?” He asked as he stretched a hand out over the kitchen table.

“I dinna ken.” I mumbled as I avoided lookin’ in his beautiful deep blue eyes.

“Faith, please? Can you honestly sit there and tell me that you didn’t want the same things I wanted?”

I had no choice but to look at him then. “Of course I wanted it, Alex. I wanted it all. I wanted ye more than I ever wanted anyone in my life. Ye were the only person that truly made me happy, but ye left me.” I spat my words at him.

“We didn’t stand a chance back then, and you know that, Faith. But here... we can at least try.”

“How do I ken if I can trust ye though? We’ve been apart for two years. So much has changed—“

“Let me prove to you that you can trust me again, alright? Let me court you. Please, Faith? What do you have to lose?”

I stayed silent for a few minutes whilst I thought things over.

“I start my new job at the hospital next Thursday. I want to work.” I told him.

“And I will never try and stop you from doing what you love, what you were born to do. You know that. I want to be by your side cheering you on and supporting you every step of the way, helping you wherever and whenever I can.” Alexander promised.

I let out a deep sigh as I fidgeted with my fingers in top of the table.

“If I agree to try, will ye take it slow? I’ve never done this before.” I told Alex shyly as I once again avoided his beautiful face.

“We can take things as slow as you wish, Faith. I just think we owe it to ourselves to at least try.”

I nodded in agreement as Alex once again stretched out his hand on top of the table. This time, I placed my hand in his and watched as he brought my hand to his lips and he kissed my hand like he always did.

We sat at the kitchen table holdin’ hands as we drank our tea.

It felt like I was finally where I was supposed to be.


	22. Chapter Twenty One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chapter from Jamie’s POV.
> 
> Did he tell Jenny and Ian the truth? What will he do about Laoghaire? Will he returned to Edinburgh, or stay at Lallybroch?

Jamie’s POV

I finally found the courage to finally tell Jenny and Ian where Claire has been all these years. Where Faith had gone.

Since Fergus returned to me wi’out my daughter, my sister and brother had been asking constantly where Faith had gone.

At first I couldna admit the truth. I was still holding out hope that Claire could have convinced her to come back to me. Holding out hope Claire would return to me too, wi’ both our daughters. As the days and weeks went on though, I kent that wansna going to happen. Not right now, but maybe sometime in the future.

In the days and weeks after Faith had been gone, I retreated in to myself. Much like I did all them years ago after Culloden. After I sent my wife and un born child away.

I still had my sister and her family, and Fergus and Faith too, but it wasna the same. 

I was living in a cave on my family’s land, but I was no longer a real part of that family. I was unable to be the father figure Fergus needed in me, and I couldna be a father at all to my wee lass. It was an isolated life I had to live. I had to do it to protect my family, but it cost me a real relationship wi’ my daughter. And now that we finally had the opportunity to build a proper life and relationship together, I let her down. Terribly.

She chose to leave, and I just had to live wi’ that.

There was a lot of comfort for me in the fact she had found her mother and sister. Maybe now my wee lass will finally get the loving family she always deserved. The family she always wanted.

“Ian, can ye find Jenny and come and meet me in the parlour. I need to tell ye both somethin’.” I said to Ian as I poured myself a wee dram of whisky.

When Ian returned wi’ Jenny in tow, I could see the worried expression on both their faces. “What’s wrong bràthair? Is this about Faith?” Jenny asked as she sat down on the wee sofa across fae me. Ian sat down beside her.

“Aye.” I sighed. “And also... about Claire.”

“Yer dead wife, Claire?” Jenny pressed.

“Aye. Only... she’s no dead. Well, no exactly... I mean...” I stumbled over my words.

“Spit it out Jamie. What’s gan on?” Ian demanded.

“Well, technically... Claire isna born yet.” 

“Eh?” Jenny questioned. “And how in gods good name does that work? Are ye feelin’ alright mo ghràidh?”

I took a deep breath before tellin’ them both the story Claire told me all them years ago. How she was born in the year nineteen eighteen. Married a man named Frank. I didna mention he was a descendant of Black Jack Randall though. I admitted that it was me that had persuaded Claire to return to her own time because of the unborn child she was carryin’. It would be safer for both of them in that time. If she stayed here, she and our children, if not our whole family could have been killed.

“Hang on... are ye tellin’ me that Claire willingly just left Faith like that? And Fergus?” Jenny asked me wi’ a raised brow. Out of all I just told her, that’s all she has to say? “What kind of mother—“

“Don’t you dare Janet!” I snapped at her. “Claire didna want to leave. She even begged me to let her return to Lallybroch wi’ Fergus so he could deliver the deed of sasine to ye and she could collect Faith. She wanted to try and take both Fergus and Faith wi’ her, but I couldna allow her. Anythin’ could have happened to her on the way back here or somethin’ worse could have happened to her and the bairns on the way back to the stones at Craigh na Dun.

“And what if neither Fergus or Faith could travel? No, Jenny. It was too big a risk. I kent both Fergus and Faith would be well taken care of here. And they were. I thank ye both from the bottom of my heart for bein’ the parents they needed.”

“We understand.” Ian said softly before he turned to Jenny. “Don’t we Jen?” 

Jenny never said anythin’, but she slowly nodded her head.

The three of us sat there in silence for a wee while as we all took the time to think and digest all that I had told them.

Eventually Ian spoke up. “So. That’s where the lass is then, wi’ Claire?”

“Aye.” I smiled. “In the year nineteen sixty eight according to Fergus.” I grinned.

As Ian and I sat and discussed the wonders of the future that both Claire and Fergus had told me about, Jenny remained seated in silence. Her mouth was twitching away. I could tell she wasna happy Faith was gone, but what could I do? I couldna go after the lass, unfortunately. If I thought for a second that there was a chance I could be reunited wi’ my wife and daughters, I would be off like a shot.

Eventually my sister did decide to speak up. “Dae ye think she’ll ever come back?” She didna look at either Ian or I, she kept her focus on her hands fidgeting wi’ her skirts.

“I like to hope so Jenny, but I canna be certain. 

“All I ken is my lass needed the freedom she canna get here. She was happy bein’ a midwife. Just no happy enough. She’s like Claire in that way. Wilna stop till she gets what she wants. She wants to be a healer, and unfortunately it just wasna goin’ to happen here. Fergus says he thinks she’ll be truly happy in the future. It’s what she needs, Jenny. We just need to keep the hope that she’ll return to us one day.”

It wasna until after supper that evening, that Jenny came to find me out in the stables with Fergus.

Fergus could see how heartbroken Jenny was, so he offered to leave us alone, but Jenny insisted he stay. 

“Is it down to me she left, dae ye think?” Jenny asked quietly.

“Course no. What made ye think that?” I asked her. “If it was anyone, it was me she wanted to leave.”

“It was no ones fault. She just needed to find her own place to belong. I believe she’ll be back some day. Maybe when she’s learned how to be a true healer. Maybe when Milady has had enough of her attitude and Faith decides to take off again and come home.” Fergus laughed.

“Does Faith and Claire no get on then?” Jenny asked wi’ a look of panic on her face. “If the lass isna happy wi’ Claire, we need to find a way to bring her home. She belongs here wi’ us.”

“Of course she get’s on wi’ Claire. She’s her mother, Janet. 

“If Faith didna want to stay, she would have come home wi’ Fergus. Is that right?” I turned to the lad.

Fergus came to stand next to Jenny and rested a hand in her shoulder. “Don’t worry, Mistress Murray, Milady is taking good care of Faith. Milord is right, she would have come back with me if she wasn’t happy. I would have made her come back with me if I didn’t think she would be happy there with Milday and Brianna.” Fergus reassured her.

Jenny never responded. She just nodded slowly and went back up to the house.

Another issue I needed to fix just in case Faith did decide to return wi’ Claire... Laoghaire. 

Fergus told me that he never discussed my marriage wi’ Laoghaire wi’ Claire, and he doubted verra much that Faith would ever bring it up either. 

My marriage to Laoghaire was a mistake. I got attached to her lassies and when Jenny urged me to make the match... I should been more firm and said no, but I didna. 

After living the way I had been for so long, it felt good to be needed. I never got to be a proper father to Faith, or the child Claire was carryin’ before I made her leave. I also had to watch my wee lad, Willie, grow up from a distance. It was also highly unlikely I would ever see the lad again. 

Marryin’ Laoghaire gave me the opportunity to try and be a good father to both Marsali and Joan. I had Fergus and Faith back in my life too, but they were adults when I returned. Aye, they still needed me, but not as much as I would have liked. 

There isna all that much in life I regret. I dinna see the point in regrets, but I regret the marriage to Laoghaire.

It didna last long either. She shied away from my touch more often than no. All we did was argue, and if we didna argue, she would go days if no weeks wi’out muttering a word to me. 

It wasna a pleasant time. For me or any of the lassies. I doubt Laoghaire enjoyed the union either. It was... unbearable.

When I decided to leave, decided that we should live separately, she didna say much to stop me, which was fine by me, but I insisted I would still provide for her and the lassies. I loved them girls as if they were my own. I couldna just walk away from them, no matter what was happenin’ between their mother and I.

I called Ned Gowan a few days before Fergus and I returned to Edinburgh, and got him to come by Lallybroch. 

Obviously I couldna tell him where Claire has been all this time, but I told him that I recently discovered she was in fact alive. 

“Is it possible to end the marriage wi’ Laoghaire?” I asked him desperately.

“Well, aye. But, are ye sure lad? Dae ye even ken if Claire will come back to ye after all this time? Are ye positive it’s the marriage to Laoghaire ye wish to Annul?”

“I’m sure Ned. If there is the slightest possibility that Claire will return to me, I need to be free of Laoghaire.” I told him firmly.

“Okay lad, I’ll visit her and see what she says. There may be some payment involved though. Alimony and such like.”

“I dinna care Ned. I already provide for her and the girls, I will continue to do so, that isna a problem.” I assured him.

“Ye will also need to reconciliations wi’ the church though, Jamie lad.”

“Aye. Aye.” I agreed. Anythin’ that would get me free of Laoghaire.

“If Claire was here now, it would make things slightly easier... maybe.”

“How so?”

“Well, if she was here... if I knew for certain that the first Mistress Fraser was alive and well, the marriage to the second Mistress Fraser would be invalid any way. But as it stands just now, I only have yer word that the first Mistress Fraser is still alive.”

“Look Ned, I just need to ken if ye can get my marriage to Laoghaire annulled or no.” 

“Dinna fash, lad. I’ll sort it.”

And he did. Laoghaire reluctantly agreed to the annulment, but she took me for every penny I had... and then some.

She wanted twenty pounds and then ten pounds a year on top of that to keep the house and the girls.

As much as it pained me, I had no choice but to agree. 

Then I had to inform Jenny and Ian that I could no longer continue to help them out wi’ money issues. As well as payin’ Laoghaire what she wanted, a needed to do much re organising at the print shop to try and make the most out of the business. I also needed to find somewhere proper for myself and Fergus to stay in Edinburgh. If Claire and the girls were to ever return to me, I needed to prove to them all, especially Faith, that we could all be happy in Edinburgh. Have a home together.

It would definitely take some time to find the funds to be able to find a proper place for our family to be based, so I decided to make more space out the back of the print shop, wi’ more privacy and have two more comfortable cots inside for Fergus and myself. It would have to do until we could find somewhere better. It wasna the best solution, but it was the cheapest.

Hopefully one day in the near future, my wife will return to me and our two daughters. We could hopefully finally have the chance to live as a proper family. Altogether.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... we only have a few more chapters left, and then that’s the end of part one of the story. Don’t worry... it will be so good. Maybe. Depending on how you want this story to pan out haha. 
> 
> Part two is also going to be pretty exciting, if I do say so myself haha.
> 
> At the moment, I’ve written this story in three parts, but I think I may need to add a fourth part to the story. I hope you all have the patience to stick around that long. I really hope you’ll continue to enjoy this story.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for all the love and feedback on this fic. I appreciate every single one of you that takes the time to follow along.
> 
> Kirsty X


	23. Chapter Twenty Two

It’s been ten weeks since I decided to let Alex back in to my life, and things have been goin’ really well. 

Alexander is now finished his rotation in the medical centre. Well, he had actually finished before the summer, but he enjoyed it there so much, he asked if he could help out over the summer months, and they willingly agreed. 

All the patients seemed to love him. So did the staff, but it was time for him to start on his next rotation. 

Accident and Emergency.

A&E.

This was a rotation that Alex was excited about. He was still undecided as to what kind of doctor he wanted to be, but he was fairly certain it was between General Practice, or as an A&E doctor.

Alexander was placed in another hospital at the other end of the city, but that was fine. It meant there was no worries of runnin’ in to him at work, or spendin’ time together over a quick but to eat durin’ our shifts, which meant there was no fear of Ma seein’ us together.

I hadna mentioned to Ma that Alex and I were reconnecting and spending a lot of our free time together. 

It wasna because I wanted to keep secrets from her... I just wanted to do things my own way, wi’out her gettin’ too involved. 

The last thing I needed was for her to invite Alex over for dinner one night and then embarrass me wi’ another safe sex talk and more wee leaflets about pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. That would definitely no be a good thing.

Alex had been tryin’ to persuade me to tell her, but I was still reluctant to. I was enjoyin’ things the way they were. I didna want anythin’ to change. No just yet.

I finally had a somewhat healthy relationship wi’ Ma, and things were goin’ better than expected wi’ Alex. I have been workin’ at the hospital myself for nine weeks now, and it’s been the most wonderful experience of my life. It’s like a dream finally comin’ true.

It seemed like everythin’ was finally comin’ together, and for the first time in my life, I was feelin’ quite settled. Like I belonged. I just wished that Da and Fergus could be here tae. See how I was gettin’ on and learnin’ so much. I ken they would be proud of me.

My sister on the other hand... she wasna doin’ all that well out in Boston on her own. No that Ma kens that, but I do.

Over the last few weeks, a Bree has only been callin’ when she kens Ma is on shift. In fact, they haven’t spoken in a little over three weeks now. 

Ma thinks it’s just down to the time difference and the fact she works shifts and Bree has school.

It isna that. Bree is purposely callin’ here when she kens I’ll be here, but Ma won’t. I havena managed to figure out why though. All I ken is somethin’ is a right. My wee sister doesna sound like her usual funny and high spirited self. It was definitely a growin’ concern of mine, but she kept insisting she was fine. 

To begin wi’, when I first noticing the changes in her voice and attitude over the phone, I didna want to worry Ma, but that’s now over three weeks Bree has been avoidin’ speakin’ to Ma.maybe I should let Ma ken my concerns?

When I spoke to Roger on the phone last week, I asked him if he had spoke to a Bree lately. He said they spoke once a week, taking it in turns to call, but he also noticed that my wee sister bright spark had gone. He was considering a surprise trip over to the states to see her and make sure she was alright. I told him to hang off a few days before arranging anythin’. I would speak to Ma about both our concerns and see what she suggests. Kennin’ Ma, she will probably want to fly out to Boston herself to see Brianna.

Since today is a rare day where both Alex and I have the whole day off, and Ma is workin’ a twelve hour shift, Alex and I have decided to spend the day together. The whole day. Usually we have only managed to grab an hour here and an hour there. One day we managed to spend a whole two hours together before I had to get to work.

Ma left for her eight o’clock shift right after we spent breakfast together. Between her shifts and my own, it was rare to spend much time together. Luckily, if we were both on a day shift, I could usually take me break when she was able to grab a bite to eat. We usually spent that time in the privacy of her office. She didna mind other people joining us at the cafeteria, but I think it was because we were still really gettin’ to ken one another, and our time together was gettin’ less dire to our work schedules, she just wanted me to herself for a wee while. I didna complain though. I liked sittin’ in her office and discuassin anythin’ and everythin’. 

Except Alex. We never spoke about Alex.

Alex arrived to pick me up from the house just after Ma left for work. 

We had this day planned for just over a week now, and all week I have been tryin’ to coax some information out of Alex about what he has planned for us, but he never told me. Said it was a surprise.

I was never really a person who liked surprises. I think a lot of that is down to some of my trust issues I have, but I had to admit that I was lookin’ forward to seein’ what Alex had planned for us. All I kent was, we would be back at my house in time for dinner and we were goin’ to watch a film afterwards. Hopefully the film would finish in time for Alex to get away before Ma got back. 

Turns out Alex had the best surprise day out planned.

We spent a few hours in the city just explorin’ different museums and tourist attractions. The best part was a walk up the royal mile and duckin’ in and out of various shops to keep out of the rain. We walked the whole way hand in hand. No somethin’ we could have done back in my time, but it was nice. I liked bein’ wi’ Alex, and I really liked it when we held hands. 

When we got to the top... up to the castle... Alex surprised me wi’ an actual tour inside the castle. 

I kent ye could do that. When I came a few weeks ago, I saw a few people goin’ inside, but I just stuck to the outside and enjoyed the views.

After our tour of the castle, we stopped at a little coffee shop in Carfax Close. Exactly where Da’s print shop was.

“I didn’t know if it would upset you if I brought you here.” Alex said as my eyes started to water at how different the place looked. There was a couple of tables and chairs next to where the steps were, up to the coffee shop. Up to where the print shop was. “I can take you somewhere else if you prefer?” Alex reached out to caress my sheep wi’ his thumb.

“No.” I said as I lay my hand atop of his. “No. I want tae go inside.” I smiled.

I couldna believe that Alex remembered what I told him about the Print Shop. As much as I enjoyed our day together in the shops, walkin’ up the Royal Mile, the museums, the castle... this was my favourite part of the day, sittin’ in Da’s old Print Shop, drinkin’ tea and spendin’ some quality time wi’ the man I loved.

It was quite a small coffee shop. I remembered it bein’ a lot bigger when it was the print shop, but Alex I formed me that some years ago, there was a fire here. They had to rebuild, and what was the print shop, was divided in to two separate shops. 

“Thank ye for bringin’ me here.” I said as I reached across the table to take Alex’s hand in mine. “It’s completely different, but somehow, I still feel really close to Da and Fergus.”

“I’m glad. I really wasn’t sure if you would appreciate me bringing you here or not, but I’m glad I did.” He smiled at me as he squeezed my hand gently.

“I’m glad ye did too.”

When we got back to the house, it was just after five and neither of us could really be bothered to cook. Another perk of this time... we could call a take away to place am order for food and collect it within fifteen minutes. 

That’s what we decided to do.

There was a “chippy” at the bottom of the street that did the most delicious battered cod and chips. It wasna often I ordered a take away, but I did find myself here wi’ Ma once or twice since we’ve been here in Edinburgh. Alex ordered the Haddock and chips. We also got a wee tub of tartare sauce to share. Alex used his for his fish, but I used mine for my chips.

We snuggled up on the couch and turned on the television to find “The Sound of Music”. 

“I‘ve seen this film twice, but I don’t mind watching it a third time. I think you would really enjoy it.” Alex said as he wrapped his arm around my waist and gave it a squeeze. “I think you will turn out to be a huge Julie Andrews fan.” He grinned at me. 

“Who is Julie Andrews?” I asked him. My brows furrowed in confusion.

“Just watch.” He whispered with a giant grin on his face.

The film was really good. I was enjoyin’ the story, and the singing. The music was beautiful. And this Julie Andrews woman was truly wonderful. I guess I was becomin’ a Julie Andrews fan. This film hadna even finished and I was askin’ Alex what other films she had done. I wanted to see them all.

We just got to the part where Maria was showin’ Kurt how to dance the Ländler and the Captain interrupted so he could dance wi’ her instead, when there was a knock at the door. 

Alex and I just looked at one another. I wasna expectin’ anyone, and it was verra rare that anyone would come by out house. Ma and I still didna really ken anyone in the area, except people at work, but we only really saw them at work or at the pub across from the hospital.

The door was knocked on again and again and again. The knocks were gettin’ louder and harder. 

I eventually tore myself away from Alex and the film to go and answer. Alex decided to come wi’ me, and honestly, I was glad he was there. 

I never would have expected to open the door and see the person stood on the other side.

“What on earth are ye doin’ here? Ye bloody scared me!” I snapped.

“Sorry sis. You gonna invite me in, or just leave me out here in the freezing cold rain?”


	24. Chapter Twenty Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bree has come back to Scotland two months earlier than she was supposed to. Why is she here?

I moved aside to let Brianna inside. 

“Whoa. I’ve been stood out on that step for like five minutes, Faith. Look at me, I’m soaked.” Bree screeched.

“I’ll show ye upstairs and ye can take a shower. Or a bath. I’ll leave out some towels for ye.” I replied.

“Thank you. What took you so long...” Bree was about to ask why it took me so long to answer the door when she looked up and saw Alex stood in the hallway wi’ us both. “Oh.” She smirked at me. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt.” She grinned.

“Ye didna. We were just watchin’ a film.” I sighed. “Dinna tell Ma he was here, alright?”

“Does she not approve?” Bree asked me before lookin’ over at Alex. “I’m Brianna by the way. Bree. I’m Faith’s little sister.”

“Alexander. Alex. Faith’s boyfriend.” He answered her.

I whipped my head round to look at Alex, “Boyfriend?” I asked him. He just shrugged and flashed them beautiful bright teeth at me and winked.

I shook my head at him and then turned back to my sister who was drippin’ water on to the floor. “Come on, let’s get ye sorted out.” I said as I directed her to the stairs. “And ye can tell me what the fuck ye’re doin’ here wi’out tellin’ us.” I snapped at her.

“Wow. The f bomb? Think Mama is rubbing off on you a little too much.” Bree commented wi’ a laugh.

Once I had a Bree settled upstairs, I came back down to find Alex still there and he was makin’ me a cup of tea.

“I didn’t make one for your sister because I wasn’t sure if she would prefer tea or coffee.” He told me as I walked over to stand next to him.

“Thank ye. Dinna fash about Bree, she can see to herself when she comes down.” I answered before takin’ the mug from Alex and leadin’ him back through to the livin’ area. 

“Well, that was definitely a surprise. She didn’t tell you she was coming?” Alex asked as he crouched down to turn the television off before coming to sit next to me on the couch.

“Nope.” I answered simply. I took a sip of my tea before puttin’ it down on the coffee table that sat in front of us. “She isna herself though. Hasna been for weeks. She wilna tell me what’s wrong though. I was goin’ to speak to Ma about her tonight when she got home from work.”

Alex reaches over and pulled me to relax against his side. “I’ll wait with you until she comes down and then I’ll leave.” He told me softly.

“I really don’t want ye to go.” I said quietly. I could feel Alex adjust himself beside me so he could look at my face. “I mean, Ma will be home from work soon, so ye will need to go, but I really had fun today. Even though we never got to finish the film.”

“I had fun today too. But we have the rest of our lives to sit snuggled up together watching films.” He promised me.

I nodded my head in agreement and smiled at him.

We sat there snuggled together on the couch as we sipped at our tea in silence as we waited for Bree to reappear. 

When she finally did come downstairs from her shower, I told her to go and make herself a coffee and then she and I needed to talk.

“I don’t want to interrupt your date though. And I’m kinda beat to be honest. Might just go to bed, actually.” I kent that was more to avoid Ma comin’ home from work than actually needin’ to sleep. 

“No.” I said firmly. “Wait for me in the kitchen. I’ll just show Alex out, and then we can talk. I’m worried about ye, Bree.”

My sister let out a sigh and threw her hands in the air dramatically. “Fine. But there is nothing to be worried about.” She said as she turned to walk away. “It was nice to meet you Alex. See you around.” She called back to Alex as she headed to the kitchen.

“Are you going to be alright?” Alex asked me.

“Aye. Ma will be back soon anyway and then she can speak to Bree and hopefully find what’s up with her.” I rubbed my hands up and down my face a couple of times in frustration. “She isna supposed to be here until the twenty third of December. She’s meant to be here for Christmas. It’s only October. She’s meant to be at school.” I told Alex.

“Maybe she just missed you and your Mum. I’m sure everything will work out alright.” Alex reassured me as we stood to walk to the door. 

Alex kept a good grip of my hand and held it as we walked through to the hallway and to the front door. When we reached the door, he brought my hand up to his lips and kissed it before planting a soft kiss on the side of my cheek as well. 

“I really enjoyed myself today, Faith. 

“Call me tomorrow, if you can. I’ll be home from the hospital around four, hopefully.” He smiled at me.

“I’ll call ye after dinner then.” I told him. “Thank ye for the day, Alex. It was really special. Especially takin’ me to Carfax Close. I loved bein’ there. Especially wi’ you.” I was suddenly verra nervous. “I really dinna want to say good night, Alex.”

“Me either. But I’ll see you on Saturday night, alright? That’s only three days away.”

I groaned. “Three whole days wi’out ye though.” Alex smirked at me and I gently shoved his arm. “I canna help that I miss ye so much when we’re apart.” I mumbled as I played wi’ one of the buttons on the front of his shirt.

“Oh, I understand exactly how you feel.” He told me. “Goodnight, Faith.”

“Goodnight, Alex.”

“I love you.” He told me, like always. 

I hadna said it back, and I didna ken why. I kent I was in love wi’ him. I always had been. But there was somethin’ that always stopped me from returnin’ his words. I just didna ken what.

Instead of sayin’ them three little words that meant so much back to him, I smiled at Alex before I reached up in my tip toes to kiss the side of his face. “I’ll call ye tomorrow night.” I said instead.

Just as Alex turned to reach for the door, the door unexpectedly opened.

Ma.

Fuck.

Alex quickly took a couple steps back to allow room for her to open the door fully and let her in.

“Oh. This is a nice surprise. Nice to see you again, Alex.” She greeted him with a smile and a polite nod. 

“He’s just leavin’. He only popped by to say hello.”

“Oh? Oh well, hopefully you could maybe come by another night and have dinner with Faith and I, Alex? You can fill me in on how you’re getting on with your studies.” Ma said as she hung her coat and handbag up on the coat stand.

“That would lovely, Mrs Randall.” He answered wi’ a bright smile. “Anyway, I’ll leave you all to your evening. Goodnight, Faith. Mrs Randall.” Alex bowed his head to us before turnin’ to walk out the door.

Before I had a chance to say anythin’, Ma had headed straight for the kitchen and found Bree restin’ her head on her crossed arms over the table. She was asleep.

“What the bloody hell is your sister doing here?!” Ma asked me. 

Loudly. 

So loud, it caused Bree to startle awake.

I shrugged my shoulders and told her to ask Bree. “I’ve asked her twice and she hasna gave me a proper answer.”

Ma rolled her eyes before pullin’ out the seat next to Bree at the table. “Sweetheart, this is a lovely surprise, but what are you doing here? You never said you were coming.” Ma gently pushed the hair back off of Bree’s face.

“I dropped out of school. I’ve come to live here. With you guys.” Bree mumbled before lettin’ her head fall back on to the table and fallin’ asleep again.

Ma snapped her head round to look at me. I didna ken what to say. Bree never mentioned any of this to me. Or Roger. No as far as I kent anyway.

We eventually managed to drag Brianna upstairs between the two of us. I kent that travelin’ made ye exhausted, but I had a feelin’ this was more than the flight from Boston.

We tucked her in to bed and Ma sat wi’ her for a wee while before returnin’ downstairs.

“You really had no idea about any of this?” Ma asked me as we sat in the livin’ area. Me wi’ a wee glass of milk, and Ma wi’ a verra large dram of whisky.

“No. If she said anythin’ about wantin’ to drop out of school and move here, I would have told ye straight away.

“I kent there was somethin’ no right, but she kept insistin’ she was fine. I was goin’ tae speak to ye about her the night, but then she just dropped in out of the dark grey sky.”

“What do you mean something wasn’t right? Faith?” Ma’s voice was strained and tired, but still quite firm.

“I dinna ken exactly, but it was like she was purposely timing her calls here when she kent ye werena here. 

“Last Wednesday for example, she phoned here at ten in the mornin’. It would have been five in the mornin’ for her. Why was she up that early to phone here? 

“Then there was the other day, she called before I left for work. She should have been in school, but clearly she wasna. She’s just been actin’ strange, but she said she was fine. I kent I shouldna have let ye move here wi’ me. I told ye to stay wi’ Bree, but ye didna listen. Neither of ye’s did. And now look... she’s dropped out of her university course and flew across the Atlantic Ocean to live here wi’ us. She wasna all that interested in livin’ in Scotland before.”

Ma let out a deep breath and let her head drop to the back of the couch. “I’ve really made a mess of everything, haven’t I?” She groaned as she sat up and turned to face me. “I‘ve let her down again. Haven’t I?” She didna give me a chance to answer, for she was up on her feet and pacing the space on the floor. “I thought I was doing the right thing. She said she wanted to stay there. She told me to come with you.” Ma downed what was left in her glass before she slammed it down on the mantle. “Why can’t I ever get it right? Why can’t I do right by both my daughters at the same time?” She wasna speakin’ to me, she was just voicing her frustrations to the room. “If I do something for Brianna, it hurts Faith, if I do something for Faith, it hurts Bree. 

“Why can’t I get this right?!”

I jumped up from my seat on the couch and ran across the room to wrap my arms around her neck. It took a few moments, but then Ma finally allowed herself to bring her arms around my back. “Ye’re an amazing Mam. It’s an impossible situation, and I’m verra sorry if I ever made ye feel like ye werena doin’ yer best for us both. I ken ye are. 

“I’m sure Bree will be fine. She’s a strong lass, like you. Stubborn tae, just like you, and Da. She’ll be fine. I promise. We’ll all be fine.”

I hated seein’ Ma like that. There was no way she could have known what Bree was goin’ to do. No way she could have stopped her. All we could do was try and get some sleep and then discuss everythin’ tomorrow evenin’ when Ma got home from work. That would give me the day wi’ Bree to try and understand what’s happened a bit more. The fact she’s been avoidin’ Ma all these weeks, maybe she’ll open up to me as to why she chose to leave school and move here. 

It’s no that me and Ma arena happy she’s here, of course we are, it’s just... Bree was adamant that Boston was her home and she had her school and friends there. She didna want to leave. Even at the start when Ma wasna sure what to do for the best, it was Brianna that convinced her to come wi’ me because she would be fine there on her own. 

I was fairly certain that there was more to this impromptu move across the Atlantic than just missin’ Ma.

Ma ended up stayin’ in Bree’s room wi’ her last night so that she could keep an eye on her. I think Ma was worried there was somethin’ seriously wrong wi’ Bree. I was ashamed to admit that I was thinkin’ the same. 

Did I let them both down by not sharing my concerns wi’ Ma straight away? Was this somethin’ that could have been prevented if I had been more forceful about Ma stayin’ wi’ Bree in Boston? Should I have convinced the pair of them more that I would have been okay movin’ to Boston instead of Edinburgh?

Well, it was done now. We just needed to wait and see what Bree had to say about the situation.

Ma was determined to take the day off, or at least go in to work later on so she could speak wi’ Brianna. 

It took a while, but both me and Bree managed to talk her in to doin’ her full shift and we would all talk when she got home this evenin’.

“If you have the slightest concern for your sister at all today, you ring my office and I’ll be home as soon as I can, alright?” I nodded in agreement before hugging Ma goodbye.

When she left it was just Bree and I. And by some kind of miracle, Brianna was back to her lively, fun loving self again. Not the strange lifeless lass that I had been conversing on the phone wi’ the last few weeks.

“So... I really fancy heading in to the city and doing some shopping.” Bree announced as I poured myself a glass of water. “Ooh, and maybe we could invite that handsome boyfriend of yours.” She teased.

“No, we’re goin’ to sit down and ye’re goin’ to tell me why ye decided to leave school and move here. And dinna say it’s cause ye missed Ma, cause I can tell it’s more than that.” Bree let out a deep breath and sat down across from me at the kitchen table.

“I missed you too, you know?” She said. “But yes. There is more to it. I just... didn’t know how to talk to Mama about it all. I still don’t. 

“I don’t feel like I belong in Boston any more. I-I don’t know who I am any more.”

“What ye talkin’ about, Bree?” I asked gently.

Apparently, ever since Ma told Bree about Frank not bein’ her actual father, and that her real father was some eighteenth century highland soldier, Bree has been confused about a lot of things.

“When I returned to school, I couldn’t concentrate properly. My grades have slipped. Not just a little... a LOT. When my professors started to pull me up on them, I realised I didn’t actually care. History was Daddy’s thing. I wanted to study it because it was something he and I shared am interest in, but he’s gone, and I’m not even his real daughter.”

I tried to explain that just because Frank wasna her real da, it didna mean she couldna still follow in his footsteps. They may not have been biologically linked, but there was still a deep love and devotion between them, even though he was no longer here. Frank will always be Bree’s Dad.

“I did some research before I came, and I applied to a school here in Edinburgh. If I get accepted, I can enrol in January.” She told me.

“That’s brilliant Bree. If that’s what ye really want... to move to Edinburgh?”

“Yeah, it is. I wanna be with you and Mama. I want to do something for me, and not because I wanted to make Daddy proud of me.”

“Well... I’m proud of ye. It’s a big step. A big change.” I told her.

“What can I say... I take after my big sister.” She grinned and we both laughed.

“So, this course... is it history?” I asked.

“No. Engineering.”

When Ma came home from work that night, Brianna filled her in on how she had been feelin’ these last few months since findin’ out the truth. Ma completely understood, but when she heard that Bree had decided to move here and enrol in a completely different course, she was furious.

“What the hell Bree?! You can’t just drop out of college because of a bad grade.”

“It wasn’t just one bad grade Mama, I was failing, and the semester had only just started.

“My head wasn’t in it. My heart wasn’t in it anymore Mama. I do think I’ll be a lot happier here with you and Faith though. And this course Mama, it looks so good. It’s what I want to do.”

I ended up leavin’ them to it and I snuck out to meet wi’ Alex. He came by and picked me up and we went on a wee drive. It would have been nice to go for a walk instead, but it was a cold Autumn night, and even though it was dry, it was too dark to really see anythin’.

“Do they argue a lot?” Alex asked as we drove out of the area and on to the closest motorway. 

“No that I’ve seen, but I get the feelin’ they used to argue a lot. 

“Both Ma and Bree have confided in me that their relationship hasna always been easy. I fact, it wasna until Ma told Bree the truth about everythin’ that they were finally able to build a relationship together. But then I appeared right in the middle of them tryin’ to rebuild things between them, and the next thing Ma’s movin’ here to be wi’ me, and Bree stayed behind in Boston.” I shrugged my shoulders. “I’m sure they’ll sort it out. In the end it has to be what Bree decides. Ma supported me in what I wanted, I’m sure she’ll do the same for Bree. I think it’s just a shock Bree turnin’ up like this wi’ no warnin’.”

“You know you can always call me if you need to get away. You could even come and stay at mine if you needed some space.” Alex suggested.

“Thank ye Alex, but I dinna ken if I’m ready to stay in yer house wi’ ye.” I told him.

“Well, even if you just to hang out, even if you needed time and space to yourself when I’m at work, you’re more than welcome to use my place. And if you ever did decide to stay over... I have a spare bedroom.” He looked over to me and smiled. I smiled back.

“Thank ye, Alex.”

On the one hand I felt like I was in a really modern relationship. Alex and I held hands when we were out and about in the streets. We snuggled up on the couch to watch television. He kissed my cheek often, and I found myself doin’ the same to him. I had no issues in wrappin’ my arms around him and holdin’ him close to me, and I didna take issue wi’ him doin’ the same to me. But, on the other hand, I still felt like I had to respect the values and morals I grew up wi’. Alex and I had never kissed on the mouth. We had never spent the night together. We didna touch each other in an improper way. And Alex was fine wi’ all of that. He never pushed me in to anythin’ I wasna ready for. He kent where I came from, and he understood how different things were back where I grew up. He respected me in a way I never expected any man would. Not in this time or even in my own time.

I asked Alex if we could take things slow, and he agreed. And even after all these weeks of building our relationship and gettin’ to know one another and trust one another again, he still wasna pushin’ me for anymore than I was willin’ to give.

We drove around goin’ no where in particular until we noticed the time. 

Twenty past eleven.

Ma would be goin’ out of her mind wi’ worry.

By the time we got back to the house, it was almost midnight. Guess we drove further than we thought.

Alex walked me to the door and wished me good night before kissing my cheek and my knuckles like he always did. 

“I love you, Faith.” He said with a smile before he turned to walk away. Before he could take the first step, I grabbed his hand to get him to turn back to me. “Is everything alright, Faith?” He asked me.

“I love you too, Alex.”

From the little light that came from the street lights, I could make out the biggest smile I think I’ve ever seen coming from Alex’s mouth. His smile was so big, I could see most of his beautiful white teeth. His smile was so big, he had crinkles just at the side of his eyes. He looked even more handsome than ever before.

Just as Alex started to move his head slowly down towards mine, I slowly stood up on my tip toes so I could meet his lips wi’ mine. I loved this man more than anything, and I was ready to show him just how much. I was ready to share our first proper kiss. 

A real kiss.

Our mouths were just about to touch when the front door swung open wi’ quite some force.

Ma.

“And where the bloody hell did you sneak off to?!

“Inside. Now!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again for following this story. I’m glad you’re enjoying it so much. Almost at the end of the first part now so things are gonna take some kind of turn soon... but I won’t spoil it for you’s. Hopefully most of you will be happy.
> 
> Anyway, for those of you that also are following along with Mo Ghràidh, the next chapter will be up tomorrow sometime. When I was reading it last night, I realised I wanted to add a little bit more to the chapter, so I will be doing that this evening. So don’t worry... it’s coming.
> 
> Thank you all again.
> 
> Kirsty X


	25. Chapter Twenty Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire wants to know why Faith snuck out of the house. Faith gives both her Ma and sister some early Christmas gifts. Bree comes to a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so so much for continuing to follow and support this story. It means so much. 
> 
> After this chapter there is only ONE more chapter left in Part One. Don’t worry, you don’t need to wait long for Part Two because it’s already written.
> 
> Hopefully you’ll enjoy what’s to come...
> 
> Kirsty X

When I trudged back in to the house after saying a quiet goodnight to Alex, and thankin’ him for takin’ me out for the evenin’, Ma slammed the door shut behind me and called for me to come back down the few stairs I had climbed. 

Bree was stood in the doorway wi’ a glass of water and was smirkin’ at me. 

I sighed and turned as I reluctantly made my way back down the stairs.

“Seriously, I just want to go to bed.” I sighed.

“Not until you tell me where you went.” Ma demanded firmly.

“Out.” I shrugged.

“Out? Just out? Out where, Faith? You didn’t tell me, you just left!” She shouted at me.

“Sorry, but I was just tryin’ to gi’ you and Bree some space. I’m back now. What’s the big deal?” I asked a little too calmly for Ma’s liking.

“I was scared, Faith. You just left without a word. You can’t just do that, alright. Next time, tell me where you’re going and who you’re with. And from now on, I expect you home by ten. No later, alright?”

She was bein’ deadly serious. And not just wi’ me, Bree too. We both had to agree to be home no later than ten at night. Unless I had a shift that finished at midnight, but when I wasna working, Ma wanted me home no later than ten.

Both Bree and I tried to argue that we’re both fully grown adults and even Bree tried to argue the fact that she had been living in Boston on her own for the past couple of months. Ma’s response was just that whilst we live under her roof, we live under her rules.

Bree and I had no option but to agree to this ridiculous rule Ma had come up wi’.

I tried to escape up to my room after that discussion, but Ma insisted I stay downstairs for she wasn’t done speaking.

I rolled my eyes and that set Bree off in a fit of giggles, which then set Ma off on another mood.

I gently shoved Bree’s shoulder as in to tell her to shut up, and then I took my usual set at the dinner table. Bree was sat across from me, and Ma decided to sit next to me.

“So... what’s going on between you and Alex? And before you say it’s nothing, I would just like to point out that you said that weeks ago, but I came home from work last night to find him here with you, and then tonight you snuck out of the house to go and meet with him. I would prefer it if we didn’t have any secrets and didn’t lie to one another, Faith. Your sister and I are still trying to repair our relationship because of all the secrets I kept from her over the years. I thought you and I were in a much better place now, but I need you to trust me and be honest with me.”

I kent she was right, but it was just so awkward and uncomfortable. Not to mention I had never had a mother before, so this was all new to me. Especially here in the nineteen sixties, things were done in a completely different way as to how things were done back home. 

Not to mention this was the first time I had been courted by a lad. Was it so wrong to just want to be left to experience that between Alex and I ourselves before Ma got involved? I wasna sure I could handle another safe sex conversation, or any conversation to do wi’ Alex and I to be honest.

“You just disappeared, Faith. We had no idea where you had gone. We didn’t know if you were alone or with someone else. You had me scared to death, Faith. I need you to tell me what is going on between you and Alex. What do you think your father would say if he were here, hm?” She was gettin’ cross wi’ me again.

“I’m sorry. But it’s no like Da’s here anyway.” I shrugged.

“No, he isn’t. But, I am. And I don’t know this Alex very well, do I? You don’t talk to me about him. You have him over to the house when I’m not here, apparently. 

“If you and Alex are going to be friends, or more than friends, then I need to know, Faith. I need to get to know him properly so that I know that you are safe and looked after by him, alright?

“You and your sister need to remember that this is a new place we’re in. None of us know Edinburgh all that well yet—“

“I’ve lived here before.” I argued.

“Sweetheart, this Edinburgh is completely different to the Edinburgh you knew. I just want to make sure that when you are out and about, I know you’re safe and with someone I can trust to take care of you, alright?”

I wanted to argue that I didna need anyone to take care of me, but I didna see the point in startin’ another row, so I just nodded my head in agreement and apologised for sneaking out wi’out tellin’ her or leavin’ a note.

I was hopin’ to just kind of side step the whole Alex conversation after I apologised for sneaking out of the house, but Bree wouldna let it drop.

“He introduced himself to me as Faith’s boyfriend.” Brianna informed Ma wi’ a huge grin on her face.

I shot her a disapproving look across the table, but she just kept smirkin’ away at me.

“Did he now?” Ma asked as she sat back in her chair and crossed her arms over her shoulder.

I had no other option than to admit to my mother that Alex and I were in fact now an “item”. That he was now courtin’ me and he was makin’ me really happy.

To my surprise, Ma just smiled at me and told me she was happy for me, but she did want to get to ken Alex better, so instead of he and I spendin’ part of the day together on Saturday, he was to come round for dinner so that both Ma and Bree could get to ken him better.

Once everythin’ had calmed down, I decided to give Ma and Bree part of their Christmas early. It was nothin’ big, but it was a couple of things I had been workin’ on when Ma and I first moved in and she was workin’ and I was at home by myself.

I started painting again.

“They arena that brilliant, but I hope ye still like them.” I said as I passed one frame over to Bree and the other over to Ma. “I thought ye might like to ken what Da looks like, Bree. I ken it’s been tough for ye, especially since ye canna meet the man, so I thought this might do instead.”

Tears started to fill my wee sisters eyes as she looked at the painting of Da sittin’ on the front steps at Lallybroch. “Oh my god, Mama. Look.” She passed the framed painting over to Ma, who had tears of her own fill her eyes. “You were right, I look just like him, Mama.”

Ma let her tears fall as she passed the framed painting back to Bree. “Yes, you are so like your father.” Ma breathed as more tears fell.

Bree got up from her chair and came over to me and threw her arms around my neck. “Thank you so much for this, Faith. You have no idea how much this means to me. To actually see what Jamie looks like... it’s... it’s everything.” She smiled through her fallen tears and I smiled back. I was Just so happy she liked her present.

I looked over to Ma who still hadn’t really looked at the painting I did for her. She had it faced down on to the table.

“I didna wish to upset ye, Ma. I just thought... since ye didna have a photograph or a painting of Da, ye might like one. I’m sorry if I over stepped.” I explained as I moved to sit beside her at the table again.

“You didn’t sweetheart, this was a wonderful idea. I just... I never expected to see your father again. Not in real life, or in any kind of picture or painting. I thought I would only ever see him through Bree, but then you came to me and I see so much of him on both of you girls. But to have you actually paint him for me and your sister... darling, that’s more than I could have ever dreamed of.” She took a hold of my hand and squeezed it as she slowly turned over the frame. “Faith... how...this is...” she was struggling to find her words as she looked at the painting I made. “It’s wonderful, darling. Thank you so much.”

I had found an old photograph of Ma not long after we moved here. It was from when she was a nurse in the war. It wasna one she looked at all that much, but it was one she had wanted to keep because it was the start of her career in medicine, working as a nurse.

Obviously I was too young to ken what Da looked like as a soldier during the uprising, but there was a fair few paintings of him at Lallybroch from when he was younger. I used to study them for hours some days after he went to Ardsmuir.

The painting I decided to do for Ma, was a wee painting of her and Da together looking in to each other’s eyes. Da dressed in his full highland gear. Kilt, Dirk, Sword... the lot. Ma dressed as she was during the second World War. Kitted our in some kind of khaki green uniform and a white apron with some blood stained on it. 

It wasna the best painting I’d ever done, considering I painted Da from a memory of an old painting at Lallybroch, and painted Ma from an old photograph of her’s, I was really proud of it. Especially when I saw how much Ma loved it.

Both Bree and Ma were extremely happy with both their paintings.

“I did a third painting, but I wasna sure if ye would want it or not. I was hoping to hang it at the end of the hallway upstairs, but I dinna ken if it will be a bit much for ye’s.” I said softly. 

“Well, let’s see it.” Ma said. “I’m sure it’s just as wonderful as these paintings here. Why wouldn’t we want to hang it up?”

I went out to the hallway and opened the cupboard under the stairs to pull out the biggest painting I had ever done. This one was also framed, but I was worried Ma would think it was too much and wouldna want to have it up on display.

It was a painting of Ma and Da wi’ Me, Bree and Fergus standin’ underneath the arch at Lallybroch.

“Of my god Faith, that’s beautiful.” Bree announced as she stood from the table and came over to have a better look. “Oh my god Mama, look.” Ma came over and stood next to Bree and I saw more tears start to pour from her eyes. “She painted all of us Mama. At Lallybroch.” Bree was so excited and I was pleased she liked it.

Ma pulled me in for a tight hug. “It’s absolutely beautiful darling. Of course we can hang it up. But instead of hiding it upstairs, we’ll hang it up above the fire place.” She told me.

“But... then people will see it when they come into the livin’ room. What if they ask about it?” I started to get nervous. 

You could tell in the painting that it was the three of us, but people would be curious to ken who Da and Fergus were. Also, I did the painting as us all dressed in eighteenth century clothes. Surely people would wonder why there was such a painting on full display in our livin’ room.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s a beautiful family portrait done by my wonderfully talented daughter, it deserves to be on full display, alright?” Ma was determined that the painting would be on full display in that particular spot. It was clear there was no arguing wi’ her.

Over the next few weeks, both Bree and I were startin’ to get a wee bit concerned about Ma. She would sit for hours on end on her days off and just stare at the family painting I did of us all that was now hung above the fire place.

If she wasna there, she would lock herself away in her bedroom for long periods of time as she would stare at the painting of her and Da I did for her, but she would speak to the painting of Da as if he was in the room wi’ her. Both Bree and I could hear her through the door sometimes.

She would tell him about her day at work and what kind of surgeries she was performin’. She even spoke to him about Bree and I am how grateful and happy she was that the three of us were finally together, she just wished that he and Fergus were wi’ us.

“How would you feel if Mama went back? Back to your time, back to Jamie?” Bree asked me one evenin’ as we sat and watched some TV show named “I Dream of Jeannie”.

“I asked her a while ago if she wanted to go back, but she said she couldna leave us. Said Da would understand. I ken he would.” I answered, or I thought I did.

“That doesn’t answer my question Faith.” Bree sighed.

I got up and turned of the television and returned to me seat next to my wee sister on the couch. “I would miss her, of course I would, but if it was what she really wanted to do... I wouldn’t stand in her way.” Bree silently nodded and turned to stare down at the floor. “Why? Do you think she wants to go back?” I asked, suddenly panicked that I might lose my mother after only really just finding her.

Bree shrugged her shoulders. “All I know is she has been a completely different woman to the woman I grew up around. She’s different since she finally told me the truth about Jamie and him being my true father.” She paused and took a deep breath before continuing, “I know she’s happy you’re here. I know she’s happy we’re both here, but I don’t think she will ever be truly happy until she see’s Jamie again, you know? 

“You’ve heard her talking to that painting of him you did for her. For twenty years she thought the man was dead, but he isn’t. She can go back to him if she wants, the only thing stopping her is us.”

“Ye think we should tell her to go?”

“Yes.”


	26. Chapter Twenty Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Bree’s birthday and Claire has organised a surprise for her.
> 
> Claire and Faith discuss Claire going back to Jamie. Will Claire agree?

Today is Bree’s twentieth birthday.

Ever since I was a wee lass, Da had told me about my baby brother that was livin’ safely in the twentieth century wi’ my mother. Obviously I found it difficult to understand since I was so wee, and I had no memory of my mother before she left. It was strange for me to think of havin’ a mother and a sibling in another time.

But, I did think about them often. What they were like? Did my brother ken about me? Did they miss me as much as I missed them, even though I didna really ken them.

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would get to meet either of them and celebrate such a thing as a birthday with my wee brother, who in fact, turned out to be a wee sister instead. 

We celebrated birthdays back in my time too, although, no as extravagantly as this. Normally the whole family would sit round the table at Lallybroch and we would eat a wonderful meal together. Of course we did that every night, but on the date of our birth, Aunt Jenny tried her best to make sure that we sat down to whatever our favourite meal was. 

It was difficult sometimes. Especially when we were low in coin, but Aunt Jenny always made the effort to at least makes sure that we could sit down to our favourite piece of meat on on the anniversary of our birth.

Birthday celebrations in this time though, are completely different. 

Bree had insisted that I invite Alex to spend the day wi’ us as well. It’s Saturday, so he was free and able to join us. 

Alex had been spending most of his free time here at the house wi’ us three women. Sometimes even when I was at work, he would often be over here watching television wi’ Bree or sittin’ chattering to Ma about medicine and their careers. At first I found it rather annoying that he was over here all the time, and I felt like I wasna gettin’ to spend as much quality time wi’ him as I’d like, but then I started to warm to the idea. I liked that Alex got on well wi’ my Ma and my sister. I just wished that Da was here and he could get to ken Alex as well. 

It was Alex that took me in to the city last weekend to go and find a present for Bree. I didna ken this was somethin’ we did. I kent about gifts at Christmas, because there was always plenty people at work discussin’ what they or their children wanted for Christmas. That’s why I had originally decided to gift the paintings of Da to Ma and Bree for their Christmas instead of just handing them to them. I wasna sure what they would have liked as a Christmas gift. 

Since I did end up giving them both the paintings a couple of months early, I kent I needed to find them something else to open on Christmas Day. 

But then Alex informed me I needed to buy a gift for Bree’s birthday. 

Seriously?

Luckily, Alex and I had been together for a wee while now, and both Ma and Bree were really happy and supportive of us, so Alex suggested we buy a joint gift for Bree. 

“But, don’t ye think she’ll be expectin’ somethin’ fae each of us?” I asked on our way in to the city.

“Of course not. 

“It’s tradition in this time to present gifts to loved ones on their birthday, but they don’t need to be expensive or extravagant. It’s the thought that counts. I’m sure Bree will just be happy to know we’re thinking of her and want to celebrate her special day.”

I agreed, still unsure if it would be enough or not, but Alex assured me it would be fine. 

We found it quite difficult to shop for Bree. We already picked out some small gifts for her to open on Christmas Day. A new sketch pad and some pencils and chalks. It wasna much, but we kent that she would be happy wi’ such.

The thing was, I only met my sister during the summer. We were still gettin’ to ken one another. Same wi’ me and Ma. 

Whilst we were tryin’ to find the perfect birthday gift in Edinburgh for Bree, Alex spotted a “poster” stuck to one of the walls in a back street. 

Some new artist was holding an exhibition in one of the most common art galleries in Glasgow. The exhibition isna until January, but both me and Alex were certain she wouldna mind the wait.

“Should we get tickets for ourselves as well, or just Bree?” Alex asked.

“Well, I wouldna mind seein’ it too, but art and paintings and things arena exactly your kind of thing.” I answered him. 

It was true. Alex could appreciate the beauty of art and pictures and things, but he wasna overly interested in such.

“I would go because you want to.” He told me as he pulled me closer to him by my waist. “I would do anything that would make you happy, Faith. I’d do anything for you.” He whispered in my ear.

We decided on purchasing three tickets, instead of sendin’ Brianna off to the gallery on her own. Alex even suggested we make a night of it and stay overnight in Glasgow. 

When I handed Bree the envelope this morning wi’ the ticket to the exhibition, she told us we didna need to get her anythin’. 

“You guys. You really didn’t need to get me anything. The fact that you’re both here with me is more than enough.” She insisted.

“Dinna be silly.” I told her. “We just hope ye like it.”

Bree opened the envelope and squealed wi’ happiness when she pulled out the ticket for the art show. “Oh my god. I had heard some people in town talking about this. They said it was sure to be a wonderful night. Apparently the guy is only eighteen years old, but he has such a talent in not just painting and sketching, but sculpting as well.” Bree got up from her seat on the couch and dived into me on the floor, wrappin’ her arms tightly around my shoulders. “Thank you guys so much. You have no idea how excited I am for this.” She smiles as she pulled away and then turned to hug Alex.

“Well, you’re not going alone.” Alex informed her. “Faith and I also got tickets, so we will be joining you. If that’s alright?”

“Of course it is. It makes it even more exciting.”

“We also decided that we should make a night of it, so we’ll be staying in Glasgow that night.” Alex told Bree and she dived straight in to him for another hug.

“You guys... this is too much. Seriously.” 

“We just wanted to get ye somethin’ ye would like.” I told her.

“Well, I love it.”

The four of us enjoyed a nice quiet breakfast together before Ma and Brianna went out for part of the day to explore Edinburgh themselves. Of course Alex and I were invited along, but we decided between us that Ma and Bree should have some quality time together.

Ever since Bree came to us, she was always either wi’ me or Alex, and if Ma wasna at work, of course they spent time together, but I was usually there wi’ them. And Alex was there too. Both Alex and I decided to give them some time to themselves and it would also give Alex and I some time alone too.

Ma had organised a surprise for Bree, but she wouldna tell me what it was in case I accidentally let slip to Bree. I was kind of offended by that considering my sister was the one who appeared to not have any control when it came to keepin’ many secrets. I mean, she was good at keepin’ our whole “time travelling family” secret thing, but when it came to somethin’ I told her, especially about Alex and I, she proved to me on more than one occasion she couldna wait to run and tell Ma.

When Ma and Bree left on their little adventure around the city, Alex and I did some cleaning and tidying around the house before headin’ out for a wee walk around the neighbourhood. 

Just the two of us. 

Hand in hand. 

It was perfect. Except for the Autumn chill in the air, but that meant my wonderful Alex would sometimes drop my hand so he could rub his hand gently up and down my back to keep me warm.

We must have been out for around an hour before we got back home.

And then we just snuggled up on the couch together, under a Fraser tartan blanket that Alex bought for me for no other reason than just because he loves me. 

We snuggled up cosy wi’ the fire blazin’ in front of us, keepin’ us nice and warm.

“Have you spoken to Claire about going back to your father?” Alex asked me before pressin’ a kiss to my temple.

“No.” I said sadly. “Bree said she’ll discuss it wi’ her sometime soon. She really wants Ma to go. Of course she’ll miss her, but Bree thinks it’s what she really wants. What she needs.”

“And how would you feel if your mother did decide to go?” He asked me as he pulled me tighter towards him.

“I dinna ken.” I answered honestly. “I feel like I’ve only just got my mother in my life. Only just startin’ to build a relationship wi’ her. I ken it’s the same for Bree, but the reasons we both have for bein’ so disconnected to Claire is completely different.

“Bree may not have had the perfect relationship wi’ Claire when she was growin’ up, but at least she was still there. I’ve had zero kind of relationship wi’ the woman until just a few months ago. I dinna think I’m ready for her to just leave me again.” I confided.

“I don’t think she will leave you Faith. Not unless you told her to go, I don’t think she would.” 

“I ken she wouldna. But I think maybe Bree’s right. We’ve been discussin’ this a lot since she’s been here these past few weeks, and I think she’s right in what she says. As happy as Claire is that she has both Bree and I here, she’ll never be completely whole until she see’s Da again.

“And to be honest, I feel the same may be true for Da. If it wasna for Fergus or I, I dinna think he would have fought so hard to stay alive after he returned to Lallybroch after the battle. I think he would have quite easily gave up, but he didna. And the only reason he handed himself over to the British, was to help our family. Since he came back fae Helwater though, I kent he missed Claire. She’s the love of his life, his soulmate. I ken he’s hers too. It’s selfish of me to want her to stay. Maybe I should just be grateful of the time I did get to spend wi’ her.”

Claire and Brianna arrived home around half past four. 

Claire had made reservations at our favourite restaurant at the other side of Edinburgh. The reservation wasna until seven, so it gave us plenty of time to get ourselves ready and organised. 

Alex went home soon after Ma and Bree got home, but he promised to come back so we could all travel to the restaurant together. 

And he did. I just wasna expectin’ him to take me in his car whilst Bree went on wi’ Ma in her car.

Why did we no just all go in the one car? It would have saved petrol.

Anyway, we arrived at the restaurant, and we were shown to our table.

“This way, please.” The young waitress said as she guided us through the restaurant.

We followed the lass through to the back of the restaurant, where she gestured to a table that already had a young man seated at it. 

It wasna until we got closer to the table that I realised it was Roger who was sat there patiently waitin’ for us all.

Bree’s face lit up as soon as she spotted him and she couldna get over to him fast enough to pull him in to a hug. 

“Oh my god. What are you doing here?” She asked him, wi’ the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on her face.

“Claire invited me to celebrate yer birthday wi’ ye. That alright?”

“Of course it is.”

Ah, so this was Ma’s secret surprise then.

We all sat down at the table and enjoyed a lovely three course meal to celebrate Bree’s birthday.

Of course, Bree and Roger only really had eyes and conversation for each other. Ma, Alex and myself had to keep each other company whilst Bree and Roger caught up wi’ each other.

They’ve been keepin’ in touch on the telephone and wi’ letters, but this was the first time they’ve seen each other since Bree left Inverness to go back to Boston. 

“Um, sweetheart?” Ma turned to speak quietly to me.

“Aye?”

“When we get home... when Bree and Roger turn in for the night... is it... is it possible for you and I to have a little chat?” She asked me nervously.

I really hope she’s no goin’ to ask me about what’s goin’ on wi’ Bree and Roger because honestly... I don’t even think Bree kens the answer to that one yet.

“Sure. Somethin’ wrong?” I asked curiously.

“No, I just... Bree and I had a conversation earlier, and I need to speak with you about it.” She told me carefully.

Sounds important.

Bree must have brought up the whole Claire goin’ back to Da then.

“Sure.” I shrugged my shoulders and continued to eat my dessert.

Alex must’ve heard what Ma had said, because he quickly took my hand under the table and gave it a quick squeeze. 

“Um, can ye’s excuse me a sec. I just need to get some air. It’s quite warm in here the night.” I said as I let go of Alex’s hand and pushed my chair back.

Alex offered to come wi’ me, but I insisted I was fine.

I didna expect Claire to follow me out to come and check on me though.

“What’s wrong darling? Are you alright?” She asked as she carefully came towards me outside in the car park.

“I’m fine, just needed some air. Ye should go back in.” I told her.

“You don’t seem fine Faith. What’s wrong?”

“Nothin’. I’m fine Claire, truly.” I answered before passin’ her by to make my way back in to the restaurant to finish my dessert. Hopefully Bree hadn’t finished it off or Alex hadn’t given it to the waitress to clear away.

Thankfully, my rich double chocolate fudge cake was still sittin’ on my wee plate. Looked like my sister had only managed to reach over and take a small spoon full.

“Enjoy my cake, aye?” I asked her wi’ a laugh as I sat down.

“Well, it is my birthday. You’re my big sister, we should share things.” She smiled and shrugged her shoulders.

After worryin’ about what Claire might want to talk to me about when we get home, I decided I wasna really in the mood to eat the rest of the cake.

“Fine. Here ye go.” I cut what was left of the cake in half, and passed half over to Bree’s plate. “I dinna think I can eat it all anyway.”

“Seriously? Thank you.” Bree smiled. 

It amazed me how much food my sister could actually put away and not gain an ounce of weight. Every piece of food that I left because I was full, or just wasna in the mood for it, Bree would polish it off after finishin’ her own. Suppose Da was a bit like that too sometimes, although, he would do his best to try and encourage me to eat a wee bit more.

When it was time to leave the restaurant, Claire suggested that Alex take home Bree and Roger, and I go back wi’ her. I tried to argue that I wanted to go wi’ Alex, but she was fairly insistent on me goin’ wi’ her.

Alex threw his car keys over to Bree and told her and Roger he would get her at the car before he came over to me and took me by the hand and pulled me away from Claire.

“If she wants to talk to you about what you think she does, hear her out Faith. But, if you don’t want her to leave, tell her. Be honest with her about how you feel. I really don’t think she would leave unless you and Bree both agreed you would be okay without her.” He held me close to him and spoke softly in to my ear.

“I’ve lived wi’out her before, I ken I can do it again. I just... I really don’t want to Alex. I just found her, I dinna want to lose her again.” I sobbed in to his chest.

Alex held me tightly in his arms for a few minutes before Claire came over to see if everythin’ was alright. Alex assured her we were fine and turned me away from her so he could try and discreetly wipe away my tears. 

Alex then pulled back to look at me and told me again just to be honest wi’ Claire before he kissed my forehead and told me he would see me at home. He then took my hand and walked me over to Claire’s car and opened the passenger side door, like a true gentleman, so I could jump in.

The car journey home was relatively quiet for the most part. It was Claire’s idea for me to go back wi’ her. It was Claire who wanted to speak to me, so why was she not muttering a single word to me.

I just sat quietly and stared out the window to my left. It was pretty dark outside, so there wasna all that much to see.

“Things seem to be going well between you and Alex.” Claire commented out of nowhere. “He’s a really good man, Faith. I’m glad you’ve found someone who makes you happy. Someone who loves and adores you more than anything.”

I’m confused. Did she want to talk about Alex and me, or her and Da?

“Aye.” I said simply.

“Are you happy? You seemed upset before.”

I let out a deep sigh and turned my head to face her. “What is it ye really want to talk about? Me and Alex, or you goin’ back to Da?” I asked. I needed to ken.

Claire continued to concentrate on drivin’, checkin’ her mirrors and lookin’ on to the road. I noticed how she gripped the steerin’ wheel just a wee bit tighter, but she didna answer me. 

“Claire?!” I asked again a little impatiently just as we pulled up in to the driveway.

Bree and Roger were already in the house. Alex’s car was parked on the street, but he wasna in the car, so he must be inside wi’ Bree and Roger.

Before I could get out of the car and get in to the house, Claire finally turned to me to speak. 

“What happened to calling me Ma?” She asked so softly, I almost didna hear her. “Quite a few times this evening you’ve called me Claire.” She commented.

“I just need to ken, are ye goin’ back to Da?” I sighed.

“How long have you and your sister been discussing this?”

“I wouldna call it a discussion. Bree seems to think ye should. I think she’s right in what she says, that ye’d be a lot happier there.

“I do want ye to be happy, and if goin’ back to Da is what ye really want to do, then do it. I’m just glad we had this time together.” I turned my back to her and climbed out of the car and made my way inside the house.

Bree and Roger were sat on the couch in the livin’ room havin’ a drink. Roger had a dram of whisky, and Bree had a small glass of white wine. Alex came through from the kitchen and handed me a cup of tea. 

“Everything alright?” He asked me quietly.

I couldna answer, worried that if I opened my mouth to speak, I would just start cryin’ and not stop.

I heard Claire comin’ in the front door and closing it behind her and then makin’ her way through to join the rest of us in the livin’ room. 

She headed straight for the drinks cabinet and poured herself a dram of whisky and then downed it in one before slammin’ the glass back down. 

The noise made everyone in the room turn towards her.

“Sorry.” She said. “Didn’t mean to put it down so forcefully.” She made her way over to the doorway behind me, that led to the hallway. “Bree, could you show Roger to my room please? I’ll be in with Faith tonight.

“I’m sorry to have to put you in my room Roger, but I just haven’t gotten around to fully turning the second lounge in to the guest room yet.” Claire explained and Roger just said he was just grateful she invited him.

“I’m stayin’ at Alex’s tonight anyway.” I said. “I just need to go and grab some things.”

I didna wait for Alex or Claire to respond to my sudden announcement, I just turned and made my way upstairs to my room. Of course it didna take long for Claire to follow me.

“I said I wanted to speak with you when Bree and Roger went to bed.” She told me as she closed my bedroom door carefully behind her.

“Ye coulda spoke to me in the car, but ye hardly said anythin’.

“If ye wanted to ken how I would feel about ye goin’ back to Da, I would be happy for ye, but I’d miss ye. I wilna stand in yer way though, Claire. Ye’ve been apart for two decades, a couple hundred years. I wilna beg ye to stay. If ye want to go, just go.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Faith.” She rushed out her words with frustration as I stopped rummaging through my drawers.

“What? Why no?” I asked as I slowly made my way towards her. “Da’s alive, ye can go back to him and be happy. Ye can both be happy.”

“I’m happy here with you and your sister.” She explained as she reached out to cup my cheek wi’ her hand.

“I ken ye are, but...” I trailed off and took a deep breath. “Bree’s right, ye need to go back and at least see him. 

“Honestly, I dinna want ye to go, but that’s for my own selfish reasons. I can accept that ye need to go. Ye need to see him. Ye need to be wi’ him. I can accept that both my parents need to be happy... together.

“Me and Bree are both adults now. I’ve got a job that I love here, that I never even dreamed would be possible, but I really love my life here. I have Bree and Alex. I’ve made some friends at work. Things are good for me here. Me and Bree will be fine. You should go.” I told her.

I moved to then continue to pack some of my things.

“You’re not serious about staying with Alex tonight?” She asked me. Her brows were furrowed in confusion and annoyance, I think.

“Aye. Dinna fash, I’ll be home tomorrow mornin’ so we can have breakfast together.”

“Faith... you can’t just leave. We have a lot we need to talk about. I need to make sure that you understand I’m not going anywhere.”

“I think... I think ye’ve a lot to think about, alright? If I stay wi’ Alex, ye can have the time and space to think properly. If ye choose to go back to Da and Fergus, I’ll support ye. I’ll miss ye, but I ken it’s for the best.”

“I’ve made up my mind Faith. The minute you told me you were staying, I decided I was too. I haven’t changed my mind. I won’t leave you here. I won’t leave Brianna here. I promised you I would never leave you again.”

“Look, just take some time to think things through properly, aye? Ye never thought ye would see him again because ye thought he was dead, but he isna. 

“I love you Ma, that means I will do whatever it takes to make sure ye’re happy. Go and be happy wi’ Da, or at least think about it. That’s all me and Bree are askin’ of ye.”

We were both silent for a few moments as I finished off packing my bag. 

“Do you have condoms packed in there?” Ma asked as she hovered around me, keekin’ in to the bag I had just packed.

I rolled my eyes and turned to face her. “No.” I answered simply. “Alex has more than one bedroom in his house. We wilna be sharing a bed. No this night anyway. Besides, I’m no ready to be havin’ sex, and Alex has been verra good and patient wi’ me. He’s quite happy to wait until I am ready” I told her.

Claire nodded her head slowly. 

“I love him. I canna imagine my life wi’out him now, but I just... jumpin’ in to a bed wi’ lad just isna how I was raised. Even though I do love him more than my own life, I’m no ready to be that intimate wi’ him. I think we should be married first.” I saw Ma smile as she looked over to me.

“What happened to men and marriage and children not being for you?” She asked wi’ a smug look on her face.

I couldna help but smile back. “Well, things change. Alex was the only man I could ever see myself wi’, and when he left me two years ago... I never thought I would be wi’ anyone else. My love for him was so strong that I couldna even entertain the idea of bein’ wi’ anyone that wasna him.

“Look at us now. So happy and in love. He treats me like a queen, like I’m the only person in his world that matters.” I smiled even brighter. “I want to be his wife. I want to have his bairns, just... no right now. I want to figure myself out first. Figure out what my next step is wi’ work. Do I want to go to nursing school, or medical school? I dinna ken yet, but one thing I do ken, is Alex will always be here for me and support me through everythin’. I was right when I told ye not everythin’ was about sex.” I laughed, makin’ Ma chuckle too.

“Alex is a very lucky man to have you, sweetheart. You’re lucky to have him too.”

“I ken. And maybe it’s a bit early to comment on this, but Bree and Roger seem to be gettin’ on really well too. She could do a lot worse than some history professor.” Ma smiled and let out another chuckle. “Ye deserve to be wi’ the man you love too. The two years I spent apart from Alex were hell. I canna imagine how you and Da have survived twenty years wi’out the other half of yer heart.”

“I won’t say it’s been easy, but I had Bree. I know things were completely different with Jamie, but I believe that it was the fact you were at home at Lallybroch. That would have kept him going too.” She smiled softly as she held herself across her stomach.

“But I’m no there now. You could be. Just think about it, please?”

Ma nodded in agreement and pulled me in to a tight hug before I picked up my bag and headed downstairs to meet Alex.

I said night to Roger and Bree and walked behind Alex to the door, Ma walkin’ us both out.

“Make sure you both come over in time for breakfast, alright?” Both Alex and I agreed. “Alright then, have fun and I’ll see you both tomorrow.” She pulled me close for another tight hug as Alex went to put my bag in the car. “I love you so much my darling.”

“Love you too Ma.” She bent down and kissed my forehead before lettin’ me go to join Alex at the car.

As usual, he had the car door open for me, and closed it as soon as I climbed in.

I turned and waved goodbye to Ma as we set off.

“So, what did she say? Is she going back?” Alex asked me as we drove down the street.

“Aye. She just doesna ken it yet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that’s the end of Part One of Life. And the Unexpected. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for continuing to follow this fic.
> 
> Don’t worry, you don’t have long to wait for Part Two to start. I’ll be posting it on Friday. 
> 
> Due to me starting back at work next week, I will only be posting this fic on a Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
> 
> I really hope you’ll all enjoy what’s to come.
> 
> Kirsty X


	27. Chapter Twenty Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire, Faith, Bree and the lads are in Boston.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Well... this is it. The start of Part two. 
> 
> I will be posting this fic on a Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
> 
> Depending on my work hours... the chapters might be posted after midnight. Like tonight. But... it’s still Friday somewhere, right? Haha.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy what’s coming in this next part of the story. I can’t wait for you all to follow along.
> 
> Thank you again to each and every one of you who takes the time to read these chapters. I’m so very grateful, you have no idea.
> 
> Kirsty X

Part Two

Claire’s POV

For the last month, both my daughters have been nagging me to get a life. 

Apparently working full time as a surgeon and trying my best to be there for them isn’t good enough. 

They want me to go out and meet some new people. Make some friends.

I don’t know why they can’t just leave me be. It’s like they don’t truly believe that I’m more than happy with the way my life is. 

I have a job that I love, in a hospital that is one of the best in country. And I have both my daughters to come home to. Something I never would have dared to dream possible. I’m only sorry that we couldn’t have been altogether sooner.

It was Bree’s birthday last month. My baby girl turned twenty years old. 

Gosh. Sometimes I look at her and I find it hard to believe that she’s a fully grown woman. It seems like only yesterday I held her in my arms for the very first time.

For part of Bree’s birthday, she and I spent the day in Edinburgh checking out some of the sights. I had seen some before, with Faith, but it was nice to see them all again with Brianna. 

We invited Faith and her partner Alex along too, but they kindly declined so Bree and I could spend quality time together. At first I thought it was because it was unusual for Bree and I to spend any time together just our two selves, but then Brianna brought up quite a disturbing conversation. It was just so out of the blue, it knocked me for six.

My little baby girl told me that she and her sister had been discussing me, and they both agreed that I should return to the eighteenth century. Return to their father. 

Apparently they could both see how unhappy I am without him, although I’m not sure how. Faith has absolutely no memory of her father and I together. She was much too young when I left. And Bree, well... she’s only known me to be with Frank. Of course she knows now that it wasn’t a happy marriage for either Frank or I, but I still don’t understand how she could possibly think that I would be happier being separated from her and her sister. 

I’ve already been separated from Faith for twenty years, I don’t want to go through that again. With either of my daughters.

Of course I miss Jamie. I always have, and I always will. 

He was the love of my life. 

My husband.

My soulmate.

But he’s gone. 

He may be alive in 1766, but in 1968, he’s gone. He’s dead.

As much as I would love to be reunited with my love, I can’t just leave my daughters. And I know Jamie wouldn’t want me to either.

This year, we’re spending Christmas in Boston. 

Luckily, both Faith and I were able to get some time off at the same time for us to go to Boston.

With Bree deciding to move to Edinburgh to be with her sister and I, I really needed to head back across the Atlantic and see to getting the house ready to sell. It also gives me a chance to catch up with Joe while I’m there.

Both girls are coming with me, and so is Alex and Roger. 

Alex doesn’t have any family at all any more. He hasn’t seen his father in three years, and he doesn’t know if he’ll ever see him again. 

This will be Roger’s first Christmas without Reverend Wakefield. He was supposed to be traveling back to Inverness to spend the holiday season with Fiona and some other friends, but Brianna had asked if she could invite him to spend the holiday season with us instead. Roger is such a lovely young man, and I’m not blind to the attraction there seems to be between him and my youngest daughter. Whether they decide to take their friendship to a different level is completely up to them. I personally wouldn’t be opposed to the idea. I think they would make a wonderful couple.

Obviously, all five of us couldn’t get sat together on the plane. I had managed to sort it so that Faith and Alex were sat together, whilst Bree, Roger and I were together a few rows behind them.

Faith started to get a bit anxious about the flight just before we boarded the plane. She’s only flew in an airplane twice before. Both times she handled it really well, but I can understand her nervousness before we got up in the air.

I thought she would have been fine with Alex by her side, but it was me she wanted. Bree then came up with the idea for her and Roger to change seats with Faith and Alex so that Faith could sit in between Alex and I, and hopefully that would relax her a bit more.

It worked out perfectly. Faith settled quite nicely between the two of us, but she was seeking comfort from me more than she was from Alex. I have to admit, it made me feel really good. I loved that my daughter now felt comfortable enough to turn to me when she needed comfort and reassurance. It’s taken a good few months for us to get to this stage, I can’t understand why she and her sister have been so determined to send me away back to their father. Faith’s reaction to the flight to Boston only assured me more how much my daughter still needs me.

Whilst we are in Boston, there is a ceremony to honour Frank at the University where he worked as a professor for almost twenty years. The university had decided to honour my late husband by setting up a fellowship in his name. Something I’m sure Frank would be pleased with.

As Frank’s widow, of course I was invited along with Brianna, his daughter. I knew Bree would want to attend, and she’s right to. For all his faults, Frank was a wonderful father to a Brianna, and I will be forever grateful to him for that.

Even though Bree now knows of her true parentage, and has heard all about Jamie from Fergus, Faith and I, Frank is still the only father she has ever truly known. 

If Bree wasn’t here, I would give the ceremony a miss, but I have to be there in support of my daughter. 

Roger will be there too of course, but Faith and Alex have kindly declined to come along.

“But, I would really like you to be there, Faith. For Bree. Please.” I pleaded with her, but she wasn’t for it.

“I’m sorry Ma, but I didna ken the man. It feels wrong to intrude in such a way.”

“You’re my daughter.” I told her. “Brianna’s sister. You would t be intruding, you’d be supporting your family.” I tried to reason.

Faith let out a deep sigh. “I’m sorry Ma, but it doesna feel right me goin’. How would ye explain me anyway? Anyone wi’ two eyes can see me and Bree are sister. Can see I’m yer daughter too. Dae ye no think all these people who kent Frank will have some questions?”

She was right. There would be questions. And a few raised eyebrows, but I didn’t care. I just wanted her close to me. In the end though, I had to accept that she wouldn’t be joining her sister and I.

When Faith was here in the summer, before she and I made the move to Edinburgh, 8 thought she had really enjoyed herself here, but this time around, she doesn’t seem like she really wants to be here. 

Brianna has arranged to catch up with some of her friends and invited her sister and the boys along too, but Faith turned down her sisters invitation.

“I don’t understand, Faith. They’re practically your friends too. They really want to see you.” Bree had said to Faith, but Faith wasn’t budging. Much like her refusal to come to the Fellowship ceremony.

“They’re your friends Bree. Ye should go and spend some time wi’ them and have some fun. I’ll be fine wi’ Alex.” 

Bree didn’t take too kindly to her sister refusing to hang out with her and her friends, and she ended up ignoring her sister the rest of the evening.

The next day, to my complete shock, and everyone else’s, Faith announced she and Alex would be checking in to a hotel for the remainder of our stay in Boston, but they would both be round at the house on Christmas Day for Christmas dinner.

What in the world was going on with my daughter? 

I had no idea. 

Between Faith closing herself off again, the event at the university, trying to sort out things with the estate agent for a quick sale of the house and then trying my best to try and make this a wonderful first Christmas for me and my girls together, I was beyond stressed.

On the morning of Frank’s fellowship ceremony at the university, I had called over to the hotel to see if Faith would change her mind about coming, but she insisted she would just feel awkward. 

It wasn’t my intention for her to feel that way, I just wanted to include her.

It was on the tip of my tongue to say I wouldn’t go either, but then I knew how much the day meant to Brianna. I had to be there to support her.

Alex quietly assured me that he would take good care of Faith and then I left with a promise from my daughter that she would meet me for some dinner.

I never expected to become even more stressed than I already was. It never even crossed my mind that there was a possibility I would run in to Frank’s other woman, Candy, or Sandy or whatever her name is.

I never expected Bree to catch a glimpse of the discomfort I felt in this woman’s presence. I never expected Bree to tell me she had seen the woman before. Of course I knew she had, but my daughter was so young, I hoped she wouldn’t remember the day of my graduation from medical school, and how this woman turned up on my doorstep for Frank. 

Thankfully, that wasn’t where Brianna remembered her from. Apparently Frank and this woman bumped in to one another one day in town when he was with Bree. She confided that there was something strange about the encounter. How, Frank looked at this woman. Brianna said it was the same way Frank used to look at me.

I ended up being honest with my daughter and telling her that Sandy was actually the woman her father was in love with. The woman he was planning on marrying after he divorced me. Brianna knew our marriage was far from a happy one, but I could tell that she was shocked by what I had told her.

By the time Bree, Roger and I left the university, I was feeling a lot of things, and many of the, I couldn’t quite name. It was strange how unnerving it was just seeing that woman. Speaking to her. Listening to what she had to say about my life with Frank as if she knew what she was talking about. The woman didn’t have a clue. She didn’t know the first thing about my marriage or my relationship with Frank.

Bree and Roger headed straight home to spend the evening with Alex. I drove over to the hotel where Faith and Alex were staying so I could have some dinner with my eldest.

As stressed and confused about my day as I was, I really just wanted to spend some time with Faith and try and figure out what on earth was going on with her.

We were seated at a small table for two next to the window. 

There was a bit of a draft, as we were also seated not too far away from the door, but it was a nice enough restaurant.

Faith didn’t really speak much until after we ordered our drinks.

“How was it?” She asked me.

“It was... nice. Frank would have liked it, I’m sure.” I answered.

“Ye dinna seem too sure about that.” She frowned at me.

I placed my menu down on the table and looked at Faith. “Well, I really do think he would have liked it. I think he would be proud and pleased that the University has decided to honour him in a such a way.” I paused for a beat or two as I picked up my menu again. “Frank’s... partner... Sandy. She was there. Unfortunately she decided that it was the appropriate time and place for a few words with me. She seemed to think that Frank would have hated all the fuss. I guess we just knew different versions of the same man.”

I hated that she was under the impression that I didn’t care about Frank. Of course I did. He was my first love. The man I genuinely thought I would spend the rest of my life with. Start a family with. I never could have foreseen what would actually become of us. 

I did love Frank, I was just no longer in love with him. I did care very deeply for him though. How could I remain with a man and raise another man’s child with him for almost twenty years, if I didn’t still have some kind of affection for the man?

Sandy’s words just really unsettled me. She had no clue what our relationship was like. 

No one did, except Frank and I.

Just before dessert, I decided to try and get Faith to open up to me a bit more. She had been extremely quiet through dinner. Not unusual, but still... I could tell there was something wrong.

“You know, sweetheart... if you and Alex wanted to come back to stay at the house, I ‘m sure we can rearrange the sleeping arrangements.” Bree and Faith had been sharing a room whilst the boys shared the guest room. “I could bunk in with Bree and you and Alex could have my room.” I suggested.

When I came to visit Faith this morning, I was surprised to find she and Alex were sharing the same bed in the same hotel room. I wasn’t aware that their relationship had progressed that far.

“We’re fine here. Thanks though.” She answered without even glancing over to me.

“Can I ask why you suddenly decided to come and stay at a hotel?” It was clear that this was a decision Faith had made. Alex was just as shocked as the rest of us with her little announcement.

She gave a small shrug of her shoulders. “It’s just strange. Bein’ in that house. I didna ken Frank. It just feels wrong that I should be stayin’ in the man’s house.”

“It’s my house. And your sisters. Yours too actually, well... until it sells.” I tried to reassure her, but she wasn’t having any of it.

“It felt weird the last time. Feels weird now. Alex and I are fine here.”

The young waitress came over with out desserts. 

Faith had a slice of banoffee pie, whilst I opted for some apple crumble.

“So... you’re sharing a bed.” It was more of an observation than a question.

Faith almost choked on her dessert. “So? Ye said in this time people didna need to be married to be... intimate.” She whispered across the table to me.

“Are you? Being... intimate?”

I didn’t miss the eye roll from my daughter. “No. Two people can share a bed wi’out takin’ things any further, ye ken?”

I could tell she was starting to her a little agitated with my questions about her relationship, so I decided to drop it.

Just as we both finished our desserts, I was pleased to notice Faith was itching to speak to me about something. She was just... struggling to find her words apparently.

“If you want to ask me something, or say something... you know you can say anything to me.” I assured her, trying to gently give her a little push.

She took a deep breath before looking up at me from the ground. “I think when the house sells here, ye should go back to Da.” Before I could interrupt and say my piece, she continued. “I ken ye miss him, and I ken he misses you. It is a fair to ask either of ye’s to keep livin’ half a life.

“Me and Bree are both quite happy for ye to go. We’re both adults. Both settled in Edinburgh. I have a job and Alex. Bree’s starting her engineering course in the new year. We dinna need ye now. No like we did before.”

Every time I thought this conversation was over with, either one or both my daughters would bring it up again.

“I will say this one last time, Faith, and then I never want to have this conversation again. I will not leave you. Either of you. And as for your father, if he could be part of this conversation too, he would agree with me. He wouldn’t want me to leave either of you to return to him.”

Before Faith could answer, I saw Alex making his way towards us.

I got up from my chair to offer him a seat, but Alex I stead invited both Faith and I over to the bar for a drink before I went home, 

Feeling slightly riled by Faith trying to convince me to go back to the past, I decided to leave the two of them to enjoy the rest of their evening together.

Faith told Alex to go on ahead to the bar and she would meet him there after she walked me to the front of the hotel. 

“I didna mean to upset ye, Ma. It’s just... I’ve seen first hand wi’ Da what it’s been like for him. Ye bein’ gone from him all these years—“

“It was his choice, his decision for me to go, Faith. I didn’t have the luxury of choosing whether I could stay or not.” 

“I ken that. But, as happy as ye seem to be here wi’ me and Bree, we canna help but think ye miss Da.”

“Of course I miss him—“

“We’ve heard ye. Talkin’ to the painting of Da I made for ye. Both Bree and I have heard ye—“

“Go on back inside. It’s really cold.” I told my daughter. “Go and have some fun with Alex and I’ll see you tomorrow, alright?”

“Um... Alex and I are goin’ to some museum tomorrow wi’ Bree and Roger. Some historic thing Bree thinks the lads would be interested in.”

“So when will I see you next? I really do t like the distance that’s been between us since you decided to move yourself and Alex in to the hotel, Faith.”

“I’m sorry. I dinna mean there to be such distance between us, but ye’ve got plenty of things to sort out wi’ the house and such. I just dinna want to be in the way.”

“Why on earth would you think you’re in the way?”

“I’ll see ye in a couple of days, aye? We can spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day the gether.”

“You know what, Faith? Just... go ahead and do whatever you want. I’ll see you when I see you. How’s that?”

“I dinna want to argue. I just... I dinna feel comfortable bein’ in yer house. Frank’s house. I’m sorry. I promise I’m not tryin’ to be deliberately awkward.”

“I know you’re not darling. It’s just... it’s hard for me when you’re not with me, or at least close by. 

“I just... I don’t want to go back to there being some distance between us. I don’t want us to be walking on eggshells around one another. It’s taken us quite some time to finally be open and honest with each other, I don’t want us to lose that. I don’t want to go back to you barely being able to talk to me, or even look at me.”

“It’s really no like that though.”

I knew it wasn’t, but for some reason my daughter was feeling some kind of way I didn’t understand. And for some reason, she was finding it difficult to put in to words what she was feeling. 

I kissed her goodnight and wished her a lovely evening with Alex before I went back to my car to drive home to a Bree and Roger.

When I arrived home though, they were no where to be seen. They must have both decided on an early night. 

When I popped my head in to Bree’s room to check on her, she was sound asleep.

I tip toed quietly across her room to her bed and bent down to kiss her cheek. I saw that famous smile she had done in her sleep ever since she was a baby. A trait she shared with her sister, and something they both got from their father.

Jamie.

It was true in what Faith had said about me speaking to the painting of Jamie. I didn’t know the girls knew what I was doing though.

For so long, I had only the memory of his face in my mind. To see a real life like painting of him in the flesh, here in 1968... it was incredible. I honestly never thought I would see his face again, except in my mind, whether that be from my memories or my dreams.

I couldn’t thank my daughter enough for the gift of such a painting. It was everything to me.

That night, as I lay in bed trying my best to fall asleep, my mind kept running back to all the conversations the girls have tried to have with me about Jamie and me returning to him.

I couldn’t deny that I wanted to. I couldn’t deny how I longed to be wrapped in his arms once again. To truly be able to have a conversation with him. Talk about our lives and our children. 

Of course I wanted to return to him. He was my husband. The love of my life. The father of my children. But I just simply couldn’t leave my two daughters here in the twentieth century. 

I just couldn’t. 

And it was heartbreaking.

I had since found out that Bree had heard the buzzing at the stones as well. So, it was possible she could travel too. 

Unfortunately, neither she or her sister showed any interest in returning to 1766 with me. If they wouldn’t come with me, I couldn’t go without them. Simple as that. 

As much as I knew Jamie would be disappointing, I knew in my heart of hearts that he would completely understand. 

Our children come first. 

They always had.

That was the sole reason he made me come back to the twentieth century in the first place. 

To protect Faith as much as possible from the British. 

To protect Brianna.

It isn’t like I’m unhappy here. I just... I miss my husband. I miss Jamie.

But I’m happy enough here. 

I’m happy being here in this time with my daughters. I’m happy to try my best and build a solid relationship with each of them.

They have to be my priority.


	28. Chapter Twenty Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas in Boston.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Thanks again for all the supposition and comments on this fic. I really appreciate you all taking the time to read along and follow the journey.
> 
> Sorry I was unable to post yesterday.
> 
> This chapter was originally two chapters, but I decided to combine them.
> 
> I will try and post the next chapter tomorrow, but due to having to work overtime, it might be Thursday. But don’t worry, it will be up sometime this week.
> 
> Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy.
> 
> Kirsty X

Christmas Eve  
1968

“Are you ready to go?” Alex asked me as he zipped up his jacket.

It’s Christmas Eve, and for some reason I promised Ma that both Alex and I would be there at her place to spend the entire day wi’ her and also tomorrow. 

Somehow though, Alex had managed to tell her that he and I would stay over at the house wi’ them all tonight instead of comin’ back to the hotel.

I was so annoyed he did that. I even tried to tell him he was welcome to stay at the house, but I would be comin’ back to the hotel as soon as I could, but he told me verra firmly that I wouldn’t. I would be stayin’ at the house wi’ everyone else, enjoy my first proper Christmas wi’ my mother and sister. I mean, I could still do that wi’out havin’ to stay at the house.

Alex had never spoken to me like that before, and I made him promise to never speak to me like that again. And he promised he wouldna.

He wasna tryin’ to be nasty or controllin’, he just wanted me to spend as much time wi’ Ma as possible. He could tell, just as I could, how much she missed me.

I missed her too, but I just dinna feel comfortable bein’ in her house. As lovely as it is, it’s the house where she built a home and a family wi’ that Frank. 

The man who was part of the reason she didna come back to me. 

I just felt like I shouldna be there. I kent he wouldna want me there. He didna even let Ma talk about me all them years she stayed wi’ him. He didna allow her to tell Bree the truth about who she really was and where she came from. It was because of that man, my sister grew up not knowin’ anythin’ about Fergus or I. Or Da.

By the time Frank was killed, Ma wasna sure if Bree would believe her story. So again... she decided no to come back to me.

I didna blame her for that. I couldna blame her for it. I’m no a mother, but I couldna imagine ever leavin’ my child so soon after they lost the only father they ever knew. 

That was somethin’ that I learned to accept whilst bein’ here. 

She simply couldna come back to me.

It was difficult to hear, but I understood.

And even though Frank was gone, I didna like bein’ in his house. A lot of his things were still there. Things that Bree just couldn’t face to get rid of, which I completely understood. I just wished that Ma could understand how strange it is for me to stay in that house. 

Their family home.

“I suppose I am, aye.” I answered Alex as I picked up my handbag and flung it over my shoulder. “Ye sure we canna just come back here the night and then see them all again the morn?” I asked him, although I kent what his answer would be.

“Come on Faith. Both Claire and Bree are really looking forward to having a real proper Christmas experience with you. You can’t deny them that.”

“I suppose.” I said softly as I followed Alex to the hotel room door.

Before he reached for the handle, he dropped our overnight bag to the floor and turned to face me. He took my face in both his hands. “Look, I understand how painful it is for you to be there, Faith. I’m just asking you to at least try. If not for your own sake, but for Claire and Bree. It’s important to both of them that they get to spend this time with you. And if you and Bree are insisting on trying to convince your mother to leave... you might want to make the most of this time with her.”

I kent he was right. I didna answer him vocally, but I nodded my head in silent agreement.

Alex smiled at me and bent his head down to kiss me softly on the mouth. “Let’s go and celebrate Christmas then.”

When we arrived at the house twenty minutes later, Claire looked flustered and harassed as she answered the door.

“Why the hell didn’t you just come on in?” She asked impatiently as she wiped down the front of her shirt. She had apparently spilt some wine.

“Um, because it’s polite to knock.” I answered. Clearly the wrong thing to say as she stormed up the stairs wi’out muttering another word.

Alex and I headed straight through to the livin’ room, where Bree and Roger were putting all the wrapped Christmas presents under the tree.

Apparently Ma was in a mood because Bree had broached the subject about Da again. She was insistent that she wasna bein’ too obvious wi’ the conversation, but I think Ma must have kent exactly what she was meaning if it’s left her in this kind of foul mood.

“I’ll go up and check on her.” I told them and Bree just agreed that Ma would probably calm down a bit now that I’m here.

When I got to the top of the stairs, I could hear Ma’s voice. 

She sounded... upset. It sounded like she was cryin’ too.

Great. I’ve never been any good in these kind of situations. There was no way she would appreciate Bree at a time like this though. Not when it was Bree’s fault she was feelin’ like this anyway.

I was in two minds whether to stay and try and talk to her, or leave her to come back down in her own time, but I knew that if it was me shut in my room feelin’ sad, she wouldna leave me be until she kent I was alright. 

There was no other option, I had to make sure she was okay.

I knocked softly on the door, just loud enough for her to hear, and I then stepped in to the room.

Ma was sitting up on her bed, back restin’ against her headboard as she held the painting of her and Da I gave her.

Her cheeks were damp wi’ tears, but she didna seem to be cryin’ anymore. 

I walked over to her bed and climbed on beside her as Ma lay the framed painting down in between our legs. She turned to her bedside table and picked up a piece of tissue paper and wiped at her face.

“You and Alex were supposed to be here well over an hour ago.” She snapped.

She’s been snappin’ a lot lately. Mainly at me and Bree. 

Maybe we should stop tryin’ to force her back to Da?

“Sorry. It was my fault. I thought since we were spendin’ the night, we didna need to be here first thing. I’m sorry.”

Ma threw her tissue in to the bin next to her bed. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. I know you don’t like being here, it’s just... Bree said something and she just wound me up...

“I thought maybe you changed your mind and decided not to come over at all. And then...” She trailed off on her words.

Ma wasna cryin’ any more tears, but she wasna the strong woman I have come to ken. She was... deflated? Numb maybe? 

I didna ken the full story as to what Bree had said, and I didna really want to raise the subject again and make Ma upset again.

“It’s alright. I’m here now.” I said softly as I picked up the painting of her and Da carefully so I could move closer to her side.

Ma took the picture frame from me and sat it up on the bedside table beside her bed. She then got up and went over to her drawer to pick out a new shirt to change into.

“You can help me strip the bed and re make it with fresh sheets. There should be some in the airing cupboard down the hall.” Ma told me as she quickly changed out of the wine soaked shirt.

“Why do ye need to change yer bed?” I asked in confusion. I kent for a fact she had only changed the sheets the day before because Bree told me she accidentally left a wet towel on top of Ma’s bed. Why she did that, I’ve no idea.

“So it’s fresh for you and Alex.” She said as if I should have kent that was the reason.

“I’m stayin’ in Bree’s room like before. Alex is fine on the camp bed in the guest room wi’ Roger.” I assured her.

“It isn’t a problem, Faith. You can sleep in here together. I really don’t mind.” She laughed.

“Well, I do actually.” It was one thing sharing a bed wi’ Alex at the hotel, but there was no way I could sleep wi’ Alex in the same bed as me in my mother’s house. No way in god’s earth was that happenin’.

“Suit yourself. Offer is there though if you change your mind. If sharing a room with Alex makes you feel a bit more comfortable, then that’s a win for everyone, is it not?” Ma smiled at me before she reached out to give my hand a quick squeeze.

“Do ye want to talk about anythin’?” I asked carefully. Tryin’ to show that I cared about her and I was willin’ to listen if she needed to talk, but I wasna askin’ in a pushy way.

“Actually, when we all get back to Edinburgh, I want to sit down and have a proper conversation with you and your sister. For now though, I just want to enjoy our first Christmas together. The three of us.” She smiled again, and for the first time in a wee while, it reached her eyes. 

God. Da was right. Ma had the most beautiful smile.

When we got back down stairs, Ma called Bree in to the kitchen for a chat. I went straight in to the livin’ room and helped the lads sort some of the decorations on the tree. 

Apparently the Randall’s always had a real Christmas tree on display in the living room. One that almost reached the ceiling. This year though, since we would be leavin’ the day after Boxing Day, Ma decided to get a fake tree instead. 

I had wondered what she would do after Christmas was over, because apparently this was the type of tree ye could keep for years and years. There was no way we would be able to take it back to Scotland on the plane though. 

Even Alex and Roger were confused as to why Ma spent the money on a brand new Christmas tree that she would only get the use out of this one time, and only for a few days. Ma said that she was goin’ to donate it to one of the Homeless shelters that she knew had a few children stayin’ there. She was plannin’ on donating all the Christmas lights and decorations as well. All except a couple that Brianna had made when she was a wee lass.

The five of us spent the day watching some classic movies on the television, playing card games and drinking a lot of whisky. 

Ma had started cooking a chicken stew in the morning, but was leaving it to slow cook throughout the day. That’s why she had the wine out so early in the day. It was for the stew.

Bree had made a pot of lentil soup the day before, so that’s what we were having for lunch. Since she made such a big pot, it was likely we would each have another bowl of the soup before tucking in to Ma’s stew.

Throughout the day, Ma, Alex and I were noticing how close Bree and Roger were getting. I kent they had shared a kiss in Inverness, and I kent they were still in touch when she was here in Boston and he was down in London. I was also aware that their phone calls were more frequent since Bree came to live wi’ Ma and I in Edinburgh, but my sister never really confided in me as to whether she and Roger were more than friends. It seemed that’s the way they were goin’, but neither one of them said anythin’.

Every now and then, there would be a brush of their hands, their eyes lingering a wee bit too long on one another and they would inch their way closer to one another on the couch. 

It was adorable.

Ma decided to turn in to bed before nine o’clock.

I still wasna sure what Bree had said to her exactly, but it was obvious it had Ma thinkin’ throughout the day. She had been unusually quiet. 

I had spent a bit of time in the kitchen wi’ Ma throughout the day, but she just wasna herself. As Alex had put it, she was “away with the fairies”. In a wee world of her own for the majority of the day.

After Ma went to bed, the four of us stayed downstairs in the livin’ room and had another dram of whisky and chatted about anythin’ and everythin’.

I asked Bree about what happened this mornin’ before Alex and I arrived, but she just shrugged her shoulders.

A wee while later, when the lads went through to the kitchen to make us some tea, Bree finally decided to speak up.

“I didn’t mean to upset her. I just thought it might get her thinking. As annoyed with me as she was, I think it has got her thinking. 

“She told me later on that she wants to speak with both of us when we get back to Edinburgh. I think she’s decided to go back.” Bree whispered to me in a verra hushed tone. 

“What exactly did ye say to her Bree? The poor woman was in bits earlier.” I asked her firmly.

“I didn’t come out and talk about her going back directly, but I may have just mentioned something in conversation to get her thinking.”

“What did you say?” I repeated even more firmly.

Bree took a deep breath before answering. “I just said I wondered how Jamie was doing. It would have been his first Christmas without you. He would have been devastated.”

I couldna say anythin’. 

Da would have been heartbroken that I wasna there. And it was somethin’ I had thought about a lot since bein’ here in Boston, but I always tried to put it to the back of my mind. It was hard for me bein’ away from Da and Fergus and the rest of my family, but at the same time, I was excited to get to spend my first holiday season wi’ Ma and Bree. The fact that Alex and I were now together like we should have been from the start, it made it all the more special.

I could understand why Ma went quiet after Bree’s comment. This wasna an easy situation for any of us. Ma and Da have been separated by time for twenty years. Bree grew up wi’ our mother, whilst Fergus and I were raised by Aunt Jenny and Uncle Ian because Ma was here in the twentieth century, and Da was a traitor, livin’ in a cave for seven years before he went to prison. But, even though Bree grew up wi’ Ma, she didna ken until a few months ago who her real father was. 

There wasna anyone in our family who wasna affected wi’ what had happened. Each of us had our own thoughts and feelin’s throughout the years, but by me leavin’ the family I knew behind and findin’ my mother and sister, it changed things for everyone involved yet again.

Brianna was the only link that Ma had to Da all these years, like I was the only link Da had to Ma. Now, Da didn’t even have that. All he had now was the sketches that Bree had drawn, and given to Fergus to give to Da. It wasna the same. I kent that because all we had here in this time, was the paintings I made for us of Da and Fergus. 

If life was fair, the five of us would never have been separated. 

Not for a single second. 

When the lads came back wi’ the tea, I excused myself and retired for the night. 

Instead of goin’ to sleep in Bree’s room though, I found myself sneaking in to Ma’s room and climbing in to bed wi’ her. I dinna even ken why. 

When I climbed in, Ma had her back to me. As soon as she felt me behind her, she turned to face me. 

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” She asked me.

“Nothin’, why?”

“Your sister used to climb in to bed with me when she was younger when she was worried or upset about something.”

“I’m fine. Just wanted to be close to ye.” I pulled the bed cover back over me properly and cuddled in to the cool side of the bed. “Night Ma.” 

“Goodnight, my darling. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

Christmas Day   
1968

When I woke up, I looked over to the clock on the bedside table and saw it was only five o’clock. I then looked over to me right and saw Ma still sleepin’ peacefully. There was no way she would be wakin’ anytime soon. Always one for a lie in when she doesna need to be up at the crack of dawn.

I got up to go downstairs to pour myself a nice cool glass of water. It was clear I was the first person up.

After half an hour, I decided to go back to bed. 

When I slid back in to bed beside Ma, I noticed she was mumbling in her sleep. I didna take much notice until I heard her say Da’s name.

I couldna make out what she was sayin’ but it was clear she was dreamin’ about Da. Or was it a nightmare? 

She started wriggling like she was tryin’ to push away somethin’ or someone. 

Was it Da?

After a wee while, I could make out more words and I realised she was dreamin’ about when he took her to the stones to send her and Brianna back to this time.

She had mentioned my name. Over and over again, she was talkin’ about me. Needing to get back to me. To Fergus. She was wriggling around too much and I could see how upset she became.

I tried to wake her slowly and carefully when I saw the tears coming from her eyes.

“Ma, Ma. Wake up. It’s only a dream. I’m here.” I said over and over again as I gently shook her shoulder to try and bring her round.

It took a few minutes, but she slowly started to open her eyes.

“I’m here. It was just a dream.” I whispered as I pulled her towards me. “It’s alright. It was just a dream.”

She pulled away from me abruptly and clambered out of the bed. 

It was like she was angry.

Was she annoyed wi’ me?

Did I do something wrong?

“It wasn’t a dream, Faith. It happened. It all happened, and I never got choice. None of us had a fucking choice!” She cried out as more tears began to fall from her eyes.

“Did ye dream about the stones? When ye left?” As soon as I said it, I regretted the particular words I used.

“Left? I didn’t leave, Faith! Your father forced me to go. I thought you understood that?” Ma started pacing the floor. 

“I didna mean it like that, Ma. I’m sorry.”

Her face softened almost immediately and she came to sit next to me on the bed. 

“I used to dream about that day all the time. I knew why your father wanted me to come here, and I could understand why. But the idea of leaving you behind... it broke me.

“As far as I knew, Jamie was going to that battlefield to die, with his men. But, he didn’t. He survived and we missed so much time where we could have been together. Him and I and our children.”

“I’m here wi’ ye now though.” I said as I tried to get her to look at me instead of staring at the floor.

She looked over and smiled at me. “Yes. You are.”

I took a hold of her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “But you’re not.”

She turned to sit up on the bed properly so she could face me straight on. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“All the stories that Da and Fergus, and even Aunt Jenny and Uncle Ian told me of ye, ye were this happy, strong, brave woman. Always teasin’ Da and keepin’ him on his toes. The pair of ye’s always gettin’ yerselves into trouble. 

“Claire means light. Da has always told me about how ye were his. His sorcha. Since I’ve been here, it’s hard for me to see sometimes how everyone described ye.”

“I’m twenty years older, Faith. People change, they grow up. They mature.” She got defensive.

“Aye, I ken that. I just mean... I ken yer happy, here wi’ us. Ye have a job and have learned so much more here than what ye woulda done back home. But yer heart isna here, Ma. It’s back home, wi’ Da. And you’ve got his.”

To my surprise, she didna try and change the conversation. She didna tell me off for bringing it up again. 

She went silent. She was deep in thought.

That was when Brianna came creeping through the door.

“Everything alright? I thought I heard voices.” She asked as she came to sit on the other side of Ma.

“Aye, fine. Ma just had a bad dream is all.” I explained.

“I only just got you back in my life, Faith. And in a way, I’ve only just got Bree too. I can’t leave you now.” Ma sobbed.

“But ye have to. Neither you or Da will ever be truly happy, unless ye’re the gether.” I said softly as I ran my hand through her hair like she did wi’ me so many times.

“Mama, Faith’s right. We wouldn’t ask you to do this unless we thought it was the right thing to do. Jamie needs to know what Faith has been up to since her time here. He needs to know that I’m not in Boston any more. You can tell him how close Faith and I are. How excited we both are to have a sister to annoy and take the mick out of.” Bree giggled. “There is so much he needs to know about us that only you can tell him Mama.”

“What if he doesn’t want me anymore?” Ma said, barely louder than a whisper. 

Bree and I just looked at one another and that’s when we realised that the reason she was so hesitant to go back, was because she was worried Da wouldna want her.

“He’s never not wanted ye.” I told her. “Da told me he wanted ye from the moment he met ye. Said he fell in love wi’ ye a couple days later when ye cried in his arms one night at Leoch. He didna just marry ye to save a friend from the British, he married ye because he was already in love wi’ ye. He couldna bare it if anythin’ happened to ye.

“Yer the only woman the man has ever loved. The only woman the man will ever love. If I ken my Da like I think I do... he’s been waitin’ on ye these past few months.” I told her.

I could see the hint of a smile turnin’ up on the side of her mouth. 

“If I go back, I want the both of you to come with me.” Ma spoke firmly. It was as if the only way she would return to Da, was if Bree and I went too.

“I canna go back Ma. Maybe sometime down the line, but I canna go back now.” I said gently as I kept a hold of her hand. “I’m sorry, but I like it here. I can learn more. I can be who I want to be. And Alex, I canna leave him, Ma. I just got him back.”

“Like I just got you back.” She whispered as she tried to choke back more tears.

“I’m sorry Ma, but I just canna.” Ma nodded her head in understanding and then turned to Bree.

Bree looked like she didna ken what to say. It was like she was horrified at the thought of goin’ back in time to the eighteenth century, but she didna want to upset her.

“You haven’t even met your father before. I know he would be so happy to finally meet you, Bree. Get to know you properly.”

“I’m sorry Mama, but my life is here, like Faith. I can’t just leave. I’m sorry Mama.” Bree apologised. 

“It’s alright, my darling. I understand. So will Jamie.” Ma said wi’ a verra small smile.

“So... are ye goin’ then?” I asked.

“No. Not without you two. I can’t leave you behind. I just... I can’t.” Ma got up from the bed and went over to her drawers to get her clothes for the day. “I’m going to shower, and then we are all going to enjoy our first Christmas together, alright?” She didna wait for an answer before she headed to the bathroom.

The lads were still asleep when Bree and I started making coffee and some toast for Ma comin’ down.

“Dae ye think she’ll change her mind?” I asked Bree.

“I think she really wants to go, she’s just scared.” Bree answered.

“I dinna think we should push it. I think we should just no speak about it again. It clearly upsets her.” I said.

Ma came down not long after we did.

“Alright. You win.” Ma said as she sat down at the kitchen table. “Better make this the best Christmas ever if it’s going to be our first and last together.”

“What do you mean, Mama? Are you going to Jamie?” Bree asked as she sat down next to her.

“Yes.” Ma answered simply, but I could sense the small hesitation in her voice. “But I need to make sure you both understand what that means. I need to know that you’re both sure this is what you want.”

“We’re sure Mama. We just want you to be happy. I know you are happy here, but I also know you’ll be happier with Jamie.” Bree told her.

“There’s a sadness in yer eyes. A sadness that wouldna be there if ye were truly happy.” I said.

“You’re right, sweetheart. But, that sadness will still be there if I go back, because I won’t have either of you with me. It doesn’t matter if I choose to stay or choose to go, I lose.” Ma started to fight back the tears in her eyes, but she couldna stop them from fallin’.

Both Bree and I got up and wrapped our arms around Ma as tight as we could. “I never dared dream I would get to meet ye and learn so much from ye. Get to have a Ma and love her so—“

“Faith—“

“No, listen. I ken we havena had much time, but considerin’ neither of us thought we would ever see each other again, it’s a gift that we had these last few months. Now it’s time for ye to go back to Da and Fergus. It’s where ye belong.” I tried to explain.

“Girls... this isn’t like an elevator where I can just jump on and off. What if I can’t return to you, here in this time? What if I never see you again? Are you sure you can live with that, because I’m really not sure I can.” Ma sobbed in to Bree’s shoulder.

I pulled away to sit across the table from Ma so I could hold her hands in mine. “It will be hard, we ken that, but we also ken it’s for the best.” I told her.

“We have each other, Mama. Faith has her job, friends and she has Alex. I’ll be starting University in the new year. We’ll be fine. I promise you.” Bree added.

“I won’t be here for either of your weddings. I won’t be here to hold my grandchildren. How is that fair?” Ma argued.

“It isn’t Mama, but nothing about this has been fair on any of us. Least of all you and Jamie. You owe it to him, and more importantly yourself, to go back to him.” Bree tried to soothe her.

“Aye, and if yer lucky, ye might be able to see Fergus marry some poor lass. For all anyone kens, Fergus has probably got about dozen bairns runnin’ around somewhere.” I joked to try and lighten the mood.

“Can you see your brother settling down with a wife and having children?” Ma asked me.

I shrugged my shoulders. “He might surprise us all. He’s no a bad lad, just likes to act as if he doesna have a care in the world. But I ken he has a softer side. He was always so protective and loving of me. I can imagine him bein’ a wonderful husband and an amazin’ father.” I said.

Ma nodded in agreement. “Your father and I always knew Fergus would be a wonderful older brother to you.” She smiled.

“He really was. I canna imagine how different my life woulda been wi’out him. I’m glad you and Da brought him back with us from France.” I told her.

Ma squeezed my hand. “Me too.”

We heard the lads gettin’ up, so we decided to discuss things further when we got back to Edinburgh. Ma said it would give us all time to think things through properly.

“Merry Christmas!” Roger called as he came in to the livin’ room.

We all wished him a Merry Christmas in return. 

When I saw Alex comin’ in behind him, I tilted my head in the direction of the livin’ room so he could meet me in there.

“Merry Christmas, darling. Are you alright?”

I wrapped my arms around Alex’s waist and sobbed quietly in to his shoulder. “She’s finally agreed to go back to Da. She says we’ll discuss things more when we go home, but she’s definitely goin’.” I told him.

Alex leaned back so he could see my face. “And are you alright with that? Are you having second thoughts?”

I shook my head. “No. She needs to go. I’m glad she is, I just... it’s hard.”

“I know darling. I’ll be here though, for both you and Bree. Roger’s here too.”

I stayed wrapped in Alex’s arms for a wee while until I felt Ma come over and rest a hand on my shoulder to turn me towards her. She pulled me in to her arms and whispered softly in my ear, “Tell me to stay, and I will. I promise.”

“No. Ye need to go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Claire has finally decided to go back to Jamie. Will she go alone? Will she actually make it through? 
> 
> Just need to wait and see...


	29. Chapter Twenty Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Sorry this chapter is a day late, but here it is. 
> 
> This is just a wee chapter today, but the next one is packed with a lot more to make up for it.
> 
> Thank you all so much for continuing to read and I hope you’ll keep on enjoying it.
> 
> Kirsty X

Christmas Day   
1766

Jamie’s POV

I really thought Claire would have come back by now. I thought she would have been able to convince Faith to come home, and managed to talk Brianna in to returning with them. 

They havena come back to me though.

I’m tryin’ my best not to lose hope, but the longer they stay away, the harder it is for me to believe they will come back to me.

Fergus had said when he returned during the summer, that Claire was shocked to learn I survived Culloden. I wasna surprised at that. I did vow that I would die on that battlefield along wi’ my men.

Fergus had also said that he could tell how desperately she wanted to return to me. It was the first thing she said when she found out I was alive. She wanted to come back. It was the fact that Faith was determined not to return until she knew if she could find her place in the twentieth century or not, that Claire had made the decision to stay. 

I couldna blame Claire for stayin’. She spent twenty years apart from our daughter. Of course she wanted to be wi’ her. Learn all about her. Get to ken the lass she had no choice but to leave behind.

If the girls didna want to come, then I couldna blame Claire for not coming back to me either. She needed to be there for our daughters. I dinna ken much about my youngest daughter, but my eldest... she needs her Mam.

This isna the first Christmas I’ve been wi’out my wife and our daughters, but this year is harder than any other. 

Aye, I’m at Lallybroch wi’ Jenny and Ian and their family. Fergus is here wi’ me too of course, but it isna the same wi’out Faith. No the same wi’out Claire or Brianna either.

I think it hurts more because I ken that the three of them are out there somewhere in the future, celebrating the festive season together. As a family. Fergus and I should be wi’ them too though, but we canna.

What did Claire or I ever do to deserve such a mess of a life for our family?

How could it be fair that my wife and two daughters were separated from me and Fergus by two hundred years?

Aye, it was my decision to send Claire back to her own time, but I had hoped that she and our child would have returned at some point for Fergus and Faith. But they didna.

Of course Fergus filled me in on why Claire didna come back. I could understand in a way, but what I canna get my head around is the fact that this Randall guy took her back and agreed to raise my unborn child wi’ her if Claire never spoke about me or our life together again. Claire had agreed to that, and also agreed to not tell Brianna of her natural father. Of her real family.

That hurt me to the verra marrow of my bone.

But for Fergus and Faith to miss out on their mother and wee sister because Frank Randall wouldna allow Claire to tell our daughter the truth, it felt like Claire had put Frank before the two children she had to leave behind.

When I voiced that thought to Fergus, he assured me that he didna see it that way. He saw it that Claire did what she had to do to make sure Bree had a loving and stable upbringing.

There were so many things I could easily be mad at Claire for, but the anger never lasted long. She was my wife. The mother of my bairns, and for that, I owe her my life. 

Even after all this time, I love her. I never have and never will love anyone the way I love Claire Fraser.

It doesna seem like my wife and daughters will be returning to me any time soon, but I’m glad that I have made the changes in my life that I have, just in case.

I am no longer married to Laoghaire, but I did have the misfortune of having to pay Laoghaire twenty pounds in alimony. I also have to pay her ten pounds a year to keep a house for her and the girls.

Of course I would never not help her out financially wi’ the lassies. I love them girls like they’re my own. I would never abandon them, no like that. Ten pounds a year though, it is a lot. It will be worth it though, if Claire and our girls return to me. 

Fergus has been a great help to me throughout the whole Laoghaire situation. I’ve been sending him over to Balriggan each month wi’ some coin for Laoghaire and the girls. The less I have to do wi’ Laoghaire, the better. 

Of course, since I came back to Lallybroch for Christmas and Hogmanay, I had asked Fergus to see if the girls wanted to visit me whilst I was here. Laoghaire put her foot down and said no. She didna want me having anything to do with the girls anymore. Said I’d left them. 

I didna though. I left Laoghaire. It was a mistake weddin’ the lass in the first place. I kent from the start I shouldna have done it. 

I’ve decided to call upon Ned Gowan again for some help and advice. The girls may not me mine, but I do keep them financially. If it wasna for me, they wouldna have a home or food on their table. Laoghaire may be a decent seamstress and make the girls’ clothes, but it’s me who pays for such materials for her to do that. 

How is it fair to keep the lassies from me? It isna fair to me and more importantly, it isna fair to Marsali or Joan. I’m the only father figure in their life. If I’m paying for that privilege, I want to at least see them when I’m here. I dinna think it’s too much to ask. 

This is just Laoghaire bein’ difficult to try and hurt me because I hurt her. Unfortunately, it’s working. 

I already lost Claire and Brianna twenty years ago. Just a few months ago I lost my son and my daughter to the same stones that took their mother and sister from us. Luckily, Fergus came back to me, but he came back alone. I will not allow Laoghaire to keep Marsali and Joan from me.

“Have ye seen Fergus?” I asked Jenny as I returned to the house after an evening walk round the estate.

“He’s gone.” She said as if I shoulda kent that piece of information.

“What dae ye mean he’s gone? Gone where?” I bit back at my sister.

Jenny turned to face me wi’ both her hands situated firmly on her hips. “He’s a grown man, brother. He can come and go as he pleases.”

“Where. Did. He. Go?” I demanded through clenched teeth. 

Ever since Faith left, Fergus was the only person in my life that I really spoke to. Opened up to. 

“I dinna ken. He said he wouldna be here for Hogmany.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Probably away to see that lass he’s been not so secretly seein’ these past few months.”

It was obvious that Fergus had got in tow wi’ some lass around these parts. He just didna tell anyone who she was or where she was from. It was part of the reason why I allowed him to take the money to Laoghaire each month. It was clear he had his own reasons for wanting to come back to the area.

It was the first time I had seen him so serious about a lass. I was pleased for him. Things seemed to be going well. I just wished he confided in me as to who the lass was.

It definitely wasna like him to take off for days or weeks wi’out tellin’ me first though. And it’s Christmas Day. He should be here with us.

“Ye should have stopped him Janet. It’s Christmas. He should be here, wi’ his family.” I told my sister firmly.

“He’ll come back when he wants to. It’s no like things are much fun around here these days anyway.” My older sister scoffed.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Well, ye’re here James Fraser. Well... yer body is. Yer Mind, yer soul, yer heart... just isna in it Jamie. Ye’ve no been the same since Faith left.

“I’m no surprised the lad wanted to get away and have some fun. He deserves it, Jamie. He’ll be back before ye’s need to head back to Edinburgh.”

I just by passed my sister and went up to my room.

I kent she was right, I havena been myself since Faith left. Poor Fergus was left to deal wi’ my mood swings and tempers in Edinburgh. He did deserve to have some fun wi’ his lass. I just wish I kent where he went and when he’d be back.

“Ye need to try and move on Jamie. I canna stand by and watch ye go back to the shell ye were when ye came home fae Culloden.” Jenny called after me, but I just ignored her.


	30. Chapter Twenty Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Sorry this is a day late. It’s been such a hectic week and I’ve been confused as to which day is which haha.
> 
> Anyway, thank you all so much for taking the time to read each chapter.
> 
> Kirsty X

28th December  
1968

We didna arrive in Edinburgh until mid afternoon. 

We were all fairly exhausted from the travel, but I suspected Bree’s low mood was more to do wi’ the fact we left Roger down in London.

He has promised to come back up to Edinburgh in a couple of days to help us bring in the new year. 

Whilst in Boston, on Christmas Day, Brianna and Roger shared another kiss not long after we all exchanged gifts. They were both sat on the couch in the livin’ room, whilst Ma was in the kitchen, and Alex was upstairs lookin’ for one of Ma’s medical journals she gave him to read. I was supposed to be helpin’ Ma in the kitchen, but I needed to ask Brianna somethin’, and that’s when I saw them both sat up on the couch kissing. 

It was a short kiss, but they both smiled afterwards, and then they both snuggled together on the couch to read a book. It was really sweet.

I decided no to disturb them, and just headed back to the kitchen to help Ma.

Of course, later that night I asked Bree for all the details. She admitted to me that she really likes Roger and when she told him that, he said he felt the same. Now that she’s livin’ in Edinburgh, it makes things easier between them. There’s no time difference to get in the way. 

Brianna confessed she was a little worried about the distance between Oxford and Edinburgh, but Roger assured her they would work it all out. 

Bree hasn’t come out and told Ma that she and Roger are together, but Ma’s no stupid. She kens fine what’s goin’ on. 

I think the whole Brianna and Roger relationship is a good thing for Ma to ken about as well. Now she kens that Bree and I won’t be alone here. We have each other, but we both have Alex and Roger as well. We’ll be fine.

Roger stayed at the hotel wi’ us in London last night, and came wi’ us to the airport to wave us off before we got the flight from London to Edinburgh. Poor Bree was devastated when she had to leave him though. I tried to comfort her by sayin’ she would see him in a couple of days, but it didna seem to help much. 

Luckily, Alex kept her occupied on the flight and had asked her about the course she would be startin’ in a few weeks. For a wee while it was like she forgot about missing Roger. The way she spoke about Engineering, she was so passionate about it all. The way she spoke about it, she reminded me so much of Da. 

When we got home, Alex went back to his own house. He invited me over as well, but I decided to go home wi’ Ma and Bree. There was a lot of things we needed to discuss about Ma goin’ back to Da, and Bree and I stayin’ here in this time. Ideally, it would be better to discuss this just the three of us. 

When we arrived home though, we were all fairly exhausted and decided to go to bed for a wee nap before dinner. 

And since none of the three of us really had the energy to stand and cook, Ma said she would order us some pizza when we got up. Pizza sounded good to Bree and I, especially if we didna need to make it ourselves.

The three of us miraculously woke around the same time. 

When I woke and came out of my room, I bumped in to Bree coming out of her own room. She said she had just woken up but didna ken the time. I told her it was just after seven. We had managed to sleep for a good couple of hours then.

As we reached the bottom of the stairs, we heard Ma on the phone ordering a large cheese and ham pizza, a large bag of chips and some onion rings. 

Onion rings have quickly become one of my favourite things to eat. The breaded ones, not the battered ones. Although, I would happily eat the battered ones if there weren’t any breaded ones available.

Bree’s comfort food of choice appeared to be a peanut butter and jam sandwich. She called it peanut butter and jelly though. 

Either way, it looked disgustin’. How she could eat them, I had no idea. I had even seen Ma eating a couple now and again. It just made my stomach queasy. 

Peanut butter on toasted bread wi’ chocolate spread... now that was a fine choice. Bree wasna too keen on that. That had become my breakfast of choice if I was runnin’ late for work and didna have time to make porridge.

As we waited on the food bein’ delivered, the three of us sat on the livin’ room chatting away about our time in Boston and how wonderful it was to spend Christmas together. There was an “elephant in the room” though, as Brianna would say. We all kent we needed to discuss Ma goin’ back to my time and what that would mean for Bree and I, but none of us really wanted to bring it up. 

Even though we all had a really good nap, we were still exhausted from the journey and extremely hungry for some food. I think we all just had this silent understanding that we would discuss all the serious and important things tomorrow.

When the doorbell rang, Brianna jumped up straight away to go and grab Ma’s purse off the sideboard in the hallway before she went to the door to get the food.

Ma and I had went through to then kitchen and got some plates and some drinks for us all when we heard Brianna scream.

Ma and I looked at each other in panic for a split second before running through to the hallway and seeing Brianna’s arms wrapped tightly around some lad. I couldna see who it was due to the angle they were stood, but it was clear she kent him and she was excited to see him.

“Is that Roger?” Ma asked me quietly. I just shrugged my shoulders.

Roger did say he would come back to Edinburgh, but he said it wouldn’t be for a few days as he had some things in Oxford to take care of first.

“Come on in guys.” Brianna said as she moved to the side to let the lad in and a woman following in behind him.

It took me a few moments for my brain to catch up wi’ what my eyes were seein’.

It was Fergus.

Fergus was here. Wi’ Fiona. 

How? 

Before I could think anymore, I ran towards my brother and threw my arms around his neck as I sobbed in to his chest.

“What on earth are ye doin’ here?” I asked when I eventually pulled myself back from him. “Wait, did ye no manage to get back home? Where have ye been all these months?”

Fergus just smiled at me like he always did, before he pulled me back in for another hug. “I’ve missed you so much, you have no idea.” He told me softly.

I could sense someone hovering behind me. I didna need to turn round to ken it was Ma.

I let go of Fergus so that Ma could take a turn to welcome him. 

As I left them to it, I walked over to Fiona and Brianna. I heard Fiona explaining to Bree that Fergus had arrived on her doorstep on Boxing Day afternoon. 

“I explained to him that ye were all now livin’ in Edinburgh, but unfortunately ye were away over to Boston to spend Christmas there, but you would be back today. 

“It was no trouble at all having him stay with me. And I was coming down to Livingston anyway to spend a few days with some friends over New Year anyway. I called them and asked if I could come a couple of days early and they said aye. It just didn’t seem right to stick the lad on a train or a bus on his own.” Fiona told us.

“Well, thank you Fiona. It was very kind of you to take care of Fergus these last few days.” Bree said.

“Did he tell ye what happened? Why he’s back?” I asked Fiona, but the lass just shook her head and gave me an apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry Faith. He hasn’t said much except he really needed to find you all.”

Brianna and I invited Fiona to stay, but she insisted she had to get goin’ to Livingston. It was already gettin’ quite dark, and she wanted to make the forty minute drive before it got too late.

Fergus thanked her again for all she did for him the last few days, and gave her a hug goodbye.

Just as Fiona left out the front door, there was a man coming up the path wi’ a large pizza box and a blue carrier bag wi’ chips and onion rings inside. 

Bree paid the man and I took the food from him and followed Ma and Fergus through to the kitchen.

When I put the pizza box down and opened it up to split it on to each of our plates, Fergus’ eyes lit up. 

“I have missed this the most.” He said wi’ a cheeky grin.

“Am sorry? Ye missed pizza more than yer wee sister?” I questioned him severely.

Fergus looked at me and shrugged his shoulders. “It’s pizza.” He said with another big smile on his face. 

I just rolled my eyes and continued to dish out the food for everyone.

I had barely even let go of the plate I put down in front of Fergus and he was tuckin’ in to his food like he hadna been fed in a decade.

“Slow down, sweetheart.” Ma scolded him. “If you keep going like that, you’ll make yourself sick.”

Fergus nodded his head and began to take smaller bites out of his pizza and chewed and swallowed properly before he took the next bite.

Ma had tried again to get Fergus to tell us why he was here and what happened to him after we saw him go through the stones, but he was more interested in “stuffing his face” as Bree would say, to answer any of Ma’s questions. In the end she just gave up and figured he would tell us when he was ready.

Half way through eating, there was a knock on the door. 

Ma had eaten all she was goin’ to eat, so she told me and Bree to finish our dinner and she would see who was at the door.

It wasna until I heard Ma comin’ back through to the kitchen speaking to whoever was wi’ her, that I remembered Alex was comin’ over tonight.

When they came in to the kitchen, Alex headed straight for me and gave me a quick kiss.   
I could see Fergus from the corner of my eye turn to face me and smile. 

Thank god. I was half expectin’ him to rip Alex’s head off for doin’ such a thing.

“So... petite soeur, are you going to introduce me to your gentleman friend?” Fergus asked me wi’ a small chuckle.

Just as I went to answer, I could see Fergus’ eyes go dark in anger as he looked over at Alex. I could feel Alex pull away from me and edge himself back to near the doorway.

Out of no where, Fergus leaped up from his seat and ran straight for Alex and pinned him up against the wall.

“Fergus! What are ye doin?” I cried. 

Ma had bravely stepped forward and tried to tear Fergus away from Alex, but it was a fair struggle. Even wi’ one hand, Fergus seemed to have more strength than Alex or Ma.

“Let him go, Fergus!” Ma instructed firmly.

“I told him to stay away from her.” Fergus told Ma through gritted teeth. “What the hell is he doing here?” He yelled before finally lettin’ Alex go.

Alex fell to the ground and I went to him straight away to check and see if he was alright. Fergus did have a good grip on him, but there didna appear to be any damage to Alex’ chest or throat.

Ma double checked anyway as I drew my older brother a disgusted look.

“He’s a British soldier, Faith. You can’t trust him. I told him to stay away from you. What on earth is he doing here now, with you?” Fergus asked me.

“When did ye tell him to leave me alone?” I asked in anger.

“What?” Fergus questioned.

“When?” I demanded an answer. I didna ken they had even met.

It wasna Fergus who answered. It was Alex. “Your brother saw us in the woods one day. After we said goodbye and agreed to meet up again in a few days, Your brother followed me for a while so he could warn me to stay away from you. Of course I didn’t listen. I couldn’t stay away from you, Faith. I loved you. I told him I would though.

“It was your brother that informed me a few weeks later about the union your Aunt had arranged for you. It was then that I decided it was best to let you live your life. There was no way your family would have approved of any kind of relationship between you and I. Not even a friendship.” 

“We’re together now. That’s all that matters. No one can stop us from bein’ together. Not now, not ever, Alex.” I assured the love of my life before I turned to my brother and gave him another warning look.

“Faith, you can’t be serious? He’s a redcoat. A British soldier. He’s the enemy, Faith. Need I remind you how his kind treated Milord?” Fergus spat at me in disapproval.

“Alex is from this time, Fergus. He went through the stones to try and find his father, but ended up in our time instead. The only way for him to blend in was to be a soldier. Alex never did anythin’ to harm anyone, why can’t ye just leave him be? 

“After me and Ma moved here, I found Alex again. He came back to this time after ye drove him away from me. He’s training to be a doctor, just like Ma. 

“Be happy that I’ve found someone who loves me and I love them. Ye always said ye just want me to be happy. Well, Alex makes me happy.” I informed my brother.

“He can’t come with us, Faith. Milord wouldn’t be happy if he ever found out you’ve been with a redcoat.” Fergus said.

“What dae ye mean come wi’ us? I’m no goin’ anywhere, Fergus.” I told him firmly as I took a hold of Alex’s hand. “I belong here, wi’ Alex. I love him, Fergus. I wilna leave him. Ye tore us apart before, I’ll no let ye do the same again.” 

“You need to come home, Faith. You know I wouldn’t have come back here for you unless it was important. It’s Milord.”

Before I could ask him what was wrong wi’ Da, Ma jumped in. “What’s wrong? Is there something wrong with Jamie? Is he sick?”

“Yes.” Fergus said simply. “But not like you may think. He’s... heartsick.” Fergus then turned to me and placed his hands firmly on my shoulders. “Remember what he was like in the years after the battle? How he wouldn’t speak to anyone but you and I? How withdrawn he was? Well, that’s how he is now. He needs you to go back Faith. He had hoped you would have returned to him before now, but the longer you’ve been away, the worse he is. 

“You need to come home, Faith.”


	31. Chapter Thirty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faith and Alex make a decison.

I couldna believe that Fergus had returned to us.

It was such a shock to see him after all this time, but he didna come so he could stay and be part of our lives here. 

He came to take me home.

“I canna go back Fergus. I made my choice, I’m stayin’ here. Ye said Da would understand that.” I reminded my brother.

“He does understand, Faith. It doesn’t make him any less upset about it though. He misses you.” Fergus told me as he came closer to me on the couch.

Everyone else remained in the kitchen out of the way to give Fergus and I some time to talk.

“I canna just go back because he’s upset and misses me, Fergus. I miss him tae, but I have a life here. A job. Family. Alex.”

Fergus leaned back on the couch and pressed his hands tightly to his eyes in frustration.

“You’re not hearing me, Faith. Milord is exactly the way he was all them years ago after Milady left. He’s devastated. He has no life. No soul anymore.”

“Can we discuss this tomorrow? I’m a bit tired from all the travelling the past couple of days.” 

“You and me both.” Fergus grumbled.

I could tell he wasna himself. 

I just wasna sure if it was because of his own travels, or the fact I dinna want to go back, or the fact Alex was here.

“Are ye alright? Ye dinna seem yerself.” I asked Fergus.

“Just exhausted is all.” He answered sleepily.

I left Fergus on the couch and went through to the kitchen to find Bree and Alex squabbling.

“What’s goin’ on?” I asked. Bree and Alex usually got on really well, so I was surprised to hear them havin’ any kind of disagreement.

“Your sister here thinks it’s a good idea for Fergus to come and stay with me.” Alex answered in disapproval. I could understand why. Did Bree not just see the way Fergus lunged at Alex for no reason? Well, no good reason in my mind anyway.

“Why would ye suggest that?” I asked Bree.

“Well, it’s not like we really have the room here, is it? Besides, Alex has a spare room at his house, right?” She answered casually like it was the best idea she could come up wi’.

I glanced over to Ma who was stood leaning against the work top wi’ her arms crossed across her chest. I could tell she hadna really been playin’ any mind to what Alex and Bree were discussin’. She looked... distracted. 

“Ma?” I tried to get her attention, but it was like she didna hear me. “Ma? Are ye alright?” I asked tryin’ to get her attention again, but it was like she wasna in the room wi’ us.

It was Bree that finally went over to Ma and gently gave her shoulders a shake. 

She looked so small and vulnerable. I kent she was worried about Da after what Fergus had said, but I’d never seen her like this before. 

It was like nothin’ and no one in this room could bring her back to us. She was so gone. Her body was here, but her mind was elsewhere.

In the end I decided to get back to the conversation about where Fergus should stay. 

“Fergus can have my room and I’ll go stay with Alex.” I suggested. It was more than a suggestion really. I needed time away from a Fergus to think about what he had said to me. Deep down, I kent that he wouldna come all this way for me if he didna think it was important, but this didna just affect me. I needed space to talk things over wi’ Alex. 

If I decided to go back, would he come wi’ me? 

He’s so close to finishing medical school though, so probably not. I wouldna blame him.

Could I live a life away from Alex? Be separated from him again?

I barely lived a proper life after we separated the first time, I dinna think I could survive wi’out him a second time.

He’s the only man I’ve ever loved. The only man I will ever love. The only man I could see myself bein’ a wife to and havin’ bairns of our own.

If I decided to go back wi’ Fergus and Alex stayed here, I would be givin’ up my only chance to have a family of my own.

“You can’t stay at Alex’s and just leave Fergus here, Faith. He came to see you. You can’t just leave him here.” Bree argued.

I rolled my eyes at her and sat down at the table next to Alex. He took my hand in his and I immediately felt a wee bit more relaxed. 

“I need space to think, Bree. Fergus will be fine here wi’ you and Ma. It’s better him stayin’ here than sendin’ him to Alex’s.

“Did ye no see the way Fergus reacted to seein’ Alex? Ye canna ask Alex to have Fergus stay wi’ him after that.” I told Bree.

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” Bree apologised before turning back to try and speak to Ma.

Alex followed me in to the livin’ room so I could tell Fergus he would be stayin’ in my room, but he was already fast asleep on the couch. 

“Do you want to wake him, or I could maybe try and carry him to your room?” Alex suggested. 

I gave Alex a smile at how thoughtful he was bein’ towards my brother. Even after the way Fergus treated him and attacked him like that. It was just another reason why I loved this man more than anythin’.

“Just leave him there. He looks peaceful.” I told Alex as I wrapped my arms around his waist and cuddled in to his side. “Ye can help me find some blankets and a pillow for him though. Dinna want him to get cold.”

When Alex and I returned from finding some things for Fergus upstairs, Ma was sat on the couch next to Fergus as she pushed the hair out of his face.

“Somethings wrong with him.” She whispered. Her brows were furrowed like she was tryin’ to work somethin’ out.

“How do you mean?” Alex asked Ma as he moved away from me to get a better look at Fergus. “Does he have a temperature?”

Ma shook her head. “No. Nothing like that. He’s just... something is not right with him.”

I rested my hand on her shoulder. “He’s just tired, Ma. It’s been a long journey for him. He’ll be alright tomorrow.” I tried to reassure, but she turned to face me and the look she gave me told me that she wasna so sure.

“Faith, sweetheart, could you nip back upstairs and bring down another couple of blankets please? I’ll stay down here with your brother tonight.”

“He’ll be fine. You’ve had a long journey too Ma, ye need yer rest just as much as Fergus does.” I tried to tell her, but she wouldna listen. She insisted she would stay on the arm chair across from the couch so she could keep an eye on Fergus.

Once Bree and I got Ma and Fergus all sorted out, Bree headed upstairs to have a relaxing bath before she went to bed.

I suddenly didna feel comfortable stayin’ at Alex’s house when Ma and Fergus were like this. It just didna feel right to leave them both.

“Ma, can Alex stay the night?” I asked shyly. I still didna feel all that comfortable sharing a bed wi’ Alex under my Mother’s roof, but the two of us really had a lot to discuss.

Ma just smiled softly at me. “Of course he can, Faith. You don’t need to ask.”

Alex and I said our good nights to Ma and then headed upstairs.

As soon as I entered my bedroom and Alex closed the door behind us, I collapsed on to my bed in tears.

Alex came rushing towards me and gathered me up in his arms and sat me on his lap and rocked me as he ran a comforting hand up and down my back to try and soothe me.

“It’s alright, Faith. I’m here.” He whispered softly.

He held me like that for what felt like a lifetime.

Eventually I managed to calm down and stopped crying, but continued to let Alex hold me.

“What’s wrong, darling?” Alex asked me after a wee while.

“I don’t ken what to do.” I confided. “Fergus wouldna have come for me if he didna think it was important for me to return to Da. 

“I remember what Da was like before he went to prison. He was... just a shell of a man, he didna really speak to anyone. He was so lost and heartsick because Ma and Bree werena wi’ us. He was angry that he had to live wi’out them. Wi’out bein’ a proper father to Fergus and I. It wasna nice to see. I hate to think of him bein’ in such a state again.”

“Then you need to go back, Faith.” Alex told me. But, by the tears I felt fallin’ on to my shoulder, I kent he wasna plannin’ on comin’ wi’ me.

I leaned back to look in his beautiful blue eyes and wiped away his tears away wi’ my thumbs. “But ye won’t come wi’ me.” I stated barely louder than a whisper. It wasna a question because I already kent the answer. “Ye’ve got a few months left and then ye’ll be a doctor. Ye’ve worked so hard to get to where ye are, where ye want to be.

“I dinna want to leave ye though. I canna lose ye again, Alex. I canna.” I cried again in his arms. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Alex and I stayed up most of the night discussin’ our options, but there wasna many. No many that would make us both happy, anyway.

In an ideal world, my whole family would be together, here. In this time. 

I ken that might sound selfish of me, but that’s what would make me the happiest.

Not only because Alex is here, but because this time gives both Brianna and I a chance to try build a life and the careers we want, not have a life that’s expected of us. As much as I ken Ma could be happy in either time, as long as she had Da by her side, I ken she would feel more comfortable in this time from a professional point of view. Fergus has already had a taste of life in this time, and he loved it in Inverness. Now he’s here again wi’ us in Edinburgh. The only one missin’...is Da. 

If there was just some kind of way to get him here, all our problems would be solved, but he canna come here.

So... that leaves things back up to me.

I ken Ma had already decided to go back to Da, but there’s no guarantee that only havin’ Ma back would make him feel any better. 

As much as it pained me, I kent what I had to do.

Alex and I made the heart aching decision that I should return to my own time wi’ Fergus and Ma.

Alex would stay behind here.

He said we had to trust that god would let us find a way back to each other, but deep down we both knew this was it.

There was no future for us.

No wedding.

No bairns.

Nothin’.


	32. Chapter Thirty One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, what will Faith do? Will her family be happy with her decision?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this story. It means a lot to me. As do all the kudos and lovely comments.
> 
> Technically this is Tuesday for a lot of you guys out there, but it is midnight here in the UK, so to me it is Wednesday haha.
> 
> I decided to post at this time because my WiFi has been ridiculous the last few days so I thought I would get this chapter up at work whilst I had access to decent WiFi.
> 
> I hope you’ll enjoy.
> 
> Wild things coming in the next few chapters...
> 
> Kirsty X

Waking up in Alex’s arms was my favourite way to wake up in the mornin’.

Unfortunately, we didna get to experience that enough together. 

It only really happened when we were in Boston. It quickly made me realise what I was missing out on. 

Alex and I had even started to talk of marriage and bairns. He knew that I wouldna agree to live wi’ him properly until we were married. 

That was the majority of our conversations in Boston when we were tucked up in bed together in the hotel. Marriage and children. 

We had decided we wanted to get married soon, but agreed it would be best to wait until Alex had finished school. I had been considering applying to University to study nursing, but I’m still happy wi’ the job I have at the hospital as an Auxiliary nurse. And if I kept my job, then I would be able to save more money for a house of our own and start our family. It would be tough at first wi’ Alex just startin’ out in his career, but hopefully after our first or second year of married life, we would have a wee bairn of our own. 

I was happy wi’ two bairns. Maybe three. It was nice havin’ Fergus around as I was growin’ up. I canna imagine my childhood wi’out my big brother. I only wish that we got to grow up wi’ Brianna too.

Alex, on the other hand wanted at least six children. I almost died of shock when he suggested that. I dinna think he quite realises that it would be me havin’ to carry the bairns for nine months and then have the hard job of pushin’ them out of me. 

Bloody six bairns!

He even had names picked out for them all. Some of them quite “modern” names to represent his life. Some of them more “old fashioned” to represent my life. And then some traditional Scottish and English names. They were all verra sweet.

But Christ. It reminded me of when Ma told me how Da told her when she was pregnant wi’ me that he wanted twelve bairns.

Twelve?! 

Men really have no thought as to what women have to go through, do they?

Anyway. None of that matters now.

Any day now, I’ll be sayin’ goodbye to the love of my life and all the hopes and dreams we had for our future together.

“Morning, sweetheart.” Alex said to me when he eventually woke up. 

I had been awake for almost an hour, but I couldna bring myself to leave his arms this mornin’. I didna want to lose that contact wi’ him. I didna want to be parted from him any sooner than I had to.

As if I wasna close enough to the puir man, I moved myself that wee bit closer, to the point where I was half layin on his body. My hands restin’ firmly on his chest and my head layin’ on top.

I could feel his “mornin’ wood” as he called it pressin’ against my stomach.

Alex brought his arms around me so they were wrapped around my back. Then he kissed the top of my head.

“It will be okay.” He said. I had the feelin’ it was more for his own benefit than mine. In a strange, twisted way, I was glad he was strugglin’ wi’ this just as much as me.

We stayed like that for a wee while longer, until I decided to be brave and go for what I really wanted. What I needed.

I pulled away from Alex and swung my leg over his hip so that I straddled him. I could tell he wasna expectin’ such a move from me. The corner of his lip curled up just a little so he had a slight smile on his face, but I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was confused by my sudden boldness.

I moved my head down to catch his lips wi’ mine.

“I want ye to make love to me, Alex.”

“You don’t want that, Faith. Not really.”

“Aye, I do. I want to ken what it’s like to be wi’ the man I love. Be wi’ him fully. Please Alex?” I begged him.

Alex reached up to me and kissed me back before flippin’ us over on the bed so he was now hoverin’ over me.

I couldna keep the huge smile from my face.

It only lasted a second though...

“I’m sorry Faith, but no.” Alex bent his head down so he could kiss my forehead before he rolled away from me and got out of the bed.

“Why not?” I asked him as I sat myself up properly on the bed. Suddenly embarrassed about my actions.

“I know how strong your beliefs are, Faith. I can’t take you like this if we’re not married. You’ll only regret it.”

“I won’t. I love you.”

“I love you too, you know that. We just... we can’t, Faith. I’m sorry.”

Before Alex could say any thing else to break my heart even more than it already was, I decided to grab some clothes and storm out of my room and go for a shower and get ready.

I had hoped that Alex would have gone home by the time I came out, but I was wrong.

He was downstairs eatin’ breakfast wi’ Bree and Ma.

I took one look at the three of them sat round the table chattin’ away, and I just turned on my heel and went to sit in the livin’ room wi’ Fergus.

He was awake, but he didna look right at all. His face was all pale and he looked like he would fall asleep again at any second.

“Ye look unwell. What’s wrong? And dinna tell me nothin’.” I snapped at him as I sat down beside him.

He closed his eyes in what looked like pain, but he smiled at me as he spoke. “You sounded just like Mistress Murray then.” He told me.

I shoved his arm playfully. “If I ever get as bossy or interfere in yer life as much as she, then ye have my permission to disown me.” 

“I would never do that.” He said as he opened one eye to look at me. “Trouble in paradise?” He asked with a small grin.

“What do ye mean by that?” I snapped again.

“We heard the doors slamming shut. Then when Alex came down, he said you were just going through some things.”

“Did he now?” I could feel the anger rising inside me. How dare he say such a thing! “Dinna change the subject.” I warmed him.

“It’s nothing. Just a sore head and I’m tired. Nothing for you to worry your pretty little head about.” Fergus laughed, but I could tell he was feelin’ worse than he was admitting to me.

“I’ll go fetch ye some painkillers.” I told him.

“It’s alright, I already gave him some earlier. He can have more in another couple of hours.” Ma said as she came through the door. She sat down on the other side of Fergus and checked the feelin’ of his head for a temperature. “Hmm. Are you sure there’s nothing more to this, Fergus? How long have you been feeling like this? And don’t even try lying to me, alright?” Ma warned him firmly.

“Maybe I was wrong.” He muttered to me. “You sound like Milady.”

Ma gave Fergus a serious look that made him stop messin’ around and he told her exactly how he was feelin’ and how long he had been feelin’ like this.

It had taken him longer to wake at the stones than what it did the first two times he went through. He found a kind gentleman on the road to give him a ride to Fiona’s place. He was too tired and weak to walk the few miles distance. 

That alone was enough to worry both Ma and me. We both kent that Fergus could walk for miles and miles and barely break a sweat.

The headache had started the next day and he’s had it since. Sometimes the pain is duller than others. Ma told me she had to calm him for a while during the night when the headache became quite sharp and Fergus was in a lot of pain. 

He’d also been feelin’ waves of nausea, but he hadna been physically sick.

“What dae ye think it is? Could it be somethin’ serious?” I asked Ma worriedly as we stood in the kitchen to get Fergus the glass of milk he asked for. Actually, he asked for chocolate milk, but Ma said no.

“From everything he’s told me, I think it’s more to do with the stones than anything else. The headache is my main concern though. If it doesn’t shift in the next couple of hours, I may need to take him in to work and do a proper work up on him. Send him for some tests and such.” Ma explained to me.

“He wilna like that.” I told her.

“I don’t really care. If this could be something more, we need to know.” She didna wait for a response before she went back through to sit wi’ Fergus.

I decided I needed a coffee. 

Unfortunately as I made my way around the kitchen to make my coffee and breakfast, Alex seemed to just get in my way. 

In the end, I just gave up.

I grabbed my handbag and my jacket and made my way out the front door.

Of course, he followed me down the street.

He never came too close, always keepin’ a safe distance between us. And when I went in to a local café and sat down to order some coffee and some sausages and eggs, he didna come in to the café like I expected him to.

How was it possible that this man was crowdin’ me too much, yet still gave me the space I needed?

It was infuriating.

I wanted to be mad at him for following me, but I couldna because he didna come in and sit next to me or across from me like I expected him to.

Wi’ it bein’ winter season and all, I half expected him to either come in or leave because I was takin’ my time, but he didna. He remained stood outside in the freezing cold waitin’ on me.

After a wee while, I started to feel guilty, so I ordered him a cup of tea, and tapped the window and signalled for him to come inside.

He didna take the seat opposite me though. Or the one beside me. 

Instead, he sat a couple of tables away from me after thanking me for the tea.

He kept his eyes on me though, but never muttered a word. I knew he was waitin’ on me to make the first move.

What was there to say though? 

I asked the man I love to show me what it’s like to truly be wi’ the person ye love in every way possible, and he said no.

Did he not love me as much as he claimed to?

Did he even love me at all?

Was that why he was so quick to tell me to go back to my own time?

I got up from my seat and made my way to the door. Obviously Alex got up as well and began to follow me again. He still kept that space between us though.

I didna want to go back home wi’ him and have this atmosphere between us. Fergus had already commented. It was only a matter of time before Ma and Brianna started askin’ questions. Although Ma’s focus was solely on Fergus at the moment, I was sure she hadna missed the tension between Alex and I.

I turned around and walked back towards Alex. I didna go right up to him, but I was close enough for me to speak to him wi’out passers by kennin’ what we were talkin’ about.

“Is it because ye dinna love me anymore? Did ye ever love me?” I asked softly as if I was scared of the answer. I was scared of the answer.

“Of course I love you, Faith. How could you even doubt that? I love you more than anything in this world.” 

“Then why did you say no?”

“I said no, because I know you would come to regret it. Maybe not straight away, but in time you would.”

“I wouldn’t.”

“You would, Faith. Your going back to a time where you would be ruined. It would be difficult for you to find a worthy husband if you and I—“

“I dinna want a husband, Alex.”

“Faith—“

“No! Listen to me. I don’t want a husband if he isna you. I don’t want any man if he isna you, Alex. You are the only man I belong with. You are the only man I will ever love. 

“If we are to be parted in such a way, I would prefer it if I could at least have one time wi’ ye. One time to feel complete. Is that too much to ask?”

Alex took the few steps towards me to close the gap between us. He took me in his arms and held me close. 

“I would love nothing more than to show you how much I love you Faith, but this has just came out of no where. You can’t blame me for wanting to make sure that you’re sure. I would hate for you to do something you will regret in some time to come.”

“I wilna. I promise. I need to be wi’ ye Alex. Even if it’s just one time.”

Alex bent down and kissed my forehead. “Come on. Let’s go home. We’ll discuss it more later.” He kissed me again, this time on the lips, and then he took my hand in his and he walked me home.

“Are ye no comin’ in?” I asked him as he stood out on the path.

“No. You need to tell your family what’s happening with you going back with Fergus and Claire. Call me later and I’ll come round.”

“Ye’re no goin’ to be there wi’ me when I tell them? Ye said ye’d be there for Bree when we go. She’ll need ye now.”

“I think it’s best for everyone if I’m not there, Faith. Clearly Fergus isn’t himself right now. My being there won’t make him relax any, will it?”

“I suppose not.” I sighed sadly. “Are we ok though? You and me. I shouldna have reacted like that this mornin’. I shouldna have tried to walk away from ye. I just...” As I trailed of, Alex came over to me and wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head.

“We’re more than ok, Faith. We’ll discuss it later, alright?”

I nodded in agreement and stretched up to kiss him once more before goin’ back in to the house.

To my surprise, Fergus was up and about and lookin’ more like himself. The colour was back in his face and he had the biggest smile on his face.

“Where did you and that English bastard you call a boyfriend go?” Fergus grinned at me.

As much as I kent he was tryin’ to lighten the mood wi’ me, I couldna help but feel anger towards the way he just referred to Alex.

“He isna a bastard, Fergus.” I spat out at him as I passed him in the hallway to go in to the livin’ room. “And I’ll remind ye that Ma is English as well. Ye dinna seem to mind that.” I scoffed.

“What’s going on in here then?” Ma asked as she came through the door. “No arguing with your brother please, Faith. He’s still recovering.” She told me sternly.

I collapsed myself down on the arm chair that Ma had slept on last night. “Where’s Bree?” I asked Ma as she fussed about over Fergus.

“She nipped out to get some shopping. Where’s Alex?”

“He went home. I’ll go and stay at his tonight though and Fergus can have my bed.”

“I’m fine on the couch. It isn’t proper you sleeping beside a man before you’re married, Faith. I can’t believe you would do such a thing. What would Milord say?” Fergus said firmly.

“What did I just say about arguing?” Ma cut in before I could respond to my brother. “Faith can stay with Alex if she wishes. Do you think I would allow her to stay with him if I didn’t trust the man? What happens between Faith and Alex is none of your business.” Ma told Fergus.

I just sat there and smiled as Fergus mumbled a few words under his breath that I couldna quite catch.

Alex called me later and said I was more than welcome to stay at his tonight. It would be better for us to discuss things at his place. Not the kind of conversation ye want to have wi yer mother and siblings hangin’ around.

The only condition was that I tell my family that I’m goin’ back wi’ them. I had been puttin’ it off all day because I didna want to think too much about how I’ll miss this time. My job, my friends, my sister. Alex. It was painful to think about what I would be leavin’ behind. 

It was painful to leave my own time behind, especially Da and Fergus. But apart from them and the rest of my family, there was nothing for me there. I was unhappy. 

Here though, I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time.

Would I still be happy wi’out Ma here? Aye, I would. It wouldna be the same, but I would still be happy. 

Will I be happy back home wi’ both my parents and my brother? I would, but not as happy as I would be here. 

But my Da needs me. And I canna just leave him in such a way he was all them years ago. It was painful to see. I hate that I could be the cause of him feelin’ like that again.

Alex said he would come and pick me up around seven. That gives me four hours to sit down wi’ my family and talk about what happens next. 

When do we leave?

The fact that Ma and Fergus are both sure that his sickness was due to comin’ through the stones so soon again, I dinna think Fergus will be in a hurry to go back. He wilna want Da there alone for too long though.

Maybe the best thing would be for me to go first, and Ma and Fergus to follow when he’s strong enough. That way I can let Da ken they will be wi’ us soon.

That wilna gi’ me much time wi’ Alex though. 

And Bree. I feel like I’ve only just gotten to ken her. There is so much more we need to learn about one another though. 

She’s my wee sister, and she moved herself from Boston, all the way to Edinburgh just so she could be wi’ me and Ma. So we could build our relationship and be like proper sisters. It breaks my heart at the thought of leavin’ her behind.

As intrigued as she is by Da, there is no way my sister would come wi’ us.

When the two of us discussed tryin’ to convince Ma to go back, I asked her if she would ever go too, but she said no.

“This is the only life I’ve ever known.” She said. “Now that I know that Daddy wasn’t my real father, I need to try and work out who I’m really meant to be, you know? But that has to happen here, in my time.”

I have a sneaky suspicion that a lot of her decision to stay would be based on her growin’ relationship wi’ Roger. I canna blame her for it. If I could stay here wi’ Alex, I would.

As the four of us sat down to dinner, I decided this would be the perfect time to tell them I was goin’ back, wi’out Alex.

Of course Fergus was over the moon, but Ma and Bree’s silence told me they werena expectin’ such an announcement.

After a few minutes, it was Ma that spoke up first. “And, um... what does Alex have to say about this? Is that what you two argued about this morning?” She asked wi’ a sympathetic look as she took a hold of my hand across the table.

“Who said we argued?” I asked. 

“Was kinda hard not to notice. You slammed two doors and then you practically ignored Alex when you came downstairs. When he tried to talk with you, you stormed out of the house and he was very quick to follow you.” My sister verra kindly pointed out. I just rolled my eyes in response.

“Well, we didna argue, exactly. More... a small disagreement, but we’re fine. But no... it was nothin’ to do wi’ this. In fact, Alex and I stayed up most of the night talkin’ everythin’ through and he was the one to encourage me to go back.” I informed them.

“Maybe he isn’t so bad after all.” Fergus mumbled. I gave him a pointed look, and he apologised.

“Do you want to go back?” Ma asked me.

“No.” I said quietly wi’out missin’ a beat. “I miss Da, terribly. But... I was so unhappy for such a long time, and now I finally have a life I ken was meant to be for me, but I canna just stay here when I ken my Da is sufferin’ so. 

“Ye didna see him after Culloden, Ma. He was... nothin’. It was like he was a ghost. If he’s like that again because of me... I need to make things right.”

“Sweetheart, if you go, there is a chance you may not be able to come back. None of us know how the stones work. Not really. And look at your brother. Look at how he’s suffered this time. I don’t want you doing something you’re going to regret.” Ma said to me before turinin’ to Fergus. “I didn’t really get a chance to talk to you about any of this because my priority was making sure you were well and safe, but since we’re on this topic of conversation... I had already decided before your arrival that I was going to return to you. To Jamie.”

“Really?” Fergus’ eyes got wide as he sat up straight on his chair. 

“Do you think my return would be helpful to Jamie, or make him feel worse? Would Faith really need to come back too if I was already going?”

“I think... the only thing that would make Milord fully complete, would be to have you and both the girls return to him. He is aware though that it’s highly unlikely that Brianna would return to him, but he has been waiting for either you or Faith to return to him. The fact that neither of you have, he understood why. He’s just lost.”

“But if I went back without Faith, that would be enough?”

Fergus shrugged his shoulders. “Possibly. I know he’ll miss her, but having you back in his life would certainly go a long way to healing him.”

Ma let out a sigh. “Good. That’s settled then. The girls will stay here with each other, and I will go back to Jamie with you.”

Ma was quite firm about her statement and gave me a look of warning no to argue wi’ her.


	33. Chapter Thirty Two

After dinner wi’ the family, I felt numb. 

I kent I had gone all quiet. Somethin’ not unusual for me, which is probably why Bree or Fergus never questioned what was wrong, but Ma kent there was somethin’ off. She always did.

Even when we first met, she had this sort of intuition wi’ me where she kent when to pull back and let me be, even when I never said anythin’. It was like she kent me and how I was, even though we had just met. 

It was one of the things I kent I would miss most about her. She always knew when I needed her, even if I didna ken it myself. 

As soon as I finished eating, I excused myself from the table and cleared my dishes in to the sink before headin’ upstairs to pack a bag for stayin’ wi’ Alex for a few nights.

Due to Fergus still feelin’ a bit weak, he and Ma decided to stay here until he was a bit stronger, like I guessed they would.

Since Da had no idea that Fergus was even here, I felt bad at the thought he would be worried sick if Fergus doesna return to him soon.

*Knock knock

I turned to find Ma stood in my doorway like she had many times before. Arms crossed at her chest, head tilted to the side, leaning against the doorframe. That same look in her eye that after all these months, I still havena managed to work out what it is. 

“I thought you would be happy to stay here with Bree and Alex.” She said quietly before she moved in to my room to sit down on my bed as I continued to pack.

“I am.” And I really was, but I still felt... off.

“Bree’s excited you’re staying. I’m sure Alex will be too.” She said and I nodded in agreement. “Why aren’t you excited?” Ma grabbed my wrist to stop me from packing so I could talk wi’ her properly. 

I could feel the tears start to fill my eyes. “I dinna want to leave Alex. Or Bree. But I already made my peace wi’ maybe no seein’ Da for a long time, maybe no ever again, but wi’ Fergus here and listenin’ to what he said about Da... I dinna ken what I’m supposed to do. If I dinna see him for myself, how will I ken he’s okay? If I go though, I’ll be livin’ the life I left behind. The life I needed so much to get away from. It doesna matter what way I look at it, I’m never gonna be truly happy, am I?” My tears started to fall down my cheeks, and Ma pulled me down to sit next to her on the bed.

She pulled me close and held me tight. I felt safe and secure in her arms. Somethin’ I had longed for my whole life, and now I was goin’ to lose it again. Lose her. 

“Jamie will be fine. That, I promise you.” She held my head in her hands and looked me straight in the eye so I understood she meant what she said. “I promise.”

“And you? Will you be okay? Away from Bree?” 

“It will be hard. No, it will be worse than that... it will kill me to be parted from Brianna. And you.” Ma tilted my chin up so I was lookin’ at her. “I already left you behind once, and it was something I never thought I would have to go through again. Only this time it’s slightly worse. This time, I don’t get to have either of you with me.”

“But ye’ll have Da and Fergus.” I told her.

“Yes, I will. But that still doesn’t make up for losing you and your sister, does it?”

“Then why tell me to stay? If it will hurt ye so much to leave me behind, why did ye no jump at the chance for me to go?”

“Because I know you, Faith. I won’t pretend to know what your life was like before, but I think I have a pretty good idea.

“You’ve only been here a few months, but I can see how much happier you are now compared to when you first arrived. As much as I would love us all to be together, that is never going to happen. I can accept that this is where you and your sister belong. Here with men who love and adore you. With careers that I know you’re both going to thrive in. I will not ask you to give that up for me or your father. I know he wouldn’t want you to either.”

We stayed silent for a little while, and then I got up from the bed to continue to pack my bag.

“So what did happen with Alex this morning?” Ma asked quietly as she looked at her fingernails.

“What happened to whatever happens between Alex and I is our business?” I questioned wi’ a wee smirk.

Ma smiled back at me. “Well, I didn’t think you would appreciate your brother asking about your relationship.” She answered.

“And what makes ye think I appreciate you askin’?” I asked wi’ as I raised my brow.

Ma’s mouth was open, but she couldna find the right words to speak.

I couldna help but laugh.

“If ye must know... I asked him to bed me this mornin’.”

I thought Ma was goin’ to collapse right there on my bed. “Wh-what?”

“He said no.” I said quickly. “Thought I would regret it in time. I assured him I wouldna, but he insisted it wasna right for him to take me like that just because I was leavin’. I just wanted to ken what it was like to be wi’ the person ye love. Even if it was only one time, I just wanted to experience it.”

“Well, I’m glad he said no.”

“Eh? You were the one that kept bangin’ on about sex and how if I wanted to have sex before I was wed, then I could. As long as I was careful. Ye said ye wouldna judge me.” I pointed out to her, but she gave me a disapproving look.

“And you were the one that kept banging on that you weren’t ready to have sex.” She bit back at me. “At first, you kept insisting that you weren’t interested in men or sex. Then when you reconnected with Alex, you said you wanted to be married before you and Alex went there. What changed?”

“What changed? My brother came forward over two hundred years in time to tell me my father was heartsick because I left him. My brother made it perfectly clear that he expected me to go back wi’ him. Then Alex agreed that I should. 

“We stayed up most of the night talkin’ about it and then we finally agreed that it was for the best. I was devastated. If I canna have Alex, I dinna want any man. Excuse me for just wantin’ that wee bit more of him and a wee bit more of our relationship before I went back two hundred years in to the past and never seen him again.” I shot back at her. I could feel my temper rising, and as much as I didna want to fall out wi’ her, I was annoyed that she would question me in such a way. What was it to do wi’ her anyway?

Before I gave her a chance to speak, I closed my bag, grabbed it from the bed and headed downstairs.

“We’re not finished with this conversation, Faith.” Ma called after me as I went down the stairs. 

Both Fergus and Bree were sat on the couch watchin’ an episode of Bewitched. It was a good show, one me and Bree watched together often. Fergus seemed to find it a lot more funnier than it was though, but I was glad he and Bree were spendin’ time together and havin’ fun.

“Everything alright?” Bree asked as I sat down next to her on the couch.

“Aye. Ma’s just bein’ Ma.” I grumbled. 

Bree just left it at that. 

Me and Ma didna argue as much as we did when I first came here, but we still had our moments. Thankfully my sister knew when to get involved and when to butt out. This was a butt out situation.

I glanced up at the clock and was relieved to see that it was almost seven. Alex would be here any moment.

The sooner I could get away for a few days, the better.

I could sense, wi’out turnin’ round, that Ma was stood behind the couch. 

“Faith. A word.” She said firmly.

Both Fergus and Bree must’ve heard that specific tone before because they both gave me a knowing look. 

I didna hesitate much before standin’ up and followin Ma in to the other room across the hall that was meant to be turned in to a spare room. We just hadna gotten round to finishin’ it yet.

“I dinna ken what’s left to say. It’s no like we actually did anythin.” I said pointedly.

Ma gave me her disapproved expression and crossed her arms. Again. “But it could have. And for the wrong reasons, Faith. I don’t think you should stay with Alex tonight. I think you should both take some time.”

“For what?” Before she could a see me, the doorbell rang. “That will be him now. I’ll come by tomorrow to see Fergus. See if ye’s ken the next step or not.” I told her before turnin’ to leave the room.

Bree had already opened the door, and she and Alex were stood in the hallway when Ma grabbed my arm to turn me towards her again. “Don’t go.” She pleaded.

I turned to Alex and told him my bag was in the livin’ room. I asked him to go and get it and then we could be on our way. Ma wasna happy though and tried to tell Alex that I wasna goin’ to stay wi’ him, but I told him she was mistaken.

“Look, if you’re staying here, you will see Alex all the time. You and I don’t have that luxury, Faith. Don’t go.”

I really didna want to argue wi’ her, but I kent that if I stayed, it would be awkward for Bree and Fergus too.

“I’m goin’ to stay wi’ Alex, Ma. I’ll come back tomorrow after lunch and we can hopefully talk a bit more calmly.”

“That’s a good idea, huh Mama?” Bree tried to reason. “Just one night for some space.”

Ma didna answer. She didna even look at any of us. She just kept her focus on the clock on the wall.

I told Alex I would get him in the car, and off he went. I went in to the livin’ room to say bye to Fergus. Bree and Ma were still in the hallway, so I took the opportunity to inform Fergus of somethin’ I should have told him earlier. 

“I havena told Ma about Laoghaire. I will, I promise, just no the night. I canna handle another disagreement.” I whispered to him.

“That’s what I wanted to tell you... Milord was granted an annulment. It would have been done a bit more easily if Milady had been there to prove she wasn’t dead, but Milord managed to get the annulment granted.” Fergus told me quietly.

“Really?” I asked him wi’ a smile and he nodded. “So... I dinna really need to tell her then?”

“Probably not. Will it make her change her mind about going?”

“I dinna ken. But, what if she gets there and she finds out?”

“Good point.”

“I suppose it wilna really matter. It’s no like I’ll be there for her to get mad at me.” I shrugged.

“Faith, you need to tell her.”

“Why me? Why no you? You ken more about it than me anyway.” I pointed out, but Fergus insisted that the news of Da’s marriage to Laoghaire had to come from me.

Typical.

I kissed my brothers cheek and wished him a goodnight before I left. 

I gave Bree a hug Goodnight in the hallway before she went back in to sit wi’ Fergus.

I barely looked at Ma as I headed for the door because I didna want to see the look of disappointment in her eye again.

“Just... don’t do anything stupid, alright?”

The ride to Alex’s house was in a comfortable silence.

When we got inside, Alex took my bag straight up to his room and then he made us both a nice cup of tea.

“Claire said you weren’t going.” 

I nodded my head. A little caught off guard by his comment. “She told me to stay. Said it was just her and Fergus goin’.” I answered quietly.

When we climbed in to bed, I snuggled as close to Alex as I could get.

“You’re still going to go with them.” It wasna a question.

I nodded my head. “I have to.” I whispered in to his chest.


	34. Chapter Thirty Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you all so much for taking the time to read this fic. I love reading all your comments, but unfortunately, now I’m back at work, I’m struggling to respond to everyone’s comments, but please know I read them all and I appreciate all of them.
> 
> The plan was to post chapters of this fic on a Monday, Wednesday and Friday. This chapter is up tonight (Sunday) because I’m working insane hours tomorrow and won’t be able to post. Also, I have decided to reduce posting this fic to twice a week instead of three, because after a few months of no motivation to write... I’ve finally found some inspiration. Hopefully I will be able to get two of my fics completed really soon, that I had to take a break from for a while. So anyway, I will post this fic on a Mo day and a Friday. And for those of you who follow along with “Mo Ghràidh”, that will co to us to be posted on a Saturday. And for those of you who have been waiting patiently for “Our Family” and “FFMBFD”, hopefully I will have some chapters to post within the next month or so.
> 
> Thank you all again.
> 
> Kirsty X

I decided not to tell Ma and Fergus that I would be returning wi’ them. Not right now. I wanted to spend as much time wi’ my family and Alex as I possibly could. 

Alex agreed not to say anythin’ about it either, though I could tell he was uncomfortable about lyin’ to Ma. I told him it wasna a lie, we just werena tellin’ her the whole story. No yet anyway.

Alex and I didna really speak much when we woke up this mornin’, but we didna need to. We just enjoyed bein’ in each other’s company.

Alex and I had this way of communicating through touch and unspoken feelin’s for one another. There was a lot of kissing and cuddling and brushes of our hands.

When I was cookin’ pancakes for breakfast, Alex came over and stood behind me the whole time I was at the cooker, wi’ his arms wrapped around my waist. We always had to be touchin’ each other in some kind of way.

When we sat down to breakfast, that was when I brought up the whole sex thing again. Poor Alex wasna expectin’ it and nearly choked on his pancakes and strawberries.

“Ye said we would discuss it more.” I reminded him.

“Yeah, to calm you down.” He replied.

“So that’s it? Ye wilna even discuss it wi’ me then?” Alex only shook his head. “I’m leavin’, and I dinna ken when yet. We’ll never see each other again. Dae ye really no want to experience us as one, as whole?”

“I’m not having sex with you, Faith! Not unless we’re married.” He raised his voice at me in frustration.

“Then marry me then!” I fired back at him. 

Alex obviously wasna expectin’ me to come out wi’ that. In all honesty, I wasna expectin’ to come out wi’ it either. 

We had discussed marriage, but that was before all this. Before I decided I needed to go back and be wi’ Da.

“No.” He said softly.

Even though I didna actually ken I was goin’ to suggest such, it made me angry that he just turned me down. We had literally just been discussin’ such the other day.

“Why not? We talked about it before.”

“Before you decided to go back two hundred years. I can’t marry you just to sleep with you and then let you leave me, Faith. Be reasonable.”

“Um, it was you that told me I should go back. I didna ken what to do, but it was you that told me that I should go. So dinna sit there and have a go at me for leavin’ ye, Alex.”

We sat in silence for a wee while, and then out of nowhere... Alex went in to a rage. He violently pushed most of our breakfast dishes from the table on to the floor so they smashed everywhere. 

It was quite scary to be honest. I’d never seen him this angry before.

“What on earth?! What’s wrong wi’ ye?!” I shouted at him. 

I had never seen him wi’ such a temper before. In that moment, he reminded me of Da when he was wound up to the point where he exploded.

“I’m sorry.” He said quietly.

As much as I wanted to stay and work all this out, I had to leave. I didna want to be near him when he was in this kind of mood.

It was him that pushed for me to go, so why was he actin’ like this? 

Ma said I wasna to go, but Alex kent wi’out me even sayin’ anythin’ that I was still plannin’ on goin’. 

It was his decision not to come wi’ me, same as it was my decision to take his advice and go back to Da because he needs me. 

As if this situation wasna already difficult for all involved, he just had to make me feel even worse about it all.

Thankfully, I was wearin’ a pair of trainers, so there was no danger of me cuttin’ my feet on the broken crockery lyin’ on the floor when I stood up to leave.

I picked up my bag from the chair next to me. “Call me when ye calm down, and not a moment before, please.” I said to Alex before I walked out of the dining room.

He didna come after me, but he did apologise again and asked me to stay, but I declined and said some space between us would do us both some good right now.

When I got home, Ma was doin’ some laundry and apparently Bree took Fergus into the city to show him how different things were.

“Is he strong enough for that?” I asked Ma. I knew she wouldna have agreed to let him go if he wasna, and I kent he was feelin’ much better than he had been, but I thought Ma would have kept him here a few more days.

“He says he’s much better now, and he certainly looks it. The poor boy was just going stir crazy being cooped up in here all day, he needed some air.” Ma told me.

I nodded in understanding.

I let out a sigh and fell on to the nearest chair to me. Ma looked over to me straight away knowin’ somethin’ was up.

“Alex not with you?” She asked casually.

“Obviously not.” I grumbled.

“Want to tell me what happened?”

“Not really.” I answered. “Ye’ll just shout at me again, and I’m no really in the mood.”

“You didn’t ask him to sleep with you again, did you?” Ma sighed as she pulled out the chair across from me so she could sit down.

“He said we would discuss it, then when I brought it up, he basically told me that he only said that to keep me quiet.” Ma chucked at that, then apologised after I gave her a look. “Then he said he would only have sex wi me if we were married.”

“So you came home with out him.”

“No, actually. I told him to marry me then, but he said no.” 

Ma was shocked at what I just said. She stared at me wi’ wide eyes and her mouth hangin’ open. “Um, I’m not surprised. Why on earth would you tell him to marry you? Just so he would have sex with you? 

“Sweetheart, this isn’t you. What’s going on?

“You told me you wanted to be with him in that way because you were leaving, but you’re not going anywhere now. What’s the rush?”

I didna answer her. I couldna even look at her. And apparently Ma knew me so well, my silence spoke volumes to her.

“You’re not going back!” She told me firmly. “We already discussed this, you’re staying here with Bree and Alex. I promised you your father will be alright. I’ll take care of him.”

“It’s no as simple as that, and ye ken it.” I responded. “Ye told me yerself how it almost destroyed ye bein’ separated fae me for all them years. Now my Da’s goin’ through the same thing because of my own selfish reasons. It isna fair on him. He needs me.”

“What he needs, is to know that you’re happy and safe. I will make sure he knows that. About you and your sister.”

“But—“

“Faith, I will not let you make the same mistake I did. And if your father knew about your relationship with Alex and how happy you make each other, then he would be really disappointed if he knew you left him behind.

“Your father and I have been separated for over twenty years. And it’s been tough, as you well know. You saw your father grieve. For the friends he lost at Culloden, for his wife he sent away, for the unborn child he would never get the chance to meet, for the family we should have been. I won’t allow you to leave Alex behind just so you can be there for your father. I won’t have you being separated from Alex the same way Jamie and I are. It’s devastating, Faith. I don’t wish my daughter to go through the pain of that.”

I nodded slowly in agreement. I knew where she was comin’ from, but it was difficult. Of course I didna want to leave Alex, but I was just so wound up thinkin’ about Da and how lonely he must be. Especially now Fergus is here wi’ us. 

“I dae wish to be his wife, ken?” I broke the silence after a few minutes. “I didna just suggest he marry me just so he would bed me. Well... maybe I did, but I just... I wanted to experience bein’ whole wi’ Alex, just once. Just so I kent what it was like. I would never want to be wi’ any other man.”

“I know sweetheart, but you’re not going anywhere. As much as I would love to walk you down the aisle and give you away to Alex, I don’t want you to rush into marriage for the wrong reasons. 

“I know you both love each other very much, but don’t do anything until you’re sure you’re both ready, alright?” Ma suggested to me as she reached across the table and took my hand in hers and gave it a small squeeze. 

“We talked about it. Marriage. When we were in Boston.” I told her wi’ a smile.

“Really?” Ma sat back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. Somethin’ she did often when Brianna or I would tell her somethin’. This was how she sat when she was listenin’ to what we had to say. Lookin’ at us intently as we spoke.

“Aye.” I replied. “We both want to be married, start a family, but we decided now isna the right time. 

“Alex suggested a summer weddin’ when he graduates medical school. Then hopefully in a year or two, we will have our first bairn. I want at least two bairns, maybe three. Alex on the other hand wants six. Told him that unless he can find a way to carry and birth at least three of them, it’s no goin’ to happen.”

Ma laughed at that. “Reminds me of your father telling me he wanted twelve children.” She chuckled.

“Aye. That’s what I thought when he said it. Men, eh? Never think about what us women have to go through when it comes to that.”

It was mid afternoon, and I still hadna heard from Alex. 

I didna tell Ma why I came home wi’out him, and I didna want to talk to her about his wee outburst. I didna want her to worry about us.

As much of a surprise that his actions were to me, I kent it wasna somethin’ he would let happen that often. It was probably just the stress and heart ache that caused such a reaction from him. I couldna be angry wi’ him about that. I was feelin’ the strain too. I just didna go around smashin’ our dishes in to a thousand pieces though.

Since Brianna and Fergus still werena home yet, I decided to take Ma in to the city and treat her to a wee coffee and a scone.

“You know we can have coffee at home. And I’m sure there were ingredients there to make some scones yourself.” Ma said as I dragged her by the hand up part of the Royal Mile.

“Aye, but this place is special.” It was never my intention to bring anyone to this place. It was mine and Alex’s place of choice when we were in the city. Somewhere that was verra special to me. But, since Ma could be leavin’ at anytime, I wanted to bring her here at least once. I wanted her to see what had become of Da’s printshop two hundred years later.

Maybe one day I would bring Brianna and Roger, but for now, it was mine and Alex’s secret wee place. And now I was bringin’ Ma. 

Bein’ there really helped me feel closer to Da in some ways. Maybe it would be the same for her.

“So, what dae ye think?” I asked Ma as we sat down at a wee table in the corner where no one could really bother us.

“It’s... nice.” She answered and I just looked at her wi’ a raised brow. I hadna told her where we were and the significance of the place, but I thought she would have had a bit more to say than ‘it’s nice’. “It’s a café, Faith. What do you want me to say?” She asked as she removed her scarf and jacket.

“Never mind.” I said as we picked up the wee menu’s on the table to see what we wanted. 

I dinna ken why I bothered lookin’ at the menu. I always order the same thing. Tea and a warm plain scone wi’ either strawberry or raspberry jam. I decided to go wi’ strawberry the day.

Ma decided on a black coffee and a wee cheese scone.

As much as I liked cheese, I wasna keen on the cheese scones for some reason. Wasna really keen on the fruit scones either. Plain scones for me every single time.

When the wee waitress brought over our order, we tucked in to our wee scones and our tea and coffee. 

“Wow.” Ma said after the first bite of her scone. “These scones are almost as good as yours, darling.” I smiled at her. She was bein’ polite. The scones here were loads better than any scones I could ever make at home. 

“Do you come here with Alex then?” Ma asked.

“Aye. We try to come at least once a week, but it’s difficult sometimes wi’ my shifts at work and his schedule is a bit wild too.”

“How did you find this place then?”

“It was Alex, actually. He brought me here as a wee surprise one day. It was actually quite an emotional day that day.”

“How come? Was it me? Did I upset you?” Ma worried.

“No, of course not. It was this place.” I waved my hand around. “This is where Da’s printshop is. Or... was.” Ma’s eyes grew wide and she turned in her seat to look around the room. “Alex discovered part of the old print shop was now a café, and he surprised me one day by bringin’ me here.

“I like bein’ here. Makes me feel closer to Da somehow.” Ma turned back to face me and nodded her head.

Just before she could speak, the wee bell above the door rang to announce the arrival of another customer. From where we sat, I had the perfect view of who was comin’ in. 

I was surprised to see Fergus and Brianna comin’ through the door.

Brianna was tryin’ to get Fergus to sit down at a table, but it was like he was frozen in the middle of the room. 

I could understand how overwhelming it must have been for him. I felt the same the first time Alex brought me here. 

I stood up and walked over to them and told Bree where Ma and I were sat. I suggested Bree go over to the table, and Fergus and I would join them in a moment. With a nod and a smile, off she went.

“Strange, isn’t it?” I asked Fergus in a small voice.

“Aye. It is.” He said. But due to his shock I think, it came out as a whisper.

“Come on.” I took his hand in mine. “I brought Ma here for the first time today. We’re just havin’ a hot drink and a scone. Fancy somethin’?” I asked him and he just looked at me in shock, like he couldna believe what he was seein’. 

He didna answer me, so I just pulled him along to the table where Ma was sittin’ wi’ Bree.

Apparently, Brianna took Fergus to see some of Edinburgh’s finest historic sights, and Fergus had told her of all the things that has changed in two hundred years.

They had been up at the castle, and on the way back down, Fergus asked Brianna if she wanted to see where Da’s printshop was. Of course she jumped at the chance. 

When they discovered it was now a wee café, Bree asked Fergus if he wanted to come inside and have a drink before they went home.

“So, you knew about this place all this time and you didn’t tell me? Didn’t you think I would have liked to have come here too?” Brianna asked me. She was in a mood wi’ me. I could tell. She was annoyed that I kept this place from her.

“Sorry. It was just nice havin’ a place that was mine. A place that was so deeply connected to my past, but was part of my present.” I answered.

“Jamie was my father too, Faith. It would have been nice if you shared this with me and Mama.” She scoffed at me. “This could be a place to help me connect with Jamie too. Just because I’ve never met the man, doesn’t mean I don’t want to know about him or feel some kind of connection to him.”

“Bree, please.” Ma tried to clam her. “I know, and I understand how you feel, but try and think about your sisters feelings too, alright?”

“Why? She didn’t think about my feelings? She purposely left me out of something to do with Jamie. How is that fair?” Bree moaned.

I could understand Bree’s frustration. Maybe she was right, maybe I should have told her and Ma about this place, but was it so wrong of me to just want one place for myself? I didna think so. Apparently I was wrong though.

After Ma paid for our wee treats, she and I headed back to her car to make our way home. And Fergus and Brianna went back to her car to go home too.

The journey home was kind of quiet. I felt bad for Brianna’s reaction, but I dinna think I would have changed anythin’. 

Ma tried a few times to try and engage me in conversation, but I just answered “aye” or “no”, or nodded or shook my head. 

In the end she gave up and turned on the car stereo. Ma had it tuned in to some “Jazz music” station. Some of the stuff was quite good, and I did usually enjoy listenin’ to Jazz wi’ her. Just today wasna one of them days.

The sooner we got home the better.

When we pulled up to the house, and Ma parked her car in the drive behind Bree’s car, I was shocked to discover Alex sat on the doorstep.

Apparently he had been there for close to an hour. Thank heavens there was no rain. He would have been soaked. 

It was the end of December though, so he was freezin’. Why he didna just call me from home, or even just sat in his car to wait on me returnin’, I’ll never know.

“Been anywhere nice?” He asked shyly. Obviously he was embarrassed by this mornin’s outburst.

“Took Ma to the printshop for coffee and a scone. Bree and Fergus came in no long after us and now Bree’s in a mood wi’ me because I never told her about the place.” I told him.

“She’ll come round.” He assured me.

“I dinna ken. She’s really mad, and I’ve never seen her this upset before. No wi’ me anyway. I dinna ken what to say or do to make it right.”

“I’m sure you’ll think of something.” He told me as he took a step closer to me.

By this point, everyone was inside the house. It was just Alex and I out on the front step.

“Are ye alright now?” I asked as I put my hand against his cheek. I just needed to touch him.

“Yes. I’m so sorry I scared you like that this morning. I don’t know what came over me.”

“It’s alright—“

“No, Faith. It isn’t.”

I didna really want to have this conversation outside in the cold, but discussin’ what happened this mornin’ inside just didna feel right either. 

It was gettin’ close to dinner, so I kent Ma wouldna appreciate me disappearing so close to dinner time when she would be startin’ to prepare it soon.

The only thing I could do was take Alex up to my room and pray no one would interrupt us.

“When I suggested you go back to help your father... I said...I...I said that because...”

“Because what? What’s wrong, Alex?” I asked him.

“I knew Claire wouldn’t let you go.”

“Then why suggest I go then? Why put us through that? For what?” I demanded. His words made no sense. If he kent Ma would say no to me goin’ back, why did he make me think it would be a good idea for me to go?

“I knew how torn you were. I thought that if I encouraged you to go, your Mum would tell you to stay here, and then you wouldn’t need to feel guilty about staying because your Mum said it was okay for you to stay.

“But then even when Claire told you to stay, I knew that you were still planning to go. To leave me. I was scared, Faith. I don’t want to lose you. 

“I guess my plan backfired on me, huh?”

“You wilna lose me, Alex.” I told him wi’ a soft smile on my face.

“I know I won’t, because I’m coming with you.”

“What?”

“You heard me. We’ve spent too much time apart from each other, Faith. I can’t go through that again. I won’t go through that again.

“If you go back, then I go too.


	35. Chapter Thirty Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for taking the time to read another chapter of this fic. I really appreciate it.
> 
> I hope you’ll enjoy what’s coming up in the next few chapters. 
> 
> Kirsty X

Alex’s announcement happened before I could tell him that Ma convinced me to stay. 

Now I didna ken what to think, or even say to him.

If Alex came wi’ me, it would make me so happy. We would still be together. He would get to meet Da. We would all be together, well, except for Brianna.

But that would gi’ me the chance to see Ma and Da together. I was only a bairn when they left for the uprising, and I didna see Ma again for twenty years. Due to Da livin’ in a cave on the grounds of Lallybroch, hidin’ from the British, I never got the chance to have a proper relationship wi’ him either. And then when I started to bond wi’ the man, he made Aunt Jenny turn him over.

I ken he did what he thought was best for the family and the tenants on our land, but it robbed us of many more years together. When he returned home, I was an adult. A young woman. 

Maybe if Alex and I went back then I would finally get to be part of a family I always dreamed of. 

Both my parents could be present at my union to Alex. Be there when I had bairns of my own.

But... there was a reason I left.

And as much as I would love to be reunited wi’ Da, I didna feel happy back home. I felt like I didna belong there, but since bein’ here, in this time, I feel like I finally fit in somewhere. 

The only way to finally decide once and for all, would be to actually sit down and discuss things properly wi’ Alex. I think our issue the past couple of days has been not communicating properly. He told me to do one thing, when he really wanted me to do the other. Now he’s offerin’ to go back to my time wi’ me, just because he loves me and wants me to be happy. 

I dinna want to do anythin’ unless I ken we will both be happy. I dinna want him to resent me for us goin’ back when he didna really want to.

After standin’ there, starin’ at his beautiful face for what felt like a life time, thinkin’ about what we should do, I finally spoke. “Me and Ma had a wee talk earlier. She convinced me to stay. Said she didna want you and I to go through what she and Da did.”

“Right.” Alex responded quietly.

He seemed... disappointed?

“Did ye really want to go? It would mean ye wouldna get to finish yer studies here to become a proper doctor. 

“And then there’s my Aunt. If ye think Fergus reacted badly to seein’ ye again... she’ll be ten times worse. 

“And what would ye do as a job? What would I do? I dinna think I could back to just bein’ a midwife. Deliverin’ babies now and again when men have no option but to rely on my help for their wife and bairn.”

“I don’t know the answers to any of that, Faith. All I know is I love you. I don’t want to be parted from you for a second, never mind by two centuries. Not again.

“I only want to be where you are. Whether that’s here, or there, the choice is up to you.” He told me wi’ a smile as he reached a hand up to caress my cheek.

I took a wee minute to think things through in my head again. 

Truth was... I only wanted to be wi’ Alex. I didna really care where or when we were. I just wanted him by my side. And that’s what he was offerin’.

We could have a different life back home. One filled wi’ love and family. But, would that be enough if both Alex and I couldna do the things we truly dreamed of? Alex workin’ as a GP, or as and accident and emergency doctor. Me bein’ a nurse. Whether that be and auxiliary, or an actual staff nurse.

“I think we would both be truly happier here.” I told Alex honestly.

“Are you sure, darling? What about your parents?”

I nodded. “I’m sure. They’ll have each other, and Fergus. Just like you and I will have each other. And as much as my sister hates me right now.” I sighed. “I’ll have her too.” I said wi’ a big smile on my face.

Alex smiled in return. “You’re absolutely certain about this?” He questioned seriously.

“I am.” 

After we spent some time cuddled up on my bed together, we both agreed that we should go downstairs and join everyone else.

Ma was busy in the kitchen preparing dinner. Some pasta recipe she found in a magazine at work.

This should be interestin’.

When I asked Ma if Alex could stay for dinner, it was like she was offended that I even asked.

“Oh, please. You know Alex is always welcome round here.” She told us.

Bree helped Ma by settin’ the table for us all, but she still didna seem interested in lookin’ at me, never mind speakin’ to me.

I decided to give my sister some space. No use arguin’. Especially when this would be one of the last times we would all be sat round the table for dinner like this. 

Ma and Fergus still hadna decided on when they would leave, but one thing I knew was that it would be one day soon.

Ma had been busy the last couple of days organising the house in Boston so that Joe was able to be there when the men went to pack up what was left there and get it shipped over here to Edinburgh.

A lot of the house had been cleared, but there was a lot of Frank’s things in particular that Brianna wanted kept. I completely understood. That was one thing I regretted about my spur of the moment trip through the stones. I didna think to bring anythin’ to remember Da or Fergus. All I had was my memories and the paintings I did. It was better than nothin’ though.

Ma was signing over her bank account to both Brianna and I. The money from the sale of the house would go in to that account too, and it would be up to Bree and I to split the money between us equally. 

Ma said under normal circumstances, she would have had a solicitor do that for us, but since she couldn’t verra well tell the solicitor why she wanted to split such a substantial amount of money between her daughters right now, she had to trust us to do it ourselves.

To be honest, I dinna feel all that comfortable wi’ that arrangement. This wasna just Ma’s money. It was money that Frank had left for her and Brianna. And the house, well, it was his. It doesna seem right that I should get even a shilling, but both Ma and Bree insisted that it all got split equally between us. 

The house in Edinburgh was bein’ signed over to Bree and I as well. It’s a lot of responsibility. Owning a house and havin’ so much funds available to me. It’s quite overwhelming to be honest.

I couldna help but worry about what would happen when Alex and I get married. 

It’s Hogmanay tomorrow, and soon it will be the New Year. We were hopin’ for a summer weddin’. 

My concern was the livin’ arrangements. 

Of course Alex had his own house which would be ideal for us both, but I didna like the idea of leavin’ Brianna alone in this house. But would she be happy sharing a house wi’ Alex and I? 

And what would happen if Bree and Roger got married? What would happen if we had bairns? Would we need to sell this house and divide the money again and then Alex and I find a new house, and Bree and Roger find a new house?

“You’re overthinking again.” Ma said softly in my ear as she gave my side a nudge.

“W-what?” I asked as I jumped at the disturbance.

“You. Lost in your own little world again. What were you thinking about this time?” Ma laughed.

“Um, nothin’ important.” I answered. I looked around me and noticed Alex had left. “Uh, where did Alex go?”

“Decided to go and try speaking with your brother. Seems your man wants to prove to your protector that you’ll be safe with him.” 

“I should just...” I turned to go and find them, but Bree reached for my arm to pull me back.

“Leave them. It will do them some good to get to know one another. And for the record, I have been singing Alex’s praises to Fergus All. Day.” Bree told me. “Just give them some time.” She suggested wi’ a shrug before returnin’ to her duties of gettin’ the table ready for dinner.

I did as she said and left the lads to it, but I couldna resist a wee keek through to the livin’ room to see how they were gettin’ on. 

Fortunately, I had no reason to worry. Two of the most important men in my life were doin’ their best to try and be civil to each other because they both loved me. 

As different as they both were to one another... I was the one thing they had in common.

After dinner, which was alright compared to some of Ma’s other recipes, the lads went back through to the livin’ room to watch a game of football that was on. After Bree helped me wash and dry the dishes, she went through to join them both.

That left Ma and me in the kitchen tidying the dishes away.

When we were done, Ma made us both a wee cup of tea and we sat down at the table, listenin’ to the lads “cheer” and “yell” at the television. We could hear Brianna laughin’ at them both.

“You and Alex alright now, sweetheart?” Ma asked.

She already kent the answer, but I liked that she was interested in making sure we were both okay. 

“Aye.” I answered wi’ a smile. “Before I got the chance to tell him ye convinced me to stay, he said that he wanted to go back wi’ us. He didna care where we were, as long as we were together.” I told her.

“Wow. That’s...uh... that was nice of him.” I could hear the uncertainty in her voice.

“Dinna fash, we both talked it over and we have decided to stay here. It’s where we both belong. It’s where we’ll both be happiest. 

“I’ll miss ye so much, Ma. But it makes me so happy to ken you and Da will be reunited.” I told her.

“I’ll miss you too, sweetheart. But I’m glad you’re staying. It’s safer here, in a way. 

“I know there is so much bad in this world, but in my opinion, there are much worse dangers back in your time.”

“I ken.” I nodded.

“Ma?”

“Yes, darling?”

“I need to tell ye somethin’. It’s about Da, and somethin’ he did when ye were apart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god. What’s Faith gonna tell Claire now..?


	36. Chapter Thirty Five

Claire’s POV

He had remarried.

Jamie has a wife.

Had a wife.

Apparently, when he learned that Faith was with me in 1968, he prayed that I would return to him.

He hasn’t lived with his wife in months apparently. She was never able to treat him like a proper husband. They argued most of the the time, and when they weren’t at each other’s throats, she went days without muttering a word to him.

All he wanted was to look after her and her daughters. Protect them.

When Faith finally told me the truth of her fathers second marriage, I was devastated. I then came to realise that I had no right to feel like that. I had Frank. Although it wasn’t a happy marriage for either of us, we were content, happy even, raising Brianna together. 

It never really occurred to me over the last twenty years that Jamie would have found someone else, remarried and had a new family of his own. But then again, I though he died at the Battle of Culloden.

I had asked Faith during one of our rare conversations about Jamie and his life after I left, if he ever fell in love with anyone else. She assured me he didn’t.

When she finally came clean about him marrying another woman when he finally went home to Lallybroch, I was annoyed with her for keeping this piece of information from me. She has been encouraging me to return to her father, the whole time knowing that he had another wife.

Fergus stepped in and assured me that the marriage didn’t mean anything to Jamie. It was all Jenny’s bright idea. A way for Jamie to try and find a home and a family for himself. That only made me even more angry. What was it with that woman and her interfering? As much as I loved Jenny, she had no right suggesting Jamie do such a thing. Especially when he had our son and our daughter there to try and re build a relationship with. Was that not enough?

“Well. I can’t exactly return to him now.” I huffed.

“Why no?” Faith questioned accusingly.

“He has a wife, Faith. I can’t just return after twenty years and take him back for myself. It doesn’t work like that.

“You told me that, even after all this time, your father still loves me. That was the only reason I considered returning to him.” I argued.

“But he does still love ye. And when Fergus told him that I was wi’ ye, he sought out Ned straight away to see about an annulment. He hoped ye would return to him, Ma. Ye need to go back. Ye need to be together.”

Everything my daughter just said went straight over the top of my head. The only thing to grab my attention was the name “Ned”. “Ned? You mean Ned Gowan?” I questioned.

Both Faith and Fergus nodded their head, yes.

“Ned Gowan’s still alive?” I asked them.

“Aye. Fairly old though, but still goin’ strong.” Faith answered.

“Claims it’s because he never married.” Fergus added with a small chuckle.

I smiled. That sounded like dear old Ned alright.

“Look Milady, this other woman doesn’t mean anything to Milord. He only married her because he felt like he needed to take care of a family. A family of his own.” Fergus explained.

“And I can understand that, Fergus. What I don’t understand is why he would marry a woman he doesn’t even love, and then discard her like she doesn’t matter because he wants me to return to him. 

“I don’t understand why he would adopt a new wife and two new daughters to love and protect because he needed some sense of a family of his own, when he had you and Faith. And I definitely don’t understand why it’s taken several months for you both to tell me this piece of vital information.”

“To be fair, Milday... I haven’t been here.” Fergus flashed that cheeky grin of his at me, but I really wasn’t in the mood. As far as I was concerned, they both made me believe it was possible for me to return to Jamie and start a fresh. How could I possibly do that when I know he has a wife. Had a wife. I mean, who is this woman? Wouldn’t she question everything if I returned?

“To answer yer points... he married her because of Aunt Jenny. She urged him to make the match. He didna love her, and the woman kent that, but she knew he loved her daughters, and she wanted them to have a father.

“Point two... both Fergus and I are adults. Da wanted a chance to be a parent. Joanie and Marsali... they needed him in ways Fergus and I didna. And I dinna mean that in a bad way, it’s just our relationship wi’ Da is different. It’s complicated due to the fact he has barely been part of our lives growin’ up.

“And point three... Fergus is right, he hasna been here. And at first, I didna see the point in tellin’ ye such, because the woman is irrelevant. It wasna until ye said ye would go back, and I knew I had to tell ye. But then Fergus came back and told me how Da got an annulment. I didna think I had to tell ye, but then I realised it would be better if ye heard it from us, rather than someone else back home. I’m truly sorry, Ma. I just didna want to hurt ye. I realise now that that’s exactly what I’ve done.”

It was clear that my daughter was upset. And I hated that she felt like that. None of this was her fault. I couldn’t even blame Jamie. The man was just being his usual kind and caring self. Of course he would want the chance to raise children. He didn’t get that with any of our children. Not really. 

The time we both spent with Fergus and Faith as a small family of four just wasn’t long enough. No where near. And in the end, both of us have spent more time away from our children than we have with them. 

It was just such a shock to hear that my husband had married another woman. Helped to raise her children. It should have been us though. Jamie and I and our three children.

Alex decided to go home a while after dinner, but Faith decided to stay. I think she was feeling extremely guilty over not telling me about Jamie sooner. It was like me and my shadow the whole evening. Everywhere I went, my eldest daughter was right behind me. At one point I had to tell her I needed the loo, just so she wouldn’t follow me to the bathroom.

I had never seen her so... clingy before. 

When she decided she was staying the night at home, I just assumed she would be staying in Brianna’s room with her, but no. When it was time for bed, she came in to my room after she got ready for bed, and climbed in beside me.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” I asked her as I soothed her long red curls out of her face.

“Nothin’.” She answered, but I knew my daughter well enough to know something was bothering her. It was times like these that made me doubt going back to Jamie. My daughter may be a twenty two year old woman, and as strong and fierce as she is, she’s also vulnerable. Especially when it comes to people leaving her behind.

“I’m not angry at you for not telling me about this other woman, Faith. I just wish I knew about her sooner.” I said softly. Faith turned over in bed so she had her back to me after nodding her head. “Goodnight my darling. I love you.” I told her before leaning over to kiss her temple.

“I love you too.”

When I awoke, my shadow had gone. 

The other side of my bed lay empty, and it was like she hadn’t been there at all. The bed was made on her side, as perfect as it could be with me still laying in it.

By the time I was ready and went downstairs, all three of my children were up and ready for the day with their stomachs full after Fergus and Faith cooked some pancakes for breakfast.

They kindly left some over for me, but I just really wanted a coffee and a slice of toast. The pancakes would keep as a snack for later in the day.

Roger would be here later in the day, so Brianna was busy getting the house all clean and tidy for his arrival. Alex had very kindly agreed to let Roger stay in his guest room.

It was nice to see Alex and Roger getting on so well. It made things easier for me to know both my girls would be well taken care of, and the fact the boys got in so well made everything all the better.

Faith, Fergus and I quickly realised it would be easier to try and keep out of Bree’s way. She was stressing so much about making sure everything was in its proper place, and the house was nice and clean from top to bottom. I mean really... the way my youngest was behaving, you would think we never kept on top of the housework at all.

After my breakfast, I decided to take my other two children out for a couple of hours, just to give Bree some space.

It was nice spending time with just Fergus and Faith. Don’t get me wrong, I love it when I have all three of my children together, but there’s just something beautiful about watching the bond that Fergus and Faith have. It made my heart want to burst with so much love and happiness.

Of course, Faith was starting to build the most beautiful sisterly relationship with Bree, and since Fergus has been back, I’ve seen the bond grow between him and Bree too. It just made me wish Jamie was here to see our three children together. See how much love they all have for one another.

I even heard Fergus joke to Brianna about having a talk with Roger when he got here. Telling her he needed to know what his intentions were with her. Of course Bree got all embarrassed and told Fergus to get lost and warned him to be in his best behaviour. Fergus just responded by telling her that he had the same talk with Alex about Faith.

Whilst I was out with my two older children, I took the opportunity to assure them that I was still returning to their father. I knew they were uncertain of me going through with my decision after they confessed about Jamie remarrying.

I admit, I did have some doubts about returning, but the more Fergus and Faith assured me that Jamie and his ex wife were now officially over, I had no reason not to return to him. It was what I wanted. What he apparently wanted. And most importantly, it was what all three of our children were relentlessly chanting for. Even if Faith and Bree weren’t there to see both their parents together, they were both adamant they wanted their father and I to be reunited.

“So... we didna ruin anythin’ then?” Faith asked me as I drove us around random streets in Edinburgh. It was a cold wet day, so we decided to experience Edinburgh from the comfort of the car.

“No, sweetheart. I’m glad you told me the truth.

“It was a bit of a shock, I won’t lie, but I trust you when you tell me things are settled between your father and his ex wife. I trust that you are telling me the truth when you both say how much he loves me.” I told them.

“He’s never stopped loving you, Milday. He will be so happy when you return. 

“Speaking of... we should head back to Inverness to go back through the stones at Craigh na Dun tomorrow sometime.” Fergus told us.

“Tomorrow?!” Faith and I both questioned in complete shock.

“Oui. I told Mistress Murray to expect me home around New Years.” Fergus answered casually. Like what he just said was of no big deal at all.

“No. Not happening.” I told him, shaking my head.

“We have to, Milady. Milord will be wondering where I am.”

“Tomorrow is New Years Day, Fergus. We’re spending it as a family. The last New Years you and I will get to spend with your sisters. My first with Faith in twenty years, and your first with Bree. 

“No. We’re not going tomorrow.” I told him firmly.

“But—“

“No, Fergus. It isn’t just that... have you forgotten how sick you became when you came through? It’s too soon for you to travel back.”

“But—“

“No.”

The whole time we were out and about, my son kept trying to bring up the subject of him and I leaving at some point tomorrow. I was getting g tired of shutting him down, so in the end, I just let him ramble on about how important it was that he got back home as soon as possible. I didn’t answer him though. 

If he thinks for one second that I will allow him travel so soon after he arrived here. After he came to me in such a state due to his travels, he has another thing coming. It will take days for us to travel from Craigh na Dun back to Lallybroch. If Fergus takes I’ll like he did the last time he went through the stones, it could slow us down even more. He’s a big lad, there is no way I would be able to cope with him on my own. No way. It’s not happening.

When we returned to the house, Alex was already there, but Roger hadn’t arrived yet. Bree was busy in the kitchen preparing some cocktail she saw on the television, whilst Faith and Alex cuddled up on the couch to see what was on the television for us all to watch.

As I made my way upstairs to freshen up before Roger got here, and before we started celebrating Hogmanay, I sensed my son following me. 

God. Last night it was Faith that wouldn’t leave me alone, now it was her brother.

When I reached the landing on the top of the stairs, I turned to my only son. “What is it?” I asked slightly exasperated.

“It’s not just Milord I need to get back to.” Fergus whispered.

I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned against the bannister. “Really? Who is it that’s worth you risking your health, if not your life?” I snapped at him. It was obvious to me that my son was not taking this whole time travel thing and the effects he’s suffered from it seriously.

“Shhh. Keep your voice down.” He whispered again. It donned on me then that there was a certain someone in his time he didn’t want his sister to know about.

“What’s going on?” I asked him. “And I want the truth.” I told him firmly.

Fergus went on to tell me that he had been courting some young girl since August. They were keeping things under wraps for the time being because they didn’t think anyone would approve of them. I could tell Fergus was completely smitten with this girl, and it made me so happy to see how happy he looked when he spoke of her.

He said that she would be just as worried as Jamie if he didn’t return soon. 

“I’m sorry sweetheart, but it’s just not possible for you to travel right now. I won’t risk it.” I told him firmly, but with some sympathy in my voice. “I know it’s hard being away from the one you love, but you have to trust me darling, you can’t go back right now.”

Fergus looked down. I could tell he was heartbroken, but the fact he didn’t try to argue with me this time, I was sure that he was finally coming round to my way of thinking.

As the evening went on, Roger finally arrived a couple of hours late after his flight got delayed. We all had some drinks and some party food that Bree had kindly put together for us all. There was some music and some dancing. And Fergus and Faith explained in great detail about how they celebrated Hogmanay back at Lallybroch. How it was always such an wonderful and social affair. 

I couldn’t help wonder how Jamie was feeling on this particular Hogmanay back in 1766. All three of our children were here with me. In 1968. Of course he would have Jenny and Ian and all their family, but it wouldn’t be the same.

I turned my attention back to my three beautiful children and Alex and Roger. They were all so happy and enjoying themselves to no end. Even Fergus. 

I know better than anyone what it’s like to be without your love. Separated by time. It’s an excruciating pain that’s extremely difficult to explain. Of course I didn’t want any of my children to suffer what Jamie and I have had to endure for the last twenty years. That was why I did my best to encourage Faith to stay here with Alex. As heartbreaking as it was for me to force my daughter to stay here without me, I knew it was what was best for her and Alex. 

And now here I was about to ask my son to do the complete opposite of what I asked Faith to do.

I need to ask Fergus to stay here in this time a little while longer so he doesn’t get as sick when he travels home. 

I need to persuade my only son to stay here with his sisters for a while... without me.


	37. Chapter Thirty Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise... wee extra chapter this week.
> 
> I decided to post this chapter today since the next chapter is a huge one. And I mean HUGE. It is sitting at just a little over 8,000 words. That might change when I go to edit it, but there will definitely be a big word count on it, so make sure you have plenty time when you go to read it haha. Most chapters for this fic is sitting at between two and three thousand, so the next chapter is by far one of the biggest to come. It’s a chapter I really want to get posted on Friday, so I decided to post this chapter today.
> 
> I hope you’ll all really love what’s to come.
> 
> Thanks for taking the time to read and comment and giving kudos... I really appreciate it.
> 
> Kirsty X

Celebrating Hogmanay with my family was so special to me for so many different reasons. I mean, Christmas was wonderful. Us all being in Boston together. But Hogmanay was somethin’ else. 

Fergus was here.

I had my Ma, my wee sister, Bree. Alex and Roger too, but it was the fact that Fergus was here wi’ us that made me the happiest. 

I kent deep down in my wee heart that this would be one of the last times we would all be together like this. And after Fergus’ wee announcement earlier that he really needed to get back home soon, I kent that any day now, I would be separated from my mother again.

I kent this day would come. I even kent it would come soon, but I just had this feelin’ in my bones that it was comin’ way sooner than I could have even imagined.

The Hogmanay celebrations were completely different to the lavish parties Aunt Jenny would throw at Lallybroch for all the family and the tenants, but I think I preferred our wee night in as a family.

We watched a wee film on the television as we tucked in to a wee spread of food Bree had kindly made for us all. She even made some nice drinks for us all as well. No all of them were the best tasting, but a couple of them I went back for another glass or two. Some of the “cocktails” had alcohol, and some didn’t. I think Bree called the non alcoholic ones “mocktails”. 

Alex had put on some records and we all did a bit of dancing, and then Ma put on a record she found in a store in town before Christmas. It was a record of old traditional Scottish music. A lot of it was still modern compared to the music Fergus and I were used to, but it was nice listening to all the fiddles and accordions, and even the bagpipes. We all had fun dancing to them as well. 

When I got tired of the dancing and sat back down on the armchair wi’ Alex, I couldna help but keep watchin’ Fergus and Ma as they twirled around the room together. It made me realise that this would probably be the last time I would see them dance like that together. This would be the last time I would get to dance wi’ Fergus myself. Neither of them would be at my weddin’ to Alex hopefully sometime in the summer.

I had come to notice how Ma was behaving around Fergus. It wasna her usual way wi’ him. Don’t get me wrong, she’s practically had him wrapped in cotton wool since he got back. Watchin’ every move he makes. Makin’ sure she kens exactly where he is at all times. But this evenin’... it was strange. She was lookin’ at him the same way she looked at Bree and I since she decided she was goin’ back to Da. She looked at him like she would never see him again.

It was all gettin’ a bit too much, so I quietly snuck away upstairs to have some time to myself before ringing in the New Year for the first and last time wi’ some of my closest family.

Of course, Ma had that mothers intuition of hers and followed me upstairs to her bedroom.

“Everything alright, sweetheart?” She asked me as she gently pushed the door shut behind her and came to sit beside me on her bed.

I nodded, but didn’t verbally answer her.

We sat in silence for a few minutes before she edged her way closer to me and wrapped an arm around my shoulder to pull me closer towards her. “I know something is bothering you, darling.” She whispered in to my temple before she placed a kiss there.

I kent she was actin’ strange all evening when it came to Fergus, I just couldna quite place my finger on why, but the longer we sat there together, everythin’ all just started to click in to place.

Ma was leavin’, and she was leavin’ soon. But she was goin’ wi’out Fergus.

In a way, I could understand. After his wee announcement earlier about no wantin’ Da to worry about him. How he assured Aunt Jenny he would be home around now, of course he wanted to go back. Da would be goin’ out of his mind wi’ worry. Especially since Fergus never actually said goodbye to Da, or told him what he was doin’ or where he was goin’. Apparently Aunt Jenny didna even ken the truth.

I could understand Ma’s reluctance to let Fergus go back because of how sick he became after comin’ through this time. God knows what would happen to him if he tried to go back so soon. And there was no way Ma could deal wi’ Fergus like that on her own. Especially in 1767 with no proper medical solutions or equipment to help.

I could understand exactly where she was comin’ from in deciding to go back on her own, but that only heightened that fact that she would be leavin’ any day now. 

As soon as she could, she’d be gone. Leavin’ all three of her children behind.

“I take it Fergus doesna ken yet?” I asked quietly after quite a while of silence between us.

“Fergus doesn’t know what?” She asked me.

I turned my head to face her and rolled my eyes. She gave me a pointed glare that told me to cut it out. Same look she gave me every time I rolled my eyes at her. I dinna think she realises I get that trait from her.

“He doesna ken yer leavin’ him here wi’ me and Bree when ye go back to Da on yer own.” 

I think I shocked her wi’ my statement. She obviously thought she was doin’ well in hidin’ what she was plannin’ to do, but as my Da always said, my mother has a glass face. Ye can tell what she’s thinkin’ just by havin’ a quick glance at her. 

I think in the months I’ve kent her, there’s only been once or twice when I didna ken what she was thinkin’. Lookin’ at her now, it’s clear to me I was right in my suspicions. She is goin’ back to Da wi’out Fergus.

“How did you...” Ma trailed off on her words. Dropping her gaze from my eyes down to her lap. She dropped her arm from around my shoulder and rested both her hands on her lap as she just stared at them in silence. 

She was ashamed of what she was plannin’ to do. In my opinion though, she shouldna be ashamed. She’s only doin’ what she plans to do to save Fergus from lord knows what. I can tell that her reasons for goin’ back to Da so soon is more to assure him about Fergus, rather than gettin’ back to him herself.

I can see her heart is breaking at the thought of leaving all three of her children behind, but I’m sure she doesna mean for this to be a final decision.

“Ye’ve been treatin’ him differently this evening. Lookin’ at him like ye’ll never see him again. The way ye look at a Brianna and I.” I told her. 

She just nodded her head slowly. “I-uh... Don’t mean for him to never come home to your father and I. I just can’t risk him going through right now. 

“I know he won’t accept this suggestion lightly, but it isn’t a decision I’ve come to lightly either. I can’t risk his life like that. I won’t.” She didna cry, but he voice was crackin’ a bit. 

It was like she needed me to believe she was doin’ the right thing. I kent she was. That wasna the problem for me. If I was her, I would have done the same thing. In fact, if it wasna for Alex and my job, I would have happily went through them damn stones to find Da and tell him where Fergus was and why he couldna come home straight away. If Da kent the effect the travelling had on Fergus, he would understand completely why he wasna home when he said he would be.

What was affecting me the most, was the fact that I kent deep in my soul that these were my last moments wi’ my mother. And it was a kind of excruciating pain I’ve never suffered before.

When Da left for Ardsmuir, I was distraught. But at least I kent that there was a possibility I would hopefully see him again one day in the future. He was still in my time. He was as close to me as he could be. But Ma... she would be in a completely different time from me. Aye, she and Da would be together, but I would be wi’out both my parents, and I dinna ken if I’m ready for that. I dinna ken how to say goodbye to the mother I’ve only had in my life for such a short amount of time. It may sound selfish, but I dinna care. I want as much time as possible wi’ her. Is that so wrong?

I ken it took a while for me to open up to Ma. And even now, sometimes I find it hard to be open to her over some things, but we’re in a much better place than we were back in the summer. We’ve come such a long way. 

I feel like I have a stronger bond wi’ Ma than I do wi’ Da. I mean, I do have a strong connection to my Da, and I love him and miss him so much, but there’s just this other kind of connection I have wi’ my mother. It’s hard to believe that any day now, we’re goin’ to be separated by time. Again.

“I know that, Ma. I understand why ye need to do this. I really do. It just doesn’t make it any easier.”

Ma and I stayed upstairs for some time before Bree came up to tell us that it’s nearly midnight.

Reluctantly, Ma and I went back downstairs to join the others in bringing in the New Year. I think Ma would have been just as happy stayin’ upstairs wi’ Bree and I. Ringing in the New Year just the three of us. In a way I kinda wished for that too. As much as I loved havin’ Fergus, Alex and Roger here, I couldna help but feel that this time was more about sayin’ my goodbyes to my mother, as well as celebrating the year past, and the year to come.

Alex handed me and Bree a glass of pink champagne each, as Roger poured out some whisky for Ma.

When the countdown started, Alex pulled me straight in to his arms and wrapped his arms around my waist as we all counted down from ten to bring in the New Year.

We all clinked glasses and exchanged kisses and hugs wi’ everyone. 

Just as I pulled away from Ma, I saw her eyes grow wide as she looked at somethin’ behind me. When I turned around, I saw Alex down on bended knee wi’ a wee red box held out in front of him that contained a ring. 

I was in complete shock as everyone fell quiet around me as they looked on at Alex and I. I was in such shock, I didna get a proper look at the ring. My eyes fell straight back to Alex’s as I waited for him to speak. 

The poor lad was struggling to find his words as he had to keep wiping tears away from his eyes.

Finally, he flashed me his famous smile before he spoke.

“Faith, I know we’ve discussed marriage quite a bit over the last couple of months, and we even decided that this summer would be the perfect time for us to finally become one. 

“I wanted to do things properly though. I wanted to ask you the way you deserve to be asked. I want to make this moment special for you. So... Faith Julia Fraser, would you do me the honour of becoming my wife? Will you—“

I didn’t give the poor man a chance to finish what he was tryin’ to say, because as soon as I heard him ask me to be his wife, I threw myself in to his arms and wrapped my arms tightly around his neck as I kissed him.

I could hear everyone behind me cheering, but I was just so focused on Alex. He gently pulled away from me and I tried to catch his mouth for another kiss, but he moved his head to the side so I missed.

“What’s wrong wi’ ye? Why won’t ye kiss me?” I asked in pure frustration. The man just asked me to be his wife, and now he won’t kiss me. Was it because my family was there?

Alex just smiled at me and that just wound me up even more. How dare he smile at me when he has just literally pulled himself away from me.

“You haven’t answered me, Faith.” He said quietly and I couldn’t help but laugh out loud.

“I didna think I needed to.” I told him.

I could hear everyone behind us laugh before Alex took my left hand and placed the most beautiful gold ring, wi’ three clear stones. The stone in the middle was was the biggest, and the other two on either side were a bit smaller. It was the kind of ring I have only seen in this time. Wedding rings back home were more basic looking, but some were crafted quite nicely.

The ring looked so expensive, I was both excited that Alex thought me worth such a beautiful ring, but also annoyed that he would spend so much money on somethin’ that I didna really need in the first place. I ken engagement rings are a big part of marriage proposals in this time, but in my time, the bride is lucky if she gets a wedding band. I would of been more than happy wi’ a simple band on our wedding day, but Alex obviously thinks I should have this magnificent engagement ring as well.

As soon as Alex placed the ring on my ring finger, and I had a chance to have a proper look, he pulled me back in to his arms and lifted me up to hold me closer to him. I wrapped my legs around his waist as I bent my head down to kiss him again. This time he didn’t pull away. Not for a wee while at least.

Alex and I had never shown that much affection for each other in front of anyone else, especially my mother, but I was just so happy and excited, I just wanted to kiss and hold my fiancé as much as possible. To thank him for falling in love wi’ me and choosing to share the rest of his life wi’ me. I wanted Alex to know how much I loved him.

When Alex eventually put my feet back down on the ground, I tried to protest for him not to let me go, but then I felt a hand on my shoulder and I quickly remembered my family were stood behind us. 

I turned around to see Bree stood there wi’ a massive smile on her face before she lunged at me to give me a big hug and to congratulate both Alex and I. Next it was Roger, and then Fergus who told me that he kent Alex was plannin’ on doin’ this, as he had asked for Fergus’ permission since Da wasna here to give his. That wee bit of information made me cry a wee bit. They werena sad tears, well... no completely. I suppose I was sad at the reminder my father wasna here, but I was happy that Alex still went to the trouble of askin’ a member of my family for permission. And Fergus of all people. I assumed if he was to ask anyone, it would have been Ma.

Alex informed me that he knew Ma would agree, but it was Fergus he needed to convince that he was the right man for me. And he did. I dinna ken how, but when Alex asked Fergus for his permission to marry me, Fergus had his wee bit of fun by makin’ Alex sweat for a wee while before he eventually agreed and wished us all the happiness in the world.

It didna escape my attention that Ma stayed in the background and didna say much except a quiet congratulations to Alex and I. It was as if no one else really noticed how quiet she became, except Alex and I. 

When Alex noticed Ma slip away in to the kitchen, he nudged my side and tilted his head in the direction she went. We left Fergus, Bree and Roger discussin’ the perfect places to go campin’ in Scotland while we went to find Ma and see if she was alright.

Alex was starting to panic that maybe he got it wrong. Maybe Ma isna fine about us gettin’ married, but I assured him he was just overthinkin’ everythin’ and her change in attitude would be down to somethin’ else.

It was and it wasn’t. 

Ma assured us both that she was over the moon to know we would be gettin’ married, but it was hittin’ home hard for her at the fact she really won’t be here to witness our union, or give me away. She won’t be here to help me find the perfect dress, or get ready for my big day.

That was when Alex told us both that he decided to propose when he did. He wanted to leave it a few weeks and plan somethin’ really special for us both, but when he realised that Ma would be leavin’ any day now, he wanted her to at least be here for the proposal, since she wouldn’t be here for the wedding.

That only made Ma and I even more emotional than we already were.

How in gods name did I get so lucky to find a man who, not only puts me and my feelings and happiness first before his own, but also wanted to make my mother happy? 

There are no words for how this man makes me feel. 

He’s my everything, and I’m so happy that I will one day soon become his wife.


	38. Chapter Thirty Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys... thank you all so much for taking the time to read the next chapter. This one is PACKED. There is a few things happening in this one, and I just hope you enjoy it and what comes next.
> 
> Over nine thousand words in this chapter, one of the longest chapters I have written for this fic, but I hope you’s won’t mind.
> 
> Let me know what you all think, and thanks again for reading along.
> 
> Kirsty X

When I woke up this mornin’, I was so happy when I saw the gold ring Alex had placed on my ring finger.

It wasna just a dream. It really happened. The love of my life proposed marriage to me in front of my mother, brother, sister and Roger. It had been one of the best moments of my life.

Even though we have been discussin’ settlin’ down properly and getting married and startin’ a wee family of our own, it was still a massive surprise when I turned around and saw Alex down on one knee holding a ring out for me.

God. I hope my Da is here in some way. I hope he can see how blessed and happy I am.

I was so lost in lookin’ at how beautiful my ring was. How beautiful the set of stones were, I forgot where I was for a moment until I felt a hand wrap around mine, pulling my hand away from me.

“I can not believe how beautiful that ring is, Faith.” Bree screeched wi’ excitement. “Alex really did a good job.”

“Aye, he did.” I smiled.

“Can you two please... SHUT. UP!” Ma called from her bed.

Bree and I looked at each other and giggled like a pair of wee girls who had just been caught stealin’ bannocks fresh from the kitchen.

I glanced at the clock on Ma’s bedroom wall and saw it was only seven o’clock. Still way too early for Ma to be up and about. Especially after we all stayed up celebrating until three this mornin’. And when Bree, Ma and I went to bed, we stayed up a while longer to just talk and have some fun. It’s a wonder Bree and I are awake just now.

Instead of Roger and Alex going home, Ma insisted they stay here. She said it was only fair that Alex got to celebrate our engagement properly. The poor lad hardly touched an alcoholic drink last night because he was meant to be driving him and Roger back to his place.

In the end, Fergus stayed in my room, Roger and Alex shared Bree’s room, and me and Bree settled on some old camp beds at the bottom of Ma’s bed. 

“Do you think the boys are up yet?” Bree asked me.

I looked at the clock again and shrugged. “I doubt it. Fergus could sleep through an entire battle probably. Alex will be too exhausted to rise before eleven. Ten if we’re lucky. I dinna really ken about Roger.”

“Seriously!” Ma snapped. “Get up, stay in bed, I really don’t care. Just please, SHUT. UP.”

Wi’out sayin’ a thing, Bree and I had the same idea. We both got up from our wee beds on the floor, and quietly creeped over to Ma’s bed. At some point during the night, she had rolled over a bit so she was kind of near the middle of the bed. Bree jumped in beside her right, and I jumped in beside her left. It was a bit of a squeeze, but it felt nice. Brianna was aware that Ma would be leavin’ soon, she just didna ken how soon that would be. It felt good for the three of us to just cuddle up in bed together. If this was one of the last memories of me wi’ my mother... it wasna a bad one.

Bree and I must have fallen asleep again, because I woke up a wee while later to find my sister half hanging off the bed. Her legs were still hidden under the duvet, but she had twisted herself so her head and arms were hanging over the side of the bed. How she was sleepin’ comfortably like that, I’ll never ken.

I rubbed my eyes a bit to waken myself up a bit more, that was when I noticed Ma sittin’ at her wee dressin’ table gettin’ herself ready for the day ahead. I watched her in silence as she applied some make up, and I realised this was one of the last times I would be able to watch her like this.

It made me think of how she would cope livin’ back in the 1700’s. I mean, she did it before, so I was sure she could do it again. But, my mother is quite a progressive woman. Even for this time. So is Brianna. 

“Good sleep?” Ma asked me wi’ a bright smile on her face. Completely different attitude to what she shared wi’ Bree and I earlier this mornin’.

“Aye.” I answered before I let out a big yawn. “Could sleep some more though.” I laughed as I climbed out of bed and walked over to stand beside where Ma was sat.

“It’s only eight thirty. None of the lads are awake yet, why don’t you go back to sleep for a little while.” Ma suggested. I kindly declined and said I better not if I didna want a headache to ruin my day. 

Since the lads were all still asleep, I went and showered and got ready for the day ahead myself. I met Ma downstairs and she kindly made some bacon and eggs for breakfast for us both. 

Conversation was a bit dry to begin with. I didna really want to bring up my future weddin’ to Alex because I knew how heartbroken Ma was that she wouldna be there so share our special day wi’ us both. It broke my heart too, especially since Da wouldna be here either. But, that was why I was so touched when Alex told us that he decided to propose to me whilst Ma was still here, so she could at least be part of that experience. Get to celebrate wi’ Alex and I before she left.

As we sat and tucked in to our coffee and bacon and eggs, I could tell Ma wanted to discuss her impending departure, but she didna want to upset me. So... it was me that decided to bring it up.

“When ye tellin’ them?” I asked her quietly.

“Today. I know it won’t be easy, especially trying to convince Fergus this is for the best, but the sooner I tell them the plan, the sooner I can get back to your father and inform him as to why Fergus isn’t with me.” I nodded my head. 

I knew where she was coming from. Today is New Years Day. Da will be goin’ mad wi’ worry and fear since he hasna seen or heard from Fergus. And Fergus left no clue behind to suggest he came here, so I wouldna blame Da for worryin’. I kent why Fergus came here, I just wish he had told someone, anyone, so Da would ken he would at least be alright here wi’ us. I could slap my brother sometimes due to his stupidity.

“Have ye decided when ye’ll leave then?” She told me last night it would be as soon as possible, but she didna give me a proper answer. I could tell she had it all worked out though, she just didna want to say.

“I’ll tell you when I tell your brother and sister. I already feel awful that you already know more than they do.” She answered firmly.

“I just want to ken how much longer I have ye. Is that so bad?” I ken I sounded like a whiny wee wean, but it just feels like my mother is making sure to get the most out of spending time wi’ each of us, kennin’ exactly when she’s goin’ to leave, but leavin’ us wondering when she’s really goin’ to go. It feels like she’s goin’ to just keep us hangin’ on her plans right up until she leaves. I canna take it.

“Sweetheart...” Ma reached over the table to grab my hand, but I quickly pulled it away from her reach, making her gasp at my sudden rejection. 

She was hurt. I kent I hurt her by my action, but could she no see she was hurtin’ me too? She was hurtin’ Bree. Of course my sister put on this brave face and always spoke wi’ a smile on her face whenever the topic came up about Ma goin’ back to Da, but I could tell it was rippin’ her apart just as much as it was me. Our pain wasna enough to tell Ma to stay, but it was enough to just want to ken how much longer we had wi’ her.

Ma turned her head to the side as she discreetly tried to wipe away the few tears that had fallen from her eyes. It wasna my intention to make her upset, to make her cry. And I feel bad, I really do, but it’s difficult to just sit here and pretend like I dinna feel anythin’. I have a right to know when my mother is goin’ to leave. I have a right to have feelings about it. I have a right to want to make every moment count, but the more evasive she is about the whole situation, the more frustrated I get.

When she was able to calm herself and get settled, she turned to me and held my gaze for what felt like a century.

“Tomorrow.” 

That was it. 

One word.

I didna get a chance to respond as she just lifted her dishes from the table, left them in the sink and ran upstairs.

I had a feelin’ it would be somethin’ like that, but I had hoped that she would have given Bree and I longer than twenty four hours to prepare sayin’ goodbye. The woman was ripped away from me so suddenly twenty years ago, and now she was basically prepared to do the same thing again.

I had to keep telling myself that she loved me. She’s always loved me, and she always will. I had to keep reminding myself that because I was finding it hard to trusting that at that moment.

The day was spent celebrating the start of a New Year.

It was Fergus and Brianna that did the cooking for us all.

We started off wi’ some scotch broth soup. Then we all tucked in to a Scottish steak pie from the butchers down the street, with some boiled potatoes, roast potatoes, broccoli and carrots. Fergus insisted that Ma make him some of her special onion gravy so he could pour it all over his plate. His food was practically drowning in it. It looked disgustin’. For dessert, it was just a simple bowl of ice cream and jelly. Ma made sure to stock the freezer full of different ice cream flavours so Fergus could try them all. I mean really, where does he put all this stuff? He never gains an ounce of weight and he eats every piece of food he spies.

After dinner, we all retired to the living room for a wee after dinner drink. The lads and Ma had a wee whisky. Both Bree and I opted for a small glass of rosé instead. As soon as we were all settled, that was when Ma broke the news that she would be leaving for the highlands tomorrow after lunch and making the trip through the stones tomorrow evening. The entire room fell silent for a few minutes as everyone took in her news. Fergus got to his feet and came over to pull me up to my feet as well so he could envelope me in a warm hug to say goodbye. It was then that Ma came over and gently turned him to face her, and she explained she was goin’ alone.

Of course, that didna sit well wi’ Fergus and he went completely off on one. Demanding she take him wi’ her and she canna just leave him here. I could understand his frustration, but if he just let Ma try and explain why she decided to do things this way, but he wouldna. He just paced the space around him and refused to listen to her, or anyone.

Multiple times I tried to jump in and explain that he just isna strong enough to go just now, but he wouldna hear any of it. It was a surprise to see him like this. I kent he would be upset, but his attitude and behaviour is a whole new side of my brother I’ve never seen before.

After twenty minutes of Ma trying to get Fergus to understand where she was coming from, and telling him that it wasna forever, Fergus just walked off and went straight to my room.

“Well, I can certainly see why he’s angry, Mama. This idea has just sprung from nowhere. What happened to waiting until Fergus was strong enough to go back?” Bree questioned.

“He isn’t strong enough yet. I know that. We all know that, but he’s too stubborn for his own damn good and would be happy to just try and chance his way back. 

“I won’t allow him to risk his life like that, Bree. You saw the state of him when Fiona brought him here. If he was to go through the stones with me tomorrow, I have no idea what effects could await him on the other side. If he even makes it to the other side.” Ma explained as calmly as possible, but it was clear she was growin’ just as frustrated as everyone else.

“Okay... but why can’t you just wait too? Wait till he’s stronger and then go together?”

“Because your bloody brother didn’t inform anyone that he was coming here. No one knows where he is. Your father will be pacing the floors of Lallybroch and going out of his mind with worry. It isn’t fair to cause him this kind of stress.” Ma told her.

Sensing the tension in the house, never mind the room, Alex and Roger decided to excuse themselves and go for a wee walk around the neighbourhood. Ma insisted they didna need to go, but they went all the same.

Since I was aware of Ma’s reasons for goin’ alone, I decided to leave her and Bree alone to talk between themselves whilst I went upstairs to check on Fergus.

It took over an hour, but eventually Fergus began to see where Ma was comin’ from. I told him what she told me last night, that she wanted to discuss a date and time wi’ him so that she could make sure she was at the other side when he went through.

“Really?” He asked me.

“Aye. Say ye wait a month or two, none of us ken the effects ye’ll have when ye go through, but if ye at least decide on a specific date wi’ Ma, she’ll make sure she’s there waitin’ for ye in case ye need her help. 

“She isna abandoning ye, Fergus. She’s tryin’ to protect ye. She kens how desperate ye are to get back to Da, but ye canna. No yet anyway. At least this way, he’ll ken ye’re wi’ me and Bree. He’ll ken yer safe.”

*Knock knock.

I kent before I opened the bedroom door that it was Ma.

“I just wanted to see if you were both alright?” She asked as I moved to the side to let her in.

“I’ll give ye’s some space. I’ll be downstairs wi’ Brianna.” I told them as I gave Fergus a reassuring smile.

Before the lads came back, I had time to have a wee talk wi’ Bree. We opened up to each other about how we were truly feelin’ about Ma’s sudden impending departure. Turns out we were both feelin’ the exact same way. Both happy and excited for her to return to Da. Return to a life she had no choice but to leave behind. But we were still sad. In about fifteen hours, we would be sayin’ goodbye to our mother for good. At least this time I get to say goodbye, but it hurts that I’m losing her again. 

When the lads eventually return, I clap my hands together twice and jump to my feet.

“I have an idea.” I announce as Bree, Alex and Roger just stare at me as if I’m insane. “Alex and I are getting married.”

“We know, Faith.” Bree droned as if she was sick of talking of my engagement. It seemed that was the hottest topic of conversation all day.

“Tomorrow.” I announce.

“What?!” Alex screeched. “Darling, we cant organise a wedding in that amount of time, I’m sorry.” Alex apologised sadly.

“No a proper weddin’ in church ye numpty.” I rolled my eyes at my beloved. “Handfast.” I said simply. “Alex and I will be handfast tomorrow mornin’ before Ma leaves. That way she’s been present at my union to Alex. I ken she’s disappointed to miss the actual event.”

I left Roger to explain to Bree what handfast was, and I headed home to my room to kick out my mother and brother so that I could find the perfect outfit for my big day. Thankfully, Alex was just as excited about the idea as me. He was worried as to how Fergus would react to us doing this wee ceremony tomorrow, but I assured him he would be fine about it. My brother did give Alex permission to ask for my hand anyway, so there really was no need to worry about his reaction. I knew Fergus would understand why I felt it was important to do this anyway. 

Bree, Alex and Roger were told no to tell Ma. I wanted to surprise her. To my surprise, they managed not to say a peep about my impending marriage to my soulmate.

Ma invited Roger and Alex to stay another night, but they kindly declined and went back to stay at Alex’s house later in the evening. Alex thought it would be more romantic that way, even if the ceremony wasna an official legal union, he still wanted it to be perfect for me, and Ma.

Brianna went back to sleepin’ in her own room, but didn’t think to make up a space for me and assumed I would be sleepin’ in Ma’s room again. Of course that usually wouldna be a problem. I always feel safe in her room wi’ her, but since we havena really had a proper conversation between the two of us since she dropped the bomb at breakfast that she was leavin’ tomorrow, I knew things would be awkward between us.

And I was right.

Ma was already in bed when I went in to her room after I got myself ready for bed. The wee camp bed I had slept on the night before had been straightened up at the bottom of her bed, so it was clear that’s where she wanted me to sleep. No in her own bed wi’ her.

Fine.

As soon as I got in to the wee bed on the floor and wrapped my duvet around me tight, Ma turned off the light next to her bed and said goodnight softly, but she didna tell me she loved me. 

She always tells me she loves me.

“Goodnight.” I managed to choke out before silent tears started to stream down my cheeks.

Was this really how things were goin’ to be left between us? I dinna want her to hate me, I just wanted to ken how much time I had left wi’ her. Was that so wrong? Was my question at breakfast so unreasonable?

I awoke during the night and struggled to get back to sleep, so I decided to sneak downstairs and make myself a wee mug of warm milk. I hoped it would help me settle and get a few more hours of sleep. I didna want to look too tired when I became Alex’s wife.

It was so dark in the bedroom, I didna even notice Ma wasna in bed until I found her crying on the couch in the livin’ room. Since there wasna much direct communication between us throughout the day, I was in two minds whether to just go on straight to the kitchen and make my warm milk before returnin’ to bed, or go over and check on my mother. In the end, I decided to go on to the kitchen and make some warm milk for both me and Ma. If she didna want to tell me what was wrong, that was fine, but I couldna just leave her there. She was clearly upset.

There was a sewing machine sat out on the kitchen table. Lots of threads and different size needles laying in a wee pouch next to it. Ma had obviously been fixing somethin’. Probably taking up the legs in some of her trousers. Ma had the same issue as me when it came to buying clothes. Due to our petite height, it was a nightmare to try and get the right leg length in trousers. Nine times out of ten we had to take them up on the sewing machine. 

But, if Ma’s leavin’, why would she need to take up her trousers? I let the thought go as I went on to boil us both up some hot milk.

Ma obviously didna hear me comin’ down the stairs, or hear me prattling around in the kitchen, for when I eventually came through to her wi’ our mugs, she jumped at my presence before rushing to try and dry her eyes. It was too late though, I had already heard her sobbing and seen the tears.

I handed her the mug of warm milk, and she gratefully accepted it with a small smile and a “thank you”.

I didna want to crowd her, so instead of sittin’ next to her on the couch like I would normally do, I went and planted myself down on the wee arm chair in the corner instead. We sat in silence for a wee while until she started to shift in her seat. It was clear she was uncomfortable wi’ the silence between us.

“Trouble sleeping?” She finally asked me.

I nodded my head slowly, but kept my gaze on my wee mug I held in my left hand. “You?” I asked her.

“Yes. I... um... couldn’t turn my mind off.” She answered. I just nodded my head again. I didna ken what to say to her. Somethin’ just felt... off between us. It was like we were back to where we were last summer. “Do you think Fergus will ever forgive me?” She asked me, but her voice was barely louder than a whisper. She looked... broken.

“Of course he will. Did he no apologise to ye when I left ye both in my room?”

“He did. Said after speaking with you that he understood where I was coming from and he was sorry he didn’t give me a chance to properly explain myself to him.

“I still get the feeling that he’s hurt though. And not just about me going tomorrow.”

I started to get confused. Of course he’s hurt she’s leavin’, just like Bree and I are hurtin’. But he doesna grudge her goin’. None of us do. We all ken it’s what’s best for her. We all ken it’s where she truly belongs. Wi’ Da. Why would she think Fergus would be hurt over somethin’ else? Like what exactly?

“I dinna ken what ye mean. Like what?” I asked her softly. 

Ma just shook her head and put her mug down on the wee coffee table in front of her and let out a deep sigh. “I’m not sure. He just...” she trailed off on her words and ran a hand over her face. “Doesn’t matter.” She finished.

We sat there in silence again for a wee while. She was obviously tryin’ to process some things, and I didna want to disturb her thoughts. 

“What’s the relationship like between Fergus and your father?” Ma asked me out of nowhere.

“Excuse me? Why would ye ask me that?” I asked as I put my own mug down on the floor beside my chair.

“I just thought they were close. They certainly were twenty years ago.” She was mumblin’, but I could just make out what she said.

“They are close. Fergus would do absolutely anythin’ for Da and vice versa. Why?” I questioned. Where was this comin’ from?

She sighed again and shifted uncomfortably on her seat on the couch. “Just... the way Fergus was speaking to me earlier... I don’t know exactly, but it just felt like we weren’t connecting properly. And when I mentioned your father... I referred to Jamie as his father, but he went all weird and asked if I meant “Milord”. Does he not see Jamie as his father? Does he not see me as his mother?” She was broken. Heartbroken. I could see the tears start to fill her eyes again. 

What the hell did Fergus say to her to make her this upset? Why would she think he doesna think of her and Da as his parents. They are. Both of them. Even bein’ separated from Ma for twenty years didna change that he still thought of her as his mother. 

I knew when Ma first said she was goin back to Da wi’out Fergus that he felt like she was abandoning him. Again. But I spoke with him and made him realise that it wasna like that at all. She was expecting him to go back too. In time. Just not right now when we didna ken how the travel would affect him this time. He seemed fine after that. He seemed happy that she wasna just leavin’ him here in this strange time. She just wanted him to be healthy and safe. Like any mother would. I told him how it wasna an easy decision for her to make, but she felt there was no choice because he kept sayin’ how Da would be worried about him. I really thought he came round to the idea and was okay about Ma goin’ on ahead wi’out him. 

“I suppose twenty years is a long time. And all them years your father wasn’t around... of course he doesn’t see us as his parents. He’ll think of Jenny and Ian as his parents now.” Ma mumbled out of nowhere. 

I couldna bare seein’ her like this. So much hurt and pain was surrounding her. It was hard to watch. 

I got up from the arm chair and walked over to sit down next to Ma. I kept a wee bit of space between us though. “He doesna see them as his parents. Either do I. 

“I’m no sayin’ they werena good to us and treat us both as their own, because they did. We love them dearly for that, but no. Aunt Jenny and Uncle Ian are simply that. You and Da are our parents. Always have been and always will be. No matter how long we’ve all been torn apart from each other, Fergus and I are still your children.” I told her softly.

She didna answer. She just pulled out a fresh handkerchief and wiped at her eyes. Ma reached over and grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly. 

“My heart bursts in to a million pieces when I watch you and Fergus together. I love to see how close you both are. To see the relationship you two have... it’s everything your father and I dreamed of for you both. 

“Then to see Fergus start to build a similar relationship with Brianna... it’s everything to me. I never thought I would get to see the two of them together like that, but here they are. Here all three of you are. Together. 

“Fergus doesn’t think twice about referring to you as his sister. And even Brianna. As far as he’s concerned, you’re both his little sisters. He is determined to do what he can to protect you both. Evidently seen by the way he spoke to both Alex and Roger about you and Bree.” Ma chuckled.

“Fergus is my brother. And he’s Bree’s too. He’s our brother because he’s your son.” I told her.

“But he simply doesn’t see Jamie and I as his parents. He thinks we’ve failed him. And we did. We failed all of you, and here I am about to do it yet again.”

I didna ken what else to say. The only way for Ma to feel better, to feel less guilty, was for Fergus to speak to her about all this before she leaves. 

I ken he thinks of her and Da as his parents, so why was Ma under the impression that he doesna? I canna work it out. What the hell did he say to make her doubt how he feels about her?

I woke up really early the next mornin’. Ma was sound asleep in her bed when I snuck out of the room to go and get a shower. I found Fergus on the landing just comin’ out of the bathroom.

“Happy wedding day, petite soeur.” Fergus smiled at me when he saw me.

“Shhh. Ma’s still asleep. I dinna want her woken just yet, and I dinna want her to ken until it’s time, alright?” Fergus nodded in agreement.

I told him I really needed to speak to him about Ma, so he headed downstairs to prepare some breakfast for us whilst I got myself ready.

When I walked in to the kitchen, I decided not to beat around the bush.

“What the hell happened between you and Ma last night in my room? She was out of sorts when she came to bed last night, and then I found her sat through there in the couch durin’ the night in tears!” I snapped at my brother.

Fergus looked up at me in complete shock. It wasna often I was in this kind of mood, so he always kens when I’m serious about somethin’.

“What are you talking about? Is Milady okay?” He asked me. His voice and facial expressions showed real concern. 

I let out a sigh before sinking down on to a chair at the table. “Honestly, I dinna ken Fergus. She seems to think ye dinna think of her and Da as yer parents.” I told him. 

Fergus didna respond. He kept his eyes firmly on the ground and didna say a peep.

“Fergus?” I asked gently. “Ye think of Ma and Da as yer parents, right?”

“Of course.” He replied, but there was an edge to his voice that made me think he wasna bein’ honest wi’ me.

“Fergus? They are your parents. Ye get that, right? Ye ken they love ye more than anythin’.”

Fergus sat down on the chair across from me at the table. “I know they care about me. I care about them too, and I am so unbelievably grateful to them for bringing me over to Scotland with them when they decided to come back after you were born.

“I know I was like a son to them. I know they loved me like a son, but that was such a long long time ago.”

“Yer still their son, Fergus. In the twenty years Ma has been apart from ye, she never stopped thinkin’ about ye and lovin’ ye. You ask anyone, they’ll tell ye. Even at work, she tells folk she has three children. A son and two daughters. She’s even opened up to a couple of her friends at work about how heartbroken she’s been because she doesna get to see ye that much anymore. Of course she canna tell them why, but she talks about ye all the time. Yer her son Fergus. Can ye please speak wi’ her when she gets up? She feels broken enough leavin’ Bree and I behind. I dinna want her even more broken because she thinks ye dinna think of her as yer mother.”

Fergus didn’t respond. He just got up from his seat and started to dish out breakfast.

As if they could smell the wonders of Fergus’ cookin’, Bree and Ma came bounding down the stairs. I gave Fergus a meaningful look, silently pleading wi’ him to talk to Ma before it was too late. I didna want her goin’ back to Da and tellin’ him that the son they thought they shared, didna feel like he was their son at all. It would kill Da if he thought Fergus felt like that, just like it’s killin’ Ma.

What’s changed to make him feel like this? He seemed perfectly fine before. Even when he left here the last time, he was so happy to finally see Ma again and get to know Bree. What could possibly have happened for my brother to suddenly feel like my parents werena his parents too?

Nothin’ was visibly changed in how Fergus acted around Ma. He was still his usual cheeky chappy self. Ma noticed the sudden change in him when she referred to Da as his father, then when I mentioned how Ma doesna think he thinks of her and Da as his parents, he went quiet. Why though? I ken for a fact both my parents love Fergus just as much as they love Bree and I. Ma is always referring to Fergus as her eldest child. 

The four of us tucked in to breakfast in pretty much silence. There was a few pleasantries exchanged, but it was clear there was more than one elephant in the room. Between Ma bein’ upset about how Fergus felt about her, and Fergus clearly starting to feel guilty about it, and then there was all the emotions we were all feelin’ about how in just a few hours, Ma would be leavin’ to go back to Da and hopefully live their happily ever after in the eighteenth century.

After breakfast, I all but dragged my mother and sister upstairs wi’ me to get ready. Of course, Ma didna have a clue what was goin’ on, but I begged her to style my hair for me. I kent she wouldna be able to refuse, she was always runnin’ her hands through mine and Bree’s hair any chance she got. Always complaining when she offered to style mine for me, but I always refused. Today, I wanted my Ma to style my hair for me. My union to Alex may no be official, but it’s important to me that it’s a day to be remembered. A day my mother can tell my Da all about when she gets back to him.

Ma decided to style my hair in a half up style. She smoothed the front and the sides of my hair back, and then started to pin my hair at the back of my head. Since only half of my hair was pinned in place, there was still quite a bit of my curls fallin’ down my back. It looked beautiful. She made me look beautiful. 

Then Brianna stepped forward and started pullin’ pieces out near the front so I had some curls framing my face, Ma was not happy at Bree ruining her work, but I really liked it. Bree then went on to do my make up for me. Not somethin’ I really tend to wear all that often, so I could see the wheels turnin’ in Ma’s head, wondering what the hell was goin’ on. It wasna until Bree brought through her simple red cocktail dress that fell just below her knee and one of Ma’s bright red pant suits that she had apparently bought and never worn, that Ma had asked what was happenin’.

“Alex and I decided to handfast.” I told her simply.

“Hand fast?” Ma questioned. “What’s that?”

“It’s like a temporary marriage.” Bree informed our mother. She had the biggest smile on her face as she did so. I dinna ken who was more excited, me or my sister. “Faith and Alex can hold hands and declare their love for one another before witnesses. Apparently it’s a highland tradition they used to do centuries ago when highland couples couldn’t get to a minister. They have a year and a day to make it official, but since they’re planning to have a proper wedding in the summer, that won’t be a problem.” Brianna beamed.

“Aye. I ken it’s no exactly the same, but it’s somethin’, right? I mean, ye did my hair, yer helpin’ me to get ready. Ye can even walk me down the stairs and hand me over to Alex. Just like ye said ye wanted to. I didna want ye to miss out.” I told my mother.

Her wee golden eyes were quickly fillin’ wi’ tears and she smiled brightly at me. “Sounds wonderful darling. But, how did you manage to pull everything together so quickly?” She asked me.

I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s not that put together. I only decided last night. We didna have a lot of time to prepare, but honestly, all Alex and I want is to be surrounded by our family, which we are.

“I ken Da’s no here, or the Murray’s, but when ye go home, ye can tell them all about today. Tell them how happy I am, but I still miss everyone so much.”

“I promise.” Ma said as she reached out to squeeze my hand. “Now... why are your sister and I to be wearing red?” The red was a bit in your face, but I did have my reasons.

“Well, this is all last minute. Couldna get hold of any Fraser tartan, so Fergus suggested you and Bree wear red. It’s the closest thing we could think of. If ye dinna like it, ye can just wear whatever ye want.” I told her.

“No. Sounds perfect to me. Now... what will you be wearing?”

Just over an hour later, the three of us were all ready to go downstairs so I could marry the love of my life. Ma had presented my grandma Ellen’s Scottish pearls to me. Said Da gave them to her on their wedding night. She said I could wear them today. Then again on my actual wedding day, then pass them on to Bree to wear on her wedding day. It felt nice to have this piece of my family history wi’ me on my special day, and they really went nice wi’ the short ivory dress wi’ the long laced sleeves I borrowed from my sister. Not really my kind of thing, but Ma and Bree kept gushing over me and saying how beautiful I looked, I was slowly gaining the confidence to wear the short dress.

Fergus came up to see how we were gettin’ on a wee while ago, and he informed us that Roger and Alex were already there and they were setting everythin’ up downstairs. I wasna sure what he meant by settin’ everythin’ up, but I was too focused on tryin’ to make sure Ma was alright, I didna ask.

“Ye ready to hand me over then?” I asked Ma as we stood at the top of the stairs. 

She chuckled softly before tellin’ me, “I think what you mean to ask, am I ready to give you away, not hand you over.” We both laughed. “And the answer is no, I’m not. You will always be my wee girl. I feel like I only just got you back, but the truth is, I’ll be leaving shortly. I’m glad you’ll have Alex, and I’m especially glad that you decided to do this just so that I could be part of your union. Thank you, sweetheart. You have no idea how happy I am right now.”

When Ma and I walked in to the livin’ room, I was amazed to see all the furniture was pushed back to give us all more room. The chairs that sat around the dining room table were brought through for all our witnesses to sit on as they watched Alex and I promise ourselves to one another.

The curtains were pulled close to shut, lettin’ just a slither of light through, but the room was surrounded by candles, makin’ the room look all romantic. It was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. Especially when I saw Alex stood at the front of the room, lookin’ as handsome as ever in his dark grey tweed suit. He wore a red tie, not as bright as the red on Ma’s suit, or Bree’s dress, but it went well wi’ the colour of the tweed in his suit. 

As much as I didna want to tear my eyes away from my love, I wanted to acknowledge the fact Fergus and Roger were there too and silently thank them for everythin’ they have done this mornin’ to make this day extra special for Alex and I. When I saw them both sat down in their seats, turned to watch me walk towards them, I noticed they both had the exact same shade of red tie on as Alex did. Did Alex have three of the same tie? It was a verra nice detail. And I loved that Alex went wi’ the red theme to compliment what Ma and Bree were wearing. He really is the sweetest man I’ve ever known.

Ma walked me over to Alex and placed my hand in his. Before she went to take her seat, she turned to kiss my cheek and told me she loved me and told me how proud of me she was.

Since the decision for Alex and I to handfast was pretty much a last minute decision, neither one of us had the time to come up wi’ proper vows. Everythin’ we said to each other was straight from the heart, wi’ more than a few tears involved. No only from Alex and I, but our family around us.

To my surprise, Fergus got up from his seat and stepped forward. He took a knife and lightly made a cut over Alex’s wrist. The cut wasna too big, and not too much blood was drawn from the incision. I was too distracted and caught off guard wi’ what my older brother just did to Alex, I didna notice much when he did the same to me before wrapping an old piece of material around joined wrists. I heard Brianna gasp when she saw what Fergus was doin’. I couldn’t help but smile.

We were doin’ a blood vow. 

Just like my parents did at their wedding.

“I tried to learn the vow last night, but I couldn’t get the pronunciation right on some of the words. You’ll need to say them first, and I’ll repeat after you as best I can.” Alex said softly.

Oh. My. God. This man.

“Is tu fuil ‘o mo chuislean, is tu cnaimh de mo chnaimh.” I said the words slowly and deliberately so Alex could try and repeat the words as best he could.

“Is tu fuil ‘o mo chuislean, is tu cnaimh de mo chnaimh.” Alex repeated quite well.

“Is leatsa mo bhodhaig, chum gum bi sinn ‘n ar n-aon.” 

“Is leatsa mo bhodhaig, chum gum bi sinn ‘n ar n-aon.” 

“Is leatsa m’anam gus an criochnaich ar saoghal.”

“Is leatsa m’anam gus an criochnaich ar saoghal.” 

When we finished speaking our blood vow to one another, Alex wrapped his free arm around my waist and pulled me as close as possible before taking my lips with his own and givin’ me the most gentle, yet passionate kiss we have ever shared. 

For a moment, I forgot we had people around us until they started clapping and cheering. I pulled away slowly from my new husband with a big smile on my face, so my brother could come and untie the material he had used to band our wrists together. How he managed to tie and untie the material wi’ only one hand, I’ll never ken. That’s one thing about my brother, he never let his missin’ hand slow him down in life.

Roger got up from his seat and went to open the curtains a bit more to let some extra light in to the room whilst my wee sister pulled me in to a tight hug congratulating me. As I turned to see my husband, I was so happy to see him in a deep conversation wi’ Fergus as they shook each other’s hand. It meant the world to me to see Fergus at least tryin’ to get along wi’ Alex, even if it was only for my sake, it meant so much to me.

Roger came over to congratulate us both on our union, and then I stepped away to speak wi’ Ma. She was still seated on her chair, dabbing at her eyes wi her wee handkerchief. She was so happy for me, and even wi’out the tears escaping her eyes, I knew how emotional this was for her. 

“Are ye alright, Ma?” I asked her gently as I sat down beside her in the chair that Fergus had been using. 

“I’m more than alright. It was such a beautiful ceremony darling. I’m so glad I got a chance to witness it.”

“Me too.”

Bree came over to sit wi’ us, and it was then that I noticed she was holding a camera. I was so focused on Alex during the vows, I didna realise my sister had been takin’ photographs the whole time. She told me that Roger had taken some of the room before we came down, and they had taken turns gettin’ “shots” of the ceremony.

“I told Milday that when I go through the stones to meet with her and Milord, I will bring some of the photographs with me. That way she will have them to remember the day, and Milord will get to see how happy you and Alex are.” Fergus explained. The idea just made my heart about ready to burst.

“I know it won’t be the same for your father, but at least he will get to see what your wedding day was like.” Ma whispered in to my ear as she pulled me closer to her side.

The six of us sat down to some sandwiches and sausage rolls and things for lunch. Ma didna want anythin’ too heavy since she would have the drive up North, and then the extra journey through the stones to find her way back to Da at Lallybroch. So it was Roger that suggested a wee “buffet” so we could all just pick at whatever we fancied. That was another thing the lads were busy seein’ to when us ladies were upstairs gettin’ ready. The day was just perfection. 

Except for the fact my mother would be leavin’ us in just a short amount of time.

As we all tucked in to the buffet, Bree asked what the blood vow meant. She didna have much Gaelic, and it wasna a language I used all that often because in 1960’s Scotland, not verra many people have the Gaelic. Well, not in the central belt anyway. Apparently in the Highlands and Islands, they do still use it, just not that often. 

Before I could translate the vow for my sister, my Ma stepped in.

“You are Blood of my Blood, and Bone of my Bone.  
I give you my body, that we two may be one.  
I give you my spirit, 'til our life shall be done.” Ma said softly. It was clear her mind was elsewhere. 

The fact I knew she and Da had said those exact words at their own wedding, it wasna hard for me to ken that she was probably rememberin’ her own wedding day.

“That’s so beautiful. How do you know that Mama?” Bree asked her.

Ma was brought back to the present wi’ Bree’s question and she smiled lovingly at her. “Your father and I said that exact vow at our own wedding.”

“That was why I suggested it to Alex. I thought it would have been nice for Faith.” Fergus announced proudly.

“Thank you, Fergus.”

Just a couple of hours later, Bree, Roger, Alex and I were sat in the livin’ room waiting on Ma to come downstairs to leave. She had been ready for a while, but Fergus asked if he could speak to her before she left. I didna ken what he was goin’ to say, but I was sure that he would do all he could to make things right between them. And whatever happened to make Fergus change his thoughts about our parents, I would make sure to find out.

I heard a door creek open upstairs, and knew that meant Ma and Fergus were about to come down. 

Ma went straight for Roger to hug him goodbye, and thanked him for everythin’ and bein’ a good friend to us all. She also quietly asked him to take care of Bree, which he verra quickly agreed to. That made Ma smile. 

Ma then came over to Alex and hugged him goodbye too. She thanked him for loving me and supporting me the way he does and thanked him for proposing to me when he did, just so she could be there. 

“It meant the world to me, Alex. I hope you know that.” She told him.

Alex nodded his head and said that he promised to take good care of me and Bree. 

Ma took my hand in hers and led me out to the hallway, where she asked Bree and Fergus to follow. 

“Now, I’m not sure how to do this.” Ma said as fresh tears sprang to her eyes. It had been an emotional day for all of us, but this was the most any of us had cried. “Gosh, here I go again. And I never cry.” She said wi’ a small chuckle.

“Now that’s a lie. Ye cry often.” I reminded her. 

“No I don’t.” She argued back.

“Aye, ye do.”

“The only people who can bring me to tears, is your father and the three of you. Ask your sister, she’ll tell you I’ve never really been this emotional. It’s you lot that make me like this.” She smiled softly as she dabbed at her wet eyes again.

We stood there for a few minutes, no really knowin’ what to say. None of us wanted to say goodbye, but for Ma, Bree and I, that was exactly what it was. There was a high probability that we wouldna see each other again. Once Ma returned to Da, that would be it. Bree and I had both already decided that neither of us wanted to go back to the eighteenth century. We both have our lives here in the twentieth century to live.

“Damn, I almost forgot.” Ma broke the silence as she put down her suitcase on the wee table in the hallway, before she rushed over to the wee toilet under the stairs that was basically used as a storage cupboard instead. 

Ma pulled out an out fit that she had obviously made herself. That must have been what she was using the sewing machine for. It didna look the prettiest thing, but she had made it out of raincoats since the weather is so bad in Scotland. It would do the job to get her to Da. Some of her clothes were still at Lallybroch anyway, so I told her that when she got there, she wouldna need to worry. She seemed surprised that Da had kept them all these years.

“He kept them for me.” I told her. “I think there was a couple of other reasons though. They’re yours, so he couldna part wi’ them. Also, I think he wanted to keep them in case ye returned. I never touched any of yer wee dresses from Paris. Some of them were a bit too grand for my likin’. I much prefer the simplistic look.”

As Ma packed away her new home made outfit in to her wee case, Bree noticed that Ma had packed one of her blouses. Bree was touched that Ma wanted a piece of her to go through the stones wi’ her. Alex and I had given Ma a wee box of old coins to help her on the other side. Roger had given her a wee book of Scotland and Bree had kindly given Ma a necklace that had her birth stone in it. It would be used to help Ma go through the stones. It was Fergus’ gift to Ma that was the most shocking. Apparently when he went to the hospital wi’ her the other day when she went to hand in her immediate resignation letter, Ma had made a comment about wishin’ she could take some scalpels and penicillin wi’ her too. So, what did my brother do? Manage to pick up some of them verra things when he was at the hospital. Ma never even noticed what he was doin’. And when he told her when they got home, all she could do was laugh. She couldna be angry at him over it because he kent how important such things would be for Ma back home.

Ma got herself all ready and shouted one last goodbye through to Alex and Roger. Fergus, Bree and I walked Ma out to the car. The plan was for Ma to drive to Inverness, leave her car at Fiona’s and then take a taxi up to Craigh na Dun. On my next set of days off from work, Alex, Bree and I would drive up to Inverness to collect the car and bring it back to Edinburgh.

“Are you sure you don’t want us to come with you?” Bree asked.

“We dinna mind. And it would gi’ us more time together.” I added.

“I’m sure, girls. If you were to come with me, I’m not sure I would be able to go. 

“The first time I went through the stones, I was scared and confused. The second time, I was heartbroken and distraught at leaving my husband and two children behind. This time, I just want it to be peaceful.” Ma responded softly. Bree and I nodded, agreeing to Ma’s wishes. “Now, promise me you’ll look after each other. And those men in there, take care of them too. They’re both wonderful men. I know they’ll treat you well.” 

Bree and I couldna speak, so we just nodded our heads in agreement.

“I love you both so much.” Ma cried as she pulled us both in to a tight group hug. Bree and I both told Ma we loved her too.

When Ma pulled away, she turned to Fergus and hugged him goodbye too. “May 1st. Twelve noon, don’t forget.” She warned him.

“I won’t, I promise.” Fergus responded. That must be when Fergus it to return. Da’s birthday.

“Good. Your father and I will meet you on the other side, alright? I love you, sweetheart.”

“I love you too, Maman.” Fergus told her. 

All four of us had one last group hug before we said another tearful farewell to Ma. Bree and I both cuddled in to Fergus’ side as we watched Ma drive off to start a fresh wi’ Da. Returnin’ to the place where she truly belonged.

“Ye called her Ma.” I said to Fergus as the car disappeared out of sight.

“Well, she is my mother too, no?”

I smiled up at my brother. 

“Aye. She always has been.” I agreed.


	39. Chapter Thirty Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire returns to the Eighteenth Century.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys... it’s the chapter you’ve all been waiting for. 
> 
> Claire goes back!!
> 
> The end of the chapter is a bit NSFW, but in case any of you haven’t seen much of my writing before... I’ll warn you now. Writing sex scenes isn’t something I’m that good at, but I suppose the more I write that kind of thing, hopefully the better I’ll get. 
> 
> Anyway... I hope you enjoy this chapter. And thanks again for taking the time to follow along.
> 
> Kirsty X

Claire’s POV

Leaving my three children behind like that was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. Even more painful than leaving Jamie, Fergus and Faith behind to come to the twentieth century to have Brianna.

The whole drive to Inverness, I was a sobbing mess. In fact, I lost count of the amount of times I pulled over in the car, determined to turn around and go home to my children. But then I kept hearing their voices in my head, telling me I had to go back. I needed to go back to Jamie. I could hear Fergus telling me how much Jamie still loves me. How he’s been waiting for me to return to him these last few months. Then I heard Faith telling me how lost and broken her father has been these past twenty years. Assuring me it was the right thing for me to do, go back to her father. And then I could hear Bree. Begging me to go back to Jamie. Tell him all about her and the life she’s able to live because of his selflessness. Telling me to go on and live the life I didn’t want to leave behind twenty years ago. 

The taxi ride from Fiona’s house up to Craigh na Dun was insufferable. I know the driver was only trying to make conversation with me, but all I could think about was what Brianna had said to me one night when she and Faith were begging me to return to Jamie. “He gave you to me, Mama. Now I have to give you back to him.” Those words rang in my ears the whole way to the hill from Inverness.

“Just here will do.” I told the driver.

“Will ye be long lass? I can wait on ye.”

“Ah, no. Thank you. I might be some time.” I responded a little nervously.

“Ye sure? The weather isn’t all that good. See them clouds over there?” The man pointed out his window, up at the sky to the dark grey clouds floating over in our direction. “I bet ye any money there will be a rain storm soon.” He said.

“It’s quite alright. A friend is meeting me here. I’ll get a ride back to the city with her.” I lied to the taxi driver before handing him the two pounds for the fayre. “Thank you though.”

As I slowly walked up the hill at Craigh na Dun, I was even more heartbroken than when I was when I went through the stones the last time. But, rather than focus on what I was leaving behind, I tried to focus on what was waiting for me on the other side. 

Jamie.

When I came around, it was raining. Quite heavily in fact. All I could think was it was a good job I decided to make my clothes out of old raincoats. But even this material wasn’t enough to stop me from getting drenched.

I had decided to wear my watch on the journey through the stones to help me keep track of the time, but when I went to check the time to see how much time had passed between me coming through the stones and me coming round, I noticed my watch had broken. The face was all smashed up and none of the hands were moving. It was stopped around the same time I came through the stones. Just after five o’clock.

With no idea what time it was, and with the rain starting to come down a bit more heavy, I decided to move as quickly as possible to find some shelter. Fergus informed me that the small cottage nearby was empty, and I could take refuge there, but I wanted to try and get started on at least a bit of the journey to Lallybroch before it got too dark.

Luckily, I managed to stumble across a small barn that seemed to be unoccupied. It was better to take shelter in there rather than try and set up camp outside under trees. There was a big chance I could end up with hypothermia or pneumonia if I stayed outside overnight. That wouldn’t do me any good.

A few days later, I arrived at Lallybroch. I was home. 

In so many ways, it looked completely different to twenty years ago, but at the same time, it looked like I had never been away.

To my delight, there were a group of children playing out in the courtyard. Before I had a chance to go over and engage with any of them, I saw Jenny coming out of the front of the house.

“Claire?” Jenny whispered softly as she stood in shock on the front step.

“Hello, Jenny.” I greeted her nervously. Fergus told me that Jamie had explained the truth about me to Jenny and Ian, but I still wasn’t sure how Jenny would feel to have me return like this. She isn’t the type of woman to just forgive and forget. I knew she would just see me as the woman who walked away and abandoned her family. Her children. There would be no excuse for what I had done. None that Jenny would understand anyway.

“Ye’ve... come back then?” She asked me suspiciously as she came slowly towards me.

“Yes.” I said simply. “Is Jamie here? Fergus said he should still be here. Said he wouldn’t head back to Edinburgh until he returned.”

Jenny put a hand up to stop me from speaking any more. “Ye... ye’ve seen Fergus? Where has he been? My brother has been goin’ mad wi’ worry no kennin’ where the lad slipped off tae. I expected him back here on New Year’s Day at the latest, but no one has seen or heard from him since he left here.”

“Fergus is fine, I assure you, but I really need to see Jamie. Is he here?” I asked again. Trying to be patient, but my insides were all twisting up with a nervous energy. Would Jamie really be happy to see me? 

“But how dae ye ken he’s fine? Where did he see him? Will he be home for lunch? Supper?” I could tell Jenny was getting agitated. I decided to answer her and pray that she would then answer my own question.

“Fergus is in Edinburgh. But..” I was aware of the small children around us, and some adults coming in and out of the house as well. I had to watch how I worded things. “But, not your Edinburgh.” I whispered “My Edinburgh.” When I saw Jenny immediately raise an eyebrow, I knew she caught my drift.

“Right, well... um... Jamie is out somewhere on the land. Could be the stables, could be anywhere else. But when ye do find him, tell him his lunch will be ready soon so he’ll need to get back to wash up. 

“I expect we’ll need to set a place for yerself as well.” Jenny didn’t give me a chance to respond before she herded the children back in to the house and just left me stood there like an outsider. 

Like an Outlander. 

It didn’t take me long to find Jamie in the end. He was at the stables. Just as Jenny thought he would be. Where I thought he would be. 

There was no one else around, so I stood quietly and watched him for a few moments. But when I leaned against a piece of wood that wasn’t quite stable, it collapsed, causing Jamie to shout out...

“What are ye playin’ at now, Ian lad? Yer Da will no be happy if he comes back here to find ye mucking around when ye ought to be workin’.” He didn’t turn around though, he kept his focus in the job at hand. Lifting hay bales and stacking them up in the corner.

I had no idea who Jamie thought I was, but hearing his voice after twenty years... it was like a dream. His voice had gotten deeper with his age, but he sounded just the same. 

“It... it isn’t Ian.” I called out. My voice was shaking just a little. Jamie stopped what he was doing immediately, but kept his back to me. “It’s me. Claire.”

Jamie straightened himself up very slowly before he turned to face me. His mouth parted just a little as if he was surprised to see me stood in front of him. He didn’t speak though. He just stared at me.

Now that he was facing me, I had the opportunity to take him in properly. His deep ocean blue eyes bore straight in to me. The lines on his face, around his eyes and mouth had gotten deeper with age, but he was still as handsome as ever. I could see his mouth curling up slightly at the sides, as if he wanted to smile, but he didn’t.

I could see the colour draining from his well chiselled cheeks. His eyes rolled backwards, and the next thing I knew, Jamie had collapsed on to the floor. For the very large man that he was, he fell quite gracefully, I thought.

By the time I reached him and sunk down to his side, his eye lids started to flutter. 

I wanted to reach out and touch him, but I was scared that if I did just that, he would disappear at my touch. Jamie started to fully open his eyes, and they blew wide when I came in to focus for him. He began to try and sit up properly, and as much as I wanted to help him, I was still scared to touch him.

“Yer... here. Ye... ye came back to me.” Jamie stuttered his words a bit, but he had the brightest smile on his face, and seeing that, I knew I made the right decision. 

“I thought you were dead.” Was all I managed to blurt out. Luckily Jamie didn’t seem mind and only laughed at my stupid remark.

Jamie slowly began to stand up, and I straightened myself out too. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. In so many ways he looked completely different, but he still looked the exact same to the last time I saw him. It was... strange.

“God in heaven, you are really here.” Jamie whispered.

“And so are you.” I whispered back.

The two of us took a few moments to just take each other in. Take the whole situation in. Then Jamie lifted his hand painfully slow, as he moved it to tilt up my chin so my eyes would meet his. It was the first physical contact we had had in twenty years. As soon as I felt his touch, I just wanted to melt right in to him and never let him go. Never again.

“I would... I would verra much like to kiss ye, Sassenach. May I?” Jamie asked me softly. Ever the gentleman, how could I refuse.

I had barely breathed the word “yes” when he dropped his face to mine.

“I havena done this in a verra long time, Sassenach.” He told me.

“It’s alright.” I whispered. “Either have I.”

Jamie’s hands cupped my face ever so gently as he moved his face towards mine so he could place his mouth on mine. 

It felt... nice. But, it was really strange. I hadn’t really put that much thought as to what our reunion would be like, but our love was so strong and passionate twenty years ago, I guess I had forgotten that we’re twenty years older now. Practically strangers to one another. 

Don’t get me wrong, the love and the connection was still there between us, but if we were truly going to make this work, it would be a lot of work. We would need to get used to each other again. Get to know each other and the people we have become during our twenty year separation. I know I’m definitely not the same woman he last saw.

Our kiss was soft and gentle. I had my eyes closed. I was simply afraid to look at him. I could tell though, Jamie’s eyes were open. He was watching me as he kissed me. I could feel it. I liked to think that he was just so happy I was here in his arms.

When we reluctantly pulled apart, Jamie kept his arms tight around my waist, just as my arms were still wrapped around his neck. Jamie lowered his head so his forehead was resting on mine. We just stood there like that for a few moments. Trying to process everything that was happening.

Then I remembered Jenny.

“Oh.” I said as pulled away from Jamie. “I bumped in to Jenny before. She told me to tell you that your lunch was almost ready. You need to go and wash up.”

“Ye saw Jenny already?”

“Yes. It was... awkward. Fergus told me you told her and Ian the truth about me. I guess she hasn’t really forgiven me yet for not being honest with her and not coming back sooner.” I said a little nervously. Jamie’s sister Jenny was not someone you wanted to be on the bad side of. I had always thought of Jenny as a good friend. A sister. She was my husbands sister after all. My children’s Aunt. I didn’t want things to be strained between us.

“Fergus? Is he back? Have ye seen him? The wee rascal disappeared after Christmas and no one has seen or heard of him since.” Jamie said really agitated. It was clear that Fergus’ little disappearing act was really making Jamie worried and frustrated, like I knew it would. 

“Come on.” I said to Jamie. “Let’s not keep your sister waiting any longer. She already hates me.” I said as I started to walk out of the stables.

On the walk back over to the house, Jamie and I walked side by side as a I filled him in on Fergus’ actions and where he’s really been. We didn’t touch though, but it was nice just to be close to one another.

Jamie was furious when I told him how sick Fergus became after he travelled through the stones.

“I’m sorry Jamie, but I couldn’t risk him coming through again. Not so soon. There is no way of knowing how he would have been affected if he was to come back now.” I explained to Jamie, and he really seemed to understand where I was coming from.

“Ye did right makin’ the lad stay, Sassenach.” I knew he meant what he said, but there was an edge to his voice. Something he wasn’t saying to me. Something that was clearly bothering him. 

“What is it, Jamie? What’s the matter?” I asked him softly. 

Jamie stopped dead on his tracks, just as we made it to the front of the house. “Is that why ye came back then? To bring me word of Fergus. Yer... ye arena goin’ to stay?” He looked pained. Heartbroken at the thought of me leaving him.

“Jamie, I—“

“Will you two please hurry up and get ready for lunch!” Jenny bellowed form the front door. “We’ve all been sat waiting on ye’s for nearly a half an hour. The bairns are needing fed. We all do.” Jenny huffed.

“Right.” Jamie said tightly. Obviously annoyed by his sisters interruption. “We will be wi’ ye presently.” 

The whole time Jenny shouted on us, and the whole time Jamie answered her, he kept his gaze firmly on me, but once his sister went back inside, he followed on after her without giving me a chance to properly explain why I was here. Why I came back to him.

Lunch went by in relative silence. Everyone around the table were only too happy to openly glare at me. Jenny’s children were all grown now. Some had even married and left home and had children of their own. Jenny was only too happy to inform me that that is what happens when twenty years go by. 

After lunch, I had hoped that Jamie and I would get a chance to speak properly, but his sister insisted he had things to do. He couldn’t just drop everything because I had just waltzed back in to his life. Of course I didn’t expect Jamie to just drop everything for me, but I did think we would have been able to speak for five minutes, just time enough for me to assure him I wasn’t going anywhere, but unfortunately that didn’t happen.

As Jamie ticked off his to do list from his sister, I followed along the odd time, but there was always other people around. That made it difficult for us to speak freely to one another. 

When Jamie was busy with things that required a lot of his concentration, I headed back to the house and tried to engage in conversation with Jenny’s children and grandchildren, but it wasn’t easy. It was clear to me that Jenny had made her opinions of me known to her family. She didn’t like that I abandoned my children and never returned for them. I couldn’t blame her. That very fact ate me alive for the past twenty years. If only she would give me a chance to try and explain to her, but she didn’t. Every time I passed her, she made some excuse to ignore and avoid me. 

The only people that really took the time to converse with me was Ian, when he wasn’t busy out working himself, and Jenny and Ian’s youngest... Young Ian.

The poor lad followed me around the house after he finished his chores like a puppy dog, asking me questions about myself and my life. He was a sweet lad. And I could tell he idolised his Uncle very much. 

With all the emotions of seeing Jamie and everyone after twenty years, I had completely forgot that I was supposed to convey a message to Young Ian from Fergus.

“Oh, Ian.” I called as the lad headed out to find his beloved Uncle. “I... um... met Fergus. On my way here.” I was trying my best to watch what I said. There was no way Jenny would have told her children the truth about me. “He asked me to ask you if you could please find his... friend, and tell her that he is sorry, but something has come up with work and he won’t be back for a few months.”

Young Ian’s eyes opened wide as he began to smile. He walked back over towards me and came close so no one could hear what he was about to say. 

“So it’s true then? Fergus went back to your time? He actually did it?” Ian asked with a wide smile across his face.

He knew?

“Um...”

“Dinna fash, Auntie Claire. Yer secrets safe with me. Fergus told me all about yer adventures and yer travels through the stones. Even told me I have another cousin that I havena met.”

I didn’t know what to say. I decided focusing on what Fergus had asked the boy to do would be a better route to steer this conversation.

“So, will you? Tell this girl that Fergus won’t be home for some time? He’s been really worried about how she must be feeling right now. He said they’re used to going weeks without seeing each other, but he’s afraid their separation will be a bit longer this time.” 

“Aye. I’ll go find her tomorrow. Just... Dinna tell Uncle Jamie, aye? Fergus hasna told him about his... friend yet. And I think it should come from Fergus himself when he’s ready.” Ian told me.

“Of course.” I agreed. “But... why is his relationship with this girl so secretive? He didn’t even want Faith to know. Does he think they wouldn’t approve?” I asked the boy. I had tried to gain more information on this girl my so. Was so desperate to get back to, but he gave me next to nothing. Not even a name. Apparently, Young Ian was the only one to know about this little relationship of Fergus’.

“I really cannae say on the matter, Auntie Claire. I’m sure Fergus will tell Uncle Jamie when he’s ready. But aye, I’ll pass on the massage to the lass tomorrow.” And with that, Young Ian gave me a small smile before turning to go and find his Uncle.

Before I knew it, it was close to supper time. Jamie came in to the house to get cleaned up and asked me to join him out the back of the house for a few minutes. With house as full as it was, it wasn’t really the ideal place for us to talk privately. Especially with Jenny’s eyes on me every chance she got. 

“I’m sorry Sassenach. I ken we havena had a chance to speak properly since ye arrived, but I promise ye, after supper, you and I will retire to my room and we can talk everythin’ through.” Jamie assured me with a soft smile.

“Thank you. I know it’s a shock me arriving here like this, but I just need you to know Jamie... I was already planning on returning to you before Fergus arrived.” I told him.

“Truly?” He asked me in surprise.

“Yes.” I said simply. “Both the girls have been on my back for weeks and weeks wanting me to return to you. I just... I had to make sure the girls were both happy and settled in Edinburgh before I left them. I needed to make sure they were alright. I couldn’t just leave them there without knowing if they would be alright or not.” I explained to him. Jamie’s mouth curved up in to a smile as he nodded his head. 

“It’s fine, Sassenach. I’m just pleased ye’re here. I just wish the lassies would have returned wi’ ye.” Jamie paused for a moment while he thought. “Do ye... do ye think they might come later. When Fergus returns?” Jamie’s asked me with a really hopeful expression on his face. I could tell he missed Faith so much, and he was desperate to ask me about Brianna, the daughter he never had the chance to know. 

I shook my head slowly. “I’m sorry, Jamie. If they wanted to come, they would be here now. I’m sorry.” I apologised again as Jamie nodded his head in a sad understanding. 

“It’s fine, Claire. I ken Faith left this time for a reason. And Brianna, well... she’ll be used wi’ her own time.”

“Yes. They’re both really happy. Settled. 

“In fact, there is so much I need to fill you in on. Some developments that even Fergus didn’t know until he returned. It’s amazing how much things have changed in the last few months.” I said.

“Aye, ye said somethin’ about Edinburgh. Fergus told me you and Brianna lived in Boston. America?”

I nodded. “Yes, we did. Frank and I moved over to America after I returned. He was offered a job at one of the universities there and... well, when Faith came to me, I could tell she wasn’t interested in moving to the other side of the world, and I couldn’t very well leave her in a strange time all on her own. She was insistent about staying in the twentieth century, but Fergus made it clear he had to get back to you. I only just found my daughter, I didn’t want to lose her again.

“It was a difficult decision because Boston was the only home that Bree knew, but she assured me she would be fine in Boston on her own. That only lasted a couple of months though. Not long after Faith and I settled in to a new home in Edinburgh, I come home from work one evening to Bree had moved in. 

“They’re both really happy though. Faith has a job as an Auxiliary nurse in one of the biggest hospitals in the city, and Bree is about to start an Engineering course in a couple of weeks.”

“Engineering? Fergus said she was studying History. Could she not study that in Edinburgh?” Jamie questioned in a panic.

“She didn’t want to study History anymore. She felt that she only really went in that direction in the first place to please Frank. I mean don’t get me wrong, she’s always had a keen interest in History, still does, but I think she’s trying to find her own path in life now. I do think she’ll be really happy with the choices she’s made. I think Faith being with her will be a great help too.” I assured him.

“Of course. And Fergus is there wi’ them too.” I smiled and nodded. “Dae ye think he really will come back, Sassenach? I ken it’s no been easy for him since Faith left. It’s no been easy for either of us, and I’m afraid the lad has had to put up wi’ a hellish lot fae me the past wee while. I’m no surprised he did a runner.” 

“Well, that was something else we need to discuss after supper.” Jamie looked at me with a confused expression on his face. “Before I left, I had to sit down with Fergus for well over an hour and try to convince him that he’s just as much my child as Faith and Bree.”

Jamie was horrified. I was glad I wasn’t the only one hurt that Fergus felt that way. “He doesna think of ye as his Ma?” Jamie questioned. 

“He didn’t, no.” I huffed as I reached up to tilt Jamie’s face so he was looking directly at me. “He didn’t think of himself as your son either.” I pointed out. 

I stood there and watched as my husbands heart broke in to a million pieces. Not unlike how my heart was breaking a few days ago in Edinburgh when Fergus told me he just simply didn’t feel like he was really our son.

“But... he’s always been like a son to us. He kens that. He kens we love him.”

“Well clearly somewhere along the road, he didn’t feel like we did anymore.

“It was so strange, Jamie. Before he left in the summer to come back here, I told him I loved him like a son, that hadn’t changed in our twenty year separation. And he acknowledged that. He understood that. Even told me he loved me. And then he came back a few months later and he just... said he wasn’t our child. Not like Faith and Brianna.” I told Jamie as my eyes started to well up at the thought of our son being so damaged by our actions twenty years ago. It was mine and Jamie’s fault that he felt like that. 

“But ye put him straight, Claire? Ye told him he’s our son just as much as the lassies are our daughters?” Jamie asked in a panic.

“Of course I did, Jamie. He seemed to finally accept what I was saying to him. He even called me Maman before I left.” I smiled up at Jamie.

Jamie smiled back as he wiped the tears off my cheeks that had started to fall from my eyes. 

“I promise ye, Claire. I’ll do all I can to reassure the lad of that myself when he returns to us.”

Supper around the table was a more lively affair than lunch. I guess the novelty of Jamie’s long thought dead wife was beginning to kick in. I did notice though, when the family were speaking to me, the only ones to look at me directly, or call me by my name, was Ian, Young Ian and Jamie. Everyone else was still treating me like an outcast. That attitude was clearly stemming from Jenny. 

When Jamie and I excused ourselves to retire for the night, Jenny made sure to point out she had a guest room made up for me to stay in. Jamie didn’t react too kindly to that.

“Claire is still my wife, Janet, and I’d thank ye kindly to treat her as such.” He told his sister very pointedly.

“It’s alright Jamie.” I told him. “I’ll be fine in the guest room.” After twenty years of being parted from Jamie and now to be here with him again, I didn’t really want to spend another night without him by my side, but if it kept Jenny happy, then I would put up with it. I really didn’t want the woman hating me any more than she already did.

Jamie reached out his hand to take hold of mine and led me to the staircase to retire for the evening, but just as I was about to mount the first step, Jenny called on me.

“Em, I ken ye obviously have things to discuss wi’ my brother, Claire, but ye havena said a word to me about my niece, or how she’s doin’.” Jenny said with a hint of anger in her voice. 

I wanted to point out that she had been actively ignoring or avoiding me all day, but I didn’t want to start an argument with her. Not at that particular moment. I was exhausted from my two day journey from the stones to Lallybroch.

“Well, I promise I will fill you in on all of my children properly tomorrow.” I told her as politely as I could.

“Tomorrow? Ye swan in here after bein’ absent for the past twenty years and dinna bother to let me ken how my own niece is? The niece that I raised because you decided to leave.” Jenny scoffed.

Jamie could see the temper rising in me, so before I said something I would regret, Jamie just pulled me upstairs with him after telling his sister to back off. 

By the time we got to Jamie’s room... I was furious with the woman. Of course I am painfully aware that she raised two of my children. I even wanted to thank her for doing so, but she never gave me the chance. It wasn’t something I just wanted to blurt out to her as she passed me and ignored me. I wanted to sit down and thank her properly. I wanted to tell her all about how Faith was settling in and even found her soulmate. Jenny didn’t give me that opportunity though. 

At that moment, my priority was sitting down with Jamie and talking to him about all the things we needed to. Most importantly, informing him of how our eldest daughter was recently hand fast to her soulmate. 

Of course there was so many thing that Jamie and I had to discuss about ourselves, but I felt it was more important to discuss the children first.

“...And he’s good to her, Sassenach? This... Alex?” Jamie asked me. He was definitely happy for our daughter, but I could tell it broke his heart that he missed everything.

“He’s very good to her, Jamie. He’s so supportive of her and her dreams. He would do absolutely anything for her. She really does have a good one there.

“She told me one day that Alex reminds her a lot of you sometimes. I could see it too. He adores her to no end. Would do absolutely anything to make sure she was happy. Including coming through the stones.”

“He... he’s a time traveler then? Like you and the weans?” Jamie asked.

“He is. And when Faith decided that she needed to come back to explain to you why Fergus couldn’t return to you, Alex told her that he would come with her. 

“She didn’t really want to come back, at least... she didn’t want to come back for the right reasons. And after Alex told her he would come with her, she decided that they both would be better staying where they were. It’s where they belong. Alex agreed, but told her that if she did decide to come back here, he would be right by her side.”

“Sounds like a good lad.” Jamie commented.

“He is. And he’s a doctor. Well... almost.” I told him.

“But... well... dae ye no think it was all a bit quick? Them gettin’ wed? And she’s only a young lass Sassenach.” Jamie worried as he came to sit down next to me on the bed.

I couldn’t help but laugh. “She’s twenty two, Jamie. The same age you were when we were married.” I reminded him. Jamie tutted at me rolled his eyes. A trait our eldest daughter claims to get from me, but her father can be just as bad for it. “They love each other, deeply. Do you think I would have allowed it to happen if I didn’t think he would make her happy?”

“It’s just... she’s my wee lass Claire.” 

“I know.” I reached out to hold his hand. “I know. As much as I’ll always think of her as my little baby girl, we need to accept that she’s an adult now. And so is Bree.”

“Christ. She’s no married as well?” Jamie asked me in a panic.

Again, I couldn’t help but chuckle. “No. She isn’t. But... from what I saw between her and Roger... it wouldn’t surprise me if something like that was to happen between them. Down the track sometime. Not right now. Brianna hasn’t really shown any interest in marriage or that, but she has only just turned twenty. There’s still time.”

Jamie made a Scottish noise of disapproval. A noise I had actually come to miss over these past twenty years. “Her sister showed no notion of that either, but there ye go. She’s now handfast to a man I’ll never ken.”

Faith had asked me not to disclose the fact that Alex and her had met a few years ago here at Lallybroch. She didn’t want Jenny reacting in the same way Fergus did when he first saw them together. At least Fergus had the opportunity to get to know Alex, and see how well suited he was with Faith. No one here would get that same opportunity. I could only imagine Jenny’s reaction to Faith marrying a red coat. And even if I was to explain how Alex came to be a British soldier in this time, I doubted very much it would ease her thoughts in any way. The best thing for me to do was obey my daughters wishes.

When it came to Jamie though, I felt otherwise. The man was clearly struggling a little with the fact his little girl was now a married woman. If Jamie was anything like the man I fell in love with all them years ago, I knew that he really wouldn’t mind about that part of Alex’s past. Of course it would come as a shock to him, but once he heard the full story, I was sure he would more understanding. 

And I was right. It was a shock for him to learn that Faith had first met Alex here in this time. That she had fell in love with him, but he left because he knew Jenny would never approve of them becoming a proper couple. 

Jamie was devastated when he realised why our daughter was so heartbroken when he returned from his parole in Hellwater. 

“I thought it was because of me. I thought... she didna ken how to be around me.” Jamie opened up to me.

“That was part of it, but it was mainly the loss of Alex. She was completely in love with him Jamie. Nothing ever happened between them back then, but when he heard that Jenny was organising a marriage for Faith, he felt the only thing he could do was leave. It broke him just as much as it broke her. Neither of them were interested in any kind of relationship with anyone else. 

“And when they met each other again in Edinburgh... god, she was furious with him Jamie. She was heartbroken all over again because he had left her. Didn’t fight for her. He tried to explain that it would of been a useless fight. That there was no way anyone here would allow him to court her. 

“It took some time, but she finally let him back in. They’ve managed to build a wonderful loving and supportive relationship, Jamie. I’m more than certain they will make a wonderful marriage. They work really well together.”

“And Fergus... he kent the lad from this time? What did he have to say about it all?” 

“Well, he wasn’t very happy to begin with. That’s why Faith asked me not to tell anyone here about who Alex is. But, once Fergus got to know Alex, he knew Faith would be in safe hands. 

“He did give Alex the big brother talk though. Roger too. Warned them both not to mess his little sisters around or they would have him to deal with.”

Jamie laughed at that. “That’s my lad!” He cheered with a big grin on his face.

“She’s happy, Jamie. They all are. I wouldn’t have left them if they weren’t.” I assured him.

“I ken that. I just... wish there was a way for us all to be together.”

“I know. Me too.”

After our talk about our three children and how they were all doing in the twentieth century, Jamie got all nervous and started pacing the space on the floor in front of me.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” I asked. Immediately regretting asking in case he decided to open up to me about his marriage to that other woman. 

I was wrong though.

Jamie instead, presented me with a painting of a little boy. He looked around five or six years old.

Jamie’s son.

Willie.

Jamie went on to tell me about how the boy came to be, but assured me that there was no love between him and the boys mother.

Unfortunately the girl died during childbirth. The poor boy never got a chance to know his mother, and it was never made public that Jamie was the boys biological father. In fact, there are only few living people who know that Jamie is the boys father.

“...So... Fergus and Faith have no idea?” I asked him.

He shook his head. “Not even Jenny or Ian ken. Only Geneva’s sister, Isobel, and her husband, a verra good friend of mine, John. They have both promised me they will take good care of the lad.”

I nodded my head slowly as I tried to take the information in. Of course I knew that in the space of twenty years, Jamie would have had a life. I had a life of my own in Boston. In Edinburgh. But to learn that Jamie had a... a son, it was definitely going to take some getting used to. 

I knew how much it pained Jamie that he didn’t really get a hand in much of Fergus and Faith’s raising. And he sent me away so early in my pregnancy with Bree, he didn’t even get to experience that with me, never mind have the chance to raise her. Now I learn he had another child that he never had the opportunity to raise as his own. I was slowly starting to realise his need to be a father. To raise children. Whether they were his blood or not. Like his ex wife’s daughters.

Jamie poured us some whisky as we continued to talk about the children and what we’ve lived through these past twenty years. It was a lot to get through in one evening. Jamie reminded me we had the rest of our lives together. We didn’t need to talk everything through in one night. We were both finally home with one another. That was enough.

“Will ye... Will ye come to bed wi’ me then?” Jamie asked me after downing another dram of whisky. “It’s gettin’ cold, ken?”

“Of course.” I answered, but it came out more of a whisper.

I stood up from the bed, and when I saw Jamie start to remove his clothing, I started to do the same. Jamie must have seen me from the corner of his eye, because he glanced up at me then and held my eye for a moment before walking over to stand in front of me. 

“I’m so sorry, Sassenach.” Jamie apologised, but I had no clue what he was apologising for. “I should have thought. Ye’ll need me to help ye wi’ yer laces and such, aye?”

I chuckled a little nervously. “It’s quite alright.” I answered him. “There’s no laces.”

“No laces? None at all?” He asked with the most adorable expression of confusion on his face.

“None at all.” I told him. “But... there is a zipper on the back of my dress. You could help with that if you’d like?” I suggested with a small smile.

I turned my back to Jamie, and I could feel him hesitantly reaching up to just below my neck. “What do I do?” He asked me.

“See the little tab up at the top? Just pull it straight down.” 

Soon enough, I was completely stripped naked and standing in front of the husband I had been separated from for twenty years. 

I was starting to feel a little self conscious due to the way Jamie just stood in front of me, staring at me. I felt no option than to pull my arms up over my chest and stomach to try and cover as much of myself as possible.

“Will you bloody well say something?!” I tried to snap at him, but my voice betrayed me and shook a little.

“Jesus.” He whispered. “Claire... ye’re the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.” 

I laughed at that. It was just a few hours ago the man told me he needed to wear glasses these days for reading and such. He feared it made him look like an old man. I assured him he still looked as dashing as ever.

But with the remark he just made about me and my body... I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Wow. You really are losing your eyesight, Mr Fraser.” All Jamie could do was laugh. “I want to see you.” I told him, as I reached out to lift his own shirt over his head. 

I could tell that he was just as nervous and frightened as I was. I remembered on our wedding night... Jamie suggested it would be easier if we touched. I guessed that would work the same in that moment too. 

I took a hold of both of Jamie’s hands in mine and liked our fingers together. It wasn’t long before Jamie bowed his head lower, so he could catch my mouth with his own for a soft kiss. 

“When we were first wed, Sassenach... and I saw ye standin’ there in yer white shift... I couldna think of anythin’ else but to have ye naked in my bed. I wanted ye so badly, Sassenach.”

“Do you want me now?” I asked him. My heart was pounding harder than ever before.

“Oh god yes.” He answered instantly. 

Jamie wound his arms around my waist and let his hands run up and down my back, as my own arms wrapped around his neck. He walked me backwards to to the bed and gently pushed me down on to it. As I slid up the bed a little, Jamie climbed on too and hovered a little above me before he lowered himself down to kiss me passionately. 

His hands seemed to be everywhere at once. They were at my back, my neck, my breasts. And then he started to leave a trail of wet kisses down my neck, across my collarbone and then he started to make his way down my stomach. 

I was so ready for him. Had been ready for him since the moment I first saw him in the stables earlier today. 

I pulled Jamie’s head up from my where he had just kissed my scars from Bree’s birth. “Do it. Do it now, Jamie. And don’t be gentle.” I demanded seriously.

Jamie didn’t need any more confirmation that this was what I wanted. He took himself in hand, and immediately thrusted himself in to just where I had been aching for him for twenty years. 

In the time we were apart, I did have sex with Frank, but that was in a very rare occasion, and I hadn’t been intimate with the man in years. 

Now being here like this with Jamie... I felt like a virgin again. I was so tight, it was a little uncomfortable at first, but then we found our rhythm together. 

I started clawing my nails up and down his arms as he kept thrusting in to me. My legs wrapped around his waist, urging him to go deeper. 

“Jamie.” I whimpered. And so could hear Jamie a small noise coming from Jamie’s throat. “Jamie.” I called again. It was about all I could say. 

Jamie pulled himself up slightly so he could look at me. “Give me yer mouth, Sassenach.” He brought his face lower as I lifted my head off the bed to meet him with my mouth. 

“Jamie... don’t stop.” I begged him. “Please. Don’t stop.” I cried into his neck as he kept pounding in to me. 

My hips kept jerking against him, and I couldn’t help myself... I reached up and sunk my teeth into his shoulder to try and stifle the sounds escaping me. I hadn’t forgotten we were in a house full of adults and young children, but I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop.

As Jamie kept thrusting in to me, he managed to take a hold of both of my hands in one of his own, and brought them to above my head. He kept a tight hold so I couldn’t move them from his strong grip.

He brought his mouth to my ear, “I’m sorry Claire, but I’m no goin’ to last.”

Jamie reached his free hand down between us and he rubbed my most sensitive area.

“Come for me Claire.” He whispered in my ear, and in no time at all, I felt myself go. 

“Jamie!” I cried out, a little louder than I should have, but I couldn’t help it. 

I started to tremble and I could feel myself clamping around him. 

“Oh, god. Oh, Claire!” Jamie cried out as he spilled himself inside of me before collapsing down on top of me. 

We lay like that for a few moments. Panting and trying to catch our breaths before he rolled off of me. 

I let my hand run softy over his face, as his ran down my neck and over my breasts before he leaned down to kiss me again.

“Welcome home, Sassenach.”


	40. Chapter Thirty Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faith and Alex’s wedding night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys...
> 
> This chapter might not be 100%. When I went to post it at midnight, I noticed that four and a half pages were missing. I don’t know what happened. I did my best to re write what was missing, but I’m not as happy as I was with the original chapter.
> 
> This is Faith and Alex’s wedding night so it is NSFW towards the end. Again, I’m not the best at writing them kind of scenes, but I did my best. A lot more detail in this one compared to Monday’s chapter with Claire and Jamie. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you’ll enjoy what’s there and I’ll post the next J/C chapter on Monday.
> 
> Thanks again for reading.
> 
> Kirsty X

Alex’s POV

The plan was for Faith and I to continue to celebrate our union with her siblings and Roger. I was glad that Claire got to be here for the ceremony. That she got to walk her daughter to me and give her away. A role to our special day that I knew meant the world to Claire. But now, there was a sadness to my new wife after her mother left not long after lunchtime. A sadness I had no way of making better.

Her mother had gone, and there was a good chance she would never see her again.

My wife once told me that she found it hard to think of her father as dead, because in her mind... she was only with him a few months ago. It didn’t feel to her that there was a two hundred year gap between the last time she saw him and now. I understood where she was coming from. It was the same when I left her behind a few years ago to come back to my own time. 

To Faith, her father was still alive and kicking. Living life along side of her. They just weren’t together. Again, I could understand. That was how I liked to think of her when we were apart. I couldn’t stand the thought of thinking her dead for two hundred years.

There came a time recently though, when my wife did start to think of her father as dead. Not that she opened up to me about it, but I overheard her on the phone with Roger one evening when she thought I was in the shower. Faith was asking Roger to try and locate what happened to her father, and where he was buried. She had a feeling Jamie would have been laid to rest at Lallybroch, but she wanted to know for certain before taking a drive up there one weekend to pay her respects. From what I gathered, Roger said he would do some research for her.

Not long after that phone call, that was when she started to open up about how she was starting to realise that her father wasn’t just living out his life in another dirt or something, he was actually dead. And had been for two centuries. It was painful for her, but she had me and Bree. And Claire. But then Fergus came from out of no where. Informing Faith of how life has been for the, since she left. How her father wasn’t coping at all. It was like there wasn’t a two century distance between them at all. She decided she couldn’t think like that. She had been silently grieving the death of her father, without even knowing how he passed, but deep down, she knew he was gone. 

And now... now her mother was returning to her father. And as much as she wanted to think of them living happily ever after in a parallel time to us... she silently suffered with the knowledge that both her parents were now dead. 

She didn’t want to discuss her feelings about this with either of her siblings. Fergus would be returning to her parents at some point, and he would get the chance to live a life with them both. But for her and Bree, they had chosen to stay here. They had chosen to stay in the twentieth century. That meant that their parents had been long gone for two hundred years. 

As Faith’s husband, it was up to me to make sure my wife was happy, loved and supported. There wasn’t all that much I could do to make the sadness of her mother’s departure disappear, but I thought of a way to at least try and make sure her father was somehow part of our union. It wouldn’t be the same, but at least it was something.

The coffee shop that was located where Faith’s father’s printshop once stood was meant to be closed and not reopen until next week, but since Faith and I had become regular customers there, we had both formed a good friendship with the owner.

When I called Annette this morning to ask a huge favour, she was only all too happy to help us out. Annette agreed to open the coffee shop for us this evening and instead of just the usual coffee and scones, Annette insisted she and her daughter would prepare a proper meal for us all. And since the place was meant to be closed, it meant we had the place to ourselves. 

I had invited Annette and her daughter to join us with the celebrations, but she insisted that Faith and I should just celebrate with our family. Annette and her daughter would be their to serve us our meal, but then they would leave us to it. I tried to insist they didn’t need to leave, but Annette just hoped we would all have a wonderful time and told me that she and her daughter would go in later on and clear everything up after us. She was really a sweet woman. 

James Fraser couldn’t be here to day to give give his daughter away, or watch her get married, but maybe having our meal at what used to be his printshop, would help Faith to feel like he was here in some way.

I hadn’t even ran my idea past Roger or Fergus. It was a complete surprise to them too. A surprise for everyone that seemed to work out well. 

I had feared when we got to the coffee shop that Faith would hate the idea, but to my relief, she was overcome with joy.

“I... I can’t believe you did this...” My wife said to me in disbelief. Her hands went up to cover her mouth in shock.

“I don’t know you two find so special about this old place, but it’s my pleasure to have you here to celebrate your wedding day.” Annette greeted us as soon as we walked in to the shop. “You have a good one there missy.” She said to Faith as she gave me a wink. “Don’t let him slip through them fingers of yours.” Annette joked with Faith. 

“No worries there, Annette.” Faith assured the older woman. “I let him slip away once. I’ll never let that happen again.”

The five of us sat down as Annette fussed around us all. Making sure we were comfortable and had even we needed before they slipped away.

“Just give me a wee ring when ye’s are all ready to head home, and Morag and I will come by to tidy up and let ye’s away to enjoy the rest of your evening.” Annette whispered to me before before she and her daughter congratulated me and my beautiful wife again, and then they left is to it.

“I really wish they had stayed.” Faith mumbled softly. “It doesn’t seem fair they went to all the trouble of doin’ all this for us, and they didna stay to enjoy what all they prepared.”

“I know. I did invite them to stay more than once, but they both insisted it should just be family.” I told her before placing a tentative kiss on her cheek. 

“And me.” Roger added as he raised his small tumbler of whisky.

“You’re practically family now anyway.” Bree informed him with a bright smile and a gentle punch to his shoulder.

We all sat, laughed and joked the whole night. Just really enjoying each other’s company. Of course both my new wife and my new sister in law went through some quiet spells during the celebrations. It was what we all expected anyway. Their mother had just left them a few hours ago. Claire’s absence was definitely felt by everyone sat around that table. 

Having lost my own mother a few years ago, Claire was like a second mother to me in the months I had come to know her. She welcomed me in to her family with open arms and treated me much like a son. 

She encouraged my relationship with her daughter. And as overprotective she could be with her eldest daughter, she trusted that I would take good care of Faith when she wasn’t around. 

Even when Faith was at work, sometimes I would go round to the house and hang out with Claire and discuss anything and everything to do with medicine. I know Faith found that strange the first few times she came home from work to find me there deep in conversation with her Mum, but she got used to it. She even confided in me that she was glad I got on so well with her mother. I think the bond and friendship Claire and I built, helped to build the relationship between Faith and Claire as well. At least, I like to think so. 

When Faith and I first reunited, the relationship between mother and daughter was so... toxic in a lot of ways. I could understand the hurt and confusion Faith felt towards her mother. As far as Faith was concerned, her mother abandoned her and never returned for her. But Claire had done everything possible to try and assure her daughter of her love for her, but I could see doubt in Faith’s eyes some days.

It took a long time, but they got there in the end. Of course they still had their issues. What family doesn’t? But they grew closer to one another. Faith stopped trying to push her mother away. In the end, it was a beautiful relationship they managed to build.

I turned up the soft music in the background, and then asked my new bride to dance with me. It took a little bit of gentle persuasion, but she was soon on her feet and swaying her hips and moving around the room with me as we danced to some of her mothers favourite jazz tracks. 

Soon enough, Bree had managed to drag Fergus up for a dance or two before she did the same with Roger. Fergus then had the opportunity to twirl his other sister around the room as I got to dance with my new sister in law. 

“You really have done a wonderful thing here, Alex.” Bree told me as we danced our way round the room. “Today has been so hard for both Faith and I. And Mama. But this... Faith is really lucky to have you.” 

“No, I’m definitely the lucky one. I still can’t believe that she forgave me for leaving her the way I did, but she has. And now she’s my wife. I’ll never stop counting my lucky stars that we’re truly here and together. Happy.”

Faith and I were supposed to go back to my house and spend out first night as a married couple, but I was concerned about keeping her away from her family. Specifically Bree. I knew that Bree would have Fergus and Roger with her to keep her company and help to take her mind of the absence of her mother, but it wouldn’t be the same as having Faith with her. I knew Faith would have been fine with me, but I was certain she would be worrying about how her sister would be coping, they needed each other. Faith and I waited years for this day. I was confident we could wait another few days to start our married life properly. 

Both Faith and Bree seemed annoyed at my suggestion that Faith stay at home instead though. 

“It’s been a tough day for you both. I though maybe it would be good for you both to lean on each other.” I explained once we got back to their house.

“Um... it’s our wedding night, Alex. We’re not spending it apart.” Faith told me firmly.

“Exactly.” Bree agreed. “Anyway, it’s not like I’m alone. Fergus and Roger are here. We’ll probably just watch some tv and watch Fergus raid the fridge and cupboards for more food and then go to bed.”

“I just don’t want you both feeling more upset than you already are.” I told them softly.

My wife came over to me and wrapped her arms around my waist before leaning in to kiss my cheek. “We ken that, Alex. And it’s so sweet, it really is. But it’s our wedding night.” Faith sighed before reaching in to whisper in my ear, “Do ye ken how long I’ve waited to bed ye?” 

Bree obviously heard what her sister had tried to discreetly whisper, because she scrunched her face up as if it was too much information for her, and I couldn’t help but chuckle.

Everyone wished us a good night before we turned to leave. Fergus warned me not to hurt his sister before slapping me on the back and telling me to have a good time, but not too good a time.

Just as I reached for the door handle to let me and my new bride out of the house to get to my car, I was stunned to hear Bree running down the stairs shouting for us to wait.

“What’s wrong?” Faith asked her, obviously alarmed that there was seriously something wrong with her sister.

“Here.” Bree threw a small box over to her sister. Condoms. “Mama told me to remind you to take them to Alex’s with you.” Bree grinned at us both. I could see Faith’s face turning red before she stormed out of the house. “Have a good night!” Bree shouted as I followed Faith.

“Can ye believe that?” Bree screeched as I pulled the car out of the drive way. “How dare she!” 

“Bree? I’m sure she was just doing as your mother asked.”

“Exactly! That’s who I meant. She isna even here anymore and she’s STILL tryin’ to interfere in my life. And yet again... the topic is sex.

“Christ! That woman was obsessed wi’ sex. It’s a wonder she and Da never did manage to have them twelve bairns he always wanted.” She paused for a few moments as she thought over her words. “Fuck!” She hit my arm lightly as I drove along the road. “What if they had more kids after she went back? They’re... old. They canna be doin’ THAT and havin’ more bairns. Christ, how embarrassin’.” I couldn’t help but laugh at my wife’s thoughts on her parents. 

“I’m sure they will have a wonderful life together, Faith.” I assured her.

“Had.” She corrected me as she glanced at the clock to check the time. “She will be through the stones by now. That means she’s dead, Alex. She’s been dead for two hundred years.” 

The rest of the journey back to my place was quiet, as Faith was no longer in the mood to talk. I let her have her few minutes of silence. She was grieving. One of the reasons I thought it would have been better for her to stay with her brother and sister tonight.

After I parked in the drive way, I jumped out of the car as quickly as possible to run round to the other side. I opened Faith’s door for her and gave her my hand to help her out. Once she was out of the car and I managed to lock it up, I picked my wife up in to my arms and carried her to the house. It took me a couple of minutes to finally unlock the door as I tried my best not to drop Faith on her arse, but I got there eventually. Faith couldn’t stop laughing. I had no choice but to try and shut her up with a quick kiss. Thankfully, it did the trick. Sort of. She stopped laughing, but she started to speak instead.

“What on earth are ye doin’?” She asked me.

“Kissing my wife.” I answered simply.

“I meant carryin’ me from the car, ye dolt.” She rolled her eyes at me.

I opened the door and stepped inside. “I’m carrying my new bride over the threshold. That alright?” I asked her.

Faith grinned at me before she smashed her mouth against mine and started kissing me. I don’t know how I managed it, but I was able to kick the door closed behind me. I couldn’t bare to tear my lips away from my mouth, so I didn’t even attempt to try and lock the door. There wasn’t much crime in this area anyway, so I assumed the door would be alright unlocked as I carried my wife to our bedroom.

I lay my wife down on the bed before I ran back downstairs to to quickly lock the door before grabbing some champagne from the fridge and a couple of glasses.

“Hmm. What’s that for?” Faith asked. She didn’t look too impressed with the beverage I brought for us to continue our celebrations. 

“Champagne. You drink it.” I told her. “You know, when you’re celebrating something. Like getting married. Like we did.” Faith rolled her eyes at me again as she scooted up the bed to rest her back against the headboard.

“I can think of better things to do.” She smiled at me.

“We have the rest of our lives together, Faith. We don’t need to do anything tonight.” As soon as I said that, I knew I would be causing fireworks, and not the good kind. As much as Faith wouldn’t admit it, she was still upset about losing her mum. I didn’t feel comfortable making love to her for the first time while she was so heartbroken over her mum leaving. It wouldn’t be right.

“We are married, Alex.” She informed me firmly as if I wasn’t already aware. “Ye said ye wouldna sleep wi’ me until we were. Well, we are. So what’s the problem now?” She questioned angrily. She looked just like her mother when she got angry. It wasn’t often I saw Claire angry, but when she was, it was usually aimed at her eldest daughter either after or during one of their infamous arguments.

“Yes, we are married.” I agreed. “You are my wife, and I am your husband. That means I’m here to love and support you, no matter what. We have the rest of our lives together to take things to the next level, Faith. I just don’t think it should be tonight. Not when you’re upset about Claire leaving.”

“I am upset, but I’m also happy, Alex. I’ve wanted this for so long, and I know you have too. Why should we wait? We have no reason to now. We love each other, why can’t we make love to each other? It’s our wedding night, Alex. Please.” I let Faith crawl towards me on the bed and allowed her to kiss me. 

“I just don’t want you to regret anything because you weren’t in the right headspace.” I told her.

“I know. And I love you for that, I really do. But I’m ready Alex. Please.” She begged me again before kissing my cheeks and my forehead.

“If you change your mind, you tell me and I’ll stop, alright?” Faith nodded in agreement. “I mean it Faith. If you want me to stop, tell me. I promise I will.”

Faith stood up from the bed and attempted to try and pull the zipper down from the back of her dress. I immediately stood up from the bed myself and went to stand behind her. “Here, let me.” i whispered in her ear as I began to slide the zip down her back slowly. Faith’s breath hitched as my hands gently brushed against her shoulders when I went to pull down her sleeves.

My wife stood in front of me with her back pressing against my chest, still dressed in her bra and panties, not allowing me to take in her full beauty. Then she suddenly turned around and reached up on ho her tip toes to kiss my cheek. “I want you, Alex. I want you now.” My wife whispered in my ear. That was it. I needed her just as much. I wanted her just as much as she wanted me. 

I lowered her to the bed as I rose above and hovered over her. Suddenly though, I saw my sweet Faith start to tremble. She closed her eyes, and I knew that she was starting to feel self conscious about herself. I bent down to whisper in her ear. “Tell me to stop, and I will. I promise.” All my wife did was nod her head. “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, Faith. You don’t need to feel so insecure around me. You are mine, and I am yours. Always.”

I left a trail of wet kisses from Faith’s jaw, down her neck to her collarbone before trailing more down her chest, over her bra and down her beautiful stomach to just above where her panties sat.

I lifted my head to see my beautiful wife looking at me lovingly with the most beautiful smile on her face. I reached my hands up slowly to slide the bra straps off her shoulders before getting her sit up slightly so I could reach round and unclip her bra. I didnt remove her bra then though. I moved my head back down to suck her left nipple through the fabric of her bra. When a low moan escaped my wifes mouth, I smiled against her breast before moving my mouth over to give the right nipple the same treatment.

“Now, Alex. Please. I need ye now.” Faith panted as she tried to reach to pull at my shirt. 

I sat up on my knees right between Faith’s legs and began to quickly unbutton my shirt. Once it was free from my body, I threw it to the bottom of the bed to where I had just kicked off my shoes. 

I smiled down at my wonderful wife who was still laying on the bed, looking up at me lovingly in just her small ivory bra and panties. Faith was getting impatient, so she threw herself up from the bed so she could start to undo the button my trousers and pull down my zip. I slowly slid off the bed and stood in front of Faith as I removed my trousers and kicked them and my socks over to rest with the rest of my clothes. I was left standing in just my own underwear.

“Take them off.” Faith demanded.

“Not yet.” I told her as I came to sit between her legs once more. “I want to make you feel good first.” 

I bent myself down again to hover over her as I kissed her mouth passionately. I gently slid off her bra before moving down south to remove her already soaked panties. I looked at my wife. Really looked at her and took in all her beauty. “You really are so beautiful, Faith.” I told her. 

I positioned myself between Faith’s legs and I could smell her arousal instantly. “You smell delicious, darling. Can I taste you?” I asked her.

“I… I don’t really know what to do, Alex.” she confided. 

I sat up straight away and held both her hands in mine. “We don’t have to do this Faith if you aren’t ready.” I assured her, but she only shook her head.

“No. I want to. I just… I havena done this before. I’m scared I wont be any good. What if I disappoint ye?”

“I haven’t done this either, Faith.” I told her. Faith’s head snapped up in complete shock. Did she really think that I had any more experience than her? 

“Ye… ye havena done this either? But… we’ve… you’ve…”

“You are the only woman I have ever loved, Faith. The only woman I will ever love. Did you really think I could ever be with anyone else?” I asked her.

“Sorry… Can ye keep goin’ please?” Faith asked me with a smile.

I nodded my head yes and then kissed her on the mouth again as I pressed my chest against hers. Both of us letting out small moans at the skin on skin contact.

I trailed more kissed down my wife’s perfectly naked body until I reached her belly button. I then go in to position like before as I trailed kisses up Faith’s inner thigh until I reached her honeypot. As soon as my tongue touched the swollen flesh, I could feel Faith jump at the contact as she let out yet another sound. I couldn’t help but smile. She was so responsive to every touch. I had wanted this woman for so long, I was scared I wouldn’t be able to last that long. Especially since we were both new to this kind of intimacy, I knew our first time wouldn’t be all that wonderful, so I wanted to try and take as much time as possible to make sure Faith enjoyed this experience.

The long laps I used to trace her opening had Faith panting like never before. And that was before I even reached her clit. There was no words for how amazing my new wife was. 

I thrust my tongue inside her honeypot and devoured every drop of honey that coated her channel. She tasted amazing. 

“Mmmm.” I hummed as I lapped up all I could of her.

“Stop!” Faith cried.

I stopped straight away as I sad I would. “Whats wrong?” I asked.

“I need ye inside me, now.” She said as she wriggled about on the bed. “Something is happening, Alex. All I know is I need you inside me. Now.”

I chuckled. “That’s your orgasm building. As much as I want you to come when we’re joined, I want to make you come like this first. I want to taste you and drink every drop of honey you have for me, alright?”

She didn’t answer, she just nodded her head.

“If you want me to stop, just tell me, alright?”

Once again, I got back in to position and entered a single finger inside her. The muscles of her pussy clenched around me almost straight away. I lowered my head again to continue the teasing of her clit with my mouth and tongue.

Faith completely shattered in to a million pieces on the bed. Spasm after spasm squeezed my finger and tongue as my wife screamed my name over and over. When Faith’s orgasm calmed and she started to experience the aftershocks, I withdrew from her, quickly removing my underwear as quickly as possible and tried to grab the box of condoms Bree threw at Faith earlier.

“Wh… what are ye doing now?” Faith asked me, breathless. 

“Getting a condom.” I answered.

“We don’t need them, Alex. We’re married.”

“But—“

“I mean it. I want to experience this properly. That means all of you.

“Neither of us have done this before, so there is no risk of any STD’s, right?” I nodded along as I listened to what Faith was saying. “That leaves pregnancy. We’re married and already planning children. Does it really matter when they come? I’ll fall pregnant when god thinks the time is right, so can we just… not?” she looked at the box of condoms in my hand as if they were weapon of some kind.

“You’re sure about this?” It honestly didn’t matter to me, but I didn’t want Faith regretting starting a family too soon. We weren’t even officially married yet, only handfast.

“I’m sure.” she said. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I moved slightly to run the tip of my cock along her opening. She was getting really impatient for me now. Faith raised her hips up, begging for me to enter her.

“Tell me to stop, and I will.” I reminded her before I let my hand guide my up and down her opening, nudging the still throbbing bud if nerves every time. “I’ll try to be gentle.” I promised.

Faith decided to wrap her legs around my waist just as I thrust in to her core. Her spine arched off the bed as her body stretched to make room for me as I sank in a bit more.

“Deeper.” She cried.

“Slowly, remember? I don’t want to hurt you.”

I kept pushing in slowly and as gently as I could. I knew Faith was getting frustrated, but I knew it wouldn’t be a pleasant experience for her when I tried to get through her barrier, so I wanted to make sure she was alright. 

To try and keep her distracted as I kept edging my way further inside, I kissed her, licked and sucked on her skin. But my wife had other ideas. She tightened her legs around my waist as she rested her heels on my arse before she dug her heels in, making me push harder in to her and her innocence was ruptured.

I stayed as still as possible as I tried to gauge her reaction. She was in pain, I knew it, but it wasn’t worth stopping now. The worst part was over with. I bent my head down again to take her lips with mine and kissed her to try and take her mind of the pain she must be feeling. 

Her pussy clenched around me and I felt her shiver beneath me. 

“Are you alright, darling?” She couldn’t speak, but she nodded her head. “That was why I wanted to take my time. I didn’t want to hurt you too much.”

“I’m fine.” She whispered. “Please. Keep going.” She begged me softly.

“Okay, I’m going to move now. If it’s too much, just say, alright?”

Faith nodded just before I started to slowly rock my hips against her. I could see her biting down on her lower lip, but I couldn’t quite work out if it was in pain or pleasure. I decided to reach down and kiss her again as I tried to focus on making sure she felt as much pleasure as she did before.

She let out a sigh before biting down on her lower lip again. I could tell that my name was on the tip of her tongue again, but she was trying hard to not finish so soon. She was close. I knew she was, but she was trying to hold back.

“Don’t, Faith. Just let go, alright?” I panted in to her ear.

“Okay.” Faith agreed. “But I want you to come too.” Faith started to grind her hips against mine. I could feel my balls hitting her arse, causing us both to groan at the sensation. Faith managed to perfect her timing with my thrusts. I reached down between us to gently rub circles against her clit and soon enough, my wife was falling over the edge again.

“Alex!” She cried over and over through her orgasm as my cock twitched inside of her and I spilled myself, causing her another round of spasms.

I collapsed on top of her, but tried to find the energy to raise myself off of her straight away.

As I lay next to Faith on the bed, we both turned to face each other as we tried to get our breath back. Neither of us could speak, but it was clear we were both happy with how our wedding night had ended. 

I wrapped my arm around Faith and pulled her in so I could hold her. So I could plant a kiss on top of her head and just be touching her. I soothingly ran my hand up and down her back as she planted soft kisses on my chest.

“Thank you.” Faith whispered.

“For what?” I asked her.

“For loving me.” She pulled away slightly so she could look in to my eyes.

I smiled. “Thank you for loving me too.”


	41. Chapter Forty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. So sorry, I thought I posted this on Monday, but I must have forgotten. 
> 
> If you don’t mind, this will be the last chapter for a couple of weeks. I’ve actually changed my mind about how I want the rest of the story to continue. I was going to space out how the family come together, but like the rest of you, I want them reunited sooner rather than later. Don’t worry, I have a clear plan of what I want to do With these characters, so I don’t think it will take me too long to re write what I already have.
> 
> I apologise for leaving it where it is... but hopefully it will be worth it. I’ve already started writing the next chapter so hopefully it will be ready to post in a week or two.
> 
> Kirsty X

Jamie’s POV

She returned to me. Claire actually returned to me. 

She came alone, leaving Fergus and the girls back in the twentieth century, but she was here. Wi’ me. It was a dream come true. 

As I watched her sleep, I couldna help but just stare at her. Take her in. 

Christ, she was as beautiful as the day I first saw her.

Claire explained why Fergus hadna returned wi’ her, and I completely understood and told her she did the right thing by not allowing him to come back wi’ her. The last thing I wanted was the lad to suffer lord only kent what. 

Nah, she did the right thing. And she did say he would return in a few weeks. The pair of them had already come to some sort of arrangement where Claire and I would meet him at the stones when he came through in case anythin’ was to go wrong. It was nerve wracking havin’ to wait for song long for him to return, but I guessed it was good for him to spend some time wi’ the lassies. After he returned last time, he told me how well he and Brianna had gotten along. And as much as I missed Faith, I kent Fergus was strugglin’ a but himself wi’out her here.

Claire started to stir in the bed as I watched her, I didna move. She took a couple of moments to come round properly and really focus on my face. I could tell she was feelin’ similar to myself when I woke up. When I saw her layin’ there beside me, I couldna believe she was really here. I just had to reach out and touch her. Hold her. Clearly Claire felt the same way. She slowly reached up her hand to cup my cheek before she moved her hand to behind my neck to pull me down for a kiss. 

“Good mornin’, Sassenach.” I said lovingly against her mouth after just pulling away slightly from her.

“Good morning soldier.”

It was still verra early in the mornin’, and in all honesty, I had thought that Claire would sleep in longer. Not only was my wife a bit of a lazy bones in the mornin’, preferring to lay in her bed for as long as possible, but we had spent the majority of the night talkin’ about our lives and gettin’ to ken each other again. Mainly focusing on the bairns. We made love a couple of times as well, and honestly, I could have been making love to my wife all night long if it wasna for me bein’ aware of all the others stayin’ in the house as well. I just didna expect to see Claire awake so early, but it was a verra pleasant surprise indeed.

If we wanted some privacy, the only thing to be done was to leave Lallybroch as soon as we could, and make the journey back down to Edinburgh. No really ideal since Claire had only just arrived, but after twenty years apart, she and I really needed the quality time together. Privacy. Not somethin’ we would get here wi’ Jenny and her brood.

When Claire and I went down for breakfast, Jenny was stood at the bottom of the stairs. No doubt waiting on us to appear.

“Fancy tellin’ me how my niece is then?” Jenny all but spat at Claire. 

I understood Jenny wanted to hear how Faith was doing, but as Faith’s parents, it was only right that Claire and I spoke about her first. It wasna like Claire was tryin’ to keep anythin’ from Jenny, but it was important for Claire and I to talk through everythin’ first. Not that my sister could understand that.

“Of course.” Claire answered before we followed Jenny through to the kitchen since there was no one around in that part of the house. Not yet anyway.

Claire filled Jenny in on Faith’s life and how quickly she’s come to settle in the twentieth century. Claire even managed to secure our daughter a job as an “auxiliary nurse” at the hospital she was workin’ in herself. 

“Of course I helped Faith to get the job, but the fact that she still there and working her socks off is all down to her. 

“All the patients love her. So do the staff. She’s settled in quite nicely. In fact, I had it on good authority that the head of nursing staff was going to be speaking to Faith after she went back to work from her vacation time.”

“About what?” I asked Claire.

“Well, everyone has been really impressed with Faith’s work ethic and her willingness to just jump in and learn anything and everything she can. The head of nursing has t let this go unnoticed, and is keen for Faith to go to nursing school and become an official nurse. 

“I’m not entirely sure if she will agree or not. I know she adores the job she has just now, but she is keen and capable of doing more than what she does, so it wouldn’t surprise me if she did decide to go for it.” Claire explained.

“Ye dinna think she’ll be a doctor like you then? A surgeon?” I asked her.

“I don’t think so, no. She passed a comment not so long ago that she liked spending time with patients. Getting to know them and building a level of trust with them. Doctors can sometimes see between twenty to thirty patients a day. Nurses and auxiliaries maybe see only half of that. 

“I think I’d she was to further her career, it would be as a nurse. And I know for a fact she would make a damn good one.”

Jenny had stayed fairly quiet as Claire spoke about Faith, but as I watched her from the corner of my eye, I could see Jenny was taking in everything she said. I think my sister was glad that Faith was doing well and settled nicely, but it was clear that she thought Faith had made the wrong decision.

“So... ye dinna think she’ll come back then? Or this Brianna lass of yours? She has no interest in meeting her family? Her father?” I think Jenny was just lookin’ for some kind of argument by then.

“Both girls are happy where they are, so no... I don’t think they will come anytime soon. Maybe some time in the future, but I honestly couldn’t say.” Claire responded to Jenny politely.

Thankfully, my sister let it drop. Even smiled at Claire when Claire thanked Jenny for raising both Fergus and Faith.

When I returned from Hellwater, I knew it was difficult for all of us. Ian, Jenny and I. They had raised two of my children when I couldn’t, and I was beyond grateful. Then when I returned, I wanted to be a father to them, but it wasna so easy to just step back in to that role after so many years. They were both grown adults by the time I returned to them. It was Jenny and Ian who raised them. Jenny and Ian who were basically parents to Fergus and Faith. It was difficult for them to take a step back, especially Jenny.

Now here was Claire. She had been separated from Fergus and Faith for even longer than I had, but here she was explaining to Jenny, the woman who raised them both, how well Faith has settled in a new life. Away from us all. I could understand Jenny’s frustration at the situation, but it was Faith’s choice, and we just had to accept it. No matter how much we hurt over it. I just wanted my daughter to be happy. Both of them.

Things took a turn though when Claire told Jenny about Faith’s marriage to this Alex fellow. Jenny was furious wi’ Claire because she allowed Faith to marry a man she doesna ken. When Claire tried to explain how much Faith loves the lad, and how much he loves her, Jenny wouldna listen. 

In the end, it was Claire that snapped. Had a right go at Jenny for tryin’ to force the lass in to multiple arranged unions over the years when Faith kept insistin’ she wanted to marry for love. Jenny argued she was only tryin’ to do what was best for her. But when Jenny heard Claire’s response. Heard how it truly made Faith feel, I could tell my sister was heartbroken at the thought she hurt my wee lass so.

“Faith wept in my arms and asked me to keep reminding her that she was loved, Jenny. That shattered my already cracked heart in to another million pieces.

“Oh, she knew you loved her. But... the way you kept trying to force her to marry some lads she barely knew... she thought you just wanted rid of her.” Claire screeched across the table angrily at Jenny. 

I wanted to step in, but I knew that Claire had all these feelings she really needed to thrash out at Jenny. Not just her own feelings, but Faith’s as well. As difficult as it was to just sit there and listen, I kent it was the best thing to do. Not a single one of us in this family hadna been affected by what happened twenty years ago. Now that Claire had returned, everythin’ had to be thrashed out between us all so we could hopefully move on and become the family we once were. Minus the lassies.

“I couldna have loved that lass any more if I had birthed her myself.” Jenny grumbled quietly. I could tell she was hurt that she made Faith feel such a way.

“I ken, Janet.” I told her softly.

“So do I. I didn’t mean...” Claire trailed off as she looked at the hurt on Jenny’s face. “I know you live Faith, so does she.”

“But I made her feel that unloved, that unwanted that she will probably never return to us again?” My sister wasna one to cry all that often. She’s one of the toughest women I ken. To see her so small and huddled up on herself as her eyes filled wi’ tears over the grief of losing Faith... it was soul breaking.

“There were... OTHER reasons for a Faith to leave.” Claire assured Jenny as she took her hand. When she said the word “other”, she gave me the coldest look I had seen in twenty years. 

I kent that Fergus and Faith had told Claire about my marriage to Laoghaire, but when I tried to bring it up last night, Claire shot me down immediately. Claiming she didna need to ken the details. All she needed to ken was that it was definitely over, which I assured her it was.

Was Laoghaire a huge part of Faith leaving too? I mean, I kent she wasna happy about me marryin’ the lass, and she was over the moon wi’ delight when we separated and I took both her and Fergus to Edinburgh wi’ me to try and start a fresh.

It was clear from my wife’s look that she believed I was the main reason our daughter left. I was certain of that fact as well, but the cold, distrustful look on Claire’s face told me that there was probably more we should discuss.

A few hours later, I had convinced Claire that we should make our way back to Edinburgh. She wasna overly thrilled at the idea of leaving Lallybroch because she still felt she needed to sort through some more things wi’ Jenny. I could understand, but felt it more important that Claire and I spend some quality time together to properly reconnect after so many years apart. Her and Jenny’s relationship could wait. Ours couldn’t.

“You promise to bring me back here soon? I don’t like the thought of leaving here before Jenny and I sort things out properly.” Claire asked me as I saddled up a couple of the horses.

“I promise, mo nighean donn.”

Just as I moved closer to Claire to pull her in to my arms, two lassies came running through the arch way shouting on me.

My daughters.

Step daughters.

Marsali and Joan.

“Daddy!” Joan called as she ran towards me. Her older sister quickly reached out for her and pulled her back.

“Daddy, who is that woman?” Marsali asked, looking a lot like her mother in that moment as she looked Claire up and down.

I hadna seen the girls in such a long time, I was confused as to why they were here.

“Oh, these must be your girls.” Claire said brightly as she moved aside to get a proper look at them both. “Hello. My names Claire.” Claire smiled at the lassies, but the just stared at her in confusion.

Before I could give any explanation to the girls as to who Claire was, their mother appeared. Face all red in anger as she trudged over towards Claire and I. 

“So it’s true then? The English hoor has reappeared out of nowhere after twenty years.” Laoghaire spat her words as she got closer. 

It was my instinct to step in front of Claire to try and keep Laoghaire away from her.

“Laoghaire? Wh-What are you doing here?” Claire asked before I could.

“Heard my husband was home from Edinburgh. Thought it only right to bring our girls to see their father.” Laoghaire smiled sweetly like butter wouldn’t melt as Claire would say.

“Wife?” Claire questioned. Shock evident in her voice. Why? I didna ken. She told me Fergus and Faith had told her of my second marriage.

“Claire, I can explain.”


	42. Chapter Forty One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First part of the chapter is from Claire’s POV. How will she react to the news of Laoghaire being Jamie’s ex wife?
> 
> Second part of the chapter is from Faith’s POV. Bree has some things she needs to show her sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. I’m sorry it’s been a hot minute since this story was updated, but I’ve had a lot going on at home recently. Anyway, I hope you’ll enjoy what’s to come in the next couple of chapters...
> 
> Kirsty X

Lallybroch 1767

Claire’s POV

Laoghaire. He married bloody Laoghaire?

When Faith told me about Jamie’s second marriage, she never mentioned who it was he married. If she had told me it was Laoghaire, I probably wouldn’t have returned. Even with Fergus explaining to me that the marriage was no longer valid between the two, if I had known it was Laoghaire that Jamie had pledged his life to, I would never have come back to him.

It occurs to me that neither Fergus nor Faith knew Laoghaire all them years ago when Jamie and I spent our time at Castle Leoch, so there was no way for them to know the history between Jamie, Laoghaire and I. I very much doubt that Jamie would have mentioned our past to the children. 

Laoghaire.

The woman tried to have me killed. Which he knew. Jamie knew that it was Laoghaire that had me tried as a witch all those years ago. Why on earth would he marry her after she did such an evil thing unless he really did love her? I know both Fergus and Faith, and even Jamie has told me that it wasn’t like that at all. That he only married her because he felt sorry for her girls and really wanted a chance to be a father. That on its own was enough to make my head spin. He already had two children that needed him, regardless of them being adults or not, Jamie is Fergus and Faith’s father first. 

The brothel.

Jamie had our daughter living in a bloody brothel in Edinburgh because he had to send money back home to not only the Murray’s here at Lallybroch, but to Laoghaire for her and the girls as well. He really did put her and her daughters before our own children. How could he do that?

Everything was such a haze after Laoghaire and the girls’ arrival. All I can remember is young Ian coming out to guide me back in to the house and taking me through to the kitchen. I sat there and didn't make a sound. I just sat and thought through everything from my own past with Laoghaire, what the children told me about Jamie’s second marriage, and what I had just learned outside. 

I’m not sure how long I sat there before Jamie finally came back in to the house and carried me to our room. I was in such a state of shock, I can barely remember him picking me up at all. 

“Laoghaire?” I asked quietly after Jamie sat me down on the bed. He was crouched down in front of me, trying to take a hold of my hands in his, but I wouldn’t let him. “You married Laoghaire?!” I snapped a little louder than I had meant.

“Claire... ye said Fergus and Faith had told ye.” Jamie said gently. I gave him a hard shove out of the way so I could get up and start to pace the floor in anger.

“They didn’t tell me the name of your wife. They never said it was... HER!

“FUCK SAKE!” I screamed. “If I knew you moved on with THAT, I would never have come back to you. I shouldn’t have come back.”

As I went to reach for the door handle to let myself out of the room, Jamie grabbed a hold of my arm and pulled me back. “I told ye, Claire, I didna move on. I didna love her. I’ve only ever loved you. Ye ken that, Sassenach.”

I yanked my arm away from Jamie as hard as I could, but he grabbed me again and forced a kiss on to my mouth. I pushed him away, still angry at the betrayal of his marriage to the woman who tried to have me killed.

“You knew EXACTLY how that selfish little girl treated me all them years ago, Jamie. If you loved me, how could you do such a thing as marry her?” I asked him. Anger dripping out of my every word.

“It was for the lassies, Sassenach. They needed a father figure in their life. Someone to love and protect them.”

“I still don’t understand, Jamie. It’s... it’s Laoghaire. She tried to have me killed, or have you forgotten?” Jamie didn’t say anything. He just bowed his head as if he was ashamed. 

Good.

I turned to reach for the door again. “Where are ye goin’?” Jamie asked in a panic. “Ye said ye wouldna leave me again.”

I huffed at his choice of words. “Leave you? Again? Wow. You really do have a short memory.” I scoffed.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Jamie’s voice got tighter as if it was me that was the problem.

“You. Making out like it was my choice to leave. It wasn’t. You MADE me go back through the stones. It was you who made me leave our son and our daughter, and for what?” I lifted my arms as I shrugged and let them drop heavily to my sides again.

“To keep Brianna safe.” Jamie gritted out.

“Yes. But that came at a price I don’t know was worth it. 

“When Faith found me in Inverness, she HATED me. The poor girl feels abandoned by everyone around her. First me, then you. Alex. Even Jenny at one point. And I was so reluctant to come back to you because I knew how she felt about people leaving her behind. How she felt about ME leaving her behind. 

“She assured me she would be fine. She has Alex and Bree. Roger too, and Fergus is with them. But... even though she knows I love her, she will always feel like I’ve left her behind. My relationship with Bree isn’t that much stronger. Due to the fact I couldn’t tell her about you and that you were her real father, that secret caused a huge divide for us. It was only recently that she and I had been able to try and rebuild our relationship. And then I came back here. To you. And for what exactly? For you to throw our twenty year separation in my face as if it was MY fault. Learning you married the one woman that you should have stayed away from. I can’t do this, Jamie. I need some space.” I didn’t wait for him to answer, I just opened the door and headed downstairs to get some fresh air outside. 

“I’m sorry, Auntie.” Young Ian said softly from behind me on the front step.

I turned to face him. He looked... really guilty. A little ashamed over something. “Sorry about what?” I asked him curiously.

“It was my fault that Laoghaire appeared. I didna think she would turn up here, honest. Especially since she and Uncle Jamie are no longer married.”

“I’m sorry, what do you mean it was your fault she was here?” I asked him.

Young Ian let out a deep breath. “I went to speak to Fergus’ lass, like ye asked. That was all fine, by the way. But then I was in the village and I bumped in to Mr McGowan—“

“Ned McGowan?”

“Aye, Auntie. He was askin’ after Uncle Jamie, and I told him that ye had returned to him and that ye were both here at Lallybroch.

“I didna realise that Laoghaire was stood close by and heard me say such. I’m so sorry, Auntie. I didna mean to cause such a kebbie-lebbie. I’m so sorry, Auntie.”

I smiled softly at the lad. It wasn’t his fault. He shouldn’t have to feel guilty over what happened. I just wish I knew it was Laoghaire that Jamie was married to before I came back. “It’s alright, sweetheart. It wasn’t your fault.” I assured him.

After young Ian went back inside to finish off some chores, I had some time to myself to think things through. 

Jamie and I spoke a lot last night about our life apart, and I suppose he did try and broach the subject of Laoghaire, but I wasn’t interested. I didn’t want to listen to him talk about the other woman he was married to. Whether he loved her or not, he cared enough about her to marry her, and that stung me a quite badly. Now knowing what I do about Laoghaire being said woman, it really angers me that he could marry her of all people. It just feels like too much time has passed for us and we don’t fit any more. 

I knew we would have to get used to each other again after so much time apart, but the knowledge that he married Laoghaire just makes me so uncomfortable. Angry. 

It makes me wonder why I came back at all. All three of our children are back in the twentieth century, and I’m here with Jamie. But it feels wrong. I don’t belong here. Not anymore. 

So, I decided to grab my things and leave.

I wanted to say goodbye to Jenny and Ian, but I knew if I did, they would tell Jamie and he would try and stop me. I can’t have that.

It was difficult. And painful. But I took one last look at the family estate before walking away. Heading back to Craigh Na Dun. Back to my family in the twentieth century. Back to my children, where I belong.

Edinburgh 1969

Faith’s POV

It’s been over a whole month since Alex and I were handfast in front of my family and Roger. Well, I suppose Roger is now part of the family as well now. He and Bree seem to be goin’ along quite well. Even if she is here in Edinburgh while he’s down in Oxford. Some weekends he comes up here to visit, and she went down to Oxford to see him once. Alex, Fergus and I were supposed to go wi’ her, but I ended up having to work an extra shift that weekend. Alex decided to stay behind wi’ me, and Fergus didna really fancy taggin’ along with Roger and Bree on their special time together. I was nervous about Bree makin’ the journey all on her own, but she assured me she would be fine. 

Since Ma’s been gone, I’ve found myself worryin’ over Bree quite a bit. It’s no like I’m tryin’ to mother the lass, but I can tell she’s strugglin’ more than she’s lettin’ on. She’s tryin’ her best to put on a brave face and make everyone believe she’s coping just fine in Ma’s absence, but I ken the truth. I ken she’s just as devastated as me.

Alex and I decided to move in to his house after we were married. Only because the house was there, and it gave us the opportunity to have some privacy. The plan was to sell the house and move in wi’ Bree when Fergus goes back through the stones. But I dinna like the thought of Bree strugglin’ and me no bein’ there for her. 

There’s been a couple of nights when Alex has been kept busy at the hospital, so instead of sleepin’ in his house on my own, I went back to Ma’s place to stay wi’ Bree and Fergus. We havena really spoken much about how Bree feels about Alex and I coming to live in the house wi’ her, but it’s such a big house for just Bree to stay on her own. She seemed excited about the idea of Alex and I moving in when Fergus goes back home, but she hasna really said anythin’ since we first spoke about it.

Poor Fergus has been feelin’ a bit trapped here wi’out Ma bein’ here. I can tell he’s gettin’ restless and desperate to return home, but Ma made Bree and I promise to make sure he stays here and rests. It’s too soon for him to return. Ma even thought Da’s birthday was still too soon for him to return, but Fergus was adamant he needed to get back as soon as possible.

Fergus has been able to adapt to twentieth century living quite well. He’s even been talkin’ about tryin’ to find a job. He feels bad that he can’t contribute to anything, but wi’ me working and the money Ma left for us, there is more than enough. There really is no need for him to work. If it’s just to give him somethin’ to do when Bree’s in school and I’m at work, I can understand that. I just dinna want him to think that he needs to earn a wage to be able to stay. 

It has been nice for Fergus, Bree and I to spend some time together. There’s this bond between the three of us, and ye would never be able to tell that Fergus and I never knew Bree for the first nineteen years of her life. I think the fact that Fergus and I are both here is helpful for Bree. I canna imagine how she would cope if neither of us were here wi’ her and Ma went back to Da. 

I was called in to the Matrons office earlier this mornin’ as she had somethin’ she wanted to discuss wi’ me. I was a wee bit nervous since I had never been called in like that before. I started to fear I had done somethin’ wrong. Or even worse, that she had discovered my secret and kent all my legal documents were fake. My wee heart was beating so hard inside my chest, I thought I was gonna die. 

Thankfully, it was all good news. Everyone has been so impressed wi’ my work at the hospital, that Matron has suggested I go on to university to become a nurse. A proper nurse. I have to admit I was a little shocked when she suggested it. I mean, I felt like I was gettin’ on okay at work, but I always had this fear in the back of my mind that someone would realise that I’m not who I claim to be. 

As much as I was honoured that Matron wants me to progress in my nursing career, I canna help but but feel like this is somethin’ I need to think about seriously. I need to discuss it wi’ my family and see what they think. It’s a verra good opportunity, but I really enjoy the work I do at the moment. 

When I finish my shift at the hospital, Alex is there to pick me up and drive us over to have dinner wi’ Bree and Fergus. Bree was havin’ a late lecture, so wouldna be home till after six, so Fergus decided we would just have some pizzas and burgers for dinner. Not exactly the healthy hearty meal I was hopin’ for after a long shift in Casualty, but it’s better than nothin’. 

“So how was your shift today, darling?” Alex asked me as he opened the passenger side door for me to climb in to the car.

“It was alright. Matron wanted a wee chat wi’ me this mornin’.” I said casually when Alex jumped in to the drivers side of the car.

“Really? What for?” He asked wi’ a hint of concern in his voice. 

“It’s nothin’ to worry about. But I’d rather tell ye at home wi’ Bree and Fergus there. If ye dinna mind?”

“Of course not, darling.” Alex smiled at me.

“I could really do wi’ yer advice on the subject. Yours more importantly, but I still want to hear Fergus and Bree’s thoughts on the subject too.”

When Alex and I reached the house, Alex parked in the driveway and came round to my side of the car to help me out. My husband really is the perfect gentleman. 

Since we’ve been reunited, I canna even remember how I managed wi’out him those couple of years. If I was to ever lose him now, I dinna think I would be able to cope. He’s my everythin’. 

Alex lightly tapped on the door to let Bree and Fergus know we had arrived, before he opened the door and ushered me inside first. Bree and Fergus came out from the livin’ room to greet us wi’ hugs and Fergus and Alex exchanged a handshake. It made my heart fit to burst to see how well they were gettin’ along. I even heard Fergus refer to Alex as his brother, and no just a friend. I canna even describe how happy that made me feel. Apart fae Da, Fergus and Alex are the two most important men in my life, so it means the world to me that they get on so well.

“My darling wife has some news for us all.” Alex announced as we sat down at the kitchen table to tuck in to the fine, yet greasy and unhealthy food my brother ordered for us. Fergus and Bree both turned to look at me. 

“What is it? Something happen at work?” Bree asked.

I told them all about what Matron had suggested to me this mornin’, about goin’ on to study nursing to become a real nurse. Everyone was so happy and excited for me, and it felt good. It made me believe that if I really wanted to, I could further my career in nursing. I already kent I had the support of some of the staff at work, and I kent fine that Alex would encourage me to do whatever made me happy. But to hear that Fergus and Bree were as equally happy and supportive, it made me feel so much love.

“I havena decided though. I wanted to discuss it wi’ you lot first.” I said before reaching across the table and taking Alex’s hand in mine. “Especially Alex. I mean, we just got married. We’re supposed to be makin’ everythin’ official in the summer. Then if I was to go on and study nursing, it would mean waiting until after all that before we could start a family of our own...”

“Hey.” Alex said softly as he squeezed my hand gently. “We’ll work it all out, don’t worry. If you want to go to nursing school, we can easily change our plans to start a family later on. I just want you to be happy.”

Before I could answer, I could see Brianna start to dab at her eyes wi’ a napkin. “What’s wrong?” I asked her.

“I’m sorry, it’s just I’m so proud of you. And I know Mama would be too. I just wish she were here to hear all this, you know?”

I got up from my chair and went to stand behind my sister and wrapped my arms around her shoulders before leaning down to kiss the top of her head. “She would be so proud of you too, Bree.”

After Bree’s reaction at dinner, I decided to spend the night at home wi’ her and Fergus. Alex didna mind at all since we both have tomorrow off, so we have plans to spend the whole day together. 

When I went up to bed a wee while after Bree retired for the night, I noticed she wasna in her room. I heard quiet sobs comin’ from Ma’s room, and I kent straight away that it was my wee sister. 

Whenever I come to stay, I always sleep in my own room and Fergus takes the couch. It was by a silent agreement that we would keep Ma’s room as it was when she left. It was all we had of her. 

When I opened the door slowly, I found exactly what I expected to see. Bree huddled up on Ma’s bed sobbing her wee heart out. 

“What’s wrong, Bree?” I asked her gently. Bree sat up on the bed and wiped away her tears. She was holding some papers in her hands. 

“Daddy knew.” She let out in between her gentle sobs.

“Knew what?” 

“Mama said that Daddy didn’t believe her about the stones. He thought she was mad and made it all up. But he did believe her. He knew all along.”

“How do ye ken that?” I asked.

“I was going through some of his things that I had sent over from Boston. I found these.” Bree handed me the papers in her hand. They were letters from a Reverend Wakefield. Roger’s father.

I read them carefully. 

Once. Twice. Three times.

Bree was right. Frank had obviously wrote to Roger’s father and asked him to find out any information he could about Da. The man had written back and informed Mr Randall of a James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser, who had fought at the battle of Culloden on 16th April 1746. I got chills up my spine as I read in great detail of how Da managed to survive Culloden, return to his home at Lallybroch and hide in a cave on the estate before being arrested by the British and sent down to Ardsmuir Prison. There was so much information about Da and his life. If ye could call it a life. There was also a mention of Jamie Fraser’s wife, Claire Fraser, and their young infant daughter, Faith Fraser.

“He knew, Faith. He knew she was telling the truth. He knew Jamie survived and he didn’t tell her.

“For years he made Mama believe he thought she was crazy. How could he do that to her?”

I didna ken what to say. I put the letters to the side and moved closer to bring Bree in to a hug.

“That’s not all, Faith.” Bree whispered in my ear. “There’s something else I have to show you.”

Bree got up from the bed and left the room. I could hear her padding back upstairs a short while later with another piece of paper in her hand. She came and sat down on the bed next to me before handing me the paper.

An obituary.


	43. Chapter Forty Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought I would post this chapter early so I can focus on editing the next couple haha. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy...
> 
> Kirsty X

Edinburgh 1969

Faith’s POV

“Ye canna be serious, Bree?!” I screeched at my younger sister after her wee announcement to Fergus, Alex and I.

“We have to warn them, Faith.”

“No, we dinna. No right now anyway.”

“I agree with Bree, Faith. They should know what could happen. Maybe they will be able to prevent it somehow.” Fergus tried to reason.

“Okay, I can understand that, but look what happened when the pair of them tried to change the course of history last time.” I let out huge sigh before collapsing down on to the couch beside my husband, who had been extremely silent throughout this whole situation. Not a great help at all.

“Anyway,” I continued. “Bree isna exactly the right person to go through the stones to warn them.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Bree crossed her arms over her chest and glared at me as if I just murdered her horse or somethin’.

“What it means is ye dinna come from that time. Ye’ll stick out like a sore thumb. I canna risk ye goin’ there and somethin’ bad happenin’ to ye. It’s no exactly the safest of times there, ye ken?”

“I am well aware of the dangers of the eighteenth century, Faith. The majority of my family come from there, remember?” Bree huffed.

Before I could say anythin’ else on the subject of the eighteenth century being too dangerous a place for Bree to go to all on her own, Fergus piped up wi’ an even more ridiculous idea. “I’ll explain it to them when I return.”

“But that’s not for another few months yet.” Bree sighed sadly.

“I could go now. Like you said, the sooner they know, the better. 

“Anyway, we don’t even know why or how they end up in America. They could be on their way there now for all we know.” Fergus answered.

“Ye arena fit to go through the stones yet, Fergus. It’s too soon.” I told him.

“We don’t have much of a choice here, Faith. There is no real date on that obituary of their deaths. Surely the sooner we warn them the better.” Fergus responds.

I kent that Fergus and Bree were right. Of course they were. But neither of them would be able to handle such a task as goin’ through the stones. Not at this time anyway. Fergus was really sick when he came through the last time. I wouldna want the same to happen if he were to go through just now. Ma and Da wouldna be there to meet him since they arena expectin’ him for a few months yet. He would be on his own. Vulnerable enough for anyone to take advantage of him on the other side. 

Then there’s Bree. As much as she’s learned about eighteenth century livin’ from books and them documentaries on television, she hasna lived through it herself. She canna fully understand what it’s like there.

When I first came through the stones, it was an impulse decision. I didna have time to truly think about what would or could happen on the other side. Mainly because I had no real knowledge of the place since I didna come from there. When I saw that I didna travel alone, but Fergus had come wi’ me, I was so relieved. I needed him more than I would ever admit. Well, Fergus kens that anyway wi’out me havin’ to say it. 

As tough and strong as Bree is, I would never forgive myself if somethin’ happened to her if she were to go through the stones alone.

“We’ll go.” My husband had finally found his voice after sittin’ in silence for over an hour.

I had to look over at him to make sure I heard him right. Alex took my hand in his gave it a gentle squeeze as he smiled at me.

“Like hell we are!” I shot back at him. “No way are we goin’ back there. We canna, Alex.”

“We have to, Faith. We need to warn your parents. I understand your reasoning for not agreeing to Fergus or Bree going right now, but we can.”

“No we canna, Alex. You’re about to graduate from medical school. Ye canna be taking time off at this stage. Lord only kens how long we could be away for. And what happens if someone recognises ye as a British soldier and wonders where the hell ye went and why ye’re wi’ me. 

“I told Ma no to mention ye to Aunt Jenny, so can ye imagine the look on her face if we were to stroll up to Lallybroch together? She’d be furious, Alex. And since we dinna ken for certain if Ma and Da are at Lallybroch, or back in Edinburgh... We just canna go, Alex. We have a life here now. I have a job. I canna be leavin’ right now.”

“But darling, this is your parents lives we’re talking about.”

“I’m well aware of that, Alex. 

“Look, Fergus can tell them everything when he returns.” I said firmly.

“Have you made a decision about going to university to study nursing?” Alex then asked me.

I could see Bree and Fergus both inching closer to hear what my answer was.

“Aye.” I sighed. “I’ve decided to just keep on doing what I’m doing. 

“I want to start a family wi’ ye, Alex. I canna be doin’ that if I’m in school and workin’. We’ll never see each other since you’ll be working shifts yourself.”

No one really said anythin’ after that. Bree went off to go through some more of Mr Randall’s belongings to see if she could find any more information on what happened after Ma returned to Da. Fergus sat back in his chair after picking up the obituary to read over it for the millionth time since Bree and I showed it to him yesterday morning.

I could tell that everyone was frustrated wi’ me, but I had my reasons for not wanting to go back. Not at the moment anyway. I suppose it would be nice to go back and see Da again. Give him the chance to meet Alex and see how happy we are together. It would be a good idea to go before we settle down properly and start to have bairns of our own. But only the lord kens how long we could be back in the eighteenth century. I would never forgive myself if Alex missed out on the opportunity of graduating from medical school wi’ his peers. This is such a crucial time for him, and I’m sure Ma wouldna be happy if she kent that we’d went to find her and Da during this time. 

There really is no harm in waiting until Fergus is due to go back and let him inform them if he must. If it was me though, I dinna ken if I would want to ken when or how I die.

“You know, I wasn’t just gonna go to tell them this. Did you ever think that I wanted to see Mama? Meet Jamie?” Bree said a few hours later as we stood side by side in the kitchen, washing and drying dishes.

“Ye’ve never shown any interest in goin’ back before.” I answer her truthfully.

“I know. But, I really miss Mama, and knowing what I do now, I just really want to see her and Jamie. Is that so wrong?”

“Of course it isna. I just... When I said ye shouldna go, I was just tryin’ to protect ye. Ye dinna ken what dangers lie at the other side of that stone. I canna lose ye after just finding ye, Bree.” I told her. Praying to the god above me that my sister understood where I was coming from.

“I get it. And I completely understand why you don’t want to go.”

“It no that I dinna want to. It’s just now isna the right time for Alex and I. And I also dinna ken what dangers would be at the other side for him to deal wi’. It’s safer for us both here. Especially him.”

“I get it.” Bree sighed as she finished up wi’ the last plate and laying it to the side to be put away by the lads.

I eyed my sister carefully and I could see that she really did want to go back. I think she felt that she would be disloyal to Mr Randall if she had gone wi’ Ma. Now she kens that he kent the truth all along and hid it from both her and Ma, she seems a lot more curious about Da now. And there’s no denying how much she misses Ma. We both do. 

Later on that night when the four of us sat down to watch some television together, I saw Fergus eye the obituary that lay on the coffee table. I also caught Bree looking over to the pile of papers sitting in the corner that belonged to Frank. It was clear to me they both wanted to go.

“I have a compromise.” I spoke up, tearing Fergus and Bree away from their overthinking about the whole sorry situation. 

“Compromise for what?” Fergus questioned.

“Well, Bree and I spoke a wee while ago, and she told me that she really wants to go back to Ma and Da. No just to tell them of their fates, but to see Ma and have the opportunity to meet Da.” I told him.

“Really?” Fergus asked Bree as his eyes widened in surprise. 

“Well, yeah.” Bree answered him. “But, you said I couldn’t go.” She told me.

“I said I didn’t want you goin’ alone.” I corrected.

“What are you saying, darling?” Alex piped up from my side.

“I’m saying that when Fergus goes back for Da’s birthday, he takes Bree wi’ him. Then when it’s time for her to return, he can bring her back to the stones if Ma and Da can’t. That way she won’t be alone.”

“Seriously?” Bree asked, her eyes full of excitement.

“Seriously.” I tell her. “How does that sound to ye both? I ken ye still have to wait a while, but I don’t feel comfortable lettin’ Fergus go home just yet.” I informed them.

“Sounds good to me. That gives us both some time to get things organised.” Bree said excitedly.

“I suppose it will have to do.” Fergus shrugged.

Bree’s POV

“Are you sure about this? Faith is gonna freak the hell out when she discovers us both gone like this.”

It’s been less than forty eight hours since Faith suggested I travel with Fergus when it’s time for him to return home. It was a great idea, but since she put the idea in our heads, neither of us have managed to stop thinking about it. 

Fergus even went to a costume store in the city this morning and managed to buy me some clothes he thinks would do me alright until we meet Mama. 

“Well, it isn’t like we will be here when she discovers we’ve gone.” Fergus laughs. 

I give him a small smile, but I do feel bad about lying to Faith. She’s gonna be devastated when she learns that we’ve just upped and left with only a note left on Mama’s bed to inform her what we’re doing. 

“Don’t worry, Bree.” Fergus says as he realises how nervous and anxious I am. “Both Maman and Faith said I had to wait a while to go through because they didn’t want me to be alone in case something were to happen. But you’re coming with me, so I won’t be alone.” He grins at me again, and I can’t help but smile back. 

The journey to Inverness was very quiet since we left our house in Edinburgh in the evening. There’s no fear of Faith or Alex finding the note we left anytime soon since neither of them will be round to the house for another couple of days. That gives both Fergus and I a good head start on our journey to find our parents. And when I say find, I mean it. Neither of us have any idea if they are in Edinburgh, or back at Lallybroch. Fergus says it would be wise for us to head to Lallybroch first because he has someone he needs to see on the way. Plus, Lallybroch is closer to Craigh Na Dun than Edinburgh. He says we’ll be safe there, and the Murray’s will be able to let us know where our parents are if they aren’t at Lallybroch.

“You sure about this?” Fergus asks as we start to climb the hill to the stones. “You can always turn back if you want?”

“No way.” I say. “We’ve come this far.”

As we reach the top of the hill and see the stone circle, I almost freeze at the sound of the buzzing. I feel so close to Mama, yet so far away.

Fergus hands me a gem stone he managed to acquire for me in the city. 

“Ready?” He asks.

I nod my head eagerly as Fergus takes my hand in his and we press our joined hands to the stone.

Somewhere in the Scottish Highlands 1767

Claire’s POV

I have no idea how long I have been walking. It feels like days, but I’ve lost count. Unfortunately, the stone circle still feels like a million miles away.

I still can’t get my head around the fact that Jamie married that sorry excuse of a woman. If it had been anyone else, I would have been able to get my mind around it all, but the fact it was her. The woman who tried everything in her power to keep me and Jamie apart. The woman who tried to have me killed, and would have been successful if Jamie hadn’t reached me in time. 

The fact that he claims that he doesn’t love her. That he never loved her, it makes my head spin even more. Maybe if he did fall in love with her, I might be able to understand, but the fact that he doesn’t love her, it makes my brain hurt to even try and work out what was going through his head.

The easy thing to do would be to head back to Lallybroch and speak to him and get the answers I want, but I just can’t stand to be around him right now. He’s hurt me in a way I never thought possible. How am I supposed to just ignore the fact he married Laoghaire. Her daughters call him “Da” for crying out loud. I could see the love they have for him, and I could see the love he has for them as well. I’m sure I can’t be around Laoghaire after everything she put me through. Put Jamie and I both through. He shares daughters with her though. I can’t ask him to just abandon them because of my own insecurities over their mother. At the end of the day, it isn’t the girls’ fault.

I spot a tree in the distance. It looks like a well shaded area, and the perfect place to sit down for a rest.

I must have nodded off for a while, because the next thing I hear is someone calling on me. I open my eyes slowly and I see Young Ian riding towards me on a horse. I slowly stand up and edge my way down the small hill a little to meet him.

“Is everything alright?” I ask the lad as he quickly slides off his horse with ease, much like his Uncle used to.

“Auntie Claire, ye need to come back. It’s important.” He says to me. His face is full of panic and I instantly know something is wrong.

“What is it, Ian?”

“It’s Uncle Jamie. He-he’s been askin’ for ye.”

I smile sadly at the lad. “I’m sorry Ian, but I just can’t go back. I need to go back to my own home. I don’t belong here any more. I’m sorry.”

“But ye dinna understand, Auntie. He wants to see ye before it’s too late.”

“Too late for what?” I ask with a small chuckle.

“Ye dinna ken, do ye?” Ian asks with even more panic washing over his young face.

“Know what?”

“It’s Uncle Jamie... Sh-she shot Uncle Jamie, Auntie Claire.” Ian stumbled out his words in a rush, but I hear him perfectly. I just don’t understand.

“Who shot who? Did someone shoot Jamie?”

“Aye, Auntie Claire. It was Laoghaire. He’s askin’ for ye.” Ian pulls at my arm to get me to go towards his horse. 

“Sh-she... sh-shot... J-Jamie?” I stammer out.

“Aye, Auntie. We need to go. Now.”


	44. Chapter Forty Three

Craigh Na Dun 1767

Bree’s POV

“Wake up!” I give Fergus a gentle shove, but he doesn’t move. “Fergus. Fergus, wake up!” He’s breathing. I can see his chest rise and fall as he lies on his back, but he doesn’t move or say anything. 

Great. 

Was Mama and Faith right and it’s too early for Fergus to go home? Why did I let Fergus talk me into coming so soon. We should have waited until he agreed to come back. At least then Mama would be here to meet us. Right now it’s just the two of us, and I don’t know what to do. I can’t just leave Fergus here alone while I go and ask for help.   
Help for what though? 

God! Why won’t he wake up?!

It’s definitely morning time, but I’m not quite sure what time it is. Thankfully it’s an unusual dry day for the winter time in Scotland, but it’s still kinda chilly. I didn’t get the chance to bring many supplies with me, but I did manage to bring a blanket with me. As cold as I am though, I think it’s more important to keep Fergus warm. It doesn’t matter how hard I try, he just won’t wake.

I don’t know how long I’m sat in front of the stones before Fergus starts to come round.

“Oh thank god!” I cry out as I throw myself at Fergus. “Are you okay? How do you feel. Any headache, nausea?” I ask.

“I’m fine. Just a little tired.” He replies as he pushes me off to sit himself up a bit. “How long was I out?”

“I’m not sure. I’ve been awake for a while, but I don’t know what time it is.”

“We should get going.” Fergus tells me.

“Are you strong enough? Do you need to rest more? Eat something? Drink?”

“I’ll take a drink and then we’ll move off. We can stop along the way and eat something.” Fergus tells me.

“I’d prefer it if you had something before we set off. If you were to collapse on me, I’m not sure what I could do.”

“Fine.” Fergus mumbles as he reaches in to my bag to find the sandwiches we made.

We set off a little while later and Fergus tells me more about our family on the way to Lallybroch. Uncle Ian and Jamie have been best friends ever since they were kids. I already knew that. Both Mama and Faith have been trying their best to educate me on the Fraser side of the family, but I like hearing Fergus talk about everyone. He speaks so animatedly about everything. It’s refreshing. Fergus also tells me about Aunt Jenny and Uncle Ian’s children. All six of them. Well, there was seven, but unfortunately they lost my cousin Caitlin. There are so many of them, I’m struggling to keep up with who’s who. Especially since some of them are married and have children of their own. 

It feels like we’ve been walking for hours when Fergus finally leads us down to some old farm house. I would say it’s an abandoned farm judging by the state of the house. Windows smashed in, weeds growing out of the bricks around the front door. But there is some kind of barn off to the right.

Fergus tells me to stay put before he disappears inside the barn and shortly returns with some old man and a couple of horses. The older man walks over a beautiful light golden brown, slightly spirited horse. Fergus has a hold of a beautiful big dark horse that reminds me of Back Beauty. It’s the most beautiful horse I’ve ever seen in my life.

“Ever ridden a horse before?” Fergus asks me.

“Uh... yeah. When I was a kid.”

“Bien. Here, this is your horse. Her name is Dolly.”

“Dolly?” I smirk.

“Oui. Problem?” Fergus raises a brow at me while the older gentleman just looks me up and down curiously.

“Nope.” I shake my head. “Dolly sounds good.”

We thank the gentleman for the horses and then start to make our way to Lallybroch. 

“How did you manage to get these? Surely we didn’t have enough money to buy two horses.” I enquire as we trot along at a leisurely pace.

“We didn’t. The gentleman owes Milord a favour or two. I just called it in. I said we only need to borrow the horses and they will be returned to him in the next week or so. He very kindly agreed. Not that he really had much of a choice.” Fergus explains.

Lallybroch 1767

Claire’s POV

When Young Ian and I arrive at the house, I run in straight away and call back for Young Ian to bring in my bag. I find Maggie in the kitchen and ask her where Jamie is, only to find Jamie and Jenny walking through the back door without a care in the world. 

He looks... fine.

I make my way over to him as quickly as possible and begin to look him over to see how he is baring up.

“Wh-where did she get you?” I ask frantically. “Is the bullet still lodged somewhere?” 

Jamie and Jenny both look at me as if I’ve somehow sprouted horns on top of my head. 

“What are ye havering about, Sassenach?” Jamie asks as he pushes my hands away.

“Young Ian came to find me. He told me about Laoghaire and what she did.” I hurry out. “Now tell me, where did she get you?” I demand.

I can see Jamie and Jenny look past me. I turn to see Young Ian stood in the doorway. “Sorry Uncle, Auntie. I just felt so bad for my part in what happened. I wanted to try and fix things betwix ye.”

“You mean she didn’t shoot him?” I glare at the young lad in front of me.

“Well... she did aim a pistol at Uncle Jamie, but she missed.” Young Ian answers.

“So I came all the way back here for no damn good reason?” I hiss. “I thought he was dying if not already dead!” I snap angrily at the lad.

“I’m so verra sorry, Auntie. I just wanted ye to talk things through before ye made any rash decisions.”

I shake my head in disbelief of just being manipulated by a teenage boy in to returning to Lallybroch. 

“I need some air.” I grit out before barging my way past Young Ian and heading out the front door. 

The fear and the panic I went through the whole way back here after Young Ian telling me about Laoghaire shooting Jamie with a bloody pistol, and it was all for nothing. She missed and never even scraped him with a damn bullet! I thought he was seriously injured. Feared that I wouldn’t be able to save him. How could I go back and tell the children that I was unable to save their father? It would devastate them.

I was on my way back home to my time. To my children and my job. My life. Now I’m back to where I was a few days ago. Nothings changed. I’m still so angry and hurt that he chose to marry that woman after he knew exactly what she put me through. Put us through all them years ago. How could he do that to me? I know I wasn’t here, but Faith was. Fergus was. What was he bloody thinking marrying the woman who made their mothers life hell? Did he really think so little of me?

My heart is racing at the thought of Young Ian bringing me back here under false pretences. I could be near enough to my children by now if I just kept going. But no, I had to come back to Lallybroch and try and save the father of my children.

FUCK!

“Sassenach?” 

I could sense him behind me before he spoke, but I can’t face him. Not right now.

“I need some space, Jamie. Please, just give me that.” I ask.

“The lad only thought he was doin’ us a favour. He meant no harm.” Jamie tries to tell me.

“I know.” I bite out. “But he really needs to learn to mind his own bloody business, Jamie.”

“He meant well, Claire. Ye just... left.”

“I shouldn’t have come back in the first place, Jamie. It was what the girls wanted, and I went along with it because I thought I wanted it too. But this... it isn’t going to work. Too much time has passed and we’re different people.”

“You said we needed to get to know each other again, Claire. Ye also promised me ye wouldna leave me again.”

I birl around to face Jamie. “When I came back, I knew there was another wife. I just didn’t know that that wife was the woman who tried to have me killed. The woman that did whatever she could to drive us apart. 

“To learn that you married her of all people is just too much. If you don’t understand that, then is there really any point in discussing this any further?” I vent out my frustrations, but Jamie doesn’t answer. He just stands there looking angry at me, as if it’s all my fault he married her. I wasn’t here. His decisions are all on him. 

It takes a few minutes, but then Jamie finally finds his voice. “I messed up Claire, I ken that. I just need you and I to head back to Edinburgh so we can discuss things properly. We canna be alone here.” 

I let out a big breath I wasn’t even aware I was holding in. “But what’s the point, Jamie?” I ask seriously. “You married Laoghaire, Jamie. Laoghaire. You left her and moved our children down to Edinburgh, but instead of providing a proper home to them, you sent money that YOU earned, back to the Murray’s here at Lallybroch, and to Laoghaire for her girls.”

“I had responsibilities, Claire. Dae ye no think I would give Fergus and Faith the world if I could?” Jamie spits at me.

“I thought you would.” I answer. “You could have, but you put other people before them. It’s like it was the Murray’s, Laoghaire and her daughters, and THEN Fergus and Faith. They’re your children, Jamie. THEY should have been your priority, no one else.” I tell him.

“I ken I made a mistake, Sass—“

“Mistake?!” I hiss at him. “No Jamie, putting a whole line of other people before your own children isn’t a mistake, it’s an unforgivable betrayal. No wonder Faith left you behind. She deserves better. They both do.”

I immediately regret my words because as hard as it was, Faith had already forgiven her father. The more she thought about everything, the more she genuinely thought he was trying to do his best by everyone. It isn’t fair of me to come back and throw everything back in his face when I didn’t even return to Fergus and Faith when they needed me. No, I stayed in the twentieth century for twenty years and let them come to me. I’m no better a parent than Jamie. 

The fact that I never returned before now is something Jamie could easily throw at me, but he hasn’t. He’s asked me why it took me so long to return, but he’s never made me feel guilty about it. Fergus told him everything after he returned the last time, but Jamie wanted to hear about it from me when I came back. He understood that it was an impossible situation for me, so I should really let Jamie explain himself to me. He’s hurt me, but if Fergus and Faith can forgive him, then I’m sure I can hear the man out. At least for the children’s sake.

“I’m sorry, Jamie. I didn’t mean—“

“Shhh.” Jamie cut me off as he leaped towards me. “Someone’s coming. Go back in to the house.”

“Ja—“

“It could be Laoghaire. I’ll no have her harm you. Now go!” Jamie snaps.

“Fine.” I snap back. “But you better get your arse in there too. She might have a better aim this time.”

Jamie doesn’t argue, and we both move in to the house and wait behind the closed door. 

It’s horses. More than one, but I can’t be certain how many.

“Do redcoats still come by here?” I whisper curiously.

“Aye. But not so often. I dinna think it could be the British. My guess is still on Laoghaire.”

I nod my head in agreement. Surely she wouldn’t just give up so easily to try and pull Jamie away again? I still don’t understand why she aimed her pistol at Jamie in the first place. Surely if she wanted to hurt someone, especially kill someone with a bullet wound, it would be me, not Jamie. 

Before I have a chance to ask why she did what she did, Jamie and I hear a thud and then a shriek. We both run out the door immediately and I stop still once outside when I see the picture in front of me. Fergus is collapsed on the ground next to a horse, and Bree is bending over him trying to make him come round.

What the hell are they doing here?!

Edinburgh 1969

Faith’s POV

“Hello? Fergus, Bree? Anyone home?”

It’s been five days since I was last at the house wi’ Fergus and Bree. And due workin’ a fair bit of overtime at the hospital as well, I havena had that much time to speak to them on the phone. Every time I call, there’s been no answer. I ken Bree’s busy wi’ her course, but Fergus seems to be out a fair bit more than I thought he would. No that I’m complaining. I’m glad he’s not couped up in the house all day on his own.

Since there’s no sign of them downstairs, I decide to take a look upstairs. Fergus has a habit of taking an afternoon nap now and again before dinner, and Bree sometimes likes to study in her bedroom, rather than downstairs.

I check my room first for a sleeping Fergus, but there’s no sign. The bed is all made up which is surprising because he never likes to make the bed. It looks like he’s out fresh sheets on as well. Nah, it must have been Bree. No way would Fergus do that. He would claim it’s “woman’s work” or somethin’.

I move across the hall to check in Bree’s room, but there is no sign of her either. Verra strange. They both kent Alex and I would be over at some point this week to have dinner. Granted it was meant to be a couple of days ago, but work just got so busy.

I decide to check Ma’s room. I ken sometimes Bree goes in there when she misses Ma. 

No sign of them in here either. There is a note laying on Ma’s bed though, and it’s addressed to me.

Faith,

I’m so sorry that you have to find out this way, but Fergus and I both felt it was important to find Mama and Jamie and let them know their fate as soon as possible. Maybe if we get to them in time, we could change what happens. Who knows?

I haven’t told Roger that I’m going. I’m hoping to be back in a few weeks so there really is no need for him to find out. He’ll only worry. I don’t want you to worry either. I’ll be fine. I have Fergus with me. We can take care of each other. I promise I will be home as soon as possible, but this is just something I had to do. I need to find Mama, Faith. I need to know she’s okay and she found Jamie already. I wanna meet him too. I want to get to know him a little before I have to say goodbye to the, forever so I can return to you, Alex and Roger. 

Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. I promise. Fergus will bring me back to Craigh Na Dun when it’s time for me to come home. He won’t let anything happen to me. You should know that more than anyone.

I love you. See you soon,

Bree.

They’ve gone? 

They’ve gone already?!

“Faith?!” Alex calls as he climbs the stairs. “There’s no food in the refrigerator. Or the freezer.”

Makes since. Not like they needed it when they were travelling back to seventeen bloody sixty seven!

“Hey, did you hear me? There’s no food.” Alex repeats as he walks in to Ma’s room.

“They’ve gone, Alex.”

“Gone where?” Alex asks patiently before I push the note in to his chest and then sit down in Ma’s bed. 

“Back home. They’ve just gone. Didna even tell me. Just left a note. I dinna even ken when they left, Alex.”

Alex reads over the note carefully before placing it on the bedside table. He moves to sit on the bed beside me and pulls me in to his side before planting a kiss on the top of my head.

“Fergus will take care of her, Darling. Bree will be alright.”

“I ken that.” I whimper. “But Fergus... he’s no comin’ back, Alex. He’s left me, and he never even said goodbye. He didna even leave me a note. It was Bree that wrote it. How could he just leave me like this?”

“It’s alright, Faith. I’m here.” Alex tells me softly.

“For how long though? Everyone leaves me.” I cry. “And nobody ever says goodbye.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... so this is the end of Part Two. I’m going to take a break for a wee while before posting the next part of the story.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who takes the time to follow along and read this story, it means a lot. 
> 
> Kirsty X


	45. Chapter Forty Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year guys.
> 
> I know it’s been a hot minute since I updated this fic, and I’m sorry. I just really needed to take a step back and focus on myself for a bit. I want to thank you all for your patience though, and ask for a little bit more if you don’t mind?
> 
> This chapter isn’t as long as others, but it’s something. I have planned the rest of this story out in great detail and also written out the next two chapters. Unfortunately I don’t have a set day or time for when I will be posting this fic, purely because I still want to take some time for myself. 
> 
> This next part of the story is gonna be a bumpy one, so I hope you’ll enjoy what’s to come. 
> 
> Thank you all so much again.
> 
> Kirsty X

Pt. 3   
Ch. 44

Lallybroch 1767

Claire’s POV

It’s been almost three weeks since I found out about Jamie’s second wife being Laoghaire MacKenzie. The very same Laoghaire MacKenzie who tried everything in her power to drive Jamie and I apart when we were first married. Her obsession for my husband even caused her to have me almost killed after being trialed as a witch. 

It’s been almost three weeks since I did what I promised Jamie I wouldn’t do, and left him again. Only that time, it was my choice to do so. I chose to leave Jamie and the rest of the family behind so I could return to my own time. Return to my son and my daughters. That didn’t happen though. Not after Young Ian brought news of Jamie being shot by Laoghaire. I felt I owed it to my children to do my best to save their father. If I didn’t, I was certain I could never face them again.

It’s been almost three weeks since that mad woman came by the house and shot a pistol at Jamie and then just scarpered as if nothing had happened. Jamie hasn’t even bothered to turn her over to the redcoats because of the girls. I understand his love and loyalty to them, but Laoghaire needs to be punished for what she’s done.

It’s been almost three weeks since I returned to find Jamie fit and well. The complete opposite to what Young Ian led me to believe.

It’s been almost three weeks since my son and my youngest daughter arrived at Lallybroch. 

Almost three weeks since I thought I would lose my son forever.

“Mama?”

“What is it Bree?” I sigh.

I often dreamed about what it would be like to be back here at Lallybroch with Jamie and all our three children around us. I especially thought about how Bree would take to living in such a time. 

There was a time where I thought nothing could be better than all of us together like this, but it just feels all wrong. And not only because Faith and Alex aren’t here, but because Jamie and I are no where near the people we were twenty years ago. There’s an atmosphere between us now. We don’t speak. Not properly, anyway. We just... exist around one another. Jamie knows the only reason I’m still here is because Fergus needs me right now. I can’t leave him when he’s suffering so. And Bree... well, she came here to find Jamie. To get to know her father for herself. I can’t take that away from her. I won’t. 

“Um... Jamie asked me if I wanted to go hunting with him tonight. Is that okay? I mean, I can stay here with you and Fergus if you want me to.” 

“You should go.” I tell her quietly as I watch Fergus’ chest rise and fall as he sleeps. “There’s nothing you can do here anyway. I’m sure your father would like to spend the time with you anyway.”

Bree takes a few hesitant steps towards me before slowly placing a hand on my shoulder.

“Fergus will be alright, right Mama?”

“He’s getting stronger every day.” I tell her honestly. “But there’s still a long way to go. Even the smallest of tasks tires him out. He’s a tough lad though. I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

Bree gives me a small smile before looking back down at her brother.

“I’ll come by to check on you both when I return.” Bree says before slowly backing out of the room to meet Jamie at the door.

“I’ll take good care of her, Sassenach.” Jamie assures me. I don’t turn to look at him, but I nod my head once in acknowledgement of his words.

For some reason my daughter seems nervous around me these days. That’s probably my own fault though. I wasn’t very welcoming to her when she first arrived. It wasn’t that I wasn’t glad to see her, of course I was. It’s just... to find her here so unexpectedly, and see her leaning over Fergus the way she was as she tried to wake him, it was unsettling. Especially when Fergus didn’t come round for almost an hour. 

I’m not angry or annoyed that they’re here. I’m just disappointed that they behaved so recklessly when they decided to come back before the date that Fergus and I agreed upon. Bree told me this wasn’t the first time that Fergus had passed out for a long period. She admitted that he took a lot longer than her to come round after they came through the stones at Craigh na Dun. 

For almost three weeks now, I’ve been sat by Fergus’ bed side to keep an eye on him. He’s back to his cheeky chappy self, but he still doesn’t have the energy to be up and about like normal. He gets tired very easily, and has been suffering from light headedness. Thankfully the nausea subsided after a couple of days, but I am worried about his tiredness and dizzy spells. He’s able to get up and walk around unaided, but as soon as he starts to get tired, Jamie and Young Ian step in to help him back to bed, or to the nearest chair. It pains me to see Fergus like this, and unfortunately, I’ve been quietly taking it out on Bree by being quiet around her. 

It isn’t that I blame her. If anything, I blame myself for leaving them behind when I did. Maybe if I had stayed, Fergus wouldn’t have came back so soon. I wouldn’t have allowed him to. Bree told me it was Fergus’ idea to come back early. I believe her. Once that boy gets something in his mind, he keeps pushing. Just like Jamie. Just like the girls. 

I know Bree blames herself for the state her brother is in right now. I know I should be reassuring her that it isn’t her fault, but for some reason, I can’t find the words to tell her. In all honesty, I can’t find the words to speak to anyone really. Not Jamie. Not Bree. Not even Fergus. Even as I stay by his side night and day, I have no words to say to him that.

I feel disappointed in Fergus and Bree. Especially since I know they left their sister behind without a proper goodbye. Faith must be in pieces right now. She already has issues with abandonment. She constantly feels left behind by those who are supposed to love her the most. It was why I was uncertain about coming back here when she and I only just started to build a relationship.

If Fergus and Bree only took the time to say a proper goodbye to Faith. If they only just took the opportunity to speak with her about all this, I’m sure she would be disappointed, but at least she would have been able to wave them off. They didn’t give her that though. No. Instead, they left her a note. A bloody note. Written only by Bree. Fergus didn’t even sign the damn thing. If I know my daughter, and I do, I know she’s heartbroken right now. 

Once again she’s been left behind by those who she loves and trusts the most. 

All I want to do is get back to her as soon as possible, but with Fergus the way he is, I can’t leave him just now. As disappointed in Fergus as I am right now, he needs me. Faith has her husband with her. Her friends she’s made from work. I only hope it’s enough to get her through until I can return to her. I pray that day will be sooner rather than later.

Edinburgh 1969

Faith’s POV

“She still hasn’t returned then?” Roger asks me on the phone.

“I told ye I would let ye ken as soon as she was hame, Roger.”

“It been almost a month, Faith. What if somethings happened and we have no way of knowin’?”

“I dinna ken what to say, Roger. She said she would be back in a few weeks. She said Fergus would make sure she got to the stones all right. Ma and Da will be wi’ them too. She’ll be fine.”

“But—“

“No. I dinna want to talk about this anymore, Roger. I promise to call ye when she returns.” I say impatiently before hangin’ up the phone.

I ken the lads anxious about Bree bein’ gone so long. I am too in all honesty. But there is nothin’ we can do. She made up her mind, and she went. She promised to come home, we just need to trust that she will. 

I walk over to the lounge room and collapse down on to the sofa and run a hand over my face. My siblings disappeared back to the eighteenth century almost a month ago. I ken I should be stayin’ positive and believe that at least my sister will return soon, but I canna stop the nagging feelin’ in the back of my mind that tells me I should go after them. Somethin’ tells me somethin’ is wrong, but I dinna ken what. 

I hear the key turnin’ in the front door and I ken that my husband is now home from work. Unfortunately, I’ve spent my day off just lounging around the house doin’ nothin’ at all. I skipped breakfast and lunch. I’ve had the odd glass of water or milk throughout the day, but nothin’ to eat. I havena even prepared anythin’ for Alex gettin’ home for dinner. I meant to boil up some potatoes and other vegetables to go along wi’ a steak, but I just... didna.

Alex drops his brief case that’s filled wi’ some of Ma’s old medical books and moves to sit beside me on the sofa. 

“How’s your day been?” Alex asks me before planting a soft kiss on my temple.

“Fine.” I answer. “Roger phoned again.”

“Again?” He asks. I nod my head. “That’s what, the fourth time this week?”

“Fifth.” I correct him. 

Alex leans over and kisses me again. “I’ll order some food. I’ll leave some money on the sideboard. I’m going for a shower.” He tells me before standing to leave.

When Alex said he was ordering food, I was expectin’ a couple of pizzas. Not a roast chicken dinner complete with gravy, vegetables and Yorkshire puddin’s. Oh, and some chocolate mousse puddin’ thing for dessert. 

As we sat down to dinner at the dining room table, Alex told me all about his day at work. He was workin’ up in one of the surgical wards today as part of his surgical rotation, but my mind keeps goin’ back to thinkin’ about Bree and Fergus, I couldna say for certain which ward my husband had been workin’ in. Or what kind of patients he had been assigned to. It’s not that I’m not interested in hearing about his day, I just find it hard to concentrate on all he says to me while all I can think about is somethin’ terrible has happened back home, and that’s why Bree hasna returned yet. I ken she said she would be away a few weeks, but I honestly thought she would have been home last week at the latest. Somethin’ just feels off to me. I ken Alex senses it too. So does Roger. That’s why he’s been callin’ me so much this past week. 

When Alex finishes his dinner, he lays his cutlery down on his plate before wiping his mouth with his napkin. 

“She’ll be home soon, darling. I can’t imagine her wanting to be gone much longer when you and Roger are both here.” Alex reaches across the table to take my hand in his and gives it a small squeeze.

“I think somethin’s happened, Alex. I canna explain it, but I just... I feel like things aren’t how they should be.”

“Do you want to go back?” Alex asks me immediately. 

I shake my head. “No. I left for a reason. I can’t go back. I just... I wish I kent what was happenin’.”

Alex let’s go of my hand to stand and then round the table to crouch down at my side. He reaches up to turn my head to face him. “Two weeks.” He whispers. “If Bree isn’t home in two weeks, we go back to find her, alright?” 

I shake my head again. “We canna go back, Alex. Especially to Lallybroch. I canna take ye there. It’s too dangerous.”

It’s Alex who shakes his head now. “Bree is my sister too, Faith. I’m concerned about her as well. If she isn’t home in two weeks, you and I will go and find her. Together.”

“What if they never made it to Lallybroch? What if they never even went in that direction? What if they went to Edinburgh?” I start to panic at the realisation that I don’t even know where to begin lookin’ for Bree.

Alex pulls me down from my chair and holds me tightly in his lap. “We’ll find her, darling. I promise.”


	46. Chapter Forty Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys...
> 
> Sorry it’s been a wee while again since I last posted, but hopefully you won’t need to wait much longer for the next chapter. All chapters for this story are now completed so I only have to find the time to edit them before posting.
> 
> I hope you’re all doing okay.
> 
> Kirsty X
> 
> PS... those who read one of my other fics “Mo Ghraidh”, I will be posting the next chapter of that story at some point over the weekend.

Pt. 3   
Ch. 45

Five weeks later...  
Edinburgh 1969

Faith’s POV

It’s been a couple of months now since Bree and Fergus left out of no where to go back to find Ma and Da. Bree should have been home long before now, but there’s been no sign of her. 

Alex has been tryin’ to persuade me to go wi’ him to find her, but I dinna ken what to do for the best. On the one hand, I want to make sure Bree is okay. I want to ken she made it to Lallybroch and found our parents, but on the other hand, I canna leave Alex here. He is so close to graduating from medical school and becoming a doctor like he always dreamed of. I canna take that dream away from him. As much as he says he will come wi’ me, it isna the right time. 

Why can’t I go alone? Mainly because I’m scared that if I leave, I wilna be able to make it back. I dinna want to be separated by time from my husband. As hard as it is bein’ separated from the rest of my family like this, I saw how badly it affected Da bein’ separated from Ma like that. I wilna do it to Alex and I. I just have to trust that Bree will make it home when she can. 

Who knows, maybe she enjoyed gettin’ to ken Da so much, she’s decided to stay? 

Would that be such a bad thing? Not really. I mean, it would suck if I never got to see my sister again. Especially since she left wi’out a goodbye, but maybe she’s makin’ it work there. Maybe she’s found somewhere to belong there. Just like I have here.

If Bree isna home by the time Alex has graduated, I may re think things, but at this moment in time, I canna go back. Not right now. 

Bree will understand.

Alex understands.

Roger... not so much.

The man has been doin’ my head in wi’ the amount of times he’s called to see if she’s home yet. He’s been puttin’ on a lot of pressure for me to go back and find her. I dinna think he realises that I have responsibilities here in this time. I have a husband and a job I love. I canna just up and leave to go and try and find her. She’s a strong lass, just like Ma. She’ll be home when she can. 

If she wants to come home that is...

Lallybroch 1767

Claire’s POV

“Bree, darling? Are you in here?” I call in to the stables. 

Bree disappeared right after breakfast, and I haven’t been able to catch up with her since. 

“She went a walk wi’ Janet and young Ian. She should be back soon though, Sassenach.” Jamie informed me as he came up behind me from the field. 

“Right.” I sigh. “Well, if you see her before I do, can you ask her to come find me in my room? I need to discuss something with her.” I tell him.

“Anythin’ I can help wi’?” Jamie asks. Almost begging me just to open up and have a proper conversation with him, that isn’t just some small talk around his family and the children.

“Not especially, no.” I tell him before I begin to move back in the direction of the house.

“Sassenach, wait. Ye canna just ignore me.”

I keep on walking, but allow Jamie to fall in step with me. 

“Jamie, I just don’t know what there is to say to one another at this point. I’m not even mad with you, or angry. Well... not any more. I just... I’m disappointed.”

“That’s worse.” He mutters from beside me.

I stop walking and turn to face him, pulling on his sleeve to get him to stop too. He turns to face me and I can see the pain in his eyes. I can see how sorry he is. 

“Jamie... I understand that you married someone else. We were apart for such a long time... of course there was someone else—“

“Claire—“

“No. Just... give me a second here.” 

Jamie nods his head for me to continue.

“When I found out you married another woman, I was heartbroken. But when I learned that it wasn’t a match out of love for her, I started to accept it. I was angry and hurt that you seemed to put the Murray’s and your new family ahead of our children, but I later realised I had no business to be angry with you for that. Our situations were completely different, but I kind of did the same. 

“I stayed in the twentieth century with Frank. And Bree. And... when Frank passed, I still didn’t, well... couldn’t, bring myself to tell Bree the truth. Not only that, but I didn’t come back. I didn’t come back for the two children I left here.”

“Ye thought I was dead, Sassenach. I told ye I would die on that field. In that battle.” Jamie tries to excuse my actions, but we both know there is no excuse for me not returning sooner.

I shake my head. “I should have come back sooner. Even though I was certain you were dead, Jamie, Fergus and Faith weren’t. I should have come back to them. For them. 

“You aren’t the only one to let them down, Jamie, we both did. I-I have no right to be mad at you for moving on with your life the best way you could. I have no right to stand here and judge you for what you did. It’s just... it’s Laoghaire, Jamie. If it had been anyone else, fine. But her?” I can feel my temper rising just at the thought of them together. 

I turn away to not face him so I can try and calm myself a bit. Since we’re at Lallybroch, surrounded by the Murray clan and tenants coming and going, I don’t want to draw too much attention to the issues between Jamie and I. If I thought for a second we could have some privacy in the house, I would much rather be having this conversation inside, but Jenny has made it abundantly clear that she wants to know every word said between Jamie and I. 

If the woman isn’t following us around herself, listening to what’s going on, she has her children hanging around to listen in. Not that there has been much to hear anyway. 

I think that’s probably the main reason Jamie and I have been tip toeing around our issues, because we don’t have the freedom or privacy to discuss them properly.

“It just feels like you didn’t love me at all. Like... you didn’t care for me the way I thought you did. Like you had zero respect for me and our marriage. For our children.” I say softly. So softly that Jamie may not have heard me.

Jamie reaches out and puts both of his hands on my shoulders and gently turns me to face him. 

“I am so verra sorry that I made ye feel like this, Sassenach. Of course I love ye. It’s always been you. Will only ever be you, Claire. I can see now how what I’ve done has made ye feel like this. I’m just sorry I’ve pained ye so. I would never want tae hurt ye, Claire. Never. No on purpose anyway.”

Jamie and I spend most of the afternoon together. Chatting some more about our lives, and getting to know each other again. It feels nice. Good even. I’m just not certain that I belong here with him anymore. 

I have a life back in the twentieth century. I had one in Boston, with Frank and Bree. It wasn’t always the best, but it was good enough. I had my beautiful baby girl with me, and I was able to go to medical school and go on to become a surgeon. It was a good life. I was happy... enough.

And then Frank died. I should have taken that opportunity to confess the truth to Bree, but I was too scared in case she didn’t believe me. There was no reason why she should. Frank didn’t believe me. Why would Bree? She was already a young woman by the time I could have told her the truth, but I knew she wouldn’t want to come with me to find Fergus and Faith. Her life was in Boston.

But then we came to the UK. I heard about the Reverend passing away, so Bree and I travelled up to Scotland for Reverend Wakefield’s funeral. There we met Roger. Then the whole Geillis situation, and then finding my son and eldest daughter on the top of that damn hill.

It wasn’t easy, and it took a while, but eventually I was able to build a relationship with Faith. She has a life in Edinburgh in the twentieth century now. She has a job she loves. A new husband. 

As much as I hate the idea of our family being split apart again, I know that it’s the only way. It doesn’t matter if I stay or if I go, my daughters will be in the twentieth century, and Jamie and Fergus will be here. 

I know Jamie would be devastated if I left, but surely he would understand why. And Fergus... well, it isn’t that I don’t want to be with him, because I do. I’m just not so sure if staying here just to be with him is a good idea. It would be too painful to stay and not be with Jamie. But, how could we possibly make things work between us?

Before Jamie sent me back through the stones on the Eve of the battle of Culloden, I told him he was my home. He said I was his, but this home was now lost. As much as I hate to say it, I think he was right.

After our discussion earlier, I feel a lot better. I’m not as mad or disappointed. I’ve even forgiven him. That doesn’t mean I can forget though. How can I stay here and live as his wife when he married the woman who almost had me killed? I know he’s sorry. I know he regrets it. I know it wasn’t even his idea. But the fact is, he agreed to it. He went through with it. It does mean something to me that he had the marriage annulled as soon as he thought there was a possibility I would come back to him, but I just wish he never had to do it in the first place.

As much as I still love Jamie, even though we’ve changed so much as individuals over the last few years, I don’t think I should stay. I think the kindest thing to do is to say goodbye and go on and live the rest of my life with our two daughters. 

“Sassenach, can I have a word wi’ ye?” Jamie asks as I sit with Fergus while I watch him eat his supper. “It’s important, Claire.”

I let out a sigh and tell Fergus to finish his supper before I step out of the kitchen with Jamie.

“What is it?” I ask. 

I have a fair idea what it could be about. As soon as I saw Bree return to the house earlier, I suggested she start getting ready to leave in the morning. Faith will be worried sick about her. Bree and Fergus have both even raised concerns about how Faith must be worrying about them since Bree assured her sister she would have been home long before now.

“Bree said ye told her to get her things together. That ye’re leavin’ at first light the morn. Ye canna go, Claire. I wilna allow it.” Jamie hisses the last part in my ear.

I pull away from him and snap my eyes up to his. “I’m sorry? You won’t allow me to leave? Who the hell do you think you are? You can’t keep me here, Jamie. Or Bree. She has a life back in our time. We both do. Bree has a partner. We have Faith and Alex. We can’t stay here. Neither of us want to.”

“Bree does.” He answers firmly. “She loves it here, Claire. I ken you dae too. Maybe... maybe Faith and that husband of hers might come back if you and the lass stay.”

“Jamie—“ I try to stop him for going on, but he cuts me off.

“Claire, Bree is worried about Fergus. The lass feels guilty about how sick he’s been. She doesna want to leave him. No right now. I ken you dinna want to leave the lad behind like this either, Sassenach.”

“Jamie...” I say softly. “Fergus is doing so much better than he was when he first came back. He’s stronger, healthier, there really is no reason for Bree and I to stay any longer. As much as I don’t want to leave Fergus, I can’t stay any longer. I need to get back to Faith. I need to see if I can get my job back. Bree needs—“

“Bree needs me, Claire. She needs to get to ken me. Properly. Fergus needs you tae. Faith... Faith will be home soon. I ken it, Claire. Ye belong here. Wi’ me. Ye said so yerself, remember?”

“That was over twenty years ago, Jamie. Things change. People change. We’ve changed. I can’t... I can’t be here much longer. It’s too hard.” I tell him with a soft smile before turning to go and find Fergus again.

It is too hard to be here. The longer I stay here, the harder it will be to leave. I’m already finding it difficult. I have to keep reminding myself that I need to get home to Faith. She needs me more than Fergus does right now. 

He and Brianna arrived almost eight weeks ago. That’s eight weeks that Bree has been out of school. How is she going to explain that? Will they allow her back in to her course to study? Probably not. She’ll have to re enrol for next years class instead. 

Fergus is back to his usual self, though he still gets tired easily. As much as I would prefer for both Bree and I to wait a while before returning home so we don’t suffer the same effects as Fergus, I don’t like the idea of Faith being back in the twentieth century without us. I know she has Alex, but I’m her mother. Bree is her sister. We miss her. Terribly. The sooner we can get back to her the better. Jamie may not like it, but the twentieth century is our home. It’s where we belong.

“I could really go a slice of pizza, Milady. Or a cheeseburger.” Fergus says as I sit down next to him. 

Bree giggles from across the table. “Please don’t. I miss food from home.” She mockingly groans.

Fergus laughs at her, and I get a sharp pain in my chest at the thought of us being parted from him once again so soon. 

“Oh... a slice of pizza with a burger, cheese, mayonnaise and chips on top. Now that would be nice.” Fergus says excitedly as Jamie comes in.

“Gross.” Bree says before twisting her face up in disgust.

“Sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to say that we’ll be heading back to Edinburgh tomorrow, lad.” Jamie says to Fergus.

“Tomorrow? Why?” Fergus questions.

“Well, wi’ Claire and Bree headin’ back to yer sister, there’s no need for us to stay here much longer either. We can ride wi’ the girls to the stones and then we’ll head on hame, aye?”

Fergus turns to me in disappointment, and I could kill Jamie for saying all that. He knew I hadn’t spoken to Fergus about Bree and I leaving yet. The only people who knew were him and Bree. I know why he’s done this. He’s done it like this to get Fergus to try and persuade us to stay longer. He knows that if he asks me, I’ll be close to powerless to refuse.

I knew Jamie was good at manipulating people, I just never imagined he would use our children to do it to me.

“Milady? Are you leaving?” The pain and hurt is written all over Fergus’ face. I could swing for Jamie for doing this.

I give Fergus a soft smile. “I wanted to talk to you about this later on. Just the two of us.” I say before giving Jamie a pointed look. Jamie just stares at me blankly.

“But you can’t leave. You came back to be with Milord.”

“Don’t worry, Fergus.” Bree butts in. “Mama isn’t going anywhere. Are you, Mama?”

“I’m sorry, Fergus, but I’m leaving with Brianna tomorrow. We need to get back to Faith. You can understand that, can’t you?”

“But Mama, you came here to be with Jamie. You came back for Fergus too. You said you couldn’t wait for him to return here so you would all be together. Now you are. 

“Mama, there is no real reason for you come back with me. Faith wouldn’t expect you to. She wouldn’t want you to.” Bree tries to reason.

“And what about what I want, hm? Do I not get a say in this?” I slightly raise my voice at Bree. “Sorry, sweetheart. I-I shouldn’t have snapped like that. All I’m saying is... I came back, but it just isn’t the same anymore. Your father and I... well, we’re different people now.”

“But you still love one another, right?” Bree asks.

Jamie moves to sit next to Bree and places his hand on top of hers on the table.

“Of course there is still love between yer mother and I. There always will be. That will never change.” Jamie explains calmly to both Bree and Fergus. “It’s just, yer mother has decided she think it best to return to your time. I wish she wouldna, but I dinna see how I can stop her.”

There’s silence for a few moments before Fergus stands up abruptly to leave. His chair sliding hard across the floor behind him and hitting off the wall. 

“I’m heading out. There is somewhere I need to be.” He says sadly.

“Fergus, I don’t think you should be out and about on your own. Not yet.” I tell him.

“I’ll be fine.” He mutters as he storms out.

I’ve never seen Fergus like this. I mean, when he was a young lad, he never took too kindly to people telling him what to do unless it was Jamie. But since he’s been back in my life, he’s proven to have grown in to such a charming and well mannered young man. Whenever there was arguments, or small disagreements back home between me and the girls, Fergus was the peacemaker between us. It’s heartbreaking to see him react in this way. I knew he would be disappointed, but I had hoped to tell him myself. I was certain he would understand my reasons, but Jamie has ruined the moment for me.

I stand to go after Fergus, but young Ian appears and says he’ll go and keep an eye on Fergus. Jamie and I thank him. I’m not certain Fergus is strong enough to be out wandering on his own, so Ian being with him will only be a good thing. I just wish Fergus didn’t feel the need for space right now. Though, since I have practically been by his side morning, noon and night since he returned, I suppose the space will be good. 

I just hope the space will give him a chance to think about things. The lad isn’t stupid. He knows things have been awkward and strained between Jamie and I. I don’t even think it’s a complete shock that I’ve chosen to leave. I think it’s more because I’m going so soon. If Bree wasn’t here, I probably would stay on a bit longer, just to make sure Fergus is much better, but Bree needs to get back to her life in the twentieth century. I don’t want her making that journey on her own. It can be scary going through the stones. At least she had Fergus with her last time. This time I want to be with her. Fergus will understand that. I know he will.

A couple of hours pass, and Ian returns. Without Fergus.

“Where is he, lad?” Jamie asks.

“He’s fine uncle. He just needs some time. Said he’d be home tomorrow mornin’ in time to say goodbye.”

Ian takes himself off to bed, leaving Jamie and I in the parlour drinking some whisky.

“He’s not himself.” I comment quietly. No one else seems to be around, but even in the late evenings, you never know if Jenny could be quietly sneaking about.

“I ken.”

“Why did you have to tell him like that? Why not give me the chance to explain to him?”

“Explain what? That yer leavin’ him? Again?”

“It’s not like that, Jamie, and you know it.”

I can see the regret on Jamie’s face as he slouches back on his chair.

“I ken. I’m sorry, Sassenach.”

We sit in silence for a few moments. Jamie’s no doubt thinking something along the lines that I am. About our life together. All the good times we shared together. Building and creating our family. Back when we were first married. When we brought Fergus back to Scotland with us. Faith, and the short time we had with her before we had to leave her here with Jenny and Ian. Me coming back. I know things have been strained between us since I found out about Laoghaire, but do I regret not coming back? No. Never. 

All these years I assumed Jamie was dead. To find out he survived the unthinkable, to survive the life he has, if you could even call it a life, is truly amazing. 

Maybe this is what it was all about though. Finding Fergus and Faith at the stones that night. Learning about Jamie and his life after Culloden. Saying goodbye to Fergus again when he chose to come back to Jamie. But I still had Faith. I got to build a relationship with my daughter. I got the chance to be a mother to her. I got the chance to re build my relationship with Bree. 

Coming back to Jamie... maybe there was a reason. Maybe it wasn’t to be with him, but maybe it was to tell him about Bree. Explain and reassure him that Faith is well and safe with me back in the twentieth century. Let him know she’s happy there. Let him know how close our two girls are. How wonderful they are together. 

Maybe the reason for me returning was to find closure. To put an end to the life Jamie and I once shared. To end it without the heartbreak and fury that came along with the battle of Culloden. 

Maybe this time we can part on better terms. With reassurance that we’ll be alright. That our children will be alright.

It’s Jamie who breaks the silence first.

“I thought... I thought the lad might be able to persuade ye to stay. I thought... if anyone could, it would be Fergus. If you were to stay, maybe Brianna would as well.”

“Jamie—“

“No. Please, Claire. You are my wife. Twenty years apart doesna change that. My marriage, if ye could even call it that, to Laoghaire, doesna change the fact that you are my wife. I would say, I would do anythin’ to keep ye here wi’ me because it’s where ye belong, Claire. 

“I ken ye say we’re different to who and what we were all those years ago, and yer right, but that doesna mean that the love we have between us has changed. That the connection, the bond between us has changed. Can ye honestly say wi’ yer whole heart that ye would be happier away from me again? To spend the rest of our lives apart? Ye said so yerself, Claire, ye had a life wi’out me, but it wasna whole. Either was mine. I had no life but the bairns, but I messed that up. 

“If ye were to stay though, maybe we could at least try and rebuild somethin’ again. It wilna be what it was before. It would be new and fresh. We could try and be whole again.”

Jamie puts his glass down on the table beside him and comes over to crouch down in front of me. His hands rest on the side of my knees. 

“We can make this work, Claire. I ken it.” Jamie reaches up and presses a kiss to my forehead. “All ye have to do is say ye’ll stay.”

Before I can open my mouth to speak, Bree appears at the bottom of the stairs. 

“Mama?”

Jamie and I both turn to look at our youngest daughter. It’s hard to miss the awe in Jamie’s eyes every time he looks at her. I think he still has to pinch himself to see if she’s truly here with him. 

I hate that Bree has to return home. I wish they could spend more time together to get tot know one another. I’ve managed to build a relationship with Faith, it seems unfair that Jamie is being robbed from the same opportunity with Bree. It can’t be helped though. As much as I know Bree wants to spend more time with Jamie and get to know him, I know she wants to get home to her sister and the boys. She wants to get back to her life.

I smile at my daughter and invite her over to sit next to me. 

“What is it, darling?”

“I need to tell you something. Something I should have told you when I first came here, but with Fergus being the way he was... it just never seemed like the right time. And with you two fighting, I just—“

“Your father and I haven’t been fighting, darling.” I tried to assure her, but she gave me a knowing look before sitting down next to me. 

“Just because you haven’t been screaming and yelling at each other, doesn’t mean you haven’t been fighting. Even Fergus has noticed things have been off between you. I mean, he knew the two of you before, and how you used to be. I didn’t, but I can tell that things aren’t right between you both. And now you’ve decided you’re coming home with me? That wasn’t the plan, Mama.

“When you decided to come back here, it was because you wanted to be with Da. What’s changed? What could possibly make you want to come back with me? I don’t understand.”

Jamie looks up to me from where he’s still crouched in front of me. He gives me a sad smile before patting my leg gently and standing up in front of me.

“I’ll leave ye both to it.” He says. “I’ll see you both in the mornin’. Make sure ye get plenty rest. We have a fair journey ahead of us tomorrow.”

As Jamie turns to head on upstairs, we hear the front door slam shut and then a string of curses coming from Fergus’ mouth.

Jamie turns in Fergus’ direction and gives him a disappointing look.

“I dinna ken what all that means, but I have a feelin’ I wilna like it, lad.” Jamie frowns at Fergus as he comes towards us.

Bree just giggles from beside me and I turn to give her a look that tells her to be quiet. She rolls her eyes at me.

“You can blame Mama for that. And Faith. They’re both as bad as one another.” Bree pipes up to Jamie. 

Jamie just huffs out one of his irritated Scottish noises before turning his attention back to Fergus.

“Where have ye been, lad? And I dinna appreciate the slamming of the door. Ye ken the bairns are asleep.”

Fergus rolls his eyes and collapses in to the nearest chair.

“I was out. Now I’m back. I didn’t mean to slam the door, that’s why I got angry with myself.”

Fergus rubs his hands over his face before sitting up and looking over to Bree.

“Told them yet?” He asks her.

“No. I was hoping we could do it together, but you just disappeared. I was just about to tell Mama, but since you’re here, you can help me explain to both of them.” She tells him.

“I’m too tired. I need sleep.” Fergus mumbles before standing to his feet.

Bree stands and walks over to stand before Fergus. She doesn’t look happy.

“No. You need to stay and tell them what we know.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

Fergus and Brianna continue to bicker whilst Jamie and I struggle to work out what the hell is going on between the two.

“Can someone please tell us what’s going on?” I ask.

Bree and Fergus both turn to face Jamie and I. Neither of them appear to have anything to say all of a sudden.

“Fergus!” Jamie snaps impatiently, making both Bree and I jump.

Fergus turns back to Bree. “There is no point in saying anything, Bree. Your mother has made her choice. She’s leaving with you at first light. Nothing will change her mind. Let it go.”

I can’t help but feel like I’ve just been slapped in the face when Fergus called me Brianna’s mother. Ever since he’s returned, he’s went back to calling me “Milady”. I can’t say it doesn’t hurt, because it does. Probably even more than Jamie marrying Laoghaire.

“Will someone please, just tell me what the hell is going on?” I bite out harshly.

“Is there any point in saying anything when she’s choosing not to stick around?” Fergus ignores me and speaks to Bree.

“But she’s supposed to stay, Fergus. We know this. Mama isn’t meant to come home with me. She is home.” Bree explains to Fergus.

He only shrugs his shoulders and takes another seat in the chair behind him.

Bree turns back to me and places her hands on my shoulders.

“Take a seat, Mama. This isn’t going to be easy to hear.”

Not only did Fergus and Bree come here with a copy of Jamie and I’s obituary, they’ve come with news of a life in the colonies for Jamie and I. How on earth do we end up oversees in the first place? There are so many questions, none of us have the answers to. 

“Well,” I say gently, “this isn’t going to happen, Bree. I won’t be here for this to happen. I can’t see your father taking a trip oversees to America anyway. He doesn’t travel well.”

“That’s puttin’ it lightly.” Jamie mutters from beside me. I give him a small smile.

“But, don’t you see, Mama? You can’t leave. You’re not supposed to. You’re supposed to stay here with Jamie. You’re supposed to live out the rest of your lives together.” Bree explains.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’ve made my decision. Nothing will change my mind.” I tell my daughter. “Come on,” I reach my hand out for her to take. “It’s time for bed. We have a long journey tomorrow.” I turn to look at Jamie. “We all do.”

“There’s more—“ Bree announces before Fergus cuts her off.

“Don’t, Bree. What good will come of this?” Fergus pleads with her.

“She deserves to know the truth, Fergus. It’s why we came here.” Bree responds harshly.

“Spit it out, lass.” Jamie says calmly to Bree.

“Well I-I... I... um... I don’t...” Bree stumbles with her words.

I reach out my hand to take hers in comfort. She gives me a small smile before turning to Fergus and asking for his help to explain whatever it is she needs to tell me. He shakes his head in refusal, clearly not wanting to get involved in whatever is going on.

“Is it Faith? Has something happened to Faith? Alex?” I ask.

“No, Mama. It’s nothing like that.” Bree assures me.

“It’s your late husband, Milady.” Fergus finally says.

“Frank?” I question. Both Fergus and Bree nod their heads once. “Well, what about him?” I ask nervously. Acutely aware of Jamie stood right next to me, watching me.

Fergus informs Bree he’s said all he’s going to say, so it’s up to her to fill me in.

Bree takes a deep breath before admitting something I never thought I would hear. Something I never thought could have happened.

Frank knew.

Frank knew Jamie was alive. 

Frank knew I returned to him.

Frank knew everything.

Frank never told me though.

He kept all of this to himself. 

He kept Bree and I away from Jamie and our family.

“You see, Mama, Daddy took twenty years of your life away from you, don’t let him take any more. You’re supposed to be here, Mama. You were always supposed to be here.”


End file.
